[Affair recently ended] with much younger man

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

A divorce might be a blessing in disguise for you. . .

 

I live in a home I am VERY proud of. . . my wife even more proud than I. But I would never care about outside appearances of my home over my relationship with my wife!

 

Right now our garage, by my standard is a mess - it is overdue for spring cleaning. My wife and I agree that we will get to it when we get to it. Many other priorities in life before them.

 

My vacations revolve around her (if it's a couples vacation) - otherwise around family (if our 5 kids come with us) - even then I'd take a night to have a dinner just me and her during the family vacation.

 

If a woman does not feel like the center of her husbands life, what does she feel at all? If a man does not feel supported and loved by his wife, then where does he stand - on his own?

 

I don't know. . . the affair sounds like just a symptom to me. . .

[M1ke12]

Ok lol you liked the wrong comment of mine.

 

Soooo how about this.

 

No affairs. No nothing. Just wait a couple months and let things chill. See if you feel the same way.

 

I didn't. I am forever glad I didn't leave my wife.

[Mrs. John Adams]

When you have many years behind you...you might can make this kind of a statement.

 

When you are weeks...or months out from this kind of trauma....you might think you are so glad that you stayed together....but even now i wonder if my husband would have healed faster if he had just left me.

 

Let me share something with you...just last night...32 years after my affair...my husband was remembering some of the things i said to him. They still cut like a knife...not only for him but for me...to hear the things i said...to know i was that evil person...to hurt him in so many ways....

 

infidelity lives....forever

it raises its ugly head...forever

it hurts...forever

 

 

is it worth staying together? for us...absolutely

for others....not a shot in hell

 

Do not for one moment think that infidelity hides...you may keep it a secret...but it still lives

[scorpio16]

2 things that are in my head all day:

 

I felt more alive with this person in my life than I had in many years

I was very attentive and patient with my husband during

 

And the other is that everyone tells me to fess up

Where does that leave my young lover ? That's a betrayal and could lead to my husband and or 24 year old son to do something very bad

 

I'm leaving it in my heart

[S2B]

If he divorced me over this then so be it

I have often tried to imagine if he had done this to me. I'd wonder why? I'd forgive though. If he wanted to work it out

 

But this is how YOU feel. And you can't predict how HE might feel if he finds out.

 

And you've written a ton about how boring your marriage is.

 

 

Why don't you get counseling to sort through those feelings about the marriage,your husband and the other guy? You need professional help with info that's being rewritten about the marriage and what's reality.

 

 

I don't care how bad a marriage is - you can divorce instead of cheating. Cheating and lying never improves any marriage. When any person thinks they can justify cheating by saying the M was bad = I just don't believe it. You cheated because you can. Something inside you is broken and you need to do the work to restore your integrity. I hope you will.

[OneLov]

OP

 

I think everyone's trying to get you to see there's two distinct and unrelated issues -- 1.) infidelity and 2.) the the satisfaction you derive from your marriage.

There's nothing wrong with communicating dissatisfaction but there is plenty wrong with harboring a secret like this.

 

I understand there can and will be a lot of real consequences in revealing the truth to your husband. But unless anyone's personal safety is legitimately at risk, I implore you to find the courage to be honest about your actions and feelings. First, you need to be honest about your actions. And if you find there is something worth salvaging -- be honest about your feelings. Honesty is empowering because no person, including yourself, has anything on you. You will float. Do the right thing.

 

Best of Luck

OL

[Mr Blunt]

Scorpio

I posted a scripture from the Bible because you have given me reason to think that you believe in the biblical commandment of adultery being a sin. Since you first posted about the spiritual component in your thread, I thought that scripture may help you. Listed below are a few of your actual words concerning the spiritual component:

 

By Scorpio

My lover ended it last week out of "guilt" "morals" fear of "god". I completely understand and feel relieved as I have been tormented by the guilt and confusion

I broke my vow and a commandment

Regrets? My conscience does but my heart does not.

I do fear being punished by God

Have to pray

You have been honest and have admitted your betrayal sin and you are greatly affected emotionally. You are affected because you realize that you have put yourself into a situation that could greatly affect your children’s relationship to you. In addition, you want to make your marriage with your husband get a lot better. Also, rather you know it or not, you have damaged your integrity and character.

 

 

There are a lot of posts on this thread that are trying to help you. Yes some of us have been hard on you but that is because we are trying to shock you enough so that you take actions to get better. There are many components to your recovery and they include, but not limited to, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. My last post was addressing a spiritual component that can help.

 

You desperately want to keep the truth away from your children and husband and you hope to find a way to make this tragedy get a lot better. My encouragement in this post is for you to take a deep and very hard look into the guilt and self-worthlessness that you are struggling with. You have defended yourself against some posts that have pointed out your great failures and you stated that you are not trash. You are NOT trash but you will struggle with believing that 100%. You worry about God punishing you but what God wants most is to clean you and reconcile you back to a closer relationship with Him. Think of it this way; when your child has a great failure do you desire to punish him/her or do you want for them to repent from their destructive way and be reconciled back to you so that they can restore their closeness to you?

 

That is why I posted that scripture that is reprinted below.

Your sin of adultery is evil but God says that

 

 

 

Scorpio, your posts indicate that you are more interested in maintaining your exciting feelings for the OM than admitting that your feelings and thoughts about the other man are a sin against God. I know that sin can be exciting and spike the emotions to the ceiling but what do you think is more important; the emotional spikes or repenting and getting cleansed? Which will do more for your self-worth?

 

 

There are a lot of areas that you can take action on to improve yourself such as emotional, physical, and mental but I am only addressing the spiritual right now. I am not the only one that has addressed this issue. There are other posts on this thread that do a really good job of addressing the other areas so I hope that you take those actions that will help you

 

 

Scorpio, humble yourself before God so that you can start to get better.

 

 

 

Psalm 51:17

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise

.

[66Charger]

Where does that leave my young lover ? That's a betrayal and could lead to my husband and or 24 year old son to do something very bad

 

I'm leaving it in my heart

 

It is so twisted that you see confessing AS A BETRAYAL TO YOUR LOVER, but do not see continuing the lie is a betrayal to your husband. Your lover is more important than your husband.

 

Amazing. The mental gymnastics of those who must justify their decit.

 

And your concern about violence is a lie.

 

Confessing will lead to your divorce and you know it. Dont put this as potential violence by your husband and son. Havent you blamed your husband enough? You want to save yourself and everyone knows it. It is understandable. You wont have your lover and you wont have a husband.

 

I am curious as to why you pray this never comes out.

 

Do you reallly pray? Are you asking God to help you keep this sin in the darkness?

 

Do you expect God to tell you it is ok to lie to your husband?

 

I am not bashing you on the religious aspect of this. I just dont know what you hope to achieve by praying.

 

Good luck on keeping it quiet OP. One drunken frat bash and its all over.

 

This story will probally end very badly. You are not going to confess. You appear to be the type of cheater that can probaly live with it, if not busted.

 

I will take my leave.and give a sincere prayer for your family.

Edited February 10, 2016 by 66Charger

[aliveagain]

If he divorced me over this then so be it

I have often tried to imagine if he had done this to me. I'd wonder why? I'd forgive though. If he wanted to work it out

 

 

Easy to say you would forgive when it is you that did the dirty deeds. Your chances of being discovered are quite high. Your affair partner is young and reckless, he fu*ks married women, a married women that just happens to be a friends mother. You told girlfriends, girlfriends you can't control or know what they say behind your back. You told your husband you almost had an affair with an 18 year old. These things will all come together one day and your life will change because you were caught, being caught will not go as well for you as a confession will.

 

I think your drinking your own Kool-Aid. The longer it takes you to tell your husband the truth the harder the truth will be on your marriage. That's the thing about infidelity, there can't be a do over without the forgiveness of the person you betrayed. Seven months is no mistake. Did you have sex in your home, did you defile your husbands sanctuary?

[Mrs. John Adams]

scorpio....

 

Every post you make...is absolutely adultery 101.

You have an excuse for every decision you have made

You are in complete denial

You are totally and completely focused on SELF

You are continuing to lie....whether bold faced or by omission

You are still ATTACHED to your AP...you think of your AP FIRST...not your husband, not your children. Do you see how wrong that is?

 

Theses are the steps to recovery

Self Truth

No Contact

Confession

Transparency

 

When you start with these...healing begins

 

Please get help from a therapist. To validate not only an affair...but an affair with a child old enough to be your grandson...(you said his grandmother is 53)...is perverted. There is something deep rooted to allow you to deviate from normal behavior to have continued sex with a child...(yes to me 18 is a child....I keep seeing you screwing my grandson and it makes me sick)

 

 

There are so many things wrong here....and I don't think you have a clue

 

I am not even sure why you have come to loveshack

What is it you had hoped to accomplish?

If you already have a plan......then what do you want people here to tell you?

Do you think we will all validate what you have done?

Do you think we will all agree with your choices?

[thummper]

Scorpio, I'd like to lay this warning on you. Take it for whatever it's worth. Kids talk, plain and simple. And this guy is still a kid. You are a highly sexual, fit older woman. Believe it or not, women like you are considered a real prize, an unbelievable sexual conquest, a major notch on his bedpost. He'd have to be almost superhuman NOT to want to brag up the fact that he seduced and bedded you to his friends, who may also be friends with your daughter. If he should let this slip, and personally I cannot imagine him not wanting to crow about what he was able to do with you, it's not beyond the realm of possibility that one of those friends would feel the need to bring this to your daughter's attention. Imagine the confrontation that would lead to. And perhaps he should realize the possible danger he faces when he beds another man's wife. Husbands, in a rage, have been known to go after the offending other man. This whole situation has potential disaster written all over it. I hope for everyone's sake that this guy indeed keeps his mouth shut, and you remain only a masturbatory fantasy in his mind.

[Clay]

Scorpio, I'd like to lay this warning on you. Take it for whatever it's worth. Kids talk, plain and simple. And this guy is still a kid. You are a highly sexual, fit older woman. Believe it or not, women like you are considered a real prize, an unbelievable sexual conquest, a major notch on his bedpost. He'd have to be almost superhuman NOT to want to brag up the fact that he seduced and bedded you to his friends, who may also be friends with your daughter. If he should let this slip, and personally I cannot imagine him not wanting to crow about what he was able to do with you, it's not beyond the realm of possibility that one of those friends would feel the need to bring this to your daughter's attention. Imagine the confrontation that would lead to. And perhaps he should realize the possible danger he faces when he beds another man's wife. Husbands, in a rage, have been known to go after the offending other man. This whole situation has potential disaster written all over it. I hope for everyone's sake that this guy indeed keeps his mouth shut, and you remain only a masturbatory fantasy in his mind.

 

I agree with everything your saying but she does not care. She already stated so what if her husband learns and divorces her. She is proud of being this kind of a person and she is going to continue using him until she ruins the rest of his life too. Lets just hope when he finds out it doesn't end in violence.

 

I hope for his sake he learns about it and leaves her and tells everyone. So everyone around her can choose if they really want to have a person this horrible in there lives. I know from personal experience my kids wont have anything to do with there mother but clearly OP doesn't think that is going to be a issue. In her mind she is proud of being this way.

 

The sad part of it all is your all wasting your time on this person when you probably would be better served helping someone that really wants it and deserves it.

 

Just my two cents.

[thummper]

I really don't believe that this is a bad woman. I truly don't. I think she was tempted, gave in to the temptation, and enjoyed the experience. I just hope that the relationship she has with her children isn't destroyed by this.

[scorpio16]

Some have asked why I'm on here ? I've read other stories about affairs and thought it would be a good place to have people snap me back to reality

 

I agree with most everything said

 

But being no one knows me or my husband or young lover or my kids...... It's not humanly possible to be so sure to judge

 

It's wrong on every level

 

Telling my family will only end badly for everyone not just me

 

Because I KNOW my family.

 

But thanks

[Mrs. John Adams]

You want help to "snap" back to reality....yet you dont listen to anything anyone has said.

 

Let me ask you some questions

 

If you tell your husband...what is the worst thing you fear?

If your husband finds out from someone else...what is the worst thing you fear?

 

If you tell your children....what can happen?

If they find out from someone else...what can happen?

 

Are your fears based on the reaction to you...or to your lover boy?

 

You see...i believe that the same possibility exists....the same outcome exists....either way. I don't know your family....I know mine.

 

I have walked in your shoes...I am not speculating anything...I am basing my advice on what i have lived through.

 

You want shock treatment.....here's your shock. You most probably are going to lose everything....at best...your life is forever changed...it will never be the same again....whether you tell or not.

 

You have damaged yourself....you have damaged that boys life....and most probably the lives of your family.

 

Infidelity never goes away.....never.

[dreamingoftigers]

Some have asked why I'm on here ? I've read other stories about affairs and thought it would be a good place to have people snap me back to reality

 

I agree with most everything said

 

But being no one knows me or my husband or young lover or my kids...... It's not humanly possible to be so sure to judge

 

It's wrong on every level

 

Telling my family will only end badly for everyone not just me

 

Because I KNOW my family.

 

But thanks

 

Honestly, it was like a bomb going off in the middle of my family.

 

My father was being all pissed off that not everyone "understood his specialness."

 

He was going around saying "I don't feel the love [dreamingoftigers' Mom]"

 

Then when he realized my mother wanted to leave him for real and wasn't going to just be like "okay, Your Highness, let me rub your feet," he started threatening suicide.

 

I called the police about it, twice when he did that. I stead of noticing that maybe, just maybe, his oldest daughter didn't want to be partially responsible for him taking his own life by doing nothing........he made it out to be this big personal insult. Like, "oh you called mental health services so I wouldn't kill myself because you want to EMBARASS ME! You want to " punish me too"." It was just pathetic.

 

And really, my mother had accommodated his selfish, entitled ass so much for over 30 years that he had no real reason to doubt that she would just fold like a lawn chair.

 

I'm sure he's thinks he knows me too. But really, its all about him all of the time. Which isn't altogether uncommon in adulterers.

 

There's this mentality of "sure it might bug you guys and you might be 'angry' for a bit, but you'll be fine. Get over it."

 

HA HA HA HA, so far from reality, so so so far.

[66Charger]

It is unfortunate that you take this all as a judgement on your behaviour.

 

Most of the post are a warning. Your family as you know it, is in grave danger.

 

You have entrusted your family's very existence on the shoulders of a teenager.

 

Do you really think thats smart? I know you need to believe this, for your own safety and sanity

 

The morality of the A, is not the point. Thinking this will stay silent, is the point.

 

Good luck, I guess.

Edited February 10, 2016 by 66Charger

[notbroken]

The odds that this kid (yep - that's what he is) hasn't bragged to his friends about nailing an older woman are zero.

 

This will come out. Only a matter of time.

 

I suspect she will find out that her family isn't quite as secure and put together as she thinks when that grenade goes off. No ones would be. While she may think hers is somehow different, simple human nature says they won't take it very well. Definitely a dangerous situation.

 

Please tell and divorce your poor husband. Apologize to your children profusely. It will mean more if you 'out' yourself vs the inevitable (keyword) accidental disclosure.

[harrybrown]

2 things that are in my head all day:

 

I felt more alive with this person in my life than I had in many years

I was very attentive and patient with my husband during

 

And the other is that everyone tells me to fess up

Where does that leave my young lover ? That's a betrayal and could lead to my husband and or 24 year old son to do something very bad

 

I'm leaving it in my heart

 

You were more alive with a fantasy. you are protecting your young lover and defending him over your husband. What about the betrayal to your H and your family?

 

Why are you protecting your lover over your H? Did you ever love your H?

 

Wake up and start protecting your H and stop being so selfish.

 

How would you feel if he had an A? Would you want to know?

 

You have betrayed your H and are still betraying him and protecting your lover! What is wrong with this picture? Do you have any feelings at all for your treatment of your H and your kids?

 

Try to be nice and put your H first for once over your "fantasy lover".

[aliveagain]

By not answering my question about having sex with the 18 year old in your home am I take that to mean that you did?

[dreamingoftigers]

Trying to get someone to acknowledge just how destructive this all is seems pretty futile in this thread in particular.

 

It's almost fuelling defense of the actions.

 

If someone doesn't have much of an intact conscience or really a sense of responsibility, they probably aren't going to be bothered or feel a lot of guilt.

 

So, what now?

We can't support her family....they aren't here. She's not supportive / protective of them. She defends the kid and skewers her husband.

 

Any point in discussing boundaries and communication tactics with her H?

[Mrs. John Adams]

It makes one wonder doesn't it?

 

Can you imagine?

I am 60...my grandson is 18

I am not an unattractive woman

 

What 18 year old would want to hit a 54 year old woman...a year older than his grandmother...who admits she was heavier until she started the affair...and THEN she got into shape when the affair started.

 

I am left scratching my head

 

 

and here's the even bigger question

 

what 54 year old woman would want to pork an 18 year old boy?

 

Sorry...I find this whole scenario totally sickening.

[dreamingoftigers]

It makes one wonder doesn't it?

 

Can you imagine?

I am 60...my grandson is 18

I am not an unattractive woman

 

What 18 year old would want to hit a 54 year old woman...a year older than his grandmother...who admits she was heavier until she started the affair...and THEN she got into shape when the affair started.

 

I am left scratching my head

 

 

and here's the even bigger question

 

what 54 year old woman would want to pork an 18 year old boy?

 

Sorry...I find this whole scenario totally sickening.

 

_I_ don't want to hit up an 18 year-old.

 

I'm 33. No thanks.......

I can't imagine ducking under 25. There's just too much life-experience and maturity as a gulf there. It's really manipulative. Even if the kid "asks" for it. I mean really.

[66Charger]

Ok a little bit of reality.

 

How many male posters here have been with a much older woman when they were 18 - 21?

 

More than you think. The notion that this doesnt happens is a lie. Older woman have had young lovers forever. I was 18 and she was 41. And a few of my friends did too. If you were worth your salt, you could pull it off. It wasnt hard. And rarely were you denied. Or had to buy dinner. Hey, just saying.

 

The difference is that Jackie wasnt married.

 

Married women were off limits for one simple reason. You didn't want you ass kicked. Or shot from where I come from. 54 may be older, but tbh, Would I do the last woman I was dating (who is close to 50) if she was willing and i was say, 18 - 21?

 

Probaly. She is defiantly doable (unfortunately, not likable)

 

Thats a fact and all of us guys know it. Some of you (for the sake of argument, single) ladies would not. But many would. Sex is for the most part is fun and hopefully good.

 

Does she deserve to be 2x4 for being a cheater. Yep she does. And everyone knows she will pay a horrible price soon.

 

But if she were single, would this really be a issue? I would be a liar and a hypocrite (and I have been) if I were to say that it would be.

 

If you are male and 18 - 25, you want the vagina...badly, and a milf will do just fine, and truth be told, sometimes sexualy better. (Usually there isnt this ridiculous "l Iove" him, thing)

 

Sorry, but hey. You know. ...

 

Not sure why this is important. Guess it is what a 2 beer buzz will do. Fare warning, OP

Edited February 11, 2016 by 66Charger

[flowergirl14]

2 things that are in my head all day:

 

I felt more alive with this person in my life than I had in many years

I was very attentive and patient with my husband during

 

And the other is that everyone tells me to fess up

Where does that leave my young lover ? That's a betrayal and could lead to my husband and or 24 year old son to do something very bad

 

I'm leaving it in my heart

 

Why were you attentive and patient with your h during the affair. Were you covering uour tracks? Compensating? Other?