Jump to content

When should I start using the words "I love you" to my GF?

gorf

By gorf
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
I just respond well to how people are feeling. Shes a very quiet girl, so sometimes I dont know what's on her mind or why she says what she does. Thats all

 

If she was 17, then telling her you love her would send her into seventh heaven, if she loved you back, but with an older woman and a woman who has probably heard ILY hundreds of times from guys trying it on with her, then it is not going to have the same effect and may even make her suspect your motives.

Be nice to her, treat her well, make her feel really special and when she says ILY, be ready to say it right back.

  • Like 1
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
I know. I just thought it was funny that it was ME that he got mad at.

 

That last post was for his benefit :) Should have made it a separate post instead of quoting you . . .

mikeylo Established Member

mikeylo

Posted
Posted

If I had played by some ' rules' , then I would still be a single guy and waiting.

 

I had an eye on my wife for a long time. I chased her. She was shy. One day I stopped her in the passage ( we had exchanged some pleasantries before, nothing much ) and said " look , T, I really like you and I know you like me ( cheesy but we were flirting for long ) , let's get together." I was nervous as hell but she was more ! It worked.

 

Later she told me that if I hadn't initiated, she would never have. After a week o told her that I love her. She said the same.

 

I chased her for a year so the ground work was there. It was a matter of time when it couldn't be held in any longer.

 

So dude, say it when you want to, when you feel it. No rules. Your train may pass.

  • Like 4
  • Author
gorf Established Member

gorf

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Don't Roll your eyes at me, Redhead14 said all that stuff that lead me to that. :laugh:

Haha no Im not mad Im very thankful you are giving me things to think about. Im new on here I didnt realize that was a roll eye face looked like he was blinking until I looked closer :p

  • Like 2
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted
Haha no Im not mad Im very thankful you are giving me things to think about. Im new on here I didnt realize that was a roll eye face looked like he was blinking until I looked closer :p

 

Well then I'll go back to my original thought....

 

This. Be true to yourself, don't play games.

 

There is no wrong time.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Slow down. Especially because this is your 1st real relationship & it's only been a few weeks. These feelings are new, exciting & can be overwhelming. It's like the best roller coaster ride, ever. But in the heat of the moment when you are off balance, that's not the best time to do anything.

 

In another thread you posted about how your GF feels closed off to you & you want to encourage her to open up more: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/570248-how-get-her-open-up-more-share-her-feelings

 

Given that she is more reserved about things, spouting an ILY too early is going to spook her. She also may not trust your words at this early stage.

 

Date for a few months, then say it.

 

Good luck

  • Like 2
Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

Posted
Posted

The earliest a guy has said it me was at the 3 month mark. With current BF we had a few conversations about feeling something special starting around 6 months but the actual ILYs didn't some out until 9 months.

  • Like 1
GenuineAttraction Member

GenuineAttraction

Posted
Posted

Pretty easy answer. 3-4 weeks is too early. Wait till she says it first. Most likely that will happen after 7-8 weeks if everything is going well.

 

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE should you say I Love You, if you aren't head over heels in love with her. Never get yourself into a situation where you are doing something just to please the other person. Even then, wait until you know for certain she loves you back if you were to say it first. But really she'll say it first 95% of the time.

  • Like 1
Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

Posted
Posted

OP - Both sexes are told to wait for the other to say something. I have never told the man first that I loved him. I expect a man to lead and I consider these types of milestones to be part of that leadership.

 

My BF thinks the opposite. He said that he's usually ready before the woman is and waits for her to signal she's ready.

 

Yeah... It's amazing we have gotten anywhere waiting for the other one to make the first move all the time.

  • Like 1
craw Established Member

craw

Posted
Posted

This could be problematic, in my instance - First bf, I said it to him first, he said to me eventually. I do believe it was true love. we were both v's though.

 

With my second, I waited until he said it. I think it was after 6 months though. I can't remember - maybe almost close to a year. I got laid off and I was crying on the phone and he said it AS I HUNG UP ON HIM AND DIDN'T REALLY HEAR HIM. LOL. HEART CRUSHING.

 

It's sad that we have to restrict ourselves... o well. I think I fall in love pretty fast.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

In every literature I read they say to let the man say it first.

 

When he says it to you first, it will come across as him declaring something to you. When you say it to him, it will most likely come across as you forcing it on him. - See more at: Ask A Guy: Can A Girl Say ?I Love You? First?

When it's the man saying it first it feels like a love declaration. When the woman says it first it feels like pressure on him.

When he says it to you first, it will come across as him declaring something to you. When you say it to him, it will most likely come across as you forcing it on him. - See more at: Ask A Guy: Can A Girl Say ?I Love You? First?

joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
Posted

I'm always shocked on here by people saying they love someone so soon. I honestly don't know how it's possible to love someone in a week or a month.

Maybe it's just me, but I've always taken the guts of a year before I would feel like saying it.

The kidney swap is a good anology. How on earth would you want to give your kidney to someone you just met?! :)

 

OP don't say you love someone just for an effect or to hear it said back. Say it because you know it to be true and not saying it feeks harder than saying it.

  • Like 1
Jabron1 Established Member

Jabron1

Posted
Posted
OP - Both sexes are told to wait for the other to say something. I have never told the man first that I loved him. I expect a man to lead and I consider these types of milestones to be part of that leadership.

 

Since when did being overly emotional and lacking self-discipline become masculine leadership qualities?

 

After reading this and the other thread that the OP has made, it's clear to me that the OP has some sort of need to take emotional acceptance from women - in this case, a woman that he has only gone out with for a month. Perhaps it's some sort of co-dependency issue, or perhaps it's some sort of reliance of new-age thinking. I'm not sure, but I think that the OP has some serious self-reflecting to do.

 

He's in red-alert danger of blowing things with this girl, but there is a bigger inner issue here that needs to be addressed IMO.

HungryPanda New Member

HungryPanda

Posted
Posted

3-4 weeks in is lust, not love. You're still in the honeymoon phase. I would wait 3-4 months. If you really love her, you should show her you love her instead of saying it. I've had bf's say I love you to me a month in, and I knew it wasn't real.

 

When you're in a committed relationship, you know when the other person loves you. I don't know how to explain it, it's just a knowing feeling.

 

OP, if you say I love you and she doesn't reciprocate, how would you feel? Are you willing to accept that she's not at that stage yet?

  • Like 2
MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
Posted
I'm always shocked on here by people saying they love someone so soon. I honestly don't know how it's possible to love someone in a week or a month.

 

I honestly didn't either, until it happened to me. It sounds foolish, impulsive, and ridiculous. And it's very rare. But our third wedding anniversary is approaching. :)

 

The kidney swap is a good anology. How on earth would you want to give your kidney to someone you just met?! :)

 

I would give a kidney to someone I LIKED, and thought deserved it. I wouldn't have to love, or be in love with them. That's the way I am.

 

PM me if you ever need a kidney.

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...