Do you think she will return after realising her loss? [update! 2016-06-16]

[ksol9]

It's like they have a sixth sense. They can sense when you are actively trying to move, more so when she sees and hears that you are moving forward. It's human nature to question a decision like they especially when it doesn't involve something truly damaging like cheating or something irreversible. Heartbreak is such a dark place. It racks your heart and brain to the core. In healing comes growth. I truly think this is something that is apart of life that helps you or should I say, forces you to grow. My life has been a blur for the last week. I moved out one week ago and I'm praying he will reconsider soon. At times, it feels like game playing and that is the most uncomfortable feeling. There is so much what ifs. I guess it's all apart of the process. I admire your strength to let her go. At times, I am almost certain that my ex and I will find our way back to eachother, but that is wishful thinking. I think the best thing you could have done for yourself was to move forward with living your life. This is how you will force her to sort out whatever her doubts are and when you both are ready, you will reconcile or choose to move on.

 

I wish you luck. I read your other posts and I know what you are going through. I used to hear people talk about heartbreak, even in songs, they all make sense now.

[TheScientist]

You aren't really moving on if you're constantly seeking validation about your opinion that she will return, none of us know, and if you read through the threads (as I have since joining yesterday!) you will see it's a consistent theme - even me - I need to move on, but will they miss me, I need to move on, but will they come back?

 

From the moment you accept you need to move on it needs to be less about what her choice will be but for you, you need to move on for you.

 

I had to come to terms with the fact that if my ex partner truly loved me, truly cared, then breaking up with me wouldn't have been so simple, so easy.

 

Let them go, heal and focus on you. Who knows what the future brings but right now you don't seem to be a big factor in her future so don't make her an obstacle in yours.

 

xxx

[Redhead14]

It's a long read but I just wanted to know what people thought about my decision and if I've done the right thing. Or if anyone else has been in a similar position.

 

My girlfriend and I had been going out for 9 months. We were best friends; inseperable; attracted, and so comfortable with eachother. She recently broke up with me giving me reasons such as 'I don't want to be tied down' and 'I love you, but it's just not the same' and 'I just get this feeling'.

 

These aren't exact details but it happened for the first time a few weeks before christmas. She said she HAD to break up with me because she couldn't help feeling like this, and that she's tried to both work on and ignore the feeling for too long. I got angry, confused and hurt because she had seen a boy that she claimed she was 'a little bit' attracted to when I asked if there was someone else. Truly though, I know now that the boy hasn't got much to do with it but he was merely what I think was a breath of fresh air for her. She described him as a reminder of the 'feeling'. He lives hundreds of miles away, however, but he occasionaly travels up to attend events where I live which my ex was also interested in.

 

After we broke up the first time I was a little bit angry, and I said I didn't want to see her but she wanted to see me so we could 'talk'. A week of me pulling slightly away from her upset her. It was a long week but I insisted that I wasn't going to meet her unless we gave it another chance. It's not as if she didn't want to either. She explained that she wanted to be with me in every way, sexually and as a friend but that she couldn't help this 'feeling'. She was scared to hurt me, and scared to lose me for good. She wished she could rewind and not feel this way. And she said that if the feeling wasn't there she would stay with me.

 

We saw eachother and I tried to make it as special as I could. We spent the day at an event which she loves, and from then on another month went by of us being a great couple again, as if nothing changed when bang... Again, I could tell that she wasn't feeling great around me and we broke up. She didn't want to lose me at all, she said that we HAD to be friends but this time I said I simply couldn't talk to her because I needed to move on. It hurt her but a couple of days after this we ended up having our first argument on the phone, which was pretty much based on me misunderstanding, and feeling insecure about her seeing this boy again. (The boy had asked her on two occasions to kiss her, he has feelings for her, but she refused. She's never cheated on me).

 

A couple of weeks pass of me not contacting her. She messages asking how I'm feeling. Then again a few days after explaining that she's finding it hard as well and that she misses me and is sad that I haven't contacted her. I packed it in 4 or 5 days later and said to call me next week because I was busy.

 

She did. And she said she wanted to meet up to exchange possesions. I made the phonecall really blunt and it lasted under a minute. She was hurt by this and messaged the next day saying she was upset that I had been talking to her old friends and saying things that she thought we're private to US. They weren't really, I just thought she was having a go at me because she was angry I was blunt on the phone. I said back that I've kept our relationship close to my heart and asked her to offer me some humanity to let me talk to someone about my feelings. I said this is never what I wanted and asked her to stop making me feel guilty about about something. She messaged again, saying she wasnt trying to make me feel bad etc. But I messaged back asking her why she was messaging me and defended an accusation she made about me talking behind her back: 'Why are you messaging me though, you left me didn't you?'

 

I called her the next day and she actually came round to my house. She got her shirt and I was playing guitar trying to be as friendly as possible. It was clear that she was finding it emotional being in my house. She was unhappy because she ruined all the process she made over the month of us not being together. She cried because stuff had been happening in her family and she couldn't talk to me about it. We hugged. Hugged again minutes after and I asked her if she could feel it. (Love that is). She broke down into tears and said she couldn't do this again, put me through this etc. She said that I was everything she's ever wanted and if I was to date other girls she didn't want to know anything about it. We ended up kissing but I set her free. I said goodbye to her and hugged her happily at my doorstep and wished her the best.

 

Truly though, I am heartbroken. I know she loves me. I know she misses me. And I am sad because I think she has thrown away something beautiful. She is my first true love and I've never felt this way about anyone. The reason I set her free is because I truly think it should be HER decision and her desire to be with me again if she realizes. I'm setting her free because I love her and don't want her to live with this 'feeling' if she was to stay with me.

While she lives her life free of commitment I am going to move on, date others and improve myself. I don't doubt that I will get over her but my question remains: Do you think that she might realize in the future what she's thrown away and come back?

 

THANKS FOR READING! If you need more details for judgement let me know!

Do you think that she might realize in the future what she's thrown away and come back? -- Yeah, it's possible, but unlikely. And, even if she does, it may simply be because it's easier to stick with it than to deal with the break up. If she comes back, you will need to sit back and observe whether or not she has found "the clarity" she needed.

 

You will also have to live with the collateral damage of the break up, which will be probably a significant period of insecurity/anxiety and wondering if/when she will leave again.

 

This is what often kills relationship "reduxes".

 

She "threw" the relationship away. Nevertheless, your line of thinking kinda reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George is at a friends house and in the kitchen helping. He goes to the garbage can to throw something away. On the very top, he sees a perfectly good eclair. He picks it up and takes a bite. The general premise behind this scenario is that when you throw something away it's contaminated. On the surface, it still looks good, but should you really eat it?

[Sohra]

Poetic, to say the least. However, I am moving on regardless of me asking for advice, I know what I need to do in my heart but I enjoy hearing about what other people think. My emotions are under control thankfully and I've had a really good weekend.

 

I've thought about it probably not working, I'd probably get fed up with it because of the anxiety it may or may not cause me. Believe it or not she is no longer a factor of my future. I might be the one to end it if I give HER a chance.

 

I think the next time round I wouldn't get as attached. I've learned to have a good time and be my own person, have my own life, see friends more often and focus on my career. I'd be smarter next time, less naive. But would she? I'm not sure, judging by her text it seems like she can't let go as easy as me. I still haven't replied. A friend of mine saw her yesterday for lunch and mentioned that I went on a date on Valentine's Day to her. I've still to hear all about her reaction. I'm posting here today, not because I'm pining, but because I enjoy posting on a forum. I never talk about it with my closest friends because I'm focused on having a good time with them. I hardly think about it unless I'm idle (which I haven't been recently). I'm surprised how quickly my hearts moved on.

 

It really all comes down to you actually focusing on yourself. It probably sounds cliche hearing it for the 1000th time on this forum. But it's true!

Edited February 27, 2016 by Sohra

[Sohra]

I'm bumping up this thread to announce that I have had the best days of my life.

I didn't want to let this one go because anybody out there experiencing heartache need to hear that life is so much better and clearer on the other side. No more heartache, no more stress!

 

If you read back on my posts (cringing, to say the least), you'll notice that my emotions were very much REAL. You're no less of a human being to feel the way you do about an SO.

 

I just want to say that if you totally focus on yourself and forget about the person that is causing/caused so much inconsiderate heartache for you in a situation like mine, you will come out a better person than you ever were. I now have a full-time job, a great social life, and I am on the road to University to do something I love. Can I also say that I am crushing on another girl so bad. The vicious cycle continues...

 

I'm thanking my friends, family and you guys on loveshack!