AverageJoe1986 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 +/- 5 years for me. Red flag? Him saying he is tired of dating younger women. If he's seriously not caring about the age, it wouldn't have come up.. meh, I think he's just messing around... All these grand declarations scream player to me. Finally someone points out the obvious. No man is tired of dating younger women. It's like a woman saying she's tired of dating taller men. Blatant line. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StBreton Posted February 7, 2016 Author Share Posted February 7, 2016 Finally someone points out the obvious. No man is tired of dating younger women. It's like a woman saying she's tired of dating taller men. Blatant line. Yes but in all fairness, some girls in their 20s are not emotionally or financially stable...and some guys prefer they be. He said there was no substance in the relationship. He felt she was shallow and self centered and only talked about herself...they didn't have a lot of good solid communication. The guy did say he's had a few long term relationships ...one with someone that was 38 and another with someone that was 43. The 38 year old had 3 kids from 3 different guys ... there were some issues there. He also said a lot of girls are looking at a guy his age being financially well off. He's just starting his new career so money is tight. That's not something I'm concerned about ... as long as the person is not a financial disaster. In 5 years, this guy will be doing really well. This guy could just be playing. We talked tonight on the phone...I asked him how he is going to feel in 5 years about being with someone a lot older than him when he is well established. He said he's a loyal kind of guy and knowing how difficult it is to find a good person, he isn't going to throw that away for someone is is 10% more youthful or thinner ... he said as long as the person is good to him, he wouldn't leave the relationship. He sounds sincere but I don't know him. I Link to post Share on other sites
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 (edited) This guy could just be playing. We talked tonight on the phone...I asked him how he is going to feel in 5 years about being with someone a lot older than him when he is well established. He said he's a loyal kind of guy and knowing how difficult it is to find a good person, he isn't going to throw that away for someone is is 10% more youthful or thinner ... he said as long as the person is good to him, he wouldn't leave the relationship. He sounds sincere but I don't know him. I Well I don't know him at all and he could be the most sincere guy in the world. To me though the thing about being tired of dating younger women just sounds like a line. Maybe it's a line to reassure you rather than to play you. If you were asking him about it maybe he thought it would make you feel better about the age difference. But if I'm being honest, If I was trying to bed an older woman it's probably something I'd say and it does sound to me like that. Edited February 7, 2016 by AverageJoe1986 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 i feel you should meet him like satu said and make your mind up from there....physical age doesnt equate to maturity in either sex.....and i do feel that maturity and intellect are far more important .then there's common goals and interests....they are far more important for longevity than the years accumulated on either side....i wish you well....deb Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I can appreciate your trepidation and frankly, having a George Clooney male friend (same age and looks and never married), I can see why. However, this guy is only 40 not 54 so perhaps not as serious into red flag territory, though it does explain a bit better his recent, or longer, penchant for younger women. IMO, whatever red flags his lack of marital experience will throw up will occur early, so my bet is you'll know at first meet or at most second or third date if things are destined to go sideways. If he's good company, see how it goes. Have a little fun for the V-day period. By the way, George Clooney is married. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Finally someone points out the obvious. No man is tired of dating younger women. It's like a woman saying she's tired of dating taller men. Blatant line. Perhaps what he meant was ...he's tired if dating "immature" women. Cause fact is ....there are young immature women, and there are old immature women. Same for men. There are young men who don't know what they want, get excited easily, then run .....and there are older men who feel and do the same! StB ....go out with him. Judge for yourself. You are beautiful and smart. Youthful! And he is not that young anyway -- he is 40! And to those ladies who were with *younger* men and it didn't work out? Why assume the reason was his age? Do you think it would have worked out had he been older? No, he is who he is. Immature, player, whatever. And chances are he will be the same way at 50 too. Cause that's his *character*. And character has nothing to do with age Best of luck StB! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Most of the guys who contacted me were young guys ...like in their 20s to 30s! The 20s guys were really working the cougar thing. I'm not the cougar type. What is up with that? Is it the OKcupid thing? I've renamed it "OKcougar" lol He gave me his phone number. Should I contact him? Go ahead contact him. The interest age group in me seems to be late 20's. I'm early 40's. I have no idea why but there it is. He's 40 not 26, so there's a really good chance he's all grown up. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Oh then he asked me what I'm up to and I said I'm looking at properties on the beach in FL on the net... ... some girls in their 20s are not...financially stable... He also said a lot of girls are looking at a guy his age being financially well off. He's just starting his new career so money is tight. That's not something I'm concerned about ... as long as the person is not a financial disaster. In 5 years, this guy will be doing really well. Maybe just me being cynical, and I am aware of the double standards and that women do it all the time, but something to think about - new career, money tight, forget the 20 somethings that just cost him money, a sugar mamma may be just what he needs. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 (edited) Maybe just me being cynical, and I am aware of the double standards and that women do it all the time, but something to think about - new career, money tight, forget the 20 somethings that just cost him money, a sugar mamma may be just what he needs. The guy is 40, not 25. And StB is also in her 40s. If he's looking for a *sugar mama* .....it's not gonna be StB. He would look for a super rich woman in her 60s or 70s, with adult children or no children (more money for him when she dies). This whole notion of him being a *younger* man and StB being a *cougar* is ridiculous imo. They are both in their 40s!!!! Edited February 7, 2016 by katiegrl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 The guy is 40, not 25. And StB is also in her 40s. If he's looking for a *sugar mama* .....it's not gonna be StB. He would look for a super rich woman in her 60s or 70s, with adult children or no children (more money for him when she dies). This whole notion of him being a *younger* man and StB being a *cougar* is ridiculous imo. They are both in their 40s!!!! YES, but he has a "new career", his money situation is tight, he is NOT your usual 40 yo, so what better way than to find a nice woman willing to take him on, who is comfortably off and who he can perhaps persuade to finance him if he needs it. FEW men in their forties look at 60 and 70 yos as dating material, but a woman in her late forties still looks good, could be very flattered by the attentions of a younger man, and may have the money he wants to tap into. Be careful is all I am saying. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I agree with elaine. I can see how IRL age might not be an issue if you meet someone cool but online people tend to have a reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 (edited) I agree with elaine. I can see how IRL age might not be an issue if you meet someone cool but online people tend to have a reason. Ditto. All of the younger men (more than 10 years or so) who pursued me were IRL. And neither of us knew what each other's ages were. I didn't date them, once I found out their age... A couple of them pursued hard too. And those men went on to marry women close to their own age. Most people do. Whenever a guy says 'I am tired of....' (Fill in the blank), what they are basically saying is 'i have lived my life thinking with the other head, now I am ready to settle for someone I find less attractive in exchange for....' it isn't really flattering. It's like those women who say 'tired of players'. What it really means is they have bad judgement. I'd avoid even a same or older age guy with a history of dating much younger. No one wants to feel settled for or someone they are just treading water with. IRL, you have other criteria to back up their claims. Online, people do a whooooole lot of fishing. FWIW, I don't see this age gap as being anywhere near 'cougar' territory. It's his 'line' that I find implausible. Edited February 7, 2016 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Well..... St.B's guy is *less* than 10 years younger, and when he contacted her, he most likely assumed they were the same or very close in age. As St.B looks very youthful, and no doubt her profile reflects how youthful in spirit she is as well. Hardly the target for a guy looking for a *sugar mama* lol that is hilarious! Again, not talking about a 25-30 year old contacting a woman in her 40s. They are BOTH in their 40s! Why are many of you so negative? Should she not even meet him, one date? I mean they haven't even met yet, and according to many of you negative nellies, the guy is a player, golddigger, commitment phobe, etc.....all because he is few years younger. That is absurd IMO. St B, again meet him....what do you have to lose? If he's an a-hole, don't go out with him again. But then again, he could be a great terrific guy!!! You will never know until you meet him! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 It's not negative, it's not being naive. From what I've seen, people online are much more likely to treat each other as objects which is why I avoid it. If someone says they are tired of something, it means they are recovering from something and probably looking for validation. I don't see what age has to do with it, people don't see themselves as a number. Especially men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 (edited) It's not negative, it's not being naive. From what I've seen, people online are much more likely to treat each other as objects which is why I avoid it. If someone says they are tired of something, it means they are recovering from something and probably looking for validation. I don't see what age has to do with it, people don't see themselves as a number. Especially men. Fair enough. Solution: Stay away from on line dating since you clearly don't trust men you meet that way... which is what you have chosen to do. However, it does work for many many people. Great, honest people date on line too I am sorry your experiences have been negative. And for the record, there are nasty people in the real world too, players, golddiggers, etc. Edited February 7, 2016 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 By the way, George Clooney is married. Yes, I know that and I'm happy for him and Amal. I wish my friend could find someone but he is extremely picky and very religious and aspects of being a middle aged unmarried man are generally looked upon as red flags *even* if someone looks like George Clooney and is financially well-off, which this guy is. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Absolutely go for it! 9 years age difference here and I'm with the love of my life I always dated older until I met him. Age has not been a factor at all! Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 My experiences haven't been negative, I have male friends, I talk to guys, dated much younger, little younger etc. If you read these forums, you hardly ever have men commenting on threads like this. There is a very good reason for that. Many many women would be much happier if they socialised with men more and understood them better as a result. Idealistic is nice but that doesn't make things so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 My experiences haven't been negative, I have male friends, I talk to guys, dated much younger, little younger etc. If you read these forums, you hardly ever have men commenting on threads like this. There is a very good reason for that. Many many women would be much happier if they socialised with men more and understood them better as a result. Idealistic is nice but that doesn't make things so. Agree, but IMO people should judge the individual, not the entire gender. If St.B finds this guy appealing, then she should meet him. Judge him as an *individual*, not based on how "other" men have acted or would act, or what other women have experienced, or even what she has experienced. We are all different, we are all unique. Be aware, be cautious, but for the love of all things beautiful, give it a chance. She has nothing to lose, it's one date. And she may, just may, be pleasantly surprised. Or maybe not, so what? It's one date!!! Nuff said from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I'm not judging men, I'm judging people who don't adjust to their audience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 (edited) I'm not judging men, I'm judging people who don't adjust to their audience. I don't follow. What does that mean *in this context*? And while you may not be judging the entire gender, you *are* judging *one person whom you don't know*, who is a bit younger, based on some stereotypical idea you have that dating younger means something bad and wrong -- that dating younger means dating a man who is up to no good, disingenuous, a player, golddigger, etc. Okay so he said he is tired of dating younger, so what? Maybe the young women he happenrd to date were extremely immature, used him, etc. Does not mean *all* younger women behave that way, he just chose the wrong ones ...with bad character. All that was. ..was a poor choice of words, that's all. Or maybe not! But I think it warrants finding out! That is all I am saying. Stop making judgments about people based on pre-conceived notions or heresay, or past negative experiences. Judge them as individuals. Have a positive attitude. Positive attitude = positive experiences. Stay positive .,.remain flexible. Rigid ideas and attitudes have no place in dating experiences or relationships. Edited February 7, 2016 by katiegrl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 He gave me his phone number. Should I contact him? Hell yeah. btw if he's 40 and you're 40s there's really not much potential for serious age difference. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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