LivingWaterPlease Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 OP, I'm here to support you as you process your pain. I hope you are comfortable to continue posting. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mayday2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I was married for 10 years, he cheated the majority of our marriage, he even left me for a girl much younger than I am. I was an OW for 15 months and we conceived a child during that period whom I am raising now. It's quite convoluted but no one in his life knows of her existence and he has made no attempts to familiarize himself with her. I will say the pain of being the ow far greater outweighs any of the pain when my own husband cheated on me. I have cried every night for the last 6 months because there is a devastation here that cannot be understood. I had children with my H, they were never a secret. My new daughter's birth certificate is blank where the name of her father should be, she has never been held by him, and she will never know half of what makes her who she is. Yes, it was MM's choice but he did what he did; concealed his affair and pushed my daughter and I out to preserve his marriage. The anger I feel at the future faking, the gaslighting, the claims of love is astronomical compared to my own husband leaving me on my ass. I never loved my H this way, even before I knew my H was scum and even after I knew my exMM is. I have been on both sides; neither are better but my life now, I have experienced a hurt that leaves me questioning if continuing to breathe is even worth the effort it takes to. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I was married for 10 years, he cheated the majority of our marriage, he even left me for a girl much younger than I am. I was an OW for 15 months and we conceived a child during that period whom I am raising now. It's quite convoluted but no one in his life knows of her existence and he has made no attempts to familiarize himself with her. I will say the pain of being the ow far greater outweighs any of the pain when my own husband cheated on me. I have cried every night for the last 6 months because there is a devastation here that cannot be understood. I had children with my H, they were never a secret. My new daughter's birth certificate is blank where the name of her father should be, she has never been held by him, and she will never know half of what makes her who she is. Yes, it was MM's choice but he did what he did; concealed his affair and pushed my daughter and I out to preserve his marriage. The anger I feel at the future faking, the gaslighting, the claims of love is astronomical compared to my own husband leaving me on my ass. I never loved my H this way, even before I knew my H was scum and even after I knew my exMM is. I have been on both sides; neither are better but my life now, I have experienced a hurt that leaves me questioning if continuing to breathe is even worth the effort it takes to. I don't want to take this thread off topic but I have to say, Why on Earth would you allow what a man does or does not do to affect the way you feel about continuing to live?!? Please do not think that way! Every breath you take is important. Don't gauge your life, or your self, by how other people behave! THEY are the ones who have made poor decisions. You have done the right thing by having this child, and the noble thing by raising her on your own. And guess what? It is good he is not in her life because it sounds to me like he is not worthy enough to be in her life! He would only make her life difficult. If a man does not want to be in a child's life, if it is not important enough to him to know her, then he should not be allowed anywhere near her. There is something wrong with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I was married for 10 years, he cheated the majority of our marriage, he even left me for a girl much younger than I am. I was an OW for 15 months and we conceived a child during that period whom I am raising now. It's quite convoluted but no one in his life knows of her existence and he has made no attempts to familiarize himself with her. I will say the pain of being the ow far greater outweighs any of the pain when my own husband cheated on me. I have cried every night for the last 6 months because there is a devastation here that cannot be understood. I had children with my H, they were never a secret. My new daughter's birth certificate is blank where the name of her father should be, she has never been held by him, and she will never know half of what makes her who she is. Yes, it was MM's choice but he did what he did; concealed his affair and pushed my daughter and I out to preserve his marriage. The anger I feel at the future faking, the gaslighting, the claims of love is astronomical compared to my own husband leaving me on my ass. I never loved my H this way, even before I knew my H was scum and even after I knew my exMM is. I have been on both sides; neither are better but my life now, I have experienced a hurt that leaves me questioning if continuing to breathe is even worth the effort it takes to. Mayday, continuing to breathe is well worth your effort. All of your children need you now and in the future. One day as this newest little girl grows and learns what you have been through she will be very proud of her strong mother. You are demonstrating to her how to go through adversity and that is a much more powerful way of teaching than using words to instruct. Even on this board you are an encouragement to others for how you are facing your life. I'm sending you hugs and if there is any way I can support you on this forum I'll do so. (((((Mayday))))) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 There are all kinds of relationships between all kinds of people in all kinds of circumstances. I don't know. I can only speak for myself... ...As I said, there are all kinds of people in all kinds of relationships. ShatteredLady, your post and situation seems heartbreaking to me. I have followed your story on LS and you truly seem to be an example of a forgiving and loving wife. I'm so sorry for your pain and hope that it will find an end or at least a reduction at some point in time. There are some wounds in life that seem never to heal but at least the pain they evoke seems to subside in frequency and intensity with time. (I didn't include all of your post in this because of it's length, not because I considered it unimportant.) Sending hugs and prayers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) This is a support forum for ow/om is it not? If you've never been a ow or om you can't know how it feels Okay. You are correct, it is OW/OM support forum. If you know me at all you know I stand up for that often. But the question posed called in BS. So their responses matter in this post. And my true, honest opinion is... They hurt differently. If I am to be completely honest, I know how much being OW sucks. But being tied to the man who chooses another has GOT to be worse in most scenarios. Even if the guy goes home at least the OW has an inkling of what may happen whereas the BS hasn't a clue. And has a life. Children. A future... All tied to a guy who has checked out. I can't imagine more pain. Edited January 31, 2016 by goodyblue 6 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 ^^^^^^ qft What I see is minimization of the OW. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Are you making the point that because a marriage is of greater import than a fleeting affair is that you believe the betrayed wife has experienced greater pain than the MOW has in this situation? If he doesnt, I will. An OW knows the score ... The BW is often blind sighted. They never even knew they were competing to begin with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Because this thread has become about splitting hairs between OW/OM/BS/BH, it will be closed. There are two forums here, Infidelity and OW/OM, there is not a "gray" area about feelings, they exist on both. Either and Any party has a choice..just as OW/OM's ask that BS's don't post here, this thread will not be entertained. Deal with YOUR pain here and let them deal with THEIR own pain there. To the OP, if you want to start a new thread about YOUR experience, feel free, but this forum is NOT this: ~ V 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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