surferchic Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 ... " I just know I want to be 98%happily married whenever I do make those vows. " And so, I believe, does everyone who gets married. Unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way for multiple reasons, and often it's no-one's fault. Good post. So, to who or what do we attribute the outcome...?
Tayla Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Contingent on the culture a mistress can be highly regarded. Most open marriages , one of them will maintain a partner that is consistant . I have much regard for some of the european mistress's I met during my time spent abroad. They weren't hidden and the spouses knew of them. So there was a mutual understanding. In your case Op, I don't think you are speaking of mistress's per se. For there really are some that are welcomed in society and do serve a role. What you are conveying is the romp in the hay style.Which is more lowscale then culturally refined. There is nothing wrong with discussing values and tolerances. Being discrete in commentary is equally regarding . So a rule of thumb is, speak opinions as if they were there. That will then be the guideline for what is civil to say or not.
Author thespacey1 Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 I really feel like infidelity is a topic that the majority of people will never fully grasp. People say they have high hopes... But there will always be women and men out there willing to be "the other man/ woman". What does that say about the level of respect for marriage or a significant other when things get a little rough/old... I don't have the answers but I appreciate men answering in this thread. Thanks Liam! 2
Author thespacey1 Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 Contingent on the culture a mistress can be highly regarded. Most open marriages , one of them will maintain a partner that is consistant . I have much regard for some of the european mistress's I met during my time spent abroad. They weren't hidden and the spouses knew of them. So there was a mutual understanding. In your case Op, I don't think you are speaking of mistress's per se. For there really are some that are welcomed in society and do serve a role. What you are conveying is the romp in the hay style.Which is more lowscale then culturally refined. There is nothing wrong with discussing values and tolerances. Being discrete in commentary is equally regarding . So a rule of thumb is, speak opinions as if they were there. That will then be the guideline for what is civil to say or not. Thanks for attempting to figure out my intention, but yes I am speaking about mistresses per se... In the American culture a mistress is not typically highly regarded. What's the point of getting married if someone is going to have another person in the mix? I think the bottom line is that lots of us have little self control and/or we fail to admit that we can be in live with more than one person at a time.
Tayla Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Thanks for attempting to figure out my intention, but yes I am speaking about mistresses per se... In the American culture a mistress is not typically highly regarded. What's the point of getting married if someone is going to have another person in the mix? I think the bottom line is that lots of us have little self control and/or we fail to admit that we can be in live with more than one person at a time. I think you are speaking of traditional marriage. And in that case, correct, what is the point of stepping outside that vow. Yet not everyone colors inside the lines. Or maintains such discipline to do so. My personal opinion is that I do not tolerate betrayal or behavior of that nature. Yet I am open minded enough to accept that it does go on and that marriage carries different meaning to the couples. Same genders, Same faiths...you name it. What works for you and your values may not be the same for another couple. I would hope that if a mistress were to step inside the marriage that it was consensual to all parties, otherwise its deceptive and not of regard to anyone. 1
dichotomy Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I unknowingly married someone who was a mistress with two MM. One of them she continued a emotional affair (downshifted from sexual) into our marriage. I lost all respect and trust ... for a long time. If I knew of her involvements when we were dating I would have dumped her. I can tell you from the emails I read that she was aware of the situation and kept seeing them in various states (emotional or physical) for various reasons after it was clear it would go no where and she continued to look for "the one". She held the belief (true or not) that the MM's marriages were dead, or open marriages of a sort. All sorts of BS to not feel bad about what she was doing. I was surprised to learn alot of peoples views that infidelity is not unloving or that bad. Just a part of life. I guess some places in the world have this view as well. 2
muse08 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I agree that nowadays marriage is not taken very seriously. Perhaps it never was. The only difference nowadays is that people are more "openly", open to poligomy. I'm not sure what the purpose of marriage is now. Religious reasons, yeah I'm sure steers most decisions. Not to best a dead horse, but what's the point if someone is going to cheat...? Even preachers cheat with people in their church... Husbands and wives cheat and bring STDs home, women have their spirit broken feeling like they're not good enough, etc... I wish I had a solution, but I know one thing... A mistress isn't the blame for an affair, but I don't think there's much respect for her if she remains the" mistresses"... In modern day meaning of the word mistresses. Back in the day some women made a living from being mistresses. Nowadays, they're called whores. Men are called... "Just being a man".
Cloudcuckoo Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 The mistress is more often viewed as the 'seductress', the alienater of affection, the woman who 'made' a wife's husband stray. The truth is more complicated than simple siren calling... Two former friends both from different aspects tell different stories.... 1: a young single female who from an early age found the challenge of seducing a married man exciting until in her late 30's and childless set her sights on a man who did leave his wife for her, and whom she eventually married. However, as is often said, a married man who leaves a wife to marry the mistress leaves a vacancy... 2 years after her wedding, her husband left her for his mistress... 2: a young ambitious woman single and affluent meets her future husband who needs a helping hand to believe in himself and to value his abilities brings him home and helps him to find a satisfying job while creating a lovely home with her. They marry, have two beautiful children (who I am proud to be a Godmother to), and he gets a high flying job that means he had to work across Europe and spend lengthy periods away from home. He puffs out his chest and starts getting into trouble with women. His wife has suspicions but no concrete evidence. The marriage fails because he is spending far too much time apart from his wife and children, and refuses to work to resolve the rift. During the tumultuous divorce it transpires his absence is due to another woman and her teenaged son. The husband leaves the country to join his mistress, leaving his own children behind. A mistress usually has her own demons to battle ..... 1
Author thespacey1 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 Such interesting perspectives... I totally agree that some mistresses have deep set reasons or voids in order to go after or settle for, married men. Similar to "some" strippers or prostitutes...some. The overall state of relationships in general is just a bit sad these days. And I feel like part of the culprit is parenting and/or the lack of having healthy relationship models to set a firm foundation. Personally, I come from a single parent home. Dad was super controlling and in the military. Mom divorced him when my sister and I were 2 and 3 yrs old. I have been with one controlling man after another,mistaking the attention and control for love. I'm now trying to break the pattern. I once had a fantasy of becoming a stripper. I've been with a man who told me he was married several months into our relationship. More recently, I almost married a man who was just as or more controlling and angry than my dad. 1
Selvestor Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Not good idea to cheat your wife. I was looking for wife i dont want to cheat and finally found her. It was long way and hard work but I got what I was looking for. She is slavic woman and she was one of very few who was not looking for sugar dady because I am not. We get engaged this munth and will get married this summer. I found her on zefirdate website. It was expensive to travel to Ukraine 2 times, but it is better to get your chance then to lose it. good luck and love and peace to all of you
Selvestor Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Not all people are so bad, you can always find the right girl one for you. I got same experience but was sucessfull with slavic girl Wish you all the best
Author thespacey1 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 Congrats selvester. Keep your communication open with your fiance while engaged and when you get married.
Arieswoman Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 surferchic post #26 You asked (concerning marriages failing) "So, to who or what do we attribute the outcome...? " And my answer would be that the whole topic is very complex, and perhaps deserves a thread on it's own ! 1
Author thespacey1 Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 surferchic post #26 You asked (concerning marriages failing) "So, to who or what do we attribute the outcome...? " And my answer would be that the whole topic is very complex, and perhaps deserves a thread on it's own ! Good point. Please let us know if you decide to start a thread on that topic. I think its worth discussing.
Arieswoman Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Hi thespacey1, I've started one over on the "General Relationship Discussion Forum - enjoy ! 1
luvflower Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 It's refreshing to hear men respond to this. I know one thing for sure, I wouldn't want to take the gamble of being a mistress... 2
Author thespacey1 Posted February 12, 2016 Author Posted February 12, 2016 It's refreshing to hear men respond to this. I know one thing for sure, I wouldn't want to take the gamble of being a mistress... I agree with this. Neither would I.I think I have too much of a conscience...one of my exes told me he was married once I'd been dating him for almost a year. That was a sad reality. I wouldn't want that done to me.. Even if it has been done to me,I don't want to contribute to that epidemic and don't want that energy directly in my life if I have a choice in the matter. 2
Author thespacey1 Posted February 12, 2016 Author Posted February 12, 2016 Hi thespacey1, I've started one over on the "General Relationship Discussion Forum - enjoy ! Loving your thread arieswoman! I stopped by earlier and there are some pretty diverse opinions on the topic. I totally appreciate both women and men being responsive in both this thread and yours. I welcome it and hope more honest posts continue...! 1
unevenXchange Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 My mom told me she was a mistress when she was younger... I wonder if children sometimes pay for the sins of their parents in some ways? I'm 42 and still not married.
luvflower Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 My mom told me she was a mistress when she was younger... I wonder if children sometimes pay for the sins of their parents in some ways? I'm 42 and still not married. Interesting concept... Not sure if things happen that way or not. What I do know is that each of us has the ability to make choices. I hope we as a human race start making better choices. Otherwise , marriage may become practically nonexistent one day. 1
sandylee1 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 My mom told me she was a mistress when she was younger... I wonder if children sometimes pay for the sins of their parents in some ways? I'm 42 and still not married. I doubt it. It's more that mistresses have kids who do the same. Cheating seems hereditary in some families. 1
elaine567 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I also wonder how people can sacrifice their sanity or beliefs just to save face and keep up appearances. In that case I think I'd rather be alone... Or maybe I'll never really know until I'm forced to make such a decision. I just know I want to be 98%happily married whenever I do make those vows. YOU are assuming she is "sacrificing", but she may not love him or never loved him - just married him for his wealth and what she could get out of the arrangement. As long as the mistresses stay out of her hair and do not challenge her position, then she may be glad he is otherwise "occupied". Once wealth, houses, possessions, status, children and the other trappings of marriage come into play, who the husband has sex with - for some - may not as important as we might assume. 2
ChickiePops Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 My friend's husband called his mistress of 2 years side p*ssy or SP. Then he begged my friend to take him back. They're living separately at the moment but still considering attempting reconciliation. I still think he's gross but love is weird. SP (I know that name is nasty but I don't know her real name plus she helped hurt my friend so I hate her) continues to harass my friend. 1
stillafool Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I think if your family has discussed her husbands infidelity and decided to mind their own business it is not fair to continue to discuss her life. Why do you care how his mistress is viewed? Why not care more about how your relative is viewed?
Author thespacey1 Posted February 27, 2016 Author Posted February 27, 2016 I doubt it. It's more that mistresses have kids who do the same. Cheating seems hereditary in some families. True...sometimes. However,for the clarity I don't cheat. That's just not something I feel compelled to do. I just leave the relationship. Not sure if that's any better...
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