Am I worthy of something better??

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't understand why people are having a tough time understanding her post. Look past the money and how he's getting it. The issue is w admiration and respect relating to the drive he has in his life to become something, to do something w his one shot at life. He was given his property and can live well off of it but that doesn't change her principle issue w her bf.

 

Imagine if you won the lottery mega millions tomorrow. Would you just sit back and coast your entire life and enjoy the money? If the answer to that question is yes. Good for you there is nothing wrong w you. But I can relate to Dee as I would not Rest simply because I landed into 300million dollars. The pressure to achieve and to do more Good in this world or something better w my life and potential would be greater in my eyes. To some people they'd be happy living the rest of their days off room service. I am not one of them and I don't think Dee is either. To have admiration and respect and then consistent Attraction in a relationship dee may need someone who is more driven w more purpose in life. It seems that her bf has a lot of Other qualities she enjoys and they get along but this IS a deal breaker for her as if it wasn't I don't think she would be posting the things she is Online. She's opening this can be resolved wo having to toss the whole thing away.

 

For Dee: in a book and I'm paraphrasing it said when younger and not as mature people tend to choose Mates who are least like themselves.....as they mature and come into their own people then chose mates most like themselves. Idk how true this may be but I can see how it could apply to people. If you think about the qualities you Admire Most about yourself the writing states that finding these qualities in another is a good starting point for finding a compatible person. Just something I read to think about.

 

Well, then maybe she should find someone else whose career path she approves of. It's not like this guy is a deadbeat who can't pay any bills. She shouldn't be trying to change him. Either take him as is or concede that you're incompatible (which is fine) and find someone who you don't have to change. But forcing him to change to fit your standard is a bad idea.

[cupcakebunny]

That's you though - YOU would want to be productive no matter how much income you had. There are a lot of people who wouldn't though.

 

 

If he's spending all his time playing videogames and making NO time for you and/or doing couple things then...ok I see the problem there, but you can't really dictate what he does in his free time. Which is most of his time. Would you feel better if he was painting? Or making birdhouses? Or reading? Is it the hobby you have issues with? Because I have a feeling it's the video games part. If he was reading all day. Or making something you wouldn't be here.

 

 

I think, at the core, you guys just have a compatibility problem as the PP stated. That's OK. It's good to recognize them early and see if you can move past them. This seems to be a sticking point for you - again that's A-OK - but you shouldn't be pouring all your energy into changing him. Maybe try redirecting that into accepting him for who he is and seeing if he's worth sticking around for. If after a time you just CAN'T then just call it a day.

[Dee12345]

Wow, you have a guy who could be at home with any children you have. You don't have to worry about childcare or who will take days off work to mind a sick child. And you don't even have to take a cut in income to manage this!

 

Try looking at the positives here. And for heaven's sake, stop nagging him about his lack of ambition. He is who he is.

 

yeah i thought about this as well, if we had kids it would be great! perhaps one day i will be the one asking him to stay home instead of working! hahaha although I would prefer to be me the one staying at home

[Dee12345]

That's you though - YOU would want to be productive no matter how much income you had. There are a lot of people who wouldn't though.

 

 

If he's spending all his time playing videogames and making NO time for you and/or doing couple things then...ok I see the problem there, but you can't really dictate what he does in his free time. Which is most of his time. Would you feel better if he was painting? Or making birdhouses? Or reading? Is it the hobby you have issues with? Because I have a feeling it's the video games part. If he was reading all day. Or making something you wouldn't be here.

 

 

I think, at the core, you guys just have a compatibility problem as the PP stated. That's OK. It's good to recognize them early and see if you can move past them. This seems to be a sticking point for you - again that's A-OK - but you shouldn't be pouring all your energy into changing him. Maybe try redirecting that into accepting him for who he is and seeing if he's worth sticking around for. If after a time you just CAN'T then just call it a day.

 

Never thought about the hobby part you mention... yeah maybe i find it a total waste of time cause i dont like video games myself... mind you he has been a champion in video games actually won staff in competitions and that takes many hours in front of the computer! ill definitely stop arguing about this its no good for any of us... and see how it goes...

[Brady375]

Dee I did not give my wife a timeline. After seeing other people's views I can see how our situations are similar in how we feel but are equally as diff. As my wife didn't drive me nuts w something I didn't respect like video games but w her behavior and lying to me about her weekend drinking. Also though I Can pay for everything and manage since I make enough to get by I shouldn't have to get by. As a couple we Should be financially dominating our situation wo kids. So she is dependent on me in a lot of ways and has been slacking as a partner. Ur issues don't seem to be as deep as these though they are still valid.

 

 

I can see how setting a timeline due to your age could seem harsh. And honestly before our seperation aka my breaking point I don't think I would ever propose that. Not that things have gotten to this point and things are sink or swim I don't think I would have an issue proposing that. But you aren't at that point yet so Clear expectations w balanced discussions is the way to go w no timeline. People on here are right in the regard he may Not be compatible if you can't wrap your head around it. But it is an issue and something that shouldn't be Ignored. If I could go back before things got as bad as they did I would set time aside to talk to the Mrs about all of this and not hav it happen immediately after an arguement or when something "happened" that brought it all up. I'd discuss it and set a time out of the blue. If maybe I did that things would of been communicated much better instead of in the heat of the moment only to go back to our routine and cycle after the dust settled.

 

I do get what your saying about the video games. People have good points to look at the positives but some things are deal breakers and are hard to ignored. You value certain qualities more than others.

[Brady375]

Also someone brought up a good point as in if he was spending his days Doing something Other than Video games would you have an issue with it. I don't think it's so much that you have an issue w how he gets money it's that you don't find Video Games Productive. If he was helping the homeless all day you'd prob be impressed and happy. And I'm not sure if these events he won playing games produces anything. But either way you don't seem to Respect or admire a person who plays video games that much. Keep in Mind even if he gets a Job you love and finishes his degree on his free time He Will be the same video game playing guy. At his age video games are not going anywhere that's who he is its what he enjoys. After even getting a job you would probably have to both make compromises in that area.

 

Overall I think you have an issue w his lack of drive. Good luck w everything

Edited February 9, 2016 by Brady375