Men shooting themselves in the foot by not agreeing to "friendships" with women

February 15, 2016

I've outgrown the days where I like having a harem of interested guys. IME that's what a lot of these women are doing. Often it's because they are dealing with some crap relationship or they want the self-esteem boost.

Now I pick my male friends very carefully.

February 15, 2016

Men who are great with women often have plenty of female friends. This likely is not a causal relationship, but rather a correlational one. Men who are well liked by women have female friends and lovers.

The solution is not to be less liked by women. The solution is to be more liked by women--specifically liked in a sexual way.

February 15, 2016

IMO, There is zero correlation between having female friends and being successful with women....

If that's not your thing, then don't do it....Believe me, it's not like women just randomly pick a guy in their friend circle and start a relationship....If anything, Id say that's unusual or weird...

Men shoot themselves in the foot by being unattractive.....

TFY

Edited February 15, 2016 by thefooloftheyear

February 15, 2016

What kind of nonsense is this?

February 15, 2016

I asked a woman out from a Meetup group, yes she was single and she said, "If you're asking me out for anything other than friendship, then I'm not interested, but I appreciate the invite."

I said, "Okay, I appreciate your honesty." and I moved on.

When I told this scenario to the woman I just spoke of here that kept putting walls up in declaring friends with these guys she said, "So, you aren't open to being friends with her?" as if it was silly that I didn't go along with it.

And I said, "Nope, why waste my time?"

She said, "Well, I guess different people have different agendas."

Did you run into that meetup woman again? I'm tempted to ask someone from meetup too but then the awkwardness, or reputation it might create?

How did you ask her, face to face or message through meetup app?

February 15, 2016

I hate it when women pull this let's go out but just as friends crap. If I wanted a friend then I'll just go buy a cat.

Ha ha.

When I my husband and I were separating he suggested we be "friends" which actually meant he wanted to be able to go innabd out the house and just interfere with the life I was making for myself. Also, theoretically I would be waiting in the "friend zone" pining for him to come back.

I told him, "if I wanted to make a friend, I would go to Summer Camp."

February 15, 2016

if a man isn't okay with a friendship, it means he just wants to get in her pants and nothing more.

That doesn't even make sense.

For there is probably some little old lady, or some hot young babe who lives 2 blocks down and one street over, who I have zero interest in befriending, and who I have zero interest in getting into her pants.

But I know one thing... the fact that I have zero interest in being mere friends with her, has no bearing at all on whether I want to get into her pants.

As has long been the case: men have zero interest in being mere "friends" with women they wouldn't rather be banging.

You need not have awaited the arrival of the Pinterest website to figure that out.

February 15, 2016

IMO, There is zero correlation between having female friends and being successful with women....

Exactly, no correlation with success at all. Different strokes for different folks I suppose, but to attribute to success? Very untrue.

If that's not your thing, then don't do it

Exactly, and I don't. Why put myself through that mental anguish like I used to in my younger years?

Believe me, it's not like women just randomly pick a guy in their friend circle and start a relationship....If anything, Id say that's unusual or weird.

Right..and someone here said about how they use "lets' be friends" really get them off their back, NOT because they actually WANT you in their life as a friend.

It's sometimes a bluffing tactic women use knowing that some men will say, "Okay, thank you and have a nice life", but it may blow up in their face when some man who is okay with even crumbs will say, "Sure, we can go out as friends...what's say we get together this Fri. night?"

Her, "Ummm....uhh..mm *dammit, that bluff didn't work...what kind of an excuse can I come up with now that he's okay with being my new pal?"

February 15, 2016

That doesn't even make sense.

For there is probably some little old lady, or some hot young babe who lives 2 blocks down and one street over, who I have zero interest in befriending, and who I have zero interest in getting into her pants.

But I know one thing... the fact that I have zero interest in being mere friends with her, has no bearing at all on whether I want to get into her pants.

As has long been the case: men have zero interest in being mere "friends" with women they wouldn't rather be banging.

You need not have awaited the arrival of the Pinterest website to figure that out.

The first part goes both ways: women who have or want male friends, usually don't want "orbiters" - men to fall back on for attention. We just want *friends*.

February 15, 2016

Did you run into that meetup woman again? I'm tempted to ask someone from meetup too but then the awkwardness, or reputation it might create?

How did you ask her, face to face or message through meetup app?

I'm not this poster but I met my last two BFs at meetups. I have also run into guys from OLD and a few exes through different meetup groups. Some groups have a larger pick up scene than others but as long as you are respectful it should be fine IMO. I would just approach it in a similar manner as if you had met these women at a friend's party or something. Don't do anything stalkerish or douchey (in case it gets back to other people) and you'll be fine.

The guys I've respected are the guys who actually asked for my number and asked me out. Or asked me out at a meetup and then my number to confirm the details. The guys I ignore are the ones who send me crap/lazy messages - especially when I haven't met them or don't remember having met them. I get a lot of the latter unfortunately.

February 15, 2016

I think there is some type of mid-line which I haven't seen discussed.

When I was dating, I wasn't interested in cold approaches. I mean, how would I know if I want to date a guy based simply on appearance? But if I saw him at *whatever* over a period of weeks and we started chatting and found rapport, then yes a date would be lovely.

In short, I think it's terrific to spend a bit of time on conversation before asking for a date. But I'm talking a matter of weeks - not months.

February 15, 2016

2) The most common source of male/female friendship failing is that although the woman wants to call it "friends" she still wants to be courted and given priority like a girlfriend, not simply as his platonic friend. This is what happens the majority of the time. Its not sustainable and causes resentment. You essentially have a lop-sided relationship.

I fell for this a few times before I developed a backbone. I remember the very last time I accepted a friendship from a woman who rejected me. She suggested we go to this fancy new restaurant that opened up near her. We had a good time until the end. I told the waiter to do separate checks. She was not happy and never spoke to me again.

February 15, 2016

I fell for this a few times before I developed a backbone. I remember the very last time I accepted a friendship from a woman who rejected me. She suggested we go to this fancy new restaurant that opened up near her. We had a good time until the end. I told the waiter to do separate checks. She was not happy and never spoke to me again.

LMAO!!

February 15, 2016

Unless she can tell you she had actually gone from friendzone to something more, then she is just speculating about that. But I do agree that as long as someone isn't emotionally involved, they would benefit by having a wider network of friends. The people who get obsessed easily usually know who they are and the ones who don't get excited if the girl doesn't like them that way know who they are. A man with a crush on a girl shouldn't stick around trying to be just friends. A man who can easily accept she's not interested might benefit from knowing her and her circle of friends.

February 15, 2016

I'm not this poster but I met my last two BFs at meetups. I have also run into guys from OLD and a few exes through different meetup groups. Some groups have a larger pick up scene than others but as long as you are respectful it should be fine IMO. I would just approach it in a similar manner as if you had met these women at a friend's party or something. Don't do anything stalkerish or douchey (in case it gets back to other people) and you'll be fine.

The guys I've respected are the guys who actually asked for my number and asked me out. Or asked me out at a meetup and then my number to confirm the details. The guys I ignore are the ones who send me crap/lazy messages - especially when I haven't met them or don't remember having met them. I get a lot of the latter unfortunately.

Well, the women I've dated through Meetup, I've talked with them at length at the events. Then when I got home, I'd attempt to engage them via the Meetup messaging system in case the asking for her # face-to-face wasn't conducive as such.

Last woman came with a female friend +1 carpool, so I would feel like of weird asking her in front of her friend after the hike. Sadly, she had that option turned off where she didn't want anyone contacting her unless it was the organizer. LOL

I would contact them through Meetup if I've built rapport with them at the Meetup.

February 15, 2016

Well, the women I've dated through Meetup, I've talked with them at length at the events. Then when I got home, I'd attempt to engage them via the Meetup messaging system in case the asking for her # face-to-face wasn't conducive as such.

Last woman came with a female friend +1 carpool, so I would feel like of weird asking her in front of her friend after the hike. Sadly, she had that option turned off where she didn't want anyone contacting her unless it was the organizer. LOL

I would contact them through Meetup if I've built rapport with them at the Meetup.

This is fine IMO. I still give brownie points to guys who have the guts to ask for my number in person. My BF offered to walk me to my car and asked for my number there. My XBF had already discussed doing something together during the meetup after talking about something we had in common over a few weeks. He asked me during the meetup so we could firm up plans.

IME for many of the guys who message me, it winds up being just message on meetup or it rolls into just texting. If we do go on a date they want me to plan everything, etc. and just generally act lazy. So I prioritize going out with guys who project some confidence and are willing to take a little risk. It has also made me think better of certain guys I didn't think had a lot of confidence (asking for me number made them look better in my eyes). If I were interested it wouldn't keep my from saying no. But if and when I have options it doesn't make the guy look better.

For some reason there are a lot of guys on meetup in my groups who I don't know who message me. It can be anything from 'Hi' to asking which meetup I'm going to next. That type of message I find tacky because there is no rapport built up.

Edited February 15, 2016 by Miss Peach

February 15, 2016

What does it mean to desire a woman romantically?

Do men feel romantic desire for women they've recently met?

I don't know about men, I can only speak for myself.

When I meet a woman, I know within a few minutes whether I want to try to kindle a relationship with them; that's what I refer to as chemistry, a spark, or clicking or ??. When I was single when I met one I would then make advances. And by advances I don't mean talk, I mean actions that made it crystal clear I was interested in them. If their response was that they wanted to be friends, friends first, or the like, I immediately moved on, because the first couple of times that happened the relationships never progressed. I'm not saying one of these couldn't have turned into something, just based on my experience the chances were not in my favor.

Women I am or have been friends with were always ones for whom I did not feel that chemistry, i.e., I did not desire romantically.

February 15, 2016

There are several problems with her self-serving line of thought.

I've seen plenty of male/female friendships that were strong and lasted years to the benefit of both parties. I've also seen male/female friendships implode. The ones that failed did so for 2 reasons:

1) The Harry met Sally reason, the a guy wanted to get her into bed was only true a fraction of the time, but it does happen. Yes, there are some guys that are simply putting in time to get things romantic.

2) The most common source of male/female friendship failing is that although the woman wants to call it "friends" she still wants to be courted and given priority like a girlfriend, not simply as his platonic friend. This is what happens the majority of the time. Its not sustainable and causes resentment. You essentially have a lop-sided relationship.

I bet that this woman doesn't plan to go dutch, she also won't be supportive any romantic relationship that starts to eclipse the friendship. There's a reason that she holds out the "you never know what will happen in time" angle. In her mind, he better keep in mind that he's in a never ending probationary period waiting for the 'happen' to come to pass.

The next crappy part of this is that if they guy revisits the romantic aspect of things, she will likely act as though he as pulled the wool over her eyes and pretend to be offended herself.

Yup yup. I once had a girl I was so so crazy about & I wanted her badly & uh she was already in a relationship but she really liked me pining for her a lot & stuff but always kept me in the friendzone but always wanted me to talk to her & buy her snacks & would say I'm not a gentleman if I didn't buy her snacks or something. I started to secretly hate it u know but I stupidly put up with it 'cause I was holding out for her to eventually fall for me until my uncle knocked some sense into me & got me out. Girls can really manipulate u if u let them so be really really careful .

February 15, 2016

Thoughts?

She's wrong.

February 15, 2016

She's wrong.

In her case I agree.

Because her paradigm seems skewed.

Expecting a guy to pass the "friend test" is too heady.

February 16, 2016

In her case I agree.

Because her paradigm seems skewed.

Expecting a guy to pass the "friend test" is too heady.

It's not the specific thing, for me, it's the attitude. Life's too short for me to even consider putting up with sh*t like that.

February 16, 2016

I fell for this a few times before I developed a backbone. I remember the very last time I accepted a friendship from a woman who rejected me. She suggested we go to this fancy new restaurant that opened up near her. We had a good time until the end. I told the waiter to do separate checks. She was not happy and never spoke to me again.

Love is war

General

You faced the enemy

And won that battle

You are the hero of many men

A role model for young boys approaching the dating age

January 28, 2017

I've seen this topic discussed on other message boards and it can go on for a while...but people were wondering what this whole, "Start off as friends first, and see where it goes from there."

I think this is actually an interpretation made here as anything other than "friends first" is casual sex, right? Or...that is stated in case men attempt to move the relationship faster than what the woman would want.

Some follow up with the "friends first" meaning that if it just remains as such, she's says, "Well, at least I made a friend out of it and you can never have too many friends!"

True...though if that's the case, if they aren't attracted initially, there's no being any kind of "friend" with this person, right?

January 28, 2017

Different people have different meanings to that phrase.

To some it may signal a desire to not have casual sex & to build a relationship. To others it signals indecisiveness. Others may see it as a signal that someone wants all the dating benefits -- the meals, the time etc. but none of the physical.

Then there are those who take a long time to warm up to somebody & need to get to know somebody before they will even consider romance or alone time (even a 1 on 1 meal in a public place).

I read it as somebody who doesn't know what they want & I would steer clear.

January 28, 2017

I'd say that's code for "no [sex] til I know who [] you are"

TFY

Edited February 4, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

Sign In

Men shooting themselves in the foot by not agreeing to "friendships" with women

Recommended Posts

Miss Peach

xxoo

thefooloftheyear

Chris2016

Chris2016

dreamingoftigers

SincereOnlineGuy

LookAtThisPOst

Aniela

Miss Peach

basil67

Shining One

Wewon

preraph

LookAtThisPOst

Miss Peach

WaitingForBardot

NYC-BigKat

123321

dreamingoftigers

123321

road

LookAtThisPOst

d0nnivain

thefooloftheyear

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...