BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 1: Speaking for myself I wear that mask because nobody really understands what its like to have never had a gf. Unless you are 30 years old and never had a gf you simply cannot relate to how that person feels, people pretend they do but they don't. Only people who have experienced no success for such a long period can understand and relate. 2: I tried this with a very long standing friend, it wasn't helpful at all because of point 1 and because I just ended up feeling even more hopeless, the suggestions offered were not viable ones. 3: Absolutely true, I know why the girls I like don't like me and its exactly what you have typed above. I am what I am and the world doesn't look too kindly on inexperienced soon to 32yo virgin guys. over 30? I would say, well can't speak for everyone, the pain of having little or no experience starts to take its toll on you once you hit 25 or older Link to post Share on other sites
bubby7 Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 It took him 2 years of hard work, a lot of support (a mentor and professorial counseling), and faith! Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 It took him 2 years of hard work, a lot of support (a mentor and professorial counseling), and faith! Glad he got somewhere but I don't believe in fairy tales. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 ya just because it's the way it is doesn't mean I have to like it or enjoy it Link to post Share on other sites
flagpolecorner Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 I'm with you mate. Know the feeling sometimes. I'm turning 30 this year. I'm a doctor. I think I'm good at my job. I have no trouble talking to people or working with others in a work setting. Hell the crux of my job is talking to and interacting with people - be they patients, families or colleagues. I've never had a relationship though. I used to be shy when I was at uni. I'm not as extroverted as some in my profession. However I met some great people and am close to about 6 or 7 really great guys who are basically as close as my brothers but they've all moved on to get married and have lives of their own. I kind of got over my shyness a few years ago and started getting the confidence to have dates but led to a couple of very casual flings but that's all they were. I tried to date a work colleague last year and got my fingers burnt where I felt in a totally different way to how she did and it went nowhere and just ruined my confidence. I've been on about 6 or 7 dates in the last few months (combination of dating websites and introductions from friends) and they've never gone anywhere. I can sit there and try and analyse things and it just drives me nuts. Recently I went out with a girl that i liked and after spending all day on a 2nd date got shut down because there was no "spark". Fair enough, nice of her to be honest and all that but can't think where I'm going wrong. It drives me insane. I've moved away from where I've been for the last 10 years (and subsequently my closest friends) for the purposes of my job. I've got work colleagues that I get on with but I've got no friends round here. All the dates I seem to go on go nowhere. Ones that go well clearly for me don't for the other person. Everyone my age seems to be getting married and having kids etc. I'm dead lonely and stuck in a rut that doesn't appear to have any way out. Link to post Share on other sites
maacus Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 You're still very young, and maybe (I don't know for sure) you are trying too hard? You seem to have a LOT going for you, but if there have been three since Monday as you stated in your original post, perhaps you are making too much of an effort. Do as others have said, "breathe!" You have a long life ahead of you; I didn't get married until I was 32, and brother was that a mistake (because I settled for the WRONG person). Don't do that whatever you do. You will be fine my friend. Oh, and from one veteran to another who is currently serving, THANK YOU for your service. Link to post Share on other sites
maacus Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 OP, I've seen a number of threads like this over the years. I'm sure it's not much consolation, but yours is the best written one I've seen yet. I have to second this. You are an excellent writer OP. Chalk up written communication as one of your assets. Link to post Share on other sites
maacus Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Yes, and more importantly what do you say to them? If you open with, 'I'm in the military, here's my list of qualifications', then it's unlikely to get you a girlfriend. Ask about them. Connect, not inform. Tell us more and we'll advise! I have to second this if it is the case, and I'm not saying it is OP. But if indeed you do talk about yourself much to women and about your job/qualifications, women will find that a huge turn off. One would think with my track record with my abusive wife, I didn't have much experience dating women, at least good ones, lol. But to the contrary, I dated lots of women before I met the one that I chose to make my wife, sadly. I say sadly because many of those women were so much better than the one that I married it makes me sick to think of it. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 I'm with you mate. Know the feeling sometimes. I'm turning 30 this year. I'm a doctor. I think I'm good at my job. I have no trouble talking to people or working with others in a work setting. Hell the crux of my job is talking to and interacting with people - be they patients, families or colleagues. I've never had a relationship though. I used to be shy when I was at uni. I'm not as extroverted as some in my profession. However I met some great people and am close to about 6 or 7 really great guys who are basically as close as my brothers but they've all moved on to get married and have lives of their own. I kind of got over my shyness a few years ago and started getting the confidence to have dates but led to a couple of very casual flings but that's all they were. I tried to date a work colleague last year and got my fingers burnt where I felt in a totally different way to how she did and it went nowhere and just ruined my confidence. I've been on about 6 or 7 dates in the last few months (combination of dating websites and introductions from friends) and they've never gone anywhere. I can sit there and try and analyse things and it just drives me nuts. Recently I went out with a girl that i liked and after spending all day on a 2nd date got shut down because there was no "spark". Fair enough, nice of her to be honest and all that but can't think where I'm going wrong. It drives me insane. I've moved away from where I've been for the last 10 years (and subsequently my closest friends) for the purposes of my job. I've got work colleagues that I get on with but I've got no friends round here. All the dates I seem to go on go nowhere. Ones that go well clearly for me don't for the other person. Everyone my age seems to be getting married and having kids etc. I'm dead lonely and stuck in a rut that doesn't appear to have any way out. Interesting, I guess it's more common among guys than we think Link to post Share on other sites
Author TThang29 Posted March 11, 2016 Author Share Posted March 11, 2016 OP here. I haven't been active with this thread much, the replies have been mostly negative with a few sprouts of optimism sprinkled in. It occurred to me that even though I mentioned my military profession as a crucial piece of information relevant to the story (think of it as a modifying adverb), it was taken out context and blown way out of proportion. Here's the bottom line: contrary to a few preconceived notion out there, I do not walk up to every person on the street and remind them of my rank, or constantly mention level of supervision on dates. This isn't the interrogation scene of Top Gun, and those ignorant comments make me think you've never actually interacted with anyone over the age of 18 who is in the service. Furthermore, there really is a clear distinction between my lifestyle and anyone who is not currently active duty, that is a fact and is very important to mention. The majority of the failure with women stories I'm telling here reference ladies in the military also, not civilians. Additionally, to the person who stated "I thought the military makes you a REAL man...", you have no clue who I am or what meets your social definition of a man, your commentary is not welcomed. Now that I've cleared up the formal details, let me elaborate a bit more. In the past month or so since my original post, my deep-down, depressed feelings of suicide contemplation have turned into extreme rage. It's necessary for me to state that 'm not violent towards others, nor do I have any thoughts of hurting another human being or animal. Myself? I can't guarantee that. Anyway, I have such a short fuse now, it doesn't take much for me to be set off into an internal rage, with a bit of verbal lashing out. I'm mad about many things, but mainly at myself. This is well beyond the "I've never had a girlfriend" issue, as I've thrown in the towel on that subject. It's far less distressing if you tell yourself to forget about the subject of women entirely and look forward to your own death. For some reason that is comforting, even though I seriously doubt I will ever had the courage to follow through with it. These are the thoughts I'm experiencing, and what got guided me to this point was an ongoing downward spiral. I didn't just wake up one day f***ed in the head, depressed, angry, hateful, and jaded... It was a slow and progressive process. My best guess is that years of built up rejection changed my personality indefinitely, I don't feel like there's any coming from this constant feeling of rage. I must state again, I do not handle firearms for work, I'm not pointing fingers or blaming others for my own failures. My alcohol consumption has risen drastically, and I'm okay with that. I reside alone in my cave with beer, a video game console, and a TV. It's a pathetic existence, I've turned into a weak weak individual, but the results seem to be the exact same as when I put in the inverse amount of effort. I can relate the most to the doctor who posted above, even though he possesses worlds greater intelligence than I do. Hopefully you meet the right person soon, you seem to really have your life on track. Thanks to everyone who posted a positive message of encouragement. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 Please utilize the resources available to you for your thoughts of self harm and feelings of rage and worthlessness. There is help available for that, please seek it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TThang29 Posted March 11, 2016 Author Share Posted March 11, 2016 Disregard that rant above, it was highly amplified by pretty high alcohol consumption. The part about being consistently irritable it true, but I blew that feeling way out of proportion. My suggestion? Don't drink and post comments on LS, you can't delete them! YouTube caught a bit of wrath as well :-/ Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Since I can sort of relate to the OP, there are times I hate having a penis and testicles Link to post Share on other sites
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