My ex and everything in between

[Richard]

My ex broke up with me last November after nearly 2 years of going out. We were having our problems from time to time. Then another guy was intereseted in her and so she started seeing him. That was short lived, possibly just a handful of dates. After about a month after our break-up she had started to call me again. After another month she hinted about getting back together. I had just stopped seeing another girl just before this and it didn't work out..I liked this new girl a lot, but knew I couldn't and wasn't going to be with her. And my ex was still calling me and also saying that she was sorry for breaking up and that it was her fault.

 

I thought I couldn't go out with her again since the same thing might happen again(deciding later to go out with another guy). I then went out with yet another girl that was very nice, but as I soon found out wasn't that good, just nice. Actually this girl was very bad behind my back and during the last few weeks of our relationship (it only lasted about 5 weeks).

 

During Valentine's Day my ex called me...when I was with this new girl....I knew that at this time she still had feelings for me..Shortly after I had thought about my ex-girlfriend all the time since I knew she was actually the best girl I ever knew. I realized that I really do love her after all that has happened. I did call her up in the last month just to say hi. Just a few days ago she asked me out of the blue about how my girlfriend was, although she wasn't sure that I had one or not. I told her I wasn't seeing anyone anymore. I did find out that she's been seeing a new guy for roughly a month. To be honest I'm happy for her since this guy seems very nice.

 

We are supposed to have dinner sometime soon and I guess I wanted to make this plan because I do still feel something for her. I know that she broke up with me and then wanted to get back together, but I have thought that this could of happened to me as well. May be I would have liked someone else and then knew later that it was a mistake. I don't know if this is a good way to think about it, but anything is possible. I don't know how serious she is with this new guy. If she's is serious with him then I accept that and will be happy for her. Yet, I feel that we should at least talk as friends more to understand if we should contemplate being together again.

[Tony T]

Call her and ask more details about her boyfriend and just how serious it is. If she seems very interested in pursuing him, cancel dinner and forget the friends thing.

 

It is an outright lie and deception to yourself to think you can be a true friend with somebody you have greater feelings for her. If she is now dating somebody in earnest, there is no reason whatsoever you should have dinner with her or any other contact.

 

It is also very wrong for you to wait around for her to break up. Yes, you should wish her well and move on.

 

Your ex broke up with you. Ladies don't break up with guys for no reason. They give it lots of thought. She calls you once in a while to keep you on a string, in reserve, for the slow times in her social life. Sure, she may like you in ways and talking to you brings back memories. But she broke up with you for a good reason and there's no indication that the reason is not still there.

 

Go find somebody who wants to be with you and who accepts you and is happy with you just like you are. You've been having trouble with that because you obviously aren't over this girl. Getting dumped by someone you care about is certainly no fun but allowing yourself to continue to be jerked around by that person is YOUR fault.

 

You are not on earth for her convenience. If you still absolutely must have dinner with her, let her pay the tab because you're not going to get anything out of it except your heart broken more than it is.