The car, the places, the phone

[Satu]

4 year relationship.

I am the dumpee.

She left after a confrontation one evening, and never came back (except to pick up her belongings).

 

Only short, formal communication about rent, etc.

Zero communication for about 3 weeks now.

I am definitely feeling much better.

 

Issues:

I still can't stop looking at my phone.

I still can't stop looking for her car on the streets (she moved in a new apartment in the same neighborhood), and we actually drove next to each other a few days ago.

One day I went to get some coffee at the local coffee shop. Saw her car parked there, and I just drove away.

It is still hard to go to grocery stores, etc.

 

The way you are feeling is completely normal, and to be expected.

 

Don't be critical of yourself, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling the way you do.

 

As time passes, the way you think about all this will change, but you have to honour your feelings as they exist in this moment.

 

You will be absolutely ok, just a little bit further down the line.

[DarkHorizon]

You will be absolutely ok, just a little bit further down the line.

 

Thanks, Satu. I know; I think I improved a lot since the breakup (almost two months ago). It is just these little chance encounters and annoying coincidences that keep pulling me back at this point. It definitely doesn't pull me back all the way to the starting point, but still... it is more than just memory; more than just a reminder. It is her - right there, in flesh and blood, living her everyday life. Regardless how short these moments are, they feel endless. Seeing her from the window of my car is like watching a scary movie that will keep me awake at night.

[Brando]

Oh, first of all... I wish you a happy birthday, Brando. And by that I mean a peaceful one. I know "happy" isn't a very meaningful term right now, and "peace" is all we really want.

 

I completely agree about the weekends. During the week we can stay distracted with work and other responsibilities, while weekends seem to be just waiting around the corner, ready to strike. I can't even begin to tell you how hard it was for me not to jump out of the car and go straight to her. Damn, I miss her; I miss her voice, I miss looking at her face, I miss touching her skin. But that's all irrelevant now. I came back home with my groceries and she went to her place with hers -- we are strangers now.

 

Thanks for the happy birthday. I do appreciate it. I've never looked forward to Mondays so much in my life. Oh well, just need more time I guess. Some days I'm so motivated to get up and do stuff and move on. Some days (this weekend) it just feels good to sit inside alone and enjoy my own company. The beautiful thing is that I don't mind being alone anymore. For a while after the breakup I always had to have someone around. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing, but now I just want to be all alone. I was ignoring my friends and family all day because I really just didn't want to talk to anybody. I finally had to reply to all of them because they all got worried. Maybe I'm just riding the healing roller coaster haha.

 

Man, I'm sorry you miss her like that. I feel like that sometimes, but most recently I haven't been able to miss her because I don't like how she ended it....you read the text I was going to send her, that all you talked me out of sending. I miss her, but the her I miss doesn't exist anymore, don't know who that person is anymore! Like you said...strangers...

[Satu]

Thanks, Satu. I know; I think I improved a lot since the breakup (almost two months ago). It is just these little chance encounters and annoying coincidences that keep pulling me back at this point. It definitely doesn't pull me back all the way to the starting point, but still... it is more than just memory; more than just a reminder. It is her - right there, in flesh and blood, living her everyday life. Regardless how short these moments are, they feel endless. Seeing her from the window of my car is like watching a scary movie that will keep me awake at night.

 

I honestly know what its like - I've been there. I had a very physical response, almost like being struck.

 

But time moves on and it gets easier.

 

You know that already.

[Satu]

Thanks for the happy birthday. I do appreciate it. I've never looked forward to Mondays so much in my life. Oh well, just need more time I guess. Some days I'm so motivated to get up and do stuff and move on. Some days (this weekend) it just feels good to sit inside alone and enjoy my own company. The beautiful thing is that I don't mind being alone anymore. For a while after the breakup I always had to have someone around. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing, but now I just want to be all alone. I was ignoring my friends and family all day because I really just didn't want to talk to anybody. I finally had to reply to all of them because they all got worried. Maybe I'm just riding the healing roller coaster haha.

 

Man, I'm sorry you miss her like that. I feel like that sometimes, but most recently I haven't been able to miss her because I don't like how she ended it....you read the text I was going to send her, that all you talked me out of sending. I miss her, but the her I miss doesn't exist anymore, don't know who that person is anymore! Like you said...strangers...

 

I wish you a happy birthday too. The best ever.

[DarkHorizon]

For a while after the breakup I always had to have someone around. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing, but now I just want to be all alone. I was ignoring my friends and family all day because I really just didn't want to talk to anybody.

 

I honestly don't know. I am getting to that point as well - feeling comfortable being alone, but part of me is panicking because I don't have family in the country, and if I start ignoring friends... I am REALLY alone. On the other hand, it is strange to be always calling and texting friends, as well as writing here. It's this need to share and be heard. I also have a serious medical condition (lymphoma) that makes me wonder who will be there for me when I need it again. I still carry her name and number in my wallet because she was/is my emergency contact - and I don't know who to replace it with.

 

Will she be there for me in case of a serious medical emergency?

I honestly don't know -- probably not.

[Brando]

I wish you a happy birthday too. The best ever.

 

Thank you very much!! It's strange to go back and forth. Last weekend I was so much better and out with friends hanging a great time. This weekend I can't even leave my room. Probably because I didn't block her and she text me that message which broke NC??? I think I know that answer already haha....don't break NC!!

[Brando]

I honestly don't know. I am getting to that point as well - feeling comfortable being alone, but part of me is panicking because I don't have family in the country, and if I start ignoring friends... I am REALLY alone. On the other hand, it is strange to be always calling and texting friends, as well as writing here. It's this need to share and be heard. I also have a serious medical condition (lymphoma) that makes me wonder who will be there for me when I need it again. I still carry her name and number in my wallet because she was/is my emergency contact - and I don't know who to replace it with.

 

Will she be there for me in case of a serious medical emergency?

I honestly don't know -- probably not.

 

 

Ya, my family is on the other side of the country. I wasn't trying to be rude or push them away. I was just so sick of looking at my phone. My friends and family must all talk about me between each other haha. When one person got ignored all of a sudden they all started popping up asking if I was ok and all that. I don't talk to them about it anymore because I'm sure they've heard enough, but they've all lived it and know even if I'm not talking about it I'm still going through it.

 

Sorry about your condition. I wish you all the best and all the strength to heal. Keep posting. I enjoy your point of view and hearing your stories. Most on here seem like great people.

[DarkHorizon]

Ya, my family is on the other side of the country. I wasn't trying to be rude or push them away. I was just so sick of looking at my phone. My friends and family must all talk about me between each other haha. When one person got ignored all of a sudden they all started popping up asking if I was ok and all that. I don't talk to them about it anymore because I'm sure they've heard enough, but they've all lived it and know even if I'm not talking about it I'm still going through it.

 

Sorry about your condition. I wish you all the best and all the strength to heal. Keep posting. I enjoy your point of view and hearing your stories. Most on here seem like great people.

 

Thanks, Brando; I'm hanging in there. The cancer is in remission, so it's all good. I will definitely keep checking these boards, as well as trying to help others with what I've learned so far. Every single day is a learning experience in this area, and we all know about the ups and downs; the good and the bad days. Even the most experienced ones here know pretty well that when the next wave hits them, they will also need a place to hold.