Do you think I will lose friends by sending this true account of the events?

[do111]

Background info: I am a 21 year old male college student. Alyssa is a 22 year old female college graduate. Mike is a 22 year old college student. We all attend the same college, but she graduated earlier than most of us.

 

 

Letter I wrote to our mutual friends (all of it is true):

 

 

 

I wanted to set the record straight pertaining to the past year’s events between Alyssa and me. Many of you have been affected by the drama of our relationship, so my goal is to clear the air by explaining how I painted an inaccurately skewed image of Alyssa's character. Most of you are longing for an explanation for the reason I am still talking to her; however, after reading this letter, you will be in fact be questioning the reason she would be talking to me due to the cycle of my disrespectful conduct. This is purely a factual account; written below are the cold hard facts, not taking into account my feelings, opinions, and the reasons behind my actions.

 

As I continuously tried over the course of the friendship, I am still attempting to win Alyssa back as a friend; however, Alyssa responded that, at this point an apology does not justify my past year’s actions, and that “saying” does not equate to “doing”. She stated that the only possible way to maybe sustain friendship is if I can prove that I have the ability to stand up not only for myself, but the others I care about as well. I completely understand where she is coming from in this regard.

 

I would be extremely lucky if she were to even be on “friendly terms” with me after the events of last year; my annoying persistence, selfishness, revealing her darkest secrets that I promised would stay between us, making untrue claims about her behind her back just to disguise my wrongful actions, and my inability to listen to the word “stop”, whether in the bedroom or in public settings. She should have never had to resort to kicking me out of her bedroom, simply because I wouldn’t leave after she asked nicely multiple times. I disrespected her body and personal space, while she was very upfront with me on how she did not appreciate it. I acknowledge that she did not treat me well in groups, but she treated me much better behind closed doors, when in reality, I really did not deserve to be talking to her on any level. Alyssa's accumulated resentment towards me over the past year is without a doubt the reason she has a low threshold for my behavior and actions.

 

Despite Alyssa and me becoming closer over the summer and seeing each other every week, she voiced her intentions from the beginning- she will never date me, and therefore, we are both allowed to date and/or hook up with other people. I accepted being “FWB” with her. I was completely aware that she was going on dates, as she tells me everything.

 

Alyssa visited our school in early December and we were not getting along on any level. This caused me to join a dating app that weekend, as I wanted to start talking to and seeing other girls. She told me that we are going to finally lay down the law and become platonic in order to save our friendship, and I completely agreed with her.

 

A week later, Alyssa was informing me that she gets along with Mike, as she has been talking on the phone with him for hours. She also mentioned to Mike that she and I were finally platonic the night she left the school. Furthermore, she claimed that Mike desired to hang with her 1 on 1 and had two tickets to a comedy club, and that she was confused about what Mike’s intentions and wanted to warn me about it.

 

Eventually, she went behind my back to see Mike for the comedy club. A day after this, she informed me she saw him, despite mike telling her it’s a better idea to keep it a secret. But she did not want to keep secrets from me, as she was trying to avoid hurting me even more down the line. She felt guilty for lying to me about her whereabouts, and she said it was her duty to tell me as soon as possible. The reason for Alyssa not telling me in advanced that she was meeting up with mike is because she knew of my vindictive tendencies of the past, and that I would be capable of sabotaging her plans.

 

The night she informed me on the phone that she hung out with Mike, I reacted in an inhumane manner. I threatened to ruin her life, and typed out messages to show her the messages I would send to her mom and her friends. Despite Alyssa pleading with me, crying, and begging me to stop this behavior, I kept going, even though I noticed the sense of fear in her voice. You probably do not believe this, so look for yourself at these screenshots of her text messages to me (cant copy and paste screenshots so i will type it out)

 

Alyssa:

How could you blackmail me? please stop

I love our friendship

please let me explain. youre making a huge mistake

if you care about me you wont do this

please pick up the phone, dont ruin my life

i know u care about me, i care about u and i want to continue our strong friendship

 

 

The screenshot right below are her texts the day after I blackmailed her:

 

Alyssa:

Please stop texting me for a few days. u know i feel horrible for hurting u. what ur doing now isnt healthy and u know it. i feel ill because of the way i am making you feel. i have a pit in my throat.i cant help who i like and who i want to hang out with. i try to be the best person i can be, while staying true to myself. it hurts me that youre hurting, and i feel nauseous and ill because of this.

 

 

 

A few days after this incident, she suggested we meet up for dinner and discuss the Mike situation. Throughout the course of our dinner, she seemed sincere about staying good friends with me, by making future plans for winter break, and how she was going to continue to see mike as she enjoys his company. It was going well, considering the circumstances. However, I shortly found out that mike was coming to her house that coming weekend rather than meeting in the city, and I made a scene in the restaurant by pouring water and rice in her salmon, and threatening to blackmail her once again. She was repulsed by my immature and barbaric behavior and walked out. She also said, “How would you feel if I threatened to blackmail you to your friends and family? You do this yet again, and this is abnormal and creepy.” We suggested we would not talk until the week after and that she was going to tell our mutual friends that she was seeing mike as well before they found out from other people.

 

Only after all of this, the photo incident occurred (photo of alyssa and mike in bed, neck up, caption saying "mission accomplished") at her house that coming weekend. The photo was risky and immature for mike to send on snapchat, and he apologized after all the disgusting things I said about him previously. To mike and alyssa's defense, I would have never seen that picture and have been subjected to that humiliation and pain, if it was not sent to the facebook group by our mutual friend. I also realized that the caption of the picture had nothing to do with me, and was not a direct jab at me. Alyssa and Mike never wanted me to see that photo.

 

Following seeing that picture, I blackmailed Alyssa and Mike in hopes of getting you guys against them. I either lied or embellished statements to Joelle and Tess, and did not care to hurt these third parties who weren’t even involved. Also, that night I looked up Alyssa's house number in the phonebook and made 26 solicitation calls to her house phone at 3AM just to annoy and scare her, while I was aware that her parents were in Florida and she was home alone in a big house.

 

Screen shots for proof:

 

Me: I'm going to make your life a living hell. Cant wait for it to start . cant wait to tell your mom about how you got roofied and went to the hospital. Cant wait to screenshot your texts to Joelle. (sends pic of typed out facebook message to her mom). Think i'm not kidding lmaooo. Sorry it has to be that way

 

Alyssa: Stop it, dont do that. Dont worry my mom while shes away in florida dealing w my grandparents. please stop.

 

Me: nope

 

Alyssa: this is not a joking manner. stop worrying my mom, my grandparents r sick. please stop.

 

Me: you can tell her im a piece of **** or something, its fine, she wont like me for doing it anyway.

 

Alyssa: you r going to regret it

 

Me: just things she should know

 

Alyssa: please stop it now. this is only temporary gratification, please dont get anyone involved and hurt 3rd parties.

 

Me: you are a disgrace to humanity. everyone hates u guys.

 

Alyssa: thats fine. enjoy ur new friends. I would never blackmail u.

 

Me: enjoy a guy who has nothing going for him lmao. tell him i said that. Hes a dumbass looking for a hookup. How the **** could he survive in your rich town? lmao the kid has no money. I just sent the message to your mom btw. Have a fun night!

 

 

After this photo occurrence, Alyssa and Mike called me a few days after explaining that my actions were wrong. They also apologized and said they couldn’t imagine the photo ever reaching my eyes. Alyssa said that if I didn’t react in inhumane ways, she would have backed me up, and confronted the facebook photo sender. She told me she was going to block me, so we stopped talking for about 3 weeks. When we finally started talking again, she said she wouldn’t get me into trouble for my actions because she has hope that one day I will turn the corner and surprise her. Despite the general immaturity for my age, not knowing how to argue or stick up for myself and others, having severe communication issues, intentionally hurting others, and being a complete dick last year, she was saying that she would continue talking with me as long as she saw me headed in the right direction. She could have even retaliated by having me come back to school without friends, by screenshotting or telling them the **** I have said about them, or even worse, getting the cops involved. This was indeed a big and undeserving honor- I get my friend back, without any punishment.

 

Despite our rocky past, I still have the nerve to be letting her down these past couple of weeks. My biggest strength is playing victim and I am not proud of it. A few weeks ago, I was approached by people in this group about the reason I still talk to her. I attempted to reason this as more of a “chore” than a “choice”, so claimed it was because she is suicidal, which is 100% completely false, she never said that. I totally lied and disrespected her image, in hopes of pleasing other people. I always talked negatively and inaccurately about her, so it is plausible that mike did not know the extent of my feelings for her in the past, and that people did not understand the reason I was talking to her after the Mike situation.

 

I painted Alyssa as a horrible person without empathy; however, she tries to avoid hurting others, without sacrificing her happiness, simultaneously. She has never intentionally tried to hurt me; this is something I should emulate from her, so I do not subject another person to this type of intentional pain in the future. Moving forward, I hope that I am lucky enough to maintain my friendship with Alyssa, and grow into a more mature and well-rounded person.

[GorillaTheater]

To answer the question you posed in your thread title, yeah, I imagine so.

 

 

But I'd spend less time worrying about what people think about the crappy stuff you pulled and spend more time thinking about why you behaved like this and fixing those aspects of your character.

Edited February 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
clean up ~6

[do111]

What do you think of Alyssa? Do you find her to be the victim? Do you think all her actions are justified?

[do111]

And would you consider me to be a "bad" person?

[GorillaTheater]

And would you consider me to be a "bad" person?

 

 

I'd consider you to be a screwball, but that's just my amateur opinion. What's your opinion about yourself?

[stillafool]

I think Alyssa would like you to leave her alone because you seem unstable. Please do not send that letter because it will make you seem crazy. Just leave them alone.

[do111]

I agree, and understand where you are coming from? What do you think of Alyssa?

[do111]

Do you think Alyssa did anything wrong? If so, what?

[GorillaTheater]

Do you think Alyssa did anything wrong? If so, what?

 

 

Putting up with you as long as she has?

 

 

Jesus dude, why do you care what we think about her?

[do111]

I was wondering if you think she is completely innocent after hooking up with our mutual friend?

[stillafool]

She's done nothing wrong. She can hookup with whomever she chooses. You need to leave her alone before she files for a restraining order. Also since you hate her so much why are you trying to be her friend? Move on already, she's clearly not interested in you.

[do111]

What would be her reasons for filing a restraining order on me?

[GorillaTheater]

What would be her reasons for filing a restraining order on me?

 

 

"my annoying persistence, selfishness, revealing her darkest secrets that I promised would stay between us, making untrue claims about her behind her back just to disguise my wrongful actions, and my inability to listen to the word “stop”, whether in the bedroom or in public settings."

 

 

Are you in counseling or therapy? I think that would be a very wise move on your part.

[CarrieT]

The best thing you could do is walk away from ALL OF THEM.

 

Get new friends and leave all this drama behind. Several years from now, you will look back and be ashamed you got caught up in so much angst over nothing.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Is this basically a raping/stalking confession, written to all of your friends who now have clear evidence to share with authorities when the time comes?

 

 

Or should we expect a SPAM ad to follow?

 

 

A wise person would drop out of that college immediately, before moving as far away as possible to begin a new life, and hope that your raping/stalking confession isn't taken seriously by most, and isn't brought to the authorities by anyone.

 

Never utter Alyssa's name again.

 

 

Your only prayer at this point is that people think Alyssa lies...

 

(but your factual letter does not)

[d0nnivain]

Don't send that letter. What ever transpired between you & her is between you & her. there is no need to drag all these other people into your drama. Keep your mouth shut & stop trying to make decisions about your life by committee. Learn to keep your own counsel.

 

 

Now, as for the dreadful things you did, stop. Leave her alone. Never do this again & get yourself some major therapy to figure out why you did this in the 1st place & how you will prevent yourself from acting like this again.

[RRM321]

I think you already lost your friends, and there's no "setting the record straight" because no one is keeping records about you. You're just not that interesting.

 

Leave the girl alone. Now, before you end up in criminal court.

[candycane82]

So you blackmailed someone and committed libel? What exactly are you looking for in posting this?

[do111]

I am asking what I can be charged with, and what you think the punishment could be?

[do111]

Also, do you think she will get her friends back?

[candycane82]

Blackmail and libel could be possible since you plainly admit to it. You wrote things about her that weren't true threatening to harm her reputation.

 

 

I sure as heck wouldn't be friends with someone like you who blackmailed me and wrote false things about me.

 

 

Honestly the whole post is confusing. Are you adults or are you children? Grow up.

[RRM321]

do you think she will get her friends back?

 

Her friendships are none of your business. Stop trying to manipulate people.

Edited February 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted off-topic content ~6

[basil67]

The most likely scenario is that Alyssa's friends will all gather around her to offer support and also block you from her.

 

If you want to avoid prosecution, your best course of action would be to permanently disappear from all their lives and let the dust settle. Don't ever speak to any of them again.

Edited February 11, 2016 by basil67
grammar

[d0nnivain]

I am asking what I can be charged with, and what you think the punishment could be?

 

 

 

If you want / need legal advice, contact a lawyer in your area. Don't ask legal Qs on an international message board about love & relationships. No one here is qualified to answer you.

Edited February 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
clean up ~6

[VeveCakes]

You should consider leaving these people alone.