SarahF Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I've been chatting to a guy for 3 months online, long messages every few days. He went away to Mexico for a month and messaged me while he was away. We finally had our first date on Thursday. We spent 5 hours together talking, laughing, kissing and holding hands. He wanted me to go home with him but I didn't want to rush it. He agreed and said "it's only a first date" and I said "well hopefully this won't be the last time I see you" and he said "no." We said goodbye after the date and said he would be in touch soon. I haven't heard from him since Thursday. I've also seen he has been back online on the dating website since. I thought the date went really well but should I be worried that he is back online and hasn't contacted me yet. He lost his phone in Mexico so we can only message on the dating website. Also would you kiss someone if there was no chemistry and you didn't want a second date? Is he just shy and playing it cool? Need some advice as really stressing - I really like this guy?
Maggie4 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Was Thursday the first time he has seen you in person? Did you do webcam? or just pictures?
Lorenza Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Well it seems like he wanted to get into your pants and it didn't work out, so he lost interest. Answering to your question about the kissing thing - a guy who wants to get laid would do that and more to get you in his bed. If he was serious he wouldn't even suggest you to come to his place. 3
Robratory Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Unless there's a really, really good reason, consider not spending so much time interacting with individuals online before meeting them. If you chat with someone online for three months, you inevitably make an emotional investment, and that makes it hurt when things don't work out. If you met last Thursday and didn't go out over the weekend, he may be waiting to ask you out closer to next weekend. But if he hasn't contacted you by Thursday, I'd assume he's not going to. And if he contacted you Friday to ask you out on Saturday or Sunday, I'd make a note that he's either not very considerate or that you're a last resort for whatever reason -- he asked everyone else and nobody said yes. You say he lost his phone in Mexico. And he hasn't replaced it? It should be the same number. All his carrier needs to do is inactivate the stolen phone and activate another phone for him. 3
j0celyn Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 If you really like him, just contact him. Or are you against doing that? It's not like it's one of those situations where you chat for a week and go on a date and the guy or girl gets a pass for ghosting.
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) I've been chatting to a guy for 3 months online, long messages every few days. He went away to Mexico for a month and messaged me while he was away. We finally had our first date on Thursday. We spent 5 hours together talking, laughing, kissing and holding hands. He wanted me to go home with him but I didn't want to rush it. He agreed and said "it's only a first date" and I said "well hopefully this won't be the last time I see you" and he said "no." We said goodbye after the date and said he would be in touch soon. I haven't heard from him since Thursday. I've also seen he has been back online on the dating website since. I thought the date went really well but should I be worried that he is back online and hasn't contacted me yet. He lost his phone in Mexico so we can only message on the dating website. Also would you kiss someone if there was no chemistry and you didn't want a second date? Is he just shy and playing it cool? Need some advice as really stressing - I really like this guy? Sarah, I have had a few dates where I kissed the woman then they later rejected me. I also had 4 dates with one woman, including a long trip, and she still rejected me. The nice ones at least let me know that they only see me as friends, but others just completely disappear. It is what it is. As a woman, you probably won't get to the point where you are as used to it as I am, and thus don't invest as much, but just know you are not alone. Get your a@@ back in the game. Edited February 1, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember
Miajewl Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Seriously, if you're interested in him, message him. Just keep it light and friendly, and don't go asking him why he went off radar. Honestly though, there is no way I would go for more than a day without replacing my phone, so don't buy that bs. If you don't have his phone number, it's because he doesn't want you to have it. Either way, if you really like him, it's alright for you to message him and get a feel for his level of interest. I wouldn't send more than one message though. After that, the ball will be in his court. Good luck.
IronZ Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Did you try texting him? Or are you going to tell me you're one of those girls that sits patiently by the phone waiting?
IronZ Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Sarah, I have had a few dates where I kissed the woman then they later rejected me. I also had 4 dates with one woman, including a long trip, and she still rejected me. The nice ones at least let me know that they only see me as friends, but others just completely disappear. It is what it is. As a woman, you probably won't get to the point where you are as used to it as I am, and thus don't invest as much, but just know you are not alone. Get your a@@ back in the game. This is valid. I've had dates that lasted 6+ hours and everything was magical. We made out. We talked in terms of the future (seeing each other again). Then the next day I get a long winded text about how I'm such a great guy but blah blah. I've had girls drag it out over the span of months. I've had dates that ended in sex. I've checked every box on the list. It means nothing. The guy could've gone cold for any reason. Just because he kissed the OP and sweet talked her doesn't mean anything. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 (edited) He is gone. For what it's worth, I used traditional OLD sites for years (on and off) and had over 100 first dates. I could tell every single time if I will hear from the guy again. And I was always correct. Connection or lack of connection was there on both sides. I recently started using Tinder. I met 4 guys. With all 4, I had decent dates. connection wasn't mind blowing but it warranted another date (at least). With one of them, I spent the whole day together, kissing etc. ALL 4 told me at the end of the date that they have to see me again. ALL 4 talked about future plans unprompted. ALL 4 extended the coffee/drink meet up to at least one other venue. ALL 4 texted me right after the date to tell me something along the lines "I had a good time, looking forward to seeing you again". 3 out of 4 faded within 1 week. I only had second date with one. Tinder (or any dating app) guys are more flaky but you also get more options. It's a high risk/high reward thing. It doesn't bother me because I don't invest and see those guys as numbers more than anything. Just telling you that you can't go by anything a guy does or says during the date. He most likely met another one off Tinder the next day. Also, despite my extensive efforts with OLD - the guys I ended up in relationships with I met offline. Edited February 2, 2016 by Eternal Sunshine 1
introverted1 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I've been chatting to a guy for 3 months online, long messages every few days. He went away to Mexico for a month and messaged me while he was away. We finally had our first date on Thursday. We spent 5 hours together talking, laughing, kissing and holding hands. He wanted me to go home with him but I didn't want to rush it. He agreed and said "it's only a first date" and I said "well hopefully this won't be the last time I see you" and he said "no." We said goodbye after the date and said he would be in touch soon. I haven't heard from him since Thursday. I've also seen he has been back online on the dating website since. I thought the date went really well but should I be worried that he is back online and hasn't contacted me yet. He lost his phone in Mexico so we can only message on the dating website. Also would you kiss someone if there was no chemistry and you didn't want a second date? Is he just shy and playing it cool? Need some advice as really stressing - I really like this guy? Too much build-up. Texting/chatting for 3 months BEFORE a first date is a recipe for disaster. It sets the stage for creating a fantasy image of the other person and also creates a false sense of knowing each other. Then you meet and reality hits. Even if the connection in person is decent. it can't possibly match up to the fantasy that was created over the 3 months. So there's a huge letdown. I'm willing to bet that the longer the lead-up to the first date, the greater the likelihood of no second date. p.s. As for kissing you, he may well have done that to see if there was chemistry or possibly even "just because." It doesn't mean anything much.
Recommended Posts