Miss Peach Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I always date multiple guys. I really enjoy it. It takes a man who's better than the rest to pull me out of the dating market. My advice for a single parent is to ask information about how the divorce went, how involved he is, how often he sees the kids, etc. Remember that if you move on with him that it could be you in the future. So if he doesn't make time for this kids, things are bitter with the ex, etc. then take that into account. 1
RedRobin Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 If what he says is even true...worst case scenario is that he is married or in a serious R so is tied up at those times :/ ...or he has x number of women he is trying to hook up with, and claiming to be looking for a relationship. Yea, guy goes on back burner or in the dumpster. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted January 31, 2016 Author Posted January 31, 2016 Less than 24 hours before the supposed date. After some texts every day, he still hasn't confirmed the details. So I text him today: are we still on for dinner tomorrow night? His immediate response was "Of course we are what makes you think that we aren't?" I responded "we haven't agreed on a time and place".....this was 8 hours ago and no response from him. Things are progressing well with the other guy; date #4 is set. I had a really depressing experience yesterday. I didn't have any plans for Saturday so I got chatting to a guy from my home country on OKC. I have been in this town for 2 years and he is the first one I came across here. He was cute and we hit it off on the phone so decided to meet right away, It was only mid day on Sat so we were going to walk around, have some drinks, dinner etc. It started off really fun. He was extremely charming. We ended up in his sports convertable, listening to the music from our home country and singing along. It was miles away from other boring OLD dates... but then it all went horribly wrong. He invited me to his house and in the moment I felt like it was a good idea. We drank some more and he offered me a massage and before I knew it, we had sex. I wasn't really attracted to him and the sex was really "porny" and just did nothing for me. Once that was done, he wanted me to stay the night but I just wanted to get out of there. I told him that I will catch an uber home but he was nice enough to drive me himself. After I got home, I cried a little Haven't heard from him since and I wouldn't see him again anyways. I just feel so utterly drained. Mentally, emotionally, physically. I feel like I want to spend a week in bed
katiegrl Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Less than 24 hours before the supposed date. After some texts every day, he still hasn't confirmed the details. So I text him today: are we still on for dinner tomorrow night? His immediate response was "Of course we are what makes you think that we aren't?" I responded "we haven't agreed on a time and place".....this was 8 hours ago and no response from him. Things are progressing well with the other guy; date #4 is set. I had a really depressing experience yesterday. I didn't have any plans for Saturday so I got chatting to a guy from my home country on OKC. I have been in this town for 2 years and he is the first one I came across here. He was cute and we hit it off on the phone so decided to meet right away, It was only mid day on Sat so we were going to walk around, have some drinks, dinner etc. It started off really fun. He was extremely charming. We ended up in his sports convertable, listening to the music from our home country and singing along. It was miles away from other boring OLD dates... but then it all went horribly wrong. He invited me to his house and in the moment I felt like it was a good idea. We drank some more and he offered me a massage and before I knew it, we had sex. I wasn't really attracted to him and the sex was really "porny" and just did nothing for me. Once that was done, he wanted me to stay the night but I just wanted to get out of there. I told him that I will catch an uber home but he was nice enough to drive me himself. After I got home, I cried a little Haven't heard from him since and I wouldn't see him again anyways. I just feel so utterly drained. Mentally, emotionally, physically. I feel like I want to spend a week in bed First paragraph above, ES that came off as needy. Probably annoyed him, it would annoy me if a guy texted me that 24 hours before a scheduled date.. Suggests insecurity. All you needed to say was "Hey (insert name) ......what time should we meet tomorrow night? Want to start planning my day. Does 7:00 work for you? xo" The rest of your post, wow I am so sorry ...not sure if there is really anything anyone can say, except hope you feel better and lesson learned..... ((hugs)) 1
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 Less than 24 hours before the supposed date. After some texts every day, he still hasn't confirmed the details. So I text him today: are we still on for dinner tomorrow night? His immediate response was "Of course we are what makes you think that we aren't?" I responded "we haven't agreed on a time and place".....this was 8 hours ago and no response from him. Things are progressing well with the other guy; date #4 is set. I had a really depressing experience yesterday. I didn't have any plans for Saturday so I got chatting to a guy from my home country on OKC. I have been in this town for 2 years and he is the first one I came across here. He was cute and we hit it off on the phone so decided to meet right away, It was only mid day on Sat so we were going to walk around, have some drinks, dinner etc. It started off really fun. He was extremely charming. We ended up in his sports convertable, listening to the music from our home country and singing along. It was miles away from other boring OLD dates... but then it all went horribly wrong. He invited me to his house and in the moment I felt like it was a good idea. We drank some more and he offered me a massage and before I knew it, we had sex. I wasn't really attracted to him and the sex was really "porny" and just did nothing for me. Once that was done, he wanted me to stay the night but I just wanted to get out of there. I told him that I will catch an uber home but he was nice enough to drive me himself. After I got home, I cried a little Haven't heard from him since and I wouldn't see him again anyways. I just feel so utterly drained. Mentally, emotionally, physically. I feel like I want to spend a week in bed I am very sorry for your bad experience. Multi dating is draining and sometimes we make bad judgement call because everything is so quick, I have been there, don't beat yourself up for it. I continue saying if you are serious about meeting a man stop multi-dating. This is from ME - the biggest multi-dater you'll come across. As for the guy you have a date with tomorrow, this type of sporadic texting is expected if you date someone working in a restaurant. This is Sunday it's a big day for him. One of the company I over look is a restaurant. Our cook and assistant cook have no life. They work 6 days a week on all of the prime-time. If you want a man present in your life, this won't happen with a man working in food industry. 3
losangelena Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 I am very sorry for your bad experience. Multi dating is draining and sometimes we make bad judgement call because everything is so quick, I have been there, don't beat yourself up for it. I second this notion. I know I would probably get into a situation like this myself and then beat myself up over it, too, like, "how did that happen?!" I mean, yes it's good to understand that ultimately, the buck stops with us, and that we're largely responsible for the situations we get ourselves into, but, it is so easy to get carried away and go further than we'd like faster than we'd like. Like Gaeta and Katie both said, don't be too rough on yourself, and take it as a lesson for next time. Chin up. 2
sweet honeydew Posted January 31, 2016 Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) It is a mistake. You were seduced and you were too weak emotionally to stop it. You were drinking which make you even weaker. Making mistakes make you human, it doesn't make you a failure. We need to learn to forgive others. We especially need to learn to forgive ourselves. Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment. Things could have been a lot worse you know? Be careful next time. Edited January 31, 2016 by sweet honeydew
Lansing Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I agree with Katiegrl that you could have worded that text for dinner confirmation better. I was dating a girl and I felt like she was always accusing me of not paying her enough attention and some of the ways she asked or said things were a big turn off. Personally, I would much prefer a "looking forward to dinner tomorrow, what time you want to meet up?" kind of message or any message just checking in vs. an accusatory message. What I find interesting is that you think this guy isn't too into you because he doesn't communicate much between dates but here you are dating other guys and even sleeping with other guys. If I was the guy, I would think that you weren't all that into me.. I agree with the others, at this point focus on one guy. If you don't want to focus on him then maybe he isn't the guy for you.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 So OP guy confirmed the date, booked a table, remembered my favorite food and it's all set to go in a few hours. He basically told me that once he makes a plan, he doesn't change it regardless of sorting out the details.
sweet honeydew Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I think he has lost interest. He has not responded to my question text in over 4 hours. He has been online but deliberately avoided my text (it doesn't show up as read).. I didn't get to read all the post but in general, I am a woman and I am not big on text either. Blame it on my clumsy fingers, lack of patience, or busy schedule. What your bf did seems like something I would do...and 4 hours respond time requirement? wow.... I am beginning to realize my texting style is causing lots of guys thinking I am not interested. So now I just tell them up front, that I am not big on text, I rather talk on the phone for 5 minutes, covers so much more than one hour of texting. So far, men seem to be happy that I call rather than text. I wonder, could your bf be this way too? Would you be happier with a phone call? texting is really not for everyone. A lot gets lost in translation.
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 So OP guy confirmed the date, booked a table, remembered my favorite food and it's all set to go in a few hours. He basically told me that once he makes a plan, he doesn't change it regardless of sorting out the details. How did the date go?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 How did the date go? It went OK but I am still not really feeling the connection. We are having lunch tomorrow. His shift work means that he is only really available one evening per week which makes it hard to get to know him. I will probably give it a couple of more dates but move on if I am still not feeling it. He doesn't seem that into me either :/ He has not even attempted to invite me to his place or have sex.
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 It went OK but I am still not really feeling the connection. We are having lunch tomorrow. His shift work means that he is only really available one evening per week which makes it hard to get to know him. I will probably give it a couple of more dates but move on if I am still not feeling it. He doesn't seem that into me either :/ He has not even attempted to invite me to his place or have sex. That was your 4th date. You don't really feel it, he doesn't really feel it, no reasons to be wasting more time on him. On top of that he's only available on week nights. Honestly Sunshine why would you want to pursue this? About your other prospect that gave you time and attention? Spend time on that one. 1
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 We are having lunch tomorrow. His shift work means that he is only really available one evening per week which makes it hard to get to know him. I will probably give it a couple of more dates but move on if I am still not feeling it. He doesn't seem that into me either :/ He has not even attempted to invite me to his place or have sex. I would like to add that is also why you are burning yourself with online dating. You are spending too much time on the wrong prospect. This man here has NO time for dating, it's not going to change with giving him another couple of dates. Also why this comment about he did not invite you over to his place for sex? You said you're not feeling it with him, he's not contacting you between dates, you're frustrated over all with him so why do you want to have sex with him? That's another reason why you are burnt with dating.
dobielover Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 It went OK but I am still not really feeling the connection. We are having lunch tomorrow. His shift work means that he is only really available one evening per week which makes it hard to get to know him. I will probably give it a couple of more dates but move on if I am still not feeling it. He doesn't seem that into me either :/ He has not even attempted to invite me to his place or have sex. I haven't read the whole thread, but what line of work is he in with this shift work? For your sake I hope it's not law enforcement, and instead is something like healthcare.
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I haven't read the whole thread, but what line of work is he in with this shift work? For your sake I hope it's not law enforcement, and instead is something like healthcare. I will answer that. He works in a restaurant. He'll never be available on weekends day or night time. He's probably also not available on Thursdays and Fridays night.
dobielover Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I will answer that. He works in a restaurant. He'll never be available on weekends day or night time. He's probably also not available on Thursdays and Fridays night. You should refrain from using absolutes, like the word 'never.' Having dating many shift workers where myself work a more 'normal' schedule, it can be managed, you end up adapting. Don't be so negative.
BluEyeL Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 He has not even attempted to invite me to his place or have sex. This doesn't mean he's not into you. It may mean the opposite. 3
RedRobin Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 This doesn't mean he's not into you. It may mean the opposite. Ditto. I have refused to go on future dates with men who try for sex early. Ones with discretion and looking for something serious don't jump in bed with strangers. ES, He did say in the beginning that he's tired of hookups,etc. At least he is being consistent. Aren't YOU tired of hookups? Isn't it nice to not be pressured for a change? I think it is normal not to have a ton of contact in the beginning. I understand the desire to keep track and keep score of the interactions. People want to feel safe before they take a chance. Do you know what you need to feel safe and cared for? Do you reciprocate? Decent people ought to be given the chance to meet your needs, once you can successfully articulate what they are. No one is a mind reader. Have you talked to him about his shift work? Asked him how he plans to establish and maintain a relationship? How often he wants or needs to see someone he is in a relationship with? People can and do make lifestyle adjustments... But in the beginning, you can't really expect that people make those adjustments for a near stranger. 1
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 You should refrain from using absolutes, like the word 'never.' Having dating many shift workers where myself work a more 'normal' schedule, it can be managed, you end up adapting. Don't be so negative. Like I said somewhere in this thread among the companies I over-view there are restaurants. Chiefs and assistant-chiefs have no life. They work 6 days a week and are scheduled at all peak-hours and all peak-days. If he is not a Chief or chief assistant and waits on tables, to make a decent living he needs to be working weekends and prime-nights. Restoration is different than working on shifts. You rarely know when you'll leave your shift. Sure never say never but having my boyfriend available to me 2-3 Saturdays a year is the same as never. As for being negative, before having their 4th date she was frustrated enough already about his lack of consistency in communication, last of attention, lack of time. Why pursue this. She has another prospect that treats her right and gives her a lot of attention. She has to concentrate on men available and willing to be in a relationship.
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