Am I over-reacting?

[Maggie4]

I just wouldn't think of sex as having anything to do with cooking at home. But maybe it's just me. I'm still curious if it's what I thought it was.

 

Forget my previous question about lunch. Assuming you've been taking him out and paying for him, and now he wants home cooked instead of being treated to another dinner out, then yes, I'd wonder if he wants sex.

[MidwestUSA]

Even if woman has a pair of 42"s she still needs a man's guidance and a helping hand:

 

 

You know honey, babe, doll, whatever, if you kept that mixer where you could reach it, you would not have to bother me, get me off the sofa, miss part of the game/movie and make my beer get warm and go flat if you would keep the mixer where you could reach it?

 

 

I'm sorry, I forgot, did you tell me you wanted Swiss or cheddar on your sammich? Here's a beer from the garage, aren't you loving this winter?

 

I paused the DVR while you went to take a leak.

 

Sweet pea.

[Space Ritual]

I'm sorry, I forgot, did you tell me you wanted Swiss or cheddar on your sammich? Here's a beer from the garage, aren't you loving this winter?

 

I paused the DVR while you went to take a leak.

 

Sweet pea.

 

 

LOL!!!

 

 

[No_Go]

Well that's understandable. But you have to have an open mindset to allow yourself to like someone (i.e. not look at the imperfections first).

 

OLD is just fine - I think nearly every person now has an OLD profile, so whether you meet them online or offline, they will be just the same people.

 

Still, OLD gives you some more information than offline dating. E.g. some applications (Tinder etc) are oriented towards casual dating, if you don't want that, I'd avoid these. I think Match, eHarmony, even OKC are better choices for people looking for a relationship.

 

And regarding the cook-me-dinner guy: could it be that he just wanted to remind you to do something for him if he paid the last 2-3 dates for both of you? I'd probably just tell him: "sorry, I don't really cook (I really don't ), let me take you out to so and so restaurant (or whatever you prefer to do with him)

 

I hate dating but I really want to be in a relationship with someone I like and who treats me well. In my age group, I meet on average 1 single man per year (not counting men that attempt to have one night stands with me in bars). So I really see the OLD as my only way to get what I want.

 

But I'm tired of meeting liars and going on first dates, making the same conversation with the same disappointing outcome. I'm not sure why it's so hard for me. Everyone I know that struggled caught a lucky break eventually....

[road]

I'm sorry, I forgot, did you tell me you wanted Swiss or cheddar on your sammich? Here's a beer from the garage, aren't you loving this winter?

 

I paused the DVR while you went to take a leak.

 

Sweet pea.

 

 

This.

 

 

If more women knew how to treat their men right as Midwest does her own man, marriages would be so much for the better. He is a lucky man. Or future man if she is in between relationships right now. Though with her attitude she will not be on the market for long.

 

 

Any way here is a link for all the women on LS looking for Mr Right. Good luck hunting.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDCkuuRf4Yg

[road]

And regarding the cook-me-dinner guy: could it be that he just wanted to remind you to do something for him if he paid the last 2-3 dates for both of you? I'd probably just tell him: "sorry, I don't really cook (I really don't ), let me take you out to so and so restaurant (or whatever you prefer to do with him)

 

 

To expect a woman to pay me back because I took her on dates and I paid?

 

 

Are you for real?

 

 

Maybe due to me being the off spring of the greatest generation. Or was it growing up watching movies from the golden age on tv.

 

 

It is the mans job to support his woman. When a man is courting his willingness to pay for the dates is a man showing that he values his woman and will do his best to support her if she decides to marry him.

 

 

When he marries her he will be paying for the rest of his life. And doing it gladly.

 

 

To expect to get a home cooked meal is wrong.

To hope for one is ok.

 

 

A woman can do many things to show appreciation when courting without having to pay for any of the dates, or feel the need to put out before she is ready.

 

 

Dating is the job interview for marriage. A good man does not have to earn a lot of money. Though he should be able to keep a steady job. If a man can't afford to take you out on inexpensive dates, it is time to find a new man.

 

 

Problem with todays women is that they have been misled and betrayed by the feminists. Nothing with improving things but they only know how to throw out the baby with the bath water.

[No_Go]

What is so wrong about a woman reciprocating?

 

I have a doctoral degree. I make my own money. It is not about feminism but a fair share of resources.

 

I have a higher earning potential than most guys - does it mean if I marry I should trash it all (10 years of schooling, specialization etc) and let him support me?

 

 

 

To expect a woman to pay me back because I took her on dates and I paid?

 

 

Are you for real?

 

 

Maybe due to me being the off spring of the greatest generation. Or was it growing up watching movies from the golden age on tv.

 

 

It is the mans job to support his woman. When a man is courting his willingness to pay for the dates is a man showing that he values his woman and will do his best to support her if she decides to marry him.

 

 

When he marries her he will be paying for the rest of his life. And doing it gladly.

 

 

To expect to get a home cooked meal is wrong.

To hope for one is ok.

 

 

A woman can do many things to show appreciation when courting without having to pay for any of the dates, or feel the need to put out before she is ready.

 

 

Dating is the job interview for marriage. A good man does not have to earn a lot of money. Though he should be able to keep a steady job. If a man can't afford to take you out on inexpensive dates, it is time to find a new man.

 

 

Problem with todays women is that they have been misled and betrayed by the feminists. Nothing with improving things but they only know how to throw out the baby with the bath water.

[jen1447]

Am I over-reacting?

Definitely over-reacting IMO. :-/

[road]

What is so wrong about a woman reciprocating?

 

I have a doctoral degree. I make my own money. It is not about feminism but a fair share of resources.

 

I have a higher earning potential than most guys - does it mean if I marry I should trash it all (10 years of schooling, specialization etc) and let him support me?

 

 

Courting is not married.

 

 

When married is the time to merge finances.

 

 

That's when you combine your big pay with whatever size pay your husband will have.

 

 

Until direct deposit, I proudly say that I never signed my name on my pay checks all the years I am married. I just handed my wife the check.

 

 

We support each other.

[No_Go]

That makes sense, I reacted to the statements in the previous post:

1) dating is a test for marriage (I agree)

2) when married he will be paying for the rest of his life (I disagreed, I agree with what you said in this post though).

 

And still, if the woman (or man) never pays in the dating stage it sets a pattern that will be hardly reversed in marriage. It just doesn't set expectations for mutual support.

 

Courting is not married.

 

 

When married is the time to merge finances.

 

 

That's when you combine your big pay with whatever size pay your husband will have.

 

 

Until direct deposit, I proudly say that I never signed my name on my pay checks all the years I am married. I just handed my wife the check.

 

 

We support each other.

[road]

 

And still, if the woman (or man) never pays in the dating stage it sets a pattern that will be hardly reversed in marriage. It just doesn't set expectations for mutual support.

 

 

 

 

The expectations are there. Man and women are joined as one when marry. There is no more me, you, just us.

[Eternal Sunshine]

OK. I was trying to be optimistic.

 

 

Can I ask you a serious Q though? How could you tell he was insincere? I thought it was a text exchange? I have a very hard time "reading" people via text, e-mail & even here on LS, sometimes. How do you do it?

 

If you met him in person, you would read it as serious too. I am actually really into teasing and being sarcastic. This guy has never even joked.

 

As for cringing about me saying no to sex, keep in mind that at that point I have lost all interest and given up. Luckily, this guy IS an exception. With most guys, I never say that I want to wait for sex. Boundaries are established naturally (i.e. I decline going to his place after the date, I don't let making out go too far etc). Nothing has to be said.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Definitely over-reacting IMO. :-/

 

No offense Jen, but someone that is looking for a serious/monogamous relationship has different mindset and criteria than someone that is into poly/casual lifestyle.

[Eternal Sunshine]

That's a great way of thinking. Love is love at any age!

 

What's new with that other 'nice' prospect?

 

The other guy was away for a week visiting family. He flew back yesterday and suggested we have dinner that night. I already had plans with some friends from work so I suggested another night. He said that he is dissapointed that I can't make it on the night he suggested and said he will be in touch. I don't see it as my fault as he can't expect me to be free with less than 24 hours notice. I just let that one go too....but am open to seeing him again if he contacts me.

[CarrieT]

Him:"Next time you should cook us dinner at your place"

Him:"Show me what you can do in the kitchen" (:sick::sick:)

You could have replied, "Why do YOU cook us dinner and show me what YOU can do in the kitchen...."

[Gaeta]

The other guy was away for a week visiting family. He flew back yesterday and suggested we have dinner that night.

 

THAT is a man interested in you!! I don't know how far he was flying back from he would probably have been tired but he was willing to still take you out because that was his earliest free time.

 

Of course you prefer a bit of warning ahead of time but he took a chance that maybe you felt like doing something spontaneous!

 

You offered him an alternative, he will be in touch.

[jen1447]

No offense Jen, but someone that is looking for a serious/monogamous relationship has different mindset and criteria than someone that is into poly/casual lifestyle.

 

None taken but I don't think it has anything to do with lifestyles.

[Eternal Sunshine]

He apologised.

 

Texted me today and said: "look I am sorry if I offended you but I felt like things were moving forward between us and that would be a nice way to spend an evening together"

 

Me: "so you weren't joking?"

 

Him: "no it was a real suggestion"

Me: "I really don't like being told what to do."

Him: "I would be more than happy for you to come to my place. I will cook for you and no sex :)"

 

Sigh.

[Eternal Sunshine]

He now said: please let me take you out for dinner and theatre after to make it up to you.

[Gaeta]

How many shots in the dark is he gonna try before hitting the right button! Geez! So unimpressive.

[introverted1]

How many shots in the dark is he gonna try before hitting the right button! Geez! So unimpressive.

 

It is?

 

Wow, I must be really out of it.

 

He apologised.

He offered to cook for her at his house ("no sex")

He offered to take her out.

 

How is he supposed to move forward at this point? Or he is supposed to just walk away?

[road]

How many shots in the dark is he gonna try before hitting the right button! Geez! So unimpressive.

 

 

She's got him so PW now.

[Erdbeere]

He apologised.

 

Texted me today and said: "look I am sorry if I offended you but I felt like things were moving forward between us and that would be a nice way to spend an evening together"

 

Me: "so you weren't joking?"

 

Him: "no it was a real suggestion"

Me: "I really don't like being told what to do."

Him: "I would be more than happy for you to come to my place. I will cook for you and no sex :)"

 

Sigh.

 

I don't understand the sigh. He offered an alternative, involving him doing all the work, showing acceptance that you "don't like being told what to do". That was nice in my eyes, and I'm wondering why you aren't appreciate (regardless of whether you decide to continue getting to know him). Now he has suggested yet something else to do. I don't understand why you are complaining about him here, but doing nothing to affect the actual situation. Either make an effort with him, or end it.

 

Real life involves overcoming misunderstandings and conflict with a forgiving frame of mind, not holding past bitterness against people. It's only fair to allow people to grow and change, as you'd expect the same courtesy for yourself, I think.

[d0nnivain]

Eternal Sunshine.

 

 

I really think he's trying. Yes he got it wrong but he's genuinely trying. Give him another chance.

 

 

Although at this point I do think that you are far too annoyed by him to even consider his contrition. You may have lost your ability to see past your own anger / frustration / annoyance / whatever negative emotion is going on with you. Your comment that you don't like to be told what to do, while completely understandable & valid, seemed too blunt & too harsh to me.

 

 

Have you considered that those aspects of your personality where you are very direct & forthright come across to the men you are meeting as "permission" to be more direct with you & just throw the request for early sex out there?

[MidwestUSA]

Real life involves overcoming misunderstandings and conflict with a forgiving frame of mind, not holding past bitterness against people. It's only fair to allow people to grow and change, as you'd expect the same courtesy for yourself, I think.

 

attidude