Suspicions with Wife

[The D Train]

This is absolutely correct. I don't think there's a betrayed spouse on this EARTH who didn't utter the same exact thing about how their spouse would never cheat on them.

 

 

Secondly, everyone is telling you how you have nothing to go on and you're looking for stuff that isn't there.

 

Sorry, but a strange text simply saying, "I C U" isn't nothing. Nor is a brand new male friend on FB - who the OP's wife has NEVER mentioned once to him - nothing.

 

Where there's smoke, there's usually fire OP.

 

Thanks, you make a lot of sense. I know I am not perfect and our marriage is not perfect but I think we are a good partnership raising two great kids. If someone were to cheat in our relationship, 100% of the people that know us would say it would be me. Not because I am a ladies man or scoundrel but because my wife is so trust worthy and sweetest lady in the world. I would never expect it from her either.

 

 

I would have thought most affairs occur when marriages are in OBVIOUS trouble in some fashion. But then I read stories on here.

 

 

As far as the ICU text, normally I would blow it off as a wrong number or who cares but when I put the fact that she wanted to leave that bar fairly abruptly (which is highly unusual for her) makes me wonder.

 

 

I did some more digging on her FB guy friend SHE added. He is mutual FB friends with a couple of our friends but I have never heard of him or met him. Not sure how my wife would have either given we are together in social situations almost all the time. And meet him to feel comfortable added him on FB.

[strugglinghubby]

You need more evidence, what you have doesn't tell you anything concrete. You have two options:

 

1) Talk to your wife about it, ask her what's going on

2) Don't mention a word about it to your wife and try to collect more evidence

 

I'd strongly advocate for point 2, the minute you raise it the so much more difficult it will be to get more evidence. Trust me I know first hand. The key piece here I Think is to use a data recovery tool on her phone. "I C U" is not a text message that you send someone for the first time. The fact that the number is not saved against a contact, and that there are no historical messages from that number raises concerns. I would be doing that as a first step.

[BeholdtheMan]

2. I am a 1000% confident she would never have an affair b/c she is a pretty religious person and very committed to me.

 

Well then...no reason to post here

[merrmeade]

I would have thought most affairs occur when marriages are in OBVIOUS trouble in some fashion. But then I read stories on here.

Instead of wondering, read Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. She gathered actual data, e.g.: "...56 percent of the men I sampled who had extramarital intercourse said that their marriages were happy, versus 34 percent of the women."

[SSJROMANCE]

COMPLETELY ignore anybody on here who disagrees with your snooping. A marriage should be an open book and if you have nothing to hide there should be no issue with looking at her phone, FB accounts, etc… These are the people who would rather be "politically correct" than to save a marriage that might be heading down the wrong path.

 

Now that I got that out of the way follow your instincts. I would be on high alert now and tracking every move your wife makes. You might go as far as to hire a private investigator on the nights she goes out. If it doesn't pass the smell test more times than not something is going on.

 

I would not wait too long. If she hasn't crossed that line yet and is still flitting with disaster it's still not too late to stop it before it's too late. If your wife has low self esteem and boundary issues she will be vulnerable to guys who prey on those types of women. They can be easy prey even if they are married and know right from wrong. Do you know how many men have said they were 1000% confident that their wife would never cheat later to be crushed when they find out they did? Better safe than sorry when something doesn't feel right. Good luck!

Edited January 29, 2016 by SSJROMANCE

[uneek74]

Strange, how D Train was gung ho on the advice to snoop further, and to call the number that texted his wife. It's been almost a week, since all of this occurred and still no update about who might have sent that text. Since he texted the number back, I have been waiting to see if the texter would bite, and respond. Looks like nothing has occurred that we know of since his last post.

 

 

Could it be the text was from a wrong number. I get text and phone calls all the time from people I don't know. Just a few weeks ago I was texting who I thought was my sister, it turned out to be a guy who let me text him for a week, until he responded one day that he was a dude! and not my sister. Another time, a text came saying let's meet at the same place as last week. I had no idea whose number it was and I called them. It was someone not even in my city. BTW it was a guy too.

 

 

This should be posted in the thread, Now I am a Detective also. These stories parallel each other

 

 

So sometimes things like this happens, there is no need to always go the suspicious route and start spying, and hiring PI's.

Edited January 29, 2016 by uneek74
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[BettyDraper]

This. It's hard to take people seriously when they are morally inconsistent.

 

In another thread, D Train was also talking about contacting an ex when he knows his wife was unhappy that he was speaking with his ex before.

The OP needs to stop throwing stones while he lives in a glass house.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/565458-unrequited-love-4.html