gorf Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Been dating maybe 3 weeks. Getting to know eachother pretty well. She still seems on guard about expressing her feelings. Guess based on past relationships etc. I dunno. Is there a way or something I can indirectly say to make her feel more confident about telling me what shes feeling and what's going through her mind? Im all about communication, feelings and what motivates you in life.
Httm Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Nope. Keep on the lookout for the possibility that she may never open up and you may always be the one trying to get her to. 1
mikeylo Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 By you opening up about yourself. When you share your good points , share the bad as well. How life has treated you , your setbacks , your failures etc. When one is scared to open up about feelings , all they need is a caring ear , non judgmental. You may have to bring out the soft side of the man you are. 1
Satu Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 She'll share when she wants to, if she wants to. Leave it to her.
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Time & patience are key here & 3 weeks is not enough. You have to win her trust by being trustworthy. Don't push. Keep any confidences she does share with you. Start small. Get her to express opinions & make choices -- which restaurant, what movie, etc. When she gets comfortable with that, you start revealing little insights about you. Nothing too deep just maybe the crazy pipe dream you had of becoming an astronaut or something else when you were a child. In this world that overshares, people who can keep their own counsel are rare gems 4
newheart Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 Three weeks may be too soon for her to even have any "feelings" to express, so I am not sure what you are expecting her to communicate to you at this point. It is possible she is expressing her feelings to you - she just isn't there yet. If she does seem closed off due to past relationships, give her time to learn who you are and develop trust for you. Being consistent and communicative with her will help. Good luck! 3
Author gorf Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 Three weeks may be too soon for her to even have any "feelings" to express, so I am not sure what you are expecting her to communicate to you at this point. It is possible she is expressing her feelings to you - she just isn't there yet. If she does seem closed off due to past relationships, give her time to learn who you are and develop trust for you. Being consistent and communicative with her will help. Good luck! Good points
Buddhist Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 You have to remember that a lot of women learn through early dating experiences that expressing feelings and opening up is often a precursor to being dumped. Guys get their knickers in a knot if a woman so much as intimates she might be getting attached and they bolt. Or they judge her for being too much drama and bolt. Either way, many women learn within a few years that opening up and expressing feelings too soon (often within the first year of dating) to be relationship poison and they don't do it anymore. It's just the way the world is. Too many people out to take advantage of and hurt others thoughtlessly leads to closed off, defensive and detached behaviours. 2
Redhead14 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 By you opening up about yourself. When you share your good points , share the bad as well. How life has treated you , your setbacks , your failures etc. When one is scared to open up about feelings , all they need is a caring ear , non judgmental. You may have to bring out the soft side of the man you are. By you opening up about yourself -- This is exactly the way to go about it. Show her that it's safe to talk to you. Create the environment that makes her more comfortable about sharing. Ask her questions too. Draw her out gradually. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 No offense man, but I thought this thread was started by a woman until I re-read it and saw "her" in the title. It's usually women that complain about "lack of emotional unavailability" But in all seriousness, you say you've known her for three weeks. It takes some people longer than that to fully open up and trust someone. Why not just focus on having fun, planning dates, building sexual tension, and letting romance develop naturally? When you try to rush the process, you wind up pushing the person away.
elaine567 Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Some people take three years to open up completely and some never do, three weeks is still at the "you take two sugars in your coffee" stage. Time and patience needed here. 2
Author gorf Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 Ok thanks all! I think I have food for thought now. I don't know how to close a thread but thankyou all for your thoughts:D
mikeylo Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Ok thanks all! I think I have food for thought now. I don't know how to close a thread but thankyou all for your thoughts:D It will close when you stop responding and people see you are not coming back 1
GenuineAttraction Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 If you want her to open up, she must feel safe with you. So, what you do is never ever judge her. Don't get upset when she gets emotional, just listen. Don't give her advice or try to fix her problems. When something is wrong, keep asking her questions and just listen to the answers. Most of the time the emotions and thoughts are in flux, and just the simple act of her talking about it will help her figure it out. She needs to talk and think out loud. Just keep asking her questions, until it's all out and you hear those magic words, "Oh, I feel so much better now!"
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