Am I over-reacting?

February 5, 2016

I have dropped every man that have invited themselves over to my place. It's totally inappropriate. I called them on it. It's inappropriate for a man to invite himself to a woman's house. You wait for her to invite you, it's basic courtesy. You're not the type of man i am looking for, good bye.

I have never regretted dumping them.

Makes me laugh when he says he has experience. He's 32 for goodness sake. He has no idea what being a gentleman is about.

Sunshine: turn to your other prospect.

I'm tired Gaeta. I think I need a break from dating

February 5, 2016

He is very serious, stiff and formal.

Sounds like a catch.

February 5, 2016

I don't necessarily see a problem with the "don't answer the question with a question" if it's playful (I personally would've worded it less like an accusation), but the sentiment of "why don't I come over and have you cook me dinner" would be a big no no for me. It's not even about gender roles, especially the first time you go to somebody's house you do so when they invite you, not the other way around. And telling somebody to cook for you in itself is incredibly rude as well.

February 5, 2016

While I don't necessarily disagree with any conclusions offered in this thread, I've personally always been flattered when a woman invites herself over to my place for me to cook her dinner. Of course, I happen to like cooking and I enjoy putting my skills to the test.

February 5, 2016

Honestly, it sounds to me more than anything that this guy was attempting to apply PUA 101

This is Instance #1747337923 on how it is a bad idea to be too edgy or whatever over text. I get that a lot of people on here are taking this guy's stupid remarks as an indictment on his entire character. I don't go that far, as we all say dumb things from time to time. There is quite a chance that this was just his attempt at banter. HOWEVER, I can also see why a woman would rather be safe and decide to not see the guy again after a comment like that.

Factors as far as whether you should see him again include how much you liked him before that remark and whether he makes a decent attempt to course-correct--e.g., realize he gaffed and come up w a better idea ect.

Edited February 5, 2016 by Imajerk17

February 5, 2016

I'm tired Gaeta. I think I need a break from dating

Hon, you are tired because you devote too much time to the wrong men. This guy here did not deserve a 4th date. You should have past when you learned he was working in a restaurant and was not available on your time frame. Second you should have dropped him after your 2nd date when he acted nonchalant.

February 5, 2016

Wait what Gaeta, she should've nexted him just because he works in a restaurant and is therefor busy and/or not available all the time when most are?

February 5, 2016

~ third date with a guy
~ Do you want to?
~ you should cook us dinner at your place
~ I did not ask you to have sex. Have I even tried? No

Ok, since this guy has no interest, he feels like he is putting too much effort already in dating and wants to see results.

I´m not sure why you are even going out with this guy.

February 5, 2016

Wait what Gaeta, she should've nexted him just because he works in a restaurant and is therefor busy and/or not available all the time when most are?

If you are looking for a relationship then you need someone that is available for a relationship. If you are both on different schedule and that keeps you from having a healthy amount of time together then you pass and you keep looking for someone that can fit in your life.

She doesn't know him, he's a stranger. He's a profile online. Why get in touch with a man you will never get to see on your free time! It's different then if you start dating someone, you have built a connection and suddenly your schedule change, not the same. But when you know right at the start you are on different shifts and it means practically no evenings together, no weekends together, no sleep over, then why get into this type of relationship. Find yourself a man that fits in your life and let that man find a woman that will fit in his life.

February 5, 2016

I'm a cook (and a student myself), while my ex-girlfriend worked night shifts at a hotel. Our schedules were pretty much the exact opposite.

We still managed to do a MINIMUM of 1 date (dinner, coffee, drinks, breakfast, museum, etc, lasting 2-3 hours) and 1 sleepover including the evening together a week, pretty much every week. I think in the 5 months we dated, it happened exactly once we couldn't see each other at all for a week.

That said, we barely had any full days or weekends together (at least outside of my holidays), but if you really want to spend time with somebody, you will find the time to do so. Conlicting work schedules is just a convenient excuse for not trying hard enough.

That's not to say this guy isn't a douche, but nexting somebody you actually like just because scheduling requires some effort is just taking the easy way out.

February 5, 2016

I was just on the third date with a guy from my previous thread. Well I spoke too soon on the no sex thing.

Today we had lunch and we had a nice time. I enjoyed the conversation and was attracted to him.

Then it all went wrong. Here is the text exchange.

Him: "Thank you for lunch :)"
Me: "Hope to see you again soon"
Him:"Do you want to? ;)"
Me: "Do you want to? ;)"
Him:"I do"
Him:"Don't answer a question with the question"
Him:"Next time you should cook us dinner at your place"
Him:"Show me what you can do in the kitchen" (:sick::sick:)
Me: "I would actually prefer to go out"
Him: "Of course."
Him:"Do you cook?"
Me:"Usually I work late so no. I can cook when I want to"
Him:"Oh fair enough"
Me:"I also prefer to go slow when it comes to sleeping together...just so you know. :)"
Him:"I did not ask you to have sex. Have I even tried? No"
Me:"Suggesting hanging out at home usually implies sex. I like to be direct."
Him:"Well I guess you have been hanging out with wrong guys then. I am different."
Me:"lol. So you are cool with waiting a bit?"
Him: "Absolutely. I am not a kid anymore, I am not desparate for sex."

I didn't reply.

I absolutely hate it when guys invie themselves to my place. I hate it even more when they invite themselves over and then suggest that I cook them dinner.

If you want to try for sex, fair enough. But at least invite me to your place.I also know that I am not the right fit for guys who are into women that cook and clean. My idea of hell is having a relationship with a guy that expects this of me.

I really feel like I should move on

I seriously wonder what the hell is wrong with guys out there. Inviting yourself over and requesting you cook for him? Telling you not to answer a question with a question. I mean, who is this dude? It would never even cross my mind to request you invite me over and make me dinner. That seems so foreign to me.

The whole "have I even tried? No..." line, sounds like such a teenager thing to say. What happened with speaking with a modicum of respect?

You started out very nice and typical, and I could see you slowly getting more annoyed through the conversation, rightly so.

Sorry, I am just trying to understand how a guy gets by dating, acting like this.

February 5, 2016

That's not to say this guy isn't a douche, but nexting somebody you actually like just because scheduling requires some effort is just taking the easy way out.

Or it means you know exactly what you want. At my age I want a relationship with a man that will spend his weekends with me. I want someone I can travel with and have mid-week overnights together.

I got a date with a cook once. He lived 40 miles away and worked all weekends and prime-time week nights. I work office hours. Dating him meant I would spend my weekends (days and nights) alone, all year long. That's not for me. I have no feelings for this man, he's a stranger. Why would I get into this.

It's not about taking the easy way out. It's about not getting into something that will not make you happy.

February 5, 2016

Or it means you know exactly what you want. At my age I want a relationship with a man that will spend his weekends with me. I want someone I can travel with and have mid-week overnights together.

I got a date with a cook once. He lived 40 miles away and worked all weekends and prime-time week nights. I work office hours. Dating him meant I would spend my weekends (days and nights) alone, all year long. That's not for me. I have no feelings for this man, he's a stranger. Why would I get into this.

It's not about taking the easy way out. It's about not getting into something that will not make you happy.

Exactly. It's simpler to just click on another profile. Why would you even build a connection with someone that you know is unavailable? This is also why I pick men with no children and other strict criteria. OLD is a soulless way to date, at least in the beginning.

February 5, 2016

Or it means you know exactly what you want. At my age I want a relationship with a man that will spend his weekends with me. I want someone I can travel with and have mid-week overnights together.

I got a date with a cook once. He lived 40 miles away and worked all weekends and prime-time week nights. I work office hours. Dating him meant I would spend my weekends (days and nights) alone, all year long. That's not for me. I have no feelings for this man, he's a stranger. Why would I get into this.

It's not about taking the easy way out. It's about not getting into something that will not make you happy.

That's fair enough and completely fine if that is what you want (or don't want). That doesn't mean it's a universal rule to next somebody over, so it would be wise to avoid making it sound like that is the case if you don't know what the person getting the advie wants. A lot of people are fine with not being able to spend (all or even most) weekends together.

Edited February 5, 2016 by Mikau
Clarification

February 5, 2016

I'd next him simply because he was texting me for another date. Pick up the phone and call me with a specific plan. Asking for a date deserves a more "personal" approach. Save the texting for little sweet exchanges between dates, not entire conversations that lack intonation and texture. So many misunderstandings, misinterpretations and mind-f"ing happens with texting. People are using it entire too much now. Nothing is "personalized" anymore.

February 5, 2016

Him:"Well I guess you have been hanging out with wrong guys then. I am different."

This is the one that caught my attention.

That reminds me to listen to 2Chainz on my way home....

February 5, 2016

I have always been invited to dinner or I have invited.

But who asks after just meeting someone `cook me dinner at your place?`

February 5, 2016

That's fair enough and completely fine if that is what you want (or don't want). That doesn't mean it's a universal rule to next somebody over, so it would be wise to avoid making it sound like that is the case if you don't know what the person getting the advie wants. A lot of people are fine with not being able to spend (all or even most) weekends together.

OP is looking for a serious relationship. She is tired of dead-end dating. She is also not 20 and looking for something stable with consistency. She also verbalized in this thread that she was aggravated that this man would not reply to her text or take hours to reply. She was also annoyed of no communication between dates and dates are scarce.

I am familiar with restaurant business. I am also familiar with OP's threads and her dating history.

My advice was not a generalization. My advice was personalized to her specific story.

February 5, 2016

OP is looking for a serious relationship. She is tired of dead-end dating. She is also not 20 and looking for something stable with consistency. She also verbalized in this thread that she was aggravated that this man would not reply to her text or take hours to reply. She was also annoyed of no communication between dates and dates are scarce.

I am familiar with restaurant business. I am also familiar with OP's threads and her dating history.

My advice was not a generalization. My advice was personalized to her specific story.

OK fair enough, I didn't know how much history you two have had.

I still don't agree that having a difficult schedule stops you from getting into something stable and consistent (but we can agree to disagree there). The rest you mention sounds more like a problem with him being either a poor communicator (for her) or simply uninterested, and not a consequence of his job. Now that sounds like something I would personally probably next somebody over, but that's a consequence of his actions rather than his job.

February 5, 2016

I was just on the third date with a guy from my previous thread. Well I spoke too soon on the no sex thing.

Today we had lunch and we had a nice time. I enjoyed the conversation and was attracted to him.

Then it all went wrong. Here is the text exchange.

Him: "Thank you for lunch :)"
Me: "Hope to see you again soon"
Him:"Do you want to? ;)"
Me: "Do you want to? ;)"
Him:"I do"
Him:"Don't answer a question with the question"
Him:"Next time you should cook us dinner at your place"
Him:"Show me what you can do in the kitchen" (:sick::sick:)
Me: "I would actually prefer to go out"
Him: "Of course."
Him:"Do you cook?"
Me:"Usually I work late so no. I can cook when I want to"
Him:"Oh fair enough"
Me:"I also prefer to go slow when it comes to sleeping together...just so you know. :)"
Him:"I did not ask you to have sex. Have I even tried? No"
Me:"Suggesting hanging out at home usually implies sex. I like to be direct."
Him:"Well I guess you have been hanging out with wrong guys then. I am different."
Me:"lol. So you are cool with waiting a bit?"
Him: "Absolutely. I am not a kid anymore, I am not desparate for sex."

I didn't reply.

I absolutely hate it when guys invie themselves to my place. I hate it even more when they invite themselves over and then suggest that I cook them dinner.

If you want to try for sex, fair enough. But at least invite me to your place.I also know that I am not the right fit for guys who are into women that cook and clean. My idea of hell is having a relationship with a guy that expects this of me.

I really feel like I should move on

That escalated quickly. I think you should've played cheeky, and said, I don't cook for guys that fast. Or made light of a serious topic that would give him a hint. Like, yeah, netflixing, so soon, I don't think so. It's only the third date.

February 5, 2016

I get a bad vibe too: sleazy, immature and a little dumb. You can do infinitely better.

February 5, 2016

IMO, not over-reacting but I was a bit surprised to read the offending party was restaurant guy as I thought that had ended awhile back. Next!

February 5, 2016

This exchange is dripping with red flags but what's most striking is his extreme insincerity. It's bad when someone is so dishonest that their lies reek even in text form.

Him: "Thank you for lunch "

Me: "Hope to see you again soon"

Him:"Do you want to? " Manipulative & insecure. He's won't express even the slightest interest unless he's convinced you're really into him first. It's all about his ego.

Me: "Do you want to? "

Him:"I do" Now you've given him what he wants so he'll throw you a crumb with this tepid response.

Him:"Don't answer a question with the question" Controlling and hypocritical since he asked you the same question first.

Him:"Next time you should cook us dinner at your place" Is he looking for a mom?

Him:"Show me what you can do in the kitchen" () This is just grossly archaic.

Me: "I would actually prefer to go out"

Him: "Of course." Insincere.

Him:"Do you cook?" Unbelievable.

Me:"Usually I work late so no. I can cook when I want to"

Him:"Oh fair enough" Lies.

Me:"I also prefer to go slow when it comes to sleeping together...just so you know. "

Him:"I did not ask you to have sex. Have I even tried? No" More lies.

Me:"Suggesting hanging out at home usually implies sex. I like to be direct."

Him:"Well I guess you have been hanging out with wrong guys then. I am different." Bahahaha. Says every sleazy guy ever.

Me:"lol. So you are cool with waiting a bit?"

Him: "Absolutely. I am not a kid anymore, I am not desparate for sex." This guy is full of ****.

Edited February 5, 2016 by tuxedo cat

February 5, 2016

Rude to answer a question with a question. Second, the only reason men date is to have sex. Men do not want a women for friends. They want a girlfriend that they hope will turn into a wife.

Men love it at the beginning if a woman offers to cook them a home cooked meal.

However I would never ask for a woman to cook me a home cooked meal. I would of invited her over to my place to cook a meal for her.

Two TV diners, Hungry Man for me, regular or kids for her.

We don't want her getting fat and no longer fitting into a size 2.

Please don't stereotype like this. Believe it or not there are some men who look for more in a relationship than just sex.

That said, the dude who is chasing the OP is a total dud. That's an easy "next."

February 5, 2016

During lunch he also took out his phone and uninstalled Tinder saying "Now that I have met you, I won't need this anymore"

His insincerity is

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