Not sure about this guy

[Eighty_nine]

Hang on, 2 bottles of wine over 5 hours between 2 people hardly merits a visit to the AA! We don't know how much the OP actually drank and she wasn't drunk, just felt ill-not uncommon when drinking on an empty stomach!

 

yeah- lol- two regular sized bottles of wine over several hours is hardly alarming

[losangelena]

yeah- lol- two regular sized bottles of wine over several hours is hardly alarming

 

That's one each. I dunno, I've done it before.

[Popsicle]

I am under the table after two glasses of wine, let alone a bottle. Two is my upper limit and that has to be over a couple of hours at least. At least I'm a pretty cheap date.

 

ES, I think you shouldn't go out with guys you don't like all that much.

[Aniela]

Hang on, 2 bottles of wine over 5 hours between 2 people hardly merits a visit to the AA! We don't know how much the OP actually drank and she wasn't drunk, just felt ill-not uncommon when drinking on an empty stomach!

 

I was thinking the same thing - and he was drinking, too. It wasn't just her.

[Emilia]

Hah He did tell you he would be down for a drink if he was able to finish up early so how could he give you advanced notice? You said you made other plans, and to him that says "I'm not really interested in you." I have a question....if you did wanted to see him again, why did you put the brakes on? You were not doing anything and hell it wasn't like he called you at 10PM to go out, it was 6, and that is early enough. It backed fired on you. You shouldn't be so stubborn.

 

 

You know, communication is key so that there isn't any misunderstanding sooooo....you should send him a message that you are genuinely interested in seeing him again. Tell him what nights you will be available, and don't back out this time.

 

This. Why the games ES? If you felt you didn't want a last minute thing, you should have said so when he offered a tentative Saturday. You should have asked him to arrange an evening he could commit to in advance. I get that you didn't want to look desperate but it just looks like insecure game playing from here.

[Haydn]

ES why are you playing games with blokes? Seems he took care of you while you were half cut.

 

Personally i would not have taken you back to mine. I would have got a cab and taken you home, made sure you got through the door, then i would have gone home.

 

Why lie to him???? About not being free?

 

I really am confused. Take a break as others have suggested.

[SunnyWeather]

while I agree with others about it being bad form to go home with him after just meeting--really risky behavior--I don't disagree with these items:

 

"I kind of didn't like the last minute change of plans on the first meet up, no effort in the second date, pushing me when I said that I had other plans."

 

all of those points are flags for me. It shows he's lazy, not invested, used to getting his way and when he doesn't, acts like an entitled bully. I also wouldn't have gone out with him on such short notice for a second date--unless I were just looking for a fun time and nothing serious.

 

I'd next this guy

[thecrucible]

I completely sympathise. Wine is the worst for getting you drunk quickly. I've had a few embarrassing situations involving alcohol and I was absolutely mortified so I started making changes like never drinking wine when I feel I want to make a good impression. What I do instead is that I'll indulge in alcohol but limit myself to one type of drink (say Gin and Tonic) and have a few of those. I also choose drinks which are bitter rather than sweet so I can drink them more slowly. I think if a guy really liked you, he'd surely see your feeling unwell as a bit of a one off and it was mainly due to not eating properly. At least I'd hope that, unless it affected your behaviour in a major way.

 

I honestly think that what affected it more was your rejection of his request to meet up even though you weren't busy anyway (although obviously he didn't know you were lying). I think he tried to give you the heads up the week before - his way of doing so was to say that he'd tell you if he finished early at work so he was clearly thinking ahead to a potential date. You also could have offered an alternative day or if you didn't have a tonne of free time say something like "I have to head home early tonight so is it all right if we meet in my part of town? I can show you a cool place.".

 

Or I could be completely wrong. I just know that I've made the mistake in dating over the past two years of being too eager to stake my independence when dating as I was afraid of being walked over - but I don't think I gave enough benefit of the doubt or was flexible enough. I think you can still demonstrate value and have some flexibility over plans.

[thecrucible]

while I agree with others about it being bad form to go home with him after just meeting--really risky behavior--I don't disagree with these items:

 

"I kind of didn't like the last minute change of plans on the first meet up, no effort in the second date, pushing me when I said that I had other plans."

 

all of those points are flags for me. It shows he's lazy, not invested, used to getting his way and when he doesn't, acts like an entitled bully. I also wouldn't have gone out with him on such short notice for a second date--unless I were just looking for a fun time and nothing serious.

 

I'd next this guy

 

That could totally be it too so what I said here could be totally bollocks - it's hard to tell what's really going through a computer screen and I hope I have not read into it too much.

 

So yes it's a case of both people being flexible.

[truth_seeker]

ES why are you playing games with blokes? Seems he took care of you while you were half cut.

 

Why lie to him???? About not being free?

 

I really am confused. Take a break as others have suggested.

 

When women play games like this, it's hard to have any sympathy for them. They don't have the right to complain about not meeting a guy...

[Shining One]

Wine is the worst for getting you drunk quickly.

Not to derail much, but wouldn't shots be the worst for getting you drunk quickly?

[joseb]

Citing from CDC: for women - 4 drinks, for men - 5 drinks at a single occasion qualifies as binge drinking. One drink (wine) is 5 ounces.

 

A standard bottle of wine contains a little over 25 ounces. 2 bottles - 50 ounces, I.e. 10 standard drinks. Unless ES date had >= 7 drinks, both were binge drinking this night. If he did that, she has bigger concerns than him calling on time. If he didn't, AA is potentially not out of the picture for her.

 

To my understanding, people that have no issues with alcohol wouldn't go for so many drinks especially on empty stomach.

 

Well if that's the requirement for AA then pretty much everyone I've ever known needs to go there!

 

Sure, technically it may be classed as binge drinking, and it might be a bit excessive, but it's hardly an indication of alcoholism.

 

It's easy enough to end up drinking more than you planned. Maybe they intended sharing a bottle if wine but were enjoying themselves so ordered another.

[OnlyHonesty]

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

[Ruby Slippers]

Am I giving up too soon? I am not sure in what situations it's a good idea to just "see what happens" and when to move on.

Everyone has a different threshold. You know what's right for you. Intuition doesn't lie.

 

I imagine you'll hear from him again soon, and you can see how you feel about the situation then. If you don't hear from him, I think it's clear he's not interested. But I don't think your drinking episode would be enough to put him off if he had strong interest. Maybe, if he has bad associations with drinking. But I think unlikely.

[No_Go]

I'm hardly an addiction specialist and don't drink myself, so I'm taking your word that it is not uncommon.

 

But it made an impression on me because I had been around registered alcoholics (an ex and a family member), and even then had some restraints (2-3 drinks) in a brand new social situation...

 

In any case, this is getting off topic, the two dating parties are not interested and it seems it is beyond this first date episode.

 

Well if that's the requirement for AA then pretty much everyone I've ever known needs to go there!

 

Sure, technically it may be classed as binge drinking, and it might be a bit excessive, but it's hardly an indication of alcoholism.

 

It's easy enough to end up drinking more than you planned. Maybe they intended sharing a bottle if wine but were enjoying themselves so ordered another.

[Eternal Sunshine]

He called me last night and asked me out to dinner on Friday night. He even offered to pick me up. I apologised about getting drunk and he said that the evening was heaps of fun and not to worry about it. He mainly found it amusing because I was talking about how well I handle alcohol earlier in the night

[Ruby Slippers]

Hot date!! Do report back, girlfriend. My life is work right now with no intriguing man in sight, so I'm living vicariously through you

[Eternal Sunshine]

Update:

 

(BTW I have a strong feeling that if the same thread by a different poster, replies would be different).

 

Things have very much continued as they started. We had a few more dates but it's always last minute, he lets me know on the day of that he will be free. I like to plan and I told him this but nothing changed. If I am not available last minute, he keeps getting persistant and pushy.

 

He also makes zero effort to come to the city (where there are heaps of more bars and restaraunts). He lives in suburbia with only 2 places to eat/drink around and he keeps strongly pushing towards me going there every single time. He is only willing to come to the places I suggest after a mini-argument.

 

I just feel that he is too controlling and it doesn't go along well with me. He is also very crass and calls me *itch "jokingly". In general, he thinks he is right all the time (even when he is clearly stating wrong facts) and hugely over-estimates his intelligence. Anyway, I am out.

 

On a more positive note, I kept complaining to a friend how I wish I had a group of single girlfriends to go out with. He dragged me to this meet-up (I have never been to any meet-ups before) and I met a group of cool career women about 30-45. They go to boutique cocktail bars and dancing every Saturday night...I had heaps of fun. I am going next weekend too

 

I think that for me, real life meetings work way better than OLD. I just lacked a social group to go out with so I either stayed at home or went to married people's BBQs. I'm going to give OLD a rest for a while.

Edited March 14, 2016 by Eternal Sunshine
fixing typos

[Emilia]

Meetups have come a long way over the past couple of years! Lots of young people started new ones so it's not about wine tasting and hiking for the lonely crowds anymore. I started going again, went last Friday for a coffee one and laughed solidly for two hours plus made work contacts. Then went on a night hike on Saturday and met these really cool people. I'm out with 3 different groups this week.

 

In a city you don't need OLD and that guy sounded a bit bogan

[losangelena]

Oof, hit the eject button on this one, he sounds too frustrating. Also, any man who called me a B, even jokingly, would get the heave-ho immediately. Homey don't play that.

[Lansing]

 

I think that for me, real life meetings work way better than OLD. I just lacked a social group to go out with so I either stayed at home or went to married people's BBQs. I'm going to give OLD a rest for a while.

 

Good to hear. I see from some of my own female friends (I am a guy) who are WAY to invested in OLD and they don't seem to have a social life outside of OLD. It is really bad when the thing they brag about is going out with 3 different guys in one weekend but they aren't "happy" at all .

 

I haven't done OLD in ages and tend to meet girls in real life as it is much more natural to me. I go out and do things that I enjoy (volunteer, check out music/culture/etc) and if I meet someone I meet someone. I feel like the conenctions I make when I meet someone in real life is stronger as well as I don't have in the back of my head that they are going on three different dates that weekend. I feel like OLD can feel like a job interview sometimes.

[No_Go]

This guy sounds annoying ... and not interested. Respectively putting no effort and making it convenient for him and just him. Not a match, good decision of you.

 

I've been to meetups and find them fun (group dependent), some people successfully use them as OLD alternative - if you function well in groups it may be the way to go for you (if you're somewhat extroverted; I personally block in group settings)

 

 

Update:

 

(BTW I have a strong feeling that if the same thread by a different poster, replies would be different).

 

Things have very much continued as they started. We had a few more dates but it's always last minute, he lets me know on the day of that he will be free. I like to plan and I told him this but nothing changed. If I am not available last minute, he keeps getting persistant and pushy.

 

He also makes zero effort to come to the city (where there are heaps of more bars and restaraunts). He lives in suburbia with only 2 places to eat/drink around and he keeps strongly pushing towards me going there every single time. He is only willing to come to the places I suggest after a mini-argument.

 

I just feel that he is too controlling and it doesn't go along well with me. He is also very crass and calls me *itch "jokingly". In general, he thinks he is right all the time (even when he is clearly stating wrong facts) and hugely over-estimates his intelligence. Anyway, I am out.

 

On a more positive note, I kept complaining to a friend how I wish I had a group of single girlfriends to go out with. He dragged me to this meet-up (I have never been to any meet-ups before) and I met a group of cool career women about 30-45. They go to boutique cocktail bars and dancing every Saturday night...I had heaps of fun. I am going next weekend too

 

I think that for me, real life meetings work way better than OLD. I just lacked a social group to go out with so I either stayed at home or went to married people's BBQs. I'm going to give OLD a rest for a while.