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Am I over-reacting?

Eternal Sunshine

By Eternal Sunshine
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MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted
I was just on the third date with a guy from my previous thread. Well I spoke too soon on the no sex thing.

 

Today we had lunch and we had a nice time. I enjoyed the conversation and was attracted to him.

 

Then it all went wrong. Here is the text exchange.

 

Him: "Thank you for lunch :)"

Me: "Hope to see you again soon"

Him:"Do you want to? ;)"

Me: "Do you want to? ;)"

Him:"I do"

Him:"Don't answer a question with the question"

Him:"Next time you should cook us dinner at your place"

Him:"Show me what you can do in the kitchen" (:sick::sick::sick::sick::sick:)

Me: "I would actually prefer to go out"

Him: "Of course."

Him:"Do you cook?"

Me:"Usually I work late so no. I can cook when I want to"

Him:"Oh fair enough"

Me:"I also prefer to go slow when it comes to sleeping together...just so you know. :)"

Him:"I did not ask you to have sex. Have I even tried? No"

Me:"Suggesting hanging out at home usually implies sex. I like to be direct."

Him:"Well I guess you have been hanging out with wrong guys then. I am different."

Me:"lol. So you are cool with waiting a bit?"

Him: "Absolutely. I am not a kid anymore, I am not desparate for sex."

 

I didn't reply.

 

I absolutely hate it when guys invie themselves to my place. I hate it even more when they invite themselves over and then suggest that I cook them dinner.

 

If you want to try for sex, fair enough. But at least invite me to your place.I also know that I am not the right fit for guys who are into women that cook and clean. My idea of hell is having a relationship with a guy that expects this of me.

 

I really feel like I should move on :(

 

You know yourself best and what you like and don't.

 

Presumptuous men inviting themselves to my place and saying I should cook are a turn off for me. If you feel he probably has values and expectations that don't match yours, move on. Nothing to lose with that.

 

Since he claims he isn't desperate for sex or wasn't implying sex (I don't really believe, it seems he's back tracking because you caught on) you could also go out again and see if you still like him and want to continue or not.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)

>>Him:"Next time you should cook us dinner at your place"

>>Him:"Show me what you can do in the kitchen"

 

ES.... is there a chance he could have been joking/bantering with you when he made those remarks?

 

I have had guys tease me like that...they weren't serious. I just played with them back a bit.... it was fun!

 

Like in response to "next time you should cook us dinner at your place," I might have chimed back...."You might live (or not live...hehe) to regret that! Cause I suck at cooking and therefore don't cook. lol"

 

Or "show me what you can do in the kitchen," I might have responded back with "Ha ha....at least you didn't ask me what I can do in the BEDROOM cause that would have been a dealbreaker....lol."

 

If it DID turn out he was serious...then of course next him, but then again he could have just been playing with you a bit....and YOU took him seriously and are now offended.

 

I dunno, maybe I am playing a little bit of devil's advocate here.... but it was my first thought when I read it.

 

You did have a nice lunch and two great dates prior after all.

Edited by katiegrl
  • Like 2
RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
Posted (edited)
During lunch he also took out his phone and uninstalled Tinder saying "Now that I have met you, I won't need this anymore"

 

His insincerity is :sick:

 

These are things you can learn over email or over the phone before you ever agree to meet. One way I avoided burn out is to screen hard before meeting them. At least if things didn't turn out to be a go long term, they were always decent, respectful men.

 

Me and my current BF, who I met on Match, are hitting the one year mark next week...

 

Edited: as far as giving him more chances... I think you have given him way more chances than he deserved already. I understand why you gave him a few more dates... He is close to your age, no kids. You wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and a fair shot. Nothing wrong with that. It really sucks that he had to pull those moves. Ridiculous.

Edited by RedRobin
No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

All your posts that I've read suggest exactly that - in the very moment, you do not seem to be enthusiastic about dating, you're doing it as a chore. Take a break and return refreshed and open to meet a man you would like.

 

I'm tired Gaeta. I think I need a break from dating :(
  • Like 1
road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted
I hate when guys invite themselves over. They want to see me in an intimate setting, they can cook dinner!

 

I think it's natural that you would lose interest in him after such a gauche move on his part.

 

 

Darwin proved that women are better suited to the kitchen. Evolution has given women smaller feet making them able to stand closer to the sink, stove, and when getting close really counts, able to get super close to the ice box so they can reach that last beer bottle all the way in a back corner.

  • Like 2
MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
Posted
Darwin proved that women are better suited to the kitchen. Evolution has given women smaller feet making them able to stand closer to the sink, stove, and when getting close really counts, able to get super close to the ice box so they can reach that last beer bottle all the way in a back corner.

 

And men wonder why women prefer tall men. I have 42" cabinets. Someone has to be able to reach up there and hand me my mixer, bowls and measuring cups.

 

If he wants that last beer, that is.

  • Like 6
Maggie4 Established Member

Maggie4

Posted
Posted

I don't like this guy. He sounds rude.

I'm wondering if asking the woman to cook is a guy's way of saying it's your turn to pay for the meal? But he thanked you for lunch. Did you pay for his lunch?

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted

This reminds me :laugh: once a guy online asked if I could cook as his opening message. As he was on the larger side my response was 'I think you've had enough pies already' :lmao:

 

Didn't go down well :)

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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Posted
All your posts that I've read suggest exactly that - in the very moment, you do not seem to be enthusiastic about dating, you're doing it as a chore. Take a break and return refreshed and open to meet a man you would like.

 

I hate dating but I really want to be in a relationship with someone I like and who treats me well. In my age group, I meet on average 1 single man per year (not counting men that attempt to have one night stands with me in bars). So I really see the OLD as my only way to get what I want.

 

But I'm tired of meeting liars and going on first dates, making the same conversation with the same disappointing outcome. I'm not sure why it's so hard for me. Everyone I know that struggled caught a lucky break eventually....

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
I hate dating but I really want to be in a relationship with someone I like and who treats me well. .

 

 

Everyone I know that struggled caught a lucky break eventually....

 

 

Your lucky break is coming. Frogs before Princes & all that.

 

 

I skipped from page 1 to here.

 

 

Yes, this guy was presumptuous but when you were blunt he backed off the sex thing. The Q with a Q thing was curt but if there are qualities that you do like, perhaps chalk this up to a bump in the road. Have another date with him, if that is still an option & go from there. As distasteful as this may have been was it really worth never speaking to him again? Doesn't everyone get 1 mistake?

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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Posted
Your lucky break is coming. Frogs before Princes & all that.

 

 

I skipped from page 1 to here.

 

 

Yes, this guy was presumptuous but when you were blunt he backed off the sex thing. The Q with a Q thing was curt but if there are qualities that you do like, perhaps chalk this up to a bump in the road. Have another date with him, if that is still an option & go from there. As distasteful as this may have been was it really worth never speaking to him again? Doesn't everyone get 1 mistake?

 

He was insincere when he backed off the sex thing. He never contacted me again and I have to say I lost all interest.

 

Even if this is a misunderstanding, if nothing else it shows that we are not on the same wavelength.

  • Like 2
road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted
I hate dating but I really want to be in a relationship with someone I like and who treats me well. In my age group, I meet on average 1 single man per year (not counting men that attempt to have one night stands with me in bars). So I really see the OLD as my only way to get what I want.

 

But I'm tired of meeting liars and going on first dates, making the same conversation with the same disappointing outcome. I'm not sure why it's so hard for me. Everyone I know that struggled caught a lucky break eventually....

 

 

To those women wait because they put their careers first. As time goes by all the good men get taken.

 

 

Now being you are only dating jerks, losers, a jerk and a loser combined it says that you do not know how to select men.

 

 

So being your clock is ticking (where's my ear plugs) instead of letting the men pick you, you pick them. You become the hunter instead of the hunted.

 

 

Also you should consider different kinds of men then you have in the past.

road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted
Please don't stereotype like this. Believe it or not there are some men who look for more in a relationship than just sex.

 

That said, the dude who is chasing the OP is a total dud. That's an easy "next."

 

 

Originally Posted by road viewpost.gif

Rude to answer a question with a question. Second, the only reason men date is to have sex. Men do not want a women for friends. They want a girlfriend that they hope will turn into a wife.

 

 

Men love it at the beginning if a woman offers to cook them a home cooked meal.

 

 

However I would never ask for a woman to cook me a home cooked meal. I would of invited her over to my place to cook a meal for her.

 

 

Two TV diners, Hungry Man for me, regular or kids for her.

 

 

We don't want her getting fat and no longer fitting into a size 2. :lmao:

 

 

 

 

Another drive by quote. Taking things out of context. Men want the whole loaf. I mean why have a marriage and not want sex.

 

When a man see's a woman he does not see and say boy is she smart.

  • Like 1
road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted
And men wonder why women prefer tall men. I have 42" cabinets. Someone has to be able to reach up there and hand me my mixer, bowls and measuring cups.

 

If he wants that last beer, that is.

 

 

 

 

Even if woman has a pair of 42"s she still needs a man's guidance and a helping hand:

 

 

You know honey, babe, doll, whatever, if you kept that mixer where you could reach it, you would not have to bother me, get me off the sofa, miss part of the game/movie and make my beer get warm and go flat if you would keep the mixer where you could reach it? :lmao:

  • Like 1
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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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Posted
To those women wait because they put their careers first. As time goes by all the good men get taken.

 

 

Now being you are only dating jerks, losers, a jerk and a loser combined it says that you do not know how to select men.

 

 

So being your clock is ticking (where's my ear plugs) instead of letting the men pick you, you pick them. You become the hunter instead of the hunted.

 

 

Also you should consider different kinds of men then you have in the past.

 

I don't want kids so I have no clock. I can meet and marry the love of my life at 50 :)

  • Like 3
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
I don't want kids so I have no clock. I can meet and marry the love of my life at 50 :)

 

That's a great way of thinking. Love is love at any age!

 

What's new with that other 'nice' prospect?

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
He was insincere when he backed off the sex thing. He never contacted me again and I have to say I lost all interest.

 

Even if this is a misunderstanding, if nothing else it shows that we are not on the same wavelength.

 

 

OK. I was trying to be optimistic.

 

 

Can I ask you a serious Q though? How could you tell he was insincere? I thought it was a text exchange? I have a very hard time "reading" people via text, e-mail & even here on LS, sometimes. How do you do it?

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
To those women wait because they put their careers first. As time goes by all the good men get taken.

 

 

So not true. I put my career 1st & didn't even meet DH until I was 39. He's absolutely one of the good ones I really got lucky because he was never married no kids just like me.

 

 

Don't settle even if your search takes a long time. You have to believe the right one is out there.

  • Like 5
lino Established Member

lino

Posted
Posted

That is a cringe worthy text exchange to put it nicely.

 

Where the hell does one find blokes like this?!?

 

The world is oozing with quality men yet rubbish like this gets the attention :rolleyes:

road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted
I don't want kids so I have no clock. I can meet and marry the love of my life at 50 :)

 

 

If the avatar is a photo of you I can not see why you have not yet trapped your man. Good luck on your hunt.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
That is a cringe worthy text exchange to put it nicely.

 

 

On the receiving end of a text saying why don't you cook me dinner, I certainly wouldn't be thrilled & also would have assumed the guy was pushing for early sex but I cringed harder at Eternal Sunshine's blunt response. (Sorry, hon)

 

 

I would have been more coy about expressing my displeasure: "Dinner together sounds great but let's go out. I don't think we're yet at the point for something as intimate as home cooking."

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
Posted

Not sure why all these women want to give this kind of behavior another shot.

 

This boys will be boys attitude, where he gets to keep pushing boundaries is BS.

 

People... Keep in mind that these individuals are not teenagers and ES is looking for something serious.

 

I was one of the people who suggested she not date guys with a recent history of hookups. And not to go on even one date with him... This is one reason why. He has some very bad habits, and it gets exhausting and discouraging to spend time around men with no manners. He proved true to form... They almost always do...

 

If I have said it once I have said it a million times... Men who are relationship oriented and are looking for something serious don't have a habit of hookups AND don't act like this guy. You dismiss them at the first hint of suggesting casual, less than serious, or pushing boundaries.

 

And... ES... If you want that kind of guy, then you need to act like someone looking for something serious too. Most people are pretty intuitive. I could always tell if a guy I was getting to know was effing someone else or trying to. No matter how polite he was to ME it would put me off him, because it then became obvious he wasn't about building intimacy with me... He was treading water until I 'gave in'. Not attractive.

 

I assume that men would be able to detect that about me too. Be the person you want to find. There ARE good men out there.

  • Like 3
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

I would have been more coy about expressing my displeasure: "Dinner together sounds great but let's go out. I don't think we're yet at the point for something as intimate as home cooking."

 

I remember a couple of time this happened to me I chose to play cool and offer to go out instead or simply politely declined and said 'sure one day I'll invite you' - it always back fired. Yes he did change plan and we did something else but they still did something very crass and tried to convince me to take him home.

  • Like 1
Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted
Darwin proved that women are better suited to the kitchen. Evolution has given women smaller feet making them able to stand closer to the sink, stove, and when getting close really counts, able to get super close to the ice box so they can reach that last beer bottle all the way in a back corner.

 

 

That's an interpretation of Darwin that requires no reading of The Evolution of Species.

  • Like 2
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Gaeta

 

 

Thanks for the explanation about why my way would not have been effective. When I read posts like your & thread like this I feel blessed that I honestly never encountered jerks like this when I was an adult. Sure a few college boys pressed for ONS but back then I was occasionally into that so it wasn't offensive, at least to me.

  • Like 1
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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