SarahF Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Messaged a guy on OK Cupid for 3 months and we had an amazing first date. He has been back online since and I haven't heard from him since. I made the first move in messaging first and was just wondering how common this is for guys. Do they get many women messaging first? I seem to get lots of one-line messages from creeps... Do men have a lot of luck on OKC? How many messages might a guy get? Just trying to work out my situation as this guy and I have so much in common and talked and kissed for over 5 hours so wondering why he is back online and why I haven't heard from him. Do guys still do the "playing it cool" thing?
cichlids Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I was on OK Cupid, met my girlfriend on there. So the answers to your questions are: Yes I got several messages from women messaging me first, including my girlfriend. Yes I had great luck, we're together 4 years now. Maybe a half dozen during the month or so I was on Ok Cupid Yes they do The answer to your unasked question is: "Because he didn't think the first date was as amazing as you did". The answer to your second unasked question is "Yes it can burn out quickly if you kiss and do other physical things too quickly". Answer to unasked question number 3 is "If he was interested you would have heard from him by now". 1
SwordofFlame Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I can only speak for myself, but I almost never get messaged first. And when I do it's usually by someone who is very physically unattractive. I do however manage to get a decent number of first dates, I'd say I average around 3 a month. He's back online because you're not the only person he's talking to or even dating right now.
cichlids Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 He's back online because you're not the only person he's talking to or even dating right now. That might not be the reason.
ForeverAloneOnEarth Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 As for me being an average looking guy, it seems that men never seem to get any messages when it comes to OLD. In the past 3 years of me having Tinder and mostly using OKC i only had very few message first.
Erik30 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Most guys don't get a lot of messages, sometimes nothing at all. However, a physically attractive guy probably gets a lot of attention. With OLD you should always assume they're also seeing other people, which he might be doing. You've been talking for three months before you went on a date, while some already go out after just exchanging a couple of messages. During those three months he might have also gone on dates with other girls. But if he's still interested, he will reach out to you
neowulf Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Most guys don't get a lot of messages, sometimes nothing at all. However, a physically attractive guy probably gets a lot of attention. With OLD you should always assume they're also seeing other people, which he might be doing. You've been talking for three months before you went on a date, while some already go out after just exchanging a couple of messages. During those three months he might have also gone on dates with other girls. But if he's still interested, he will reach out to you I'm not an amazing looking guy, but I never had a shortage of attention on Ok cupid. Women were constantly commenting on the quality of my profile and the number of questions I'd answered in detail. They appreciated the effort I'd put in to sell myself. A lot of men just throw a profile up with a handful of poorly structured sentences, a couple of crappy photo's then wonder why they get no attention. 2
Miss Peach Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I assume on OKC that the person is dating others. If men have a good times with you, you are what they might want (relationship or NSA), and they think they have a shot you don't need to remind them you're still there IME. And if he can't figure out you're interested by kissing him for 5 hours then something's wrong.
IronZ Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 It's rare for a guy to get messaged first on OLD sites. I've had it happen to me several times but the ratio is not good. Truth is these sites are usually sausage fests and every guy there is very forward. These girls usually get hundreds of messages and they can be very choosy. As far as this guy not messaging back, it's pretty simple. He's just not that into you. Personally speaking if I had a promising first date and really liked the girl I would hit her up for a second date, not get back online and look for someone new. Do the math.
joseb Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I can only speak for myself, but I almost never get messaged first. And when I do it's usually by someone who is very physically unattractive. Yes that's been my experience too. I'd say I'm decent looking but in a couple of years I only got a couple of messages and those from very unattractive (to me anyway) women. Sounds like maybe he's just not that into you, or maybe busy with other options. In future I'd suggest not wasting 3 months messaging to see if there is chemistry on both sides.
Toodaloo Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I am going to be blunt here as you are getting info from the guys about what its like on OK Cupid but I get the feeling that was not your question... I think your question is what the heck happened here? What happened was that he liked you, he met you, sorta still liked you but actually doesn't want a relationship with you. Thats it. Thats all. Your not a bad person or "wrong" or anything. Your just not for him. 3
salparadise Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 (edited) Normally the write up has to be good for me to instigate contact. Yup, I got plenty of first messages on okc and I'm average, not particularly photogenic. I used writing to get attention. I have some experience writing ad copy, so I gave it flavor and a point of view. I was targeting well educated women around age fifty. They're inherently less superficial than debutantes and pageant wannabes. I used vocabulary to appeal to my type. I kept it completely positive and did a bit of A|B testing to see what they liked. Stay away from clichés. It runs the goods ones off. You can control almost every detail of the impression you're creating. Of course you have to back it up in the field, but the impression is created like a pointillist painting. Words and photos are the palette. Sure, it's hard for most people to create great photos, but here's the thing... with the right images they will judge the photo rather than the subject. The impression is cumulative across a number of images. Use them to tell a story, and eliminate any that don't contribute. I used to get a few decent messages a week, as well as a bunch that just say "hey there" or issue some kind of stupid challenge... which I ignored. I did meet a great woman- smart and attractive and we're both communicators, so it's good. She "liked" my profile, I asked her out in the first message and she accepted in her reply. OP, don't engage anyone for weeks or months online. It's a waste of time and effort. You can't get to know anyone that way. If a few messages don't lead to a first meeting, they're indulging fantasies. Learn to cull quickly and when you find a good one- close the damn profile and date! Gotta run, she's coming over later and I need to practice a few fancy knots I've been working on Edited February 3, 2016 by salparadise 1
Toodaloo Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Learn to cull quickly and when you find a good one- close the damn profile and date! Gotta run, she's coming over later and I need to practice a few fancy knots I've been working on I think too many people forget this and keep their profiles open and think there is something better round the corner... Enjoy your knots Sal. Lucky sod...
introverted1 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I am going to be blunt here as you are getting info from the guys about what its like on OK Cupid but I get the feeling that was not your question... I think your question is what the heck happened here? What happened was that he liked you, he met you, sorta still liked you but actually doesn't want a relationship with you. Thats it. Thats all. Your not a bad person or "wrong" or anything. Your just not for him. She got pretty much this exact feedback in her previous thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/568059-haven-t-heard-him-4-days OP, it seems he's not feeling it. Sorry.
Larryville Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Do men have a lot of luck on OKC? How many messages might a guy get? I can only speak for myself, but I almost never get messaged first. And when I do it's usually by someone who is very physically unattractive. I'm not an amazing looking guy, but I never had a shortage of attention on Ok cupid. Women were constantly commenting on the quality of my profile and the number of questions I'd answered in detail. They appreciated the effort I'd put in to sell myself. A lot of men just throw a profile up with a handful of poorly structured sentences, a couple of crappy photo's then wonder why they get no attention. My main objective is finding substance, depth educated, successful, and confidant. My profile reflects that. So I will get a few messages a week. Bus as stated above yes some “very physically unattractive” will message because they interpret me saying smart, successful trumps attractive. The women do NOT have to be beauty queens, but equal in looks. However some women on OLD sites clearly have no clue as to their “looks.” Yes, looks matter. Last quote putting effort in profile is VERY important, I’m like people just present yourself like you give a damn, value other individuals’ time and effort for visiting your profile. Bottom line if profile is cool, well thought out, sincere yes guys can get messages. Hell I wish more women would message would make it much easier frankly...
Toodaloo Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 She got pretty much this exact feedback in her previous thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/568059-haven-t-heard-him-4-days OP, it seems he's not feeling it. Sorry. Yeah he is not feeling it at all in any way shape or fashion.
salparadise Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Bottom line if profile is cool, well thought out, sincere yes guys can get messages. Hell I wish more women would message would make it much easier frankly... It was a big part of my strategy. I sent first messages too, occasionally. But I like the type of woman who will send a first message, or at least like your profile which indicates that she would like to receive a message from you. It changes the dynamics in good ways... she's probably more of the self-assured, reciprocal type who will meet you half way in many aspects, and because we know that they typically get bombarded, being a guy with a well-written profile who notices (visits) but doesn't join the herd tends to set you apart. 1
Larryville Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 she's probably more of the self-assured, reciprocal type who will meet you half way in many aspects, Exactly.. This is why when accessing a profile, women with sunglasses, stupid silly photos, those that have jobs vs a "career," educated, polished if you present yourself as polished those quality self-assured, ladies are likely to check you out first.
deckard11 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Messaged a guy on OK Cupid for 3 months and we had an amazing first date. He has been back online since and I haven't heard from him since. I made the first move in messaging first and was just wondering how common this is for guys. Do they get many women messaging first? I seem to get lots of one-line messages from creeps... Do men have a lot of luck on OKC? How many messages might a guy get? Just trying to work out my situation as this guy and I have so much in common and talked and kissed for over 5 hours so wondering why he is back online and why I haven't heard from him. Do guys still do the "playing it cool" thing? OKC sucks. I had zero luck on it. No woman had ever messaged me and none, absolutely none ever returned my messages.
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 OKC sucks. I had zero luck on it. No woman had ever messaged me and none, absolutely none ever returned my messages. It's not how you look though. Women don't like conventionally attractive men. There are teams of researchers trying to work out where the conventions on male attractiveness originated as no woman actually seems to conform.
fitnessfan365 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I think the main problem is that you built up a lot of expectations chatting online for three months. That's why you were so effected by one date. My advice for what it's worth would be to talk to guys online before meeting for no more than a week tops. In fact, I'd suggest focusing on guys who ask you to meet even quicker than that. It shows real confidence and that they're realistic about dating. 1
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