basil67 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I enjoy my own birthday. But I do orchestrate it. I'll say things like "Ok, let's book in dinner for my birthday" and I'm usually the one making the booking. If he doesn't know what to get me (which happens about half the time) I will make some suggestions of what I want. If you want something to happen in a certain way, make it happen. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Well, he may be scrambling to put something together, so be patient. It was late notice. Do it a week ahead of time next year and don't be mad if he's late this year. But if he does absolutely nothing in the next day or two, well, he's a guy who isn't caring about that stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author newheart Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 I just wanted to update: I did hear from him via text after lunch, and he called last night. We discussed that he didn't know until the evening before, which I took responsibility for, and we have plans this weekend. Lesson learned that I still need to improve my communication skills. Thanks for all the feedback - it was greatly appreciated! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 The OP sounds immature to be a boss of any kind. It is also not really the done thing to buy things for the line manager, the other way round yes but not buying lunch or stuff for management. This is because of the power imbalance. It looks kiss-ass. So the fact that she expects it makes her desire for external validation very obvious. As the whole thread does. This is awfully mean. Enjoying and celebrating your birthday doesn't mean you're immature or unfit to do a job. just because it's 'not done' where you are doesn't mean your way is the right way. Also it doesn't sound to me like the OP expects it, it sounds like it's something her staff enjoys doing for her. OP, I'm glad it all worked out in the end and yeah, you do need to work on your communication skills..but don't let the overly judgmental and very rude people here ruin your day! If you want to celebrate your birthday of course you should! And if your staff likes you enough to take you out, then enjoy it. Happy belated, and I hope you have fun with your bf this weekend! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Well, this is going off-topic, but does your boss buy you lunch on your birthday? I assume you're an awesome worker. We usually go out with coworkers and she does come, she buys everyone a cake on their bday, and usually something for each holiday like a flower or wine. Like I said, she's an awesome boss! Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 THIS! ^^^ I am always amazed at the adult noses that get all bent out of shape over a birthday! Past the age of 18, who gives a rip? It's not like you did anything special...your mother did, spitting you out! I have been known to forget my own, only to come home to cards or gifts from my kids. Obviously there are more important things going on in the world than having friends and family fawning over the day one joined the human race... I love birthdays - my own, and celebrating others. If your kids are leaving you cards and presents, then it's obviously important to them, as well. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 I just wanted to update: I did hear from him via text after lunch, and he called last night. We discussed that he didn't know until the evening before, which I took responsibility for, and we have plans this weekend. Lesson learned that I still need to improve my communication skills. Thanks for all the feedback - it was greatly appreciated! That's great. Happy belated! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eighty_nine Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 The OP sounds immature to be a boss of any kind. It is also not really the done thing to buy things for the line manager, the other way round yes but not buying lunch or stuff for management. This is because of the power imbalance. It looks kiss-ass. So the fact that she expects it makes her desire for external validation very obvious. As the whole thread does. Wooooooooah. It couldn't be because her staff like her and want to have fun celebrating with her? Your post is bizarre and down right rude. My staff decorated my whole office up and down for my bday. It was awesome and no I did not make a big deal of my birthday! I didn't even know she knew it was my birthday. For my boss, we all bought her lunch and contributed for a nice gift... again, because, we really like her. you, frankly, sound like someone who doesn't have many positive social relationships. OP, you're being completely reasonable. I think this thread is full of people without friends, to be honest; based on the ridiculous responses. You didn't ask for a parade; you hoped for a happy birthday text, maybe a casual dinner out. Totally reasonable. Birthdays are about celebrating people you love; it's a reason to show affection toward people we care about. I am all for that. I don't think it's selfish or immature at ALL to enjoy both giving and receiving birthday wishes. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GR4 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Wooooooooah. It couldn't be because her staff like her and want to have fun celebrating with her? Your post is bizarre and down right rude. My staff decorated my whole office up and down for my bday. It was awesome and no I did not make a big deal of my birthday! I didn't even know she knew it was my birthday. For my boss, we all bought her lunch and contributed for a nice gift... again, because, we really like her. you, frankly, sound like someone who doesn't have many positive social relationships. OP, you're being completely reasonable. I think this thread is full of people without friends, to be honest; based on the ridiculous responses. You didn't ask for a parade; you hoped for a happy birthday text, maybe a casual dinner out. Totally reasonable. Birthdays are about celebrating people you love; it's a reason to show affection toward people we care about. I am all for that. I don't think it's selfish or immature at ALL to enjoy both giving and receiving birthday wishes. I find it a bit strange that people need to find a reason to show affection towards someone they love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eighty_nine Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 I find it a bit strange that people need to find a reason to show affection towards someone they love. Clever. Nowhere in my post did I state this was the "only" reason or imply that it is difficult to find a reason to show affection for people in my life. I'm a loving friend/gf/family member all year long- I go out of my way to show people I care. Birthdays are just a reason to do a little extra. I like them. I'm always the friend with a cake and little gift, who goes out of my way to make birthday plans for people. It's a nice, out of the ordinary people way to show people you care. I think people who find this odd are people without much of a social circle, frankly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GR4 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Clever. Nowhere in my post did I state this was the "only" reason or imply that it is difficult to find a reason to show affection for people in my life. I'm a loving friend/gf/family member all year long- I go out of my way to show people I care. Birthdays are just a reason to do a little extra. I like them. I'm always the friend with a cake and little gift, who goes out of my way to make birthday plans for people. It's a nice, out of the ordinary people way to show people you care. I think people who find this odd are people without much of a social circle, frankly. Or maybe you just can't accept that some people are different in their thinking and don't like to make a fuss or be fussed over on a birthday. I don't understand what that has to do with having much of a social circle. Some of my friends are like me in that they couldn't care less and some act childish and hurt when you refuse to travel to their city to celebrate their 'special day' at your considerable expense. I couldn't care less if it's your birthday, I really couldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
mattelipstick Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Or maybe you just can't accept that some people are different in their thinking and don't like to make a fuss or be fussed over on a birthday. And to be fair, this: Some of my friends are like me in that they couldn't care less and some act childish and hurt when you refuse to travel to their city to celebrate their 'special day' at your considerable expense. I couldn't care less if it's your birthday, I really couldn't. sounds like maybe you just can't accept that some people are different in their thinking and like to make a fuss over their birthday. Different strokes, different folks. I'm not a big birthday person, but if someone I love is really into celebrating their birthday, who am I to rain on their parade / tell them how stupid and childish I think it is? Sometimes doing things you don't feel like doing because it makes another person happy is what love/family/friendship is all about. Link to post Share on other sites
GR4 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 And to be fair, this: sounds like maybe you just can't accept that some people are different in their thinking and like to make a fuss over their birthday. Different strokes, different folks. I'm not a big birthday person, but if someone I love is really into celebrating their birthday, who am I to rain on their parade / tell them how stupid and childish I think it is? Sometimes doing things you don't feel like doing because it makes another person happy is what love/family/friendship is all about. Thing is if a friend asks me out for a drink on his birthday I'll come. I'm not going to go out of my way for it though. I had a friend recently give another friend a lot of grief for not making a trip to another city to celebrate his birthday which I thought was way out of line. It would mean spending a fair amount of money on travel and accommodation and for what? The man is approaching 30, he needs to grow up I'm afraid. Link to post Share on other sites
90s kid Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 (edited) Have you ever read the book “The 5 Love Languages?” It talks about how there are 5 different ways that people express love. They include: touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, and quality time. It’s easy toget frustrated with your spouse because they aren’t demonstrating love to you in your love language. ]It sounds like your primary love languages are gifts and quality time. Those are the things that make you feel loved. Although, they might not be his love languages, he needs to understand that they are important to YOU and make an effort to demonstrate love in those ways. It’s probably hard for him to understand why your birthday is so important to you, because he may have a different love language. Perhaps gifts are his least important love language and touch is his primary love language. If you started withholding affection, he would get frustrated too. It’s not okay for him to say that because his birthday is unimportant to him, that it shouldn’t be important to you. The two of you need to sit down and communicate about the things that are important to each of you and make an effort to show that person love in the ways that are important to them. Edited February 11, 2016 by 90s kid Link to post Share on other sites
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