I Am Having an Affair

[Shenster]

I am 56 years old and have been married for 25 years. My wife is a wonderful woman whom I love, but, for reasons I won't get into here, there is no longer any sex in our marriage, and hasn't been for years. We sleep in separate rooms.

 

Before meeting and marrying her, I had sex on a regular basis with a lot of different women, and I loved every minute of it. Over the last number of years, I had sort of resigned myself to the fact that my days of having sex were over.

 

And then we went on a trip to New Orleans and spent a few days there. On one evening my wife wasn't feeling well, so I went out on my own and cruised Bourbon Street, stopping in the bars and checking out all of the beautiful women. I suddenly felt like I was 27 again! All the old feelings of bars and sex, and women who loved me came back to me and I was ready to explode! Coming back home, I just couldn't shake those feelings and I was horny 24/7. At one point I went into my wife's room and tried to have sex with her, but she said she couldn't because of her bad back.

 

I reached a point to where I decided there was no way I was going to go through the rest of my life never having sex again, so I joined an adult website. There I met a married lady in her 40's and we soon got together in a motel room where I spent 3 hours f*&%ing the living s@#t out of her. I had unleashed years of pent-up sexual frustration upon her and she reciprocated in kind. We have since met again, and we have agreed to be secret lovers, meeting once every few weeks.

[isolatedgothic]

This makes me sad. I hope that you tell your wife what is going on. She deserves that so she can decide what she wants to do. You've decided what you want to do. Now give her that gift.

[Popsicle]

When was the last time you had sex with your wife?

[Summer3]

I am 56 years old and have been married for 25 years. My wife is a wonderful woman whom I love, but, for reasons I won't get into here, there is no longer any sex in our marriage, and hasn't been for years. We sleep in separate rooms.

 

Before meeting and marrying her, I had sex on a regular basis with a lot of different women, and I loved every minute of it. Over the last number of years, I had sort of resigned myself to the fact that my days of having sex were over.

 

And then we went on a trip to New Orleans and spent a few days there. On one evening my wife wasn't feeling well, so I went out on my own and cruised Bourbon Street, stopping in the bars and checking out all of the beautiful women. I suddenly felt like I was 27 again! All the old feelings of bars and sex, and women who loved me came back to me and I was ready to explode! Coming back home, I just couldn't shake those feelings and I was horny 24/7. At one point I went into my wife's room and tried to have sex with her, but she said she couldn't because of her bad back.

 

I reached a point to where I decided there was no way I was going to go through the rest of my life never having sex again, so I joined an adult website. There I met a married lady in her 40's and we soon got together in a motel room where I spent 3 hours f*&%ing the living s@#t out of her. I had unleashed years of pent-up sexual frustration upon her and she reciprocated in kind. We have since met again, and we have agreed to be secret lovers, meeting once every few weeks.

 

You have created this thread for a reason. Did you just want to confess or do want suggestions on what you should do next?

[Shenster]

Well over 10 years ago, if not more.

[central]

Give you wife the option to decide what she wants, or divorce her. If she loves you, she won't want to deny you the joy of sex, even if she is unable to provide it for some reason. And if she's well enough to go on vacations, she's probably well enough to have some kind of sex with you, IMO.

[Shenster]

This makes me sad. I hope that you tell your wife what is going on. She deserves that so she can decide what she wants to do. You've decided what you want to do. Now give her that gift.

 

I'm sorry this makes you sad. There is no way I will ever tell my wife about this.

[Mr. Lucky]

I am 56 years old and have been married for 25 years. My wife is a wonderful woman whom I love, but, for reasons I won't get into here, there is no longer any sex in our marriage, and hasn't been for years. We sleep in separate rooms.

 

56 is young . Certainly too young to be celibate.

 

Hard to give you feedback on working on the issues in your marriage since you don't discuss the road to separate bedrooms and a sexless marriage. But I agree with the previous posters - if it's right, you shouldn't have to hide what you're doing. And if you've exhausted all the avenues with your wife, she may not mind.

 

Lot's of downside to the way you're handling things now - STD's, discovery, drama, etc. Have a frank and honest talk with your wife, after 25 years she's owed that much...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Popsicle]

Well over 10 years ago, if not more.

 

I hear stories like this here more often than I'd like to hear. It's crazy! I often wonder how many more married couples haven't had sex in years.

[Mrs. John Adams]

If the roles were reversed....if you were the one who for reasons we won't go into here....no longer had sex with your wife....

 

Would you be ok with her joining an adult web site and screwing another man every few weeks behind your back?

[Popsicle]

I agree with Mr. Lucky that your wife may not mind. I have heard of husbands in this situation who do not outright tell their wives that they are stepping out, but they kind of make it obvious by not hiding it super well. Their wives just bury their head in the sand and turn a blind eye, thereby giving an unspoken pass. Don't ask, don't tell.

[Mrs. John Adams]

She may not mind....but the problem is...she should be asked her opinion before the fact....it should have been discussed.

 

He has taken it upon himself to do this....without knowing WHAT she thinks. He has taken away her say.

 

And what happens if she finds out?

[Shenster]

If the roles were reversed....if you were the one who for reasons we won't go into here....no longer had sex with your wife....

 

Would you be ok with her joining an adult web site and screwing another man every few weeks behind your back?

 

I'd be ok with it.

 

 

I ought to mention here that my lover and I didn't jump from the Internet into a bed. We first met in a public place and shared our situations with each other and we hit it off with each other.

[Shenster]

My wife might not mind, or she might mind very much. The point is, she will never know.

[Popsicle]

She may not mind....but the problem is...she should be asked her opinion before the fact....it should have been discussed.

 

He has taken it upon himself to do this....without knowing WHAT she thinks. He has taken away her say.

 

And what happens if she finds out?

 

That's true. It wouldn't hurt to sit her down and tell her that you want an open marriage because you're no longer have sex anymore and you're not dead. Then go from there.

[Shenster]

 

And what happens if she finds out?

 

 

She's not going to.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I'd be ok with it.

 

 

I ought to mention here that my lover and I didn't jump from the Internet into a bed. We first met in a public place and shared our situations with each other and we hit it off with each other.

 

of course you would.....because you have already done it behind her back.

 

You did not ask a specific question....so what is it you want from loveshack?

 

Validation? Advice?

 

I can tell you...very few here will approve of what you are doing.

[Popsicle]

My wife might not mind, or she might mind very much. The point is, she will never know.

 

But if she minds very much, she would then be forced to either have sex with you, or to allow you to have sex with others. It's win-win for you. I don't have a crystal ball but I get the feeling that she wouldn't divorce you either way.

[Shenster]

of course you would.....because you have already done it behind her back.

 

You did not ask a specific question....so what is it you want from loveshack?

 

Validation? Advice?

 

I can tell you...very few here will approve of what you are doing.

 

I'm not looking for advice or approval. It's just that I have perused this site on a number of occasions and have read a few heart-wrenching tales of infidelity woes full of pathos and guilt and remorse, and personal ruin, and on and on, so I just thought I'd post my story, stating that I am very happy with this situation and that I don't feel the least bit guilty. And, no, I'm not going to throw myself at my wife's feet and confess and beg for forgiveness or understanding.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Got it...you just wanted to tell your story.

[Shenster]

right. I was just going to leave this as "right", but my posts have to be longer.

 

 

Anyway, for once this site has a happy infidelity story.

[Popsicle]

On another note, I'm happy to see a 56 yo male with a roaring sex drive.

[Mrs. John Adams]

right. I was just going to leave this as "right", but my posts have to be longer.

 

 

Anyway, for once this site has a happy infidelity story.

 

No it is not a happy infidelity story. I respectfully disagree.

there are never happy infidelity stories....only happy cheaters.

 

You are screwing around behind your wife's back. The only person happy is you....and it still could end badly.

 

You don't know for sure that your wife will not find out. There is always that possibility.

 

and I have a feeling you don't want to tell her because you know she will disapprove.

[Shenster]

On another note, I'm happy to see a 56 yo male with a roaring sex drive.

 

Oh, honey, let me tell you!

[Shenster]

No it is not a happy infidelity story. I respectfully disagree.

there are never happy infidelity stories....only happy cheaters.

 

You are screwing around behind your wife's back. The only person happy is you....and it still could end badly.

 

You don't know for sure that your wife will not find out. There is always that possibility.

 

and I have a feeling you don't want to tell her because you know she will disapprove.

 

Actually, our relationship has gotten a lot better. During that period between New Orleans and my finding this lady, who is really hot, by the way, I was so tense I could barely function. I was like a volcano ready to explode at any moment. Now we're getting along just fine.

 

 

Someone had asked if my wife works. No. She was forced into early retirement as a senior manager from a large corporation. I have an Internet business. Between that, investments, and savings, we are comfortable and solvent.

 

 

And, yes, we have two children, grown up and moved away.