He doesn't put much effort into conversation between dates

January 28, 2016

Today he texted:

Him:"Hey sweetie how are you?"
Me: _pargraph about work_: and you?
Him:"I am good. :)"

That's it?
I don't think I can work with this

My best guess is he didn't much care to hear about your work day. If you want a guy who places value on your career, it doesn't sound like he's it. So sorry.

January 28, 2016

My best guess is he didn't much care to hear about your work day. If you want a guy who places value on your career, it doesn't sound like he's it. So sorry.

He was similarly brief no matter what the subject. He will text me "good morning" and "can't wait to see you" but apart from that conversation lacks anything substantial.

I am not sure if I am being too picky or is this a sign to move on.

January 28, 2016

He was similarly brief no matter what the subject. He will text me "good morning" and "can't wait to see you" but apart from that conversation lacks anything substantial.

I am not sure if I am being too picky or is this a sign to move on.

I've never known a guy who wanted to correspond extensively via text. But if they can't hold a phone conversation, then I'm done.

I'm not sure what category this guy falls in.

January 28, 2016

My boyfriend was the same.

6 mnths later we are head over heels in love and still making out at the grocery store. We also live together.

My boyfriends texting style only changed once we were in love and I went overseas. ... the time apart and fact we were new in the honeymoon stage compelled him to write me lengthy novels daily.

But yeah.... men aren't generally into lengthy text exchanges. At least not the men I am into.....

I found two types of men: men who send long texts and men that don't. Then sometimes the men of few texts end up opening up more and suddenly declaring their undying love.

January 28, 2016

Today he texted:

Him:"Hey sweetie how are you?"
Me: _pargraph about work_: and you?
Him:"I am good. :)"

That's it?
I don't think I can work with this

Idk, ES, a paragraph in response to how are you? It's usually a rhetorical question, especially in text.

Maybe keep your answers in text short and he may pick up the phone for more detailed conversations.

January 28, 2016

Today he texted:

Him:"Hey sweetie how are you?"
Me: _pargraph about work_: and you?
Him:"I am good. :)"

That's it?
I don't think I can work with this

How about you forget about texting and you turn this into phone calls?

I enjoy getting a text as well but the man I am dating was never a texter. After a couple of dates he started calling me at night to touch base. I am realizing I enjoy this much more. I know he won't text during the day (rarely) so I have no stress waiting for a text that doesn't come in and I am looking forward to the evening when we'll say hello. I am really enjoying this better

January 28, 2016

Sex early is never, ever a good idea. To me that's a matter of fact, not opinion. There are exceptions, as there are for everything. The biggest thing is: men biologically desire a chase - sex early for them is not as gratifying as sex with a women who preferred to wait. I know dozens of examples of this: even relationship-minded men often lose interest in a woman they liked after early sex. And a lot of times, they can't explain it! I've talked with guys about it, and they usually don't know what happened.

For me though, I just respect my body too much to have sex early (I don't withhold to get guys to like me more, although I think it has had that effect at times). I don't care how connected I feel, unless I've spent real time over the course of a month or two with someone, there's no way I'm sharing my body with them.

My roommate had the idea that sex early on didn't matter. A guy was interested or he wasn't. And one short relationship did come out of this- lasting a few months-- every other guy ditched her soon after they got laid. Then she continued sleeping with men right away and was let down over and over and over. I kept lecturing her about this... and she met another person she really liked. She'd finally decided to wait for sex. A year and a half later, they're really happy together.

Seriously. If I could give young women dating advice DONT EVER have sex earlier than a month into a relationship would be the absolute best advice I could ever give.

/endthreadhijacking

Edited January 28, 2016 by lissvarna

January 28, 2016

OP if you nitpick like that on stuff that does not matter, maybe it's that you really don't want a real relationship. When you get married, do you think it's going to matter how much your husband texts you?

Yeah, i could work with that if the guy was asking me out every week, was a good, kind person and relationship minded.

Again, this guy is fine with the texting, look at the relationship history and how well he advances things with you.

January 28, 2016

OP if you nitpick like that on stuff that does not matter, maybe it's that you really don't want a real relationship. When you get married, do you think it's going to matter how much your husband texts you?

Yeah, i could work with that if the guy was asking me out every week, was a good, kind person and relationship minded.

Again, this guy is fine with the texting, look at the relationship history and how well he advances things with you.

It's not the same when you start dating than when you're living together.

I think at the very beginning it's important for a man to keep a good line of communication to build a bridge and a sense of familiarity with a woman. I am not talking spending the night on the phone or texting all day but there has to be some type of acknowledgment on his part that she is on his mind.

As the relationship progress and you spend more time together it's normal the amount of texting and calling slows down. Most women would be happy with a simple text 'have a wonderful day today'.

I think the real threat of this relationship is the opposite schedule that keeps them apart for 6 days or more.

If you have 1 date a week and no communication in between then each date feels like the first date. There is no progression.

I know you and your man had a very very slow start and he didn't text at all, etc and it turned in a relationship but that is the exception. In general when a man is interested enough he text or better he calls. He's way too worried someone else will get her attention so he keeps that line of communication open.

January 28, 2016

It's not the same when you start dating than when you're living together.

I think at the very beginning it's important for a man to keep a good line of communication to build a bridge and a sense of familiarity with a woman. I am not talking spending the night on the phone or texting all day but there has to be some type of acknowledgment on his part that she is on his mind.

As the relationship progress and you spend more time together it's normal the amount of texting and calling slows down. Most women would be happy with a simple text 'have a wonderful day today'.

I think the real threat of this relationship is the opposite schedule that keeps them apart for 6 days or more.

If you have 1 date a week and no communication in between then each date feels like the first date. There is no progression.

I know you and your man had a very very slow start and he didn't text at all, etc and it turned in a relationship but that is the exception. In general when a man is interested enough he text or better he calls. He's way too worried someone else will get her attention so he keeps that line of communication open.

If you have 1 date a week and no communication in between then each date feels like the first date. There is no progression. -- I agree with this 100%. Frankly, if a guy was only texting me in between, I'd lose interest fairly quickly. Phone calls are what's important, not whether they text or not. This guy is striking out on both counts . . .

January 28, 2016

I think he has lost interest. He has not responded to my question text in over 4 hours. He has been online but deliberately avoided my text (it doesn't show up as read)..

This last batch of OLD guys has been more flaky than usual. So sick of this

January 28, 2016

Either that or he's working.

He wasn't interested to start with considering the frequency of the dates (texting is not indicative for anything IMO, I'm personally freaked out by phone calls). One date a week or less is just not enough to built connection.

I think he has lost interest. He has not responded to my question text in over 4 hours. He has been online but deliberately avoided my text (it doesn't show up as read)..

This last batch of OLD guys has been more flaky than usual. So sick of this

January 28, 2016

I think he has lost interest. He has not responded to my question text in over 4 hours. He has been online but deliberately avoided my text (it doesn't show up as read)..

This last batch of OLD guys has been more flaky than usual. So sick of this

If you collect all of the threads on here about men not communicating between dates and 99% of the time it's them not being interested enough. Sorry.

January 28, 2016

If you collect all of the threads on here about men not communicating between dates and 99% of the time it's them not being interested enough. Sorry.

Yup. The sad thing is that I wasn't that interested either but I still feel rejected :/

January 28, 2016

It's not the same when you start dating than when you're living together.

I think at the very beginning it's important for a man to keep a good line of communication to build a bridge and a sense of familiarity with a woman. I am not talking spending the night on the phone or texting all day but there has to be some type of acknowledgment on his part that she is on his mind.

As the relationship progress and you spend more time together it's normal the amount of texting and calling slows down. Most women would be happy with a simple text 'have a wonderful day today'.

I think the real threat of this relationship is the opposite schedule that keeps them apart for 6 days or more.

If you have 1 date a week and no communication in between then each date feels like the first date. There is no progression.

I know you and your man had a very very slow start and he didn't text at all, etc and it turned in a relationship but that is the exception. In general when a man is interested enough he text or better he calls. He's way too worried someone else will get her attention so he keeps that line of communication open.

Maybe it's true but you have to look at this (and any other problems) in context of everything else that's going on and what you know about him. Some men couldn't care less about texting, that's all.

This guy seems to have other red flags about him. So he may have lost interest and I wouldn't be surprised since his relationship history appears to be sketchy.

January 28, 2016

I feel like texting him: "Look, if you are not interested just say so". I know it's a bad idea.

I should be working on my grant.

January 28, 2016

That expectations thing. You're in complete control of that and it can go anywhere you want it to.

Is that dinner date still on? The one you mentioned here

January 28, 2016

That expectations thing. You're in complete control of that and it can go anywhere you want it to.

Is that dinner date still on? The one you mentioned here

Who knows, we still haven't set up the details. If he stops replying to my texts then I will know that it's not.

January 28, 2016

Who knows, we still haven't set up the details. If he stops replying to my texts then I will know that it's not.

On January 26th you said you had a date with him in 6 days time. That makes it Monday? But you have no place and time set up yet?

He works Saturday night?

January 28, 2016

OP if you nitpick like that on stuff that does not matter, maybe it's that you really don't want a real relationship. When you get married, do you think it's going to matter how much your husband texts you?

Yeah, i could work with that if the guy was asking me out every week, was a good, kind person and relationship minded.

Again, this guy is fine with the texting, look at the relationship history and how well he advances things with you.

I'm in a relationship that started out like this and frankly it's one of the things that still has me questioning whether I want to be in this relationship. We have progressed into seeing each other more often but I still don't feel as close to him as I would hope by this time.

OP - I really didn't think it would progress into a relationship in my case and I almost ended it eith my BF. He asked me to be exclusive, his GF, to see me more, etc. So I gave it a chance. I've have told him several times about the impact of not calling/texting/lack of questions has has on me but nothing has changed.

If you have 1 date a week and no communication in between then each date feels like the first date. There is no progression.

I know you and your man had a very very slow start and he didn't text at all, etc and it turned in a relationship but that is the exception. In general when a man is interested enough he text or better he calls. He's way too worried someone else will get her attention so he keeps that line of communication open.

Agreed. I think this is the part that's making you uneasy OP.

January 28, 2016

On January 26th you said you had a date with him in 6 days time. That makes it Monday? But you have no place and time set up yet?

He works Saturday night?

Yes it's on Monday night but no specific time and place.

He works weekends, evening shifts (he owns a restaurant) and says weekends are his busiest time.

January 28, 2016

You've already had a first date, apparently it went well. He formally asked you out for a second date, making plans a week in advance. To me, this shows respect for your schedule, and his, and thinking ahead. Still, you're strangers, with appropriate boundaries. A lot is still unknown.

I remember how this went when I first met my exW...

- Hey, I'd love to get together. Will you be in town xxxx?

- No, I have clients that evening. How about xxxx?

- Yeah, at this point that works for me. Let's make it a date and, if anything changes, get in touch.

Then we went about our work and social lives and met up for the date when it rolled around. Sometimes, business changed and one of us had to reschedule. No problem. Pick up the phone and reschedule.

For us, the slow progression and not constantly being in contact worked as we got to know each other. Our styles were similar. Both were ingrained from many years of living life, her while married and me while single. They were unlikely to change. Heh, and didn't

IMO, you're at a stage of life now, in your 30's, where your style is your style. I guess, at this point, it's healthy to accept it and not ponder guys who demonstrate a different style. Quickly assess them and thin out the dating pool as appropriate. As example, if I was getting to know a lady now and she was blowing up my phone I'd simply and politely decline continuing. Why? I know my style and am comfortable with it. No offense to her at all. It's no different than all the ladies who wouldn't date me because I was bald, well, am bald. It's a preference. I prefer my phone to be silent

January 28, 2016

Yes it's on Monday night but no specific time and place.

He works weekends, evening shifts (he owns a restaurant) and says weekends are his busiest time.

OH boy! Ok.

I have always turned down dates from men working in restaurant business. If you work typical office hours it will be a very difficult and unfulfilled relationship with lots of limitation due to his hours. They always work on weekends and holidays.

January 28, 2016

If you have 1 date a week and no communication in between then each date feels like the first date.

This is the best description I've ever read of this phenomenon. I've dated guys like this and it felt like I was on a treadmill - no matter how many dates we went on we were never able to get any closer, either because the lack of communication was symptomatic of his low interest or because the lack of communication made it hard for us to form a bond.

I can't stress enough how important it is for a guy to communicate between dates to let the girl know that she's on his mind. If a guy isn't a texter, he can at least call, or email...something.

Every single dating experience I had where the guy wasn't open from early on ended badly. Most of the time he told me eventually that he was essentially leading me on. Furthermore, I was never able to feel connected to him on our dates. There were a couple of actual relationships I had that began with a guy who was poor texter/caller, but I found that this behavior was really part of a core character trait I couldn't accept. Even as things became more serious he remained indirect and neglectful, and I mean day to day in person. I had to constantly guess what was on his mind, read between the lines, or sometimes worse, discover secrets about him at every turn that disturbed me. We stayed together three lonely years. A guy like that only works with a girl who is willing to be the more dominant partner and take on most of the relationship's heavy-lifting. So this style may work for some women, but not for all. My father neglects my mom and she rues the day she married him. His poor communication is just the tip of an enormous iceberg that she didn't discover until they married.

Btw, these were all guys who said they weren't texters/phone people or didn't feel the need for daily communication. Didn't matter what their reasons or excuses were. It never worked out.

January 28, 2016

I feel like texting him: "Look, if you are not interested just say so". I know it's a bad idea.

I should be working on my grant.

Don't do this because you won't get an honest response and he'll only use it against you later. Whenever I've done this that was the result. Guy told me he was definitely interested and made some flimsy excuse "I"m just not much of a texter", "'m busy", yada yada. Then later on he confessed I was right AND also said my lack of confidence by asking him turned him off, which made me feel great. Keep in mind a guy who was truly interested wouldn't be turned off by such a text but it's not worth asking because he'll just tell you what you want to hear either way.

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He doesn't put much effort into conversation between dates

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