katiegrl Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Leave him before..... You marry him Before you have children with him Before your children see him treat you this way Before you try to shield your children for years, but they get too old Before you have todebate if leaving or staying is worse for your children Because he can be the best husband, best father but sometimes he just loses it. Leave him before you walk on eggshells for years because you never know when it's coming next. Because you never know when it's going to be. Things will be fine for months then out of nowhere something sets him off. Leave him before you spend 10yrs with him, and you lose who you are. What you were before. You become angry, at him, resentful of your kids, and lost in the world. ------ **He will do this again. Trust me I know. I wish I would have seen the signs, and walked away when I was just dating. Because it happened when we were dating do, but I just made excuses or waited it out. He always apologized. He always made up. He always came back. But it never changel for long. So far it appears it's been every 2-3 months. My guess is he will beg her forgiveness, she will go back, things will be great for awhile, only to have him rinse and repeat in a few months. Sad.
Blanco Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 At his age, he is who he is. I think that's all you need to know.
Renae Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 So far it appears it's been every 2-3 months. My guess is he will beg her forgiveness, she will go back, things will be great for awhile, only to have him rinse and repeat in a few months. Sad. If I had to guess it was around that long for my ex. Abuser aren't monsters. My ex is not a bad person. I know he loves me and our kids. I know he doesn't mean the things he said and did. I know he is truly regretful for the past. But I also know without a doubt that he will do it again. 1
introverted1 Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 You wrote about this guy in January, and the 4 pages of that thread documented a pattern of alcohol abuse and disregard for you. It doesn't seem as though anything has gotten better, only that you have gotten yourself more mired in this situation. You're 25. Get out now before you wake up at 35 realising that you lost 10 years on a relationship that's been doomed from the start. 2
Esquire_Seattle Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 I too met "the love of my life." Who turned out to be an alcoholic. Who gaslighted me. Who I had to walk on eggshells around. Who had major communication issues. Who called me names. I thought love conquered all - if he loved me enough he would change. WRONG. The change would last a few weeks. Then his true colors emerged. I wasted two years and left him twice, each time was heartbreaking. Save yourself the pain and let this one go. 1
joseb Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Man sometimes the people on here are too harsh. He said it out of anger but I guess I should just give up since that's all everyone else on here has to say. Like I didn't spend 6 lovely months with this most wonderful man who has turned into a monster for a night and I'm confused. </3 Unless you are talking about a different guy than you posted about in January, and that would mean you are seeing two guys, then you know that this isn't true. He is not wonderful and it didn't happen overnight. 1
Blanco Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 OP, now that the threads have thankfully been merged, it's pretty clear that this relationship is far from ideal. Also, you've exhibited a tendency to conflate being attacked by others here when they're actually just telling you what you don't really want to hear. 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted April 29, 2016 Posted April 29, 2016 Wow, I forgot that I had already posted on your thread before. Now his behavior makes a lot more sense. He doesn't like to be accountable for his behavior, which is so sad. I looked at your other thread to try and get some context. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/566772-i-think-i-need-break-off I'm not surprised you are a mess right now. He has turned from prince charming into a nightmare. Not only the excessive drinking, but the mind games as well. There is a nasty side coming out in him. Pleading with you to come over, only to not be there, and then not showing up for many hours, then trivializing his behavior. When he finally accepted the fact that he has a problem, he immediately turned it round, and blamed you for his behavior, because he thinks you might have given him an std. Whether that is true or not doesn't matter. It is a separate issue. It doesn't give him the right to use it to play mind games. It worked exactly the way he wanted though, because you became apologetic and took away his accountability. Next thing he does is comment on an old photo of you and a friend to belittle you. I know I am just going over things you have already said, but seriously, to an outsider this guy is showing his true colors. He is manipulative, insensitive, and untrustworthy. It doesn't matter how amazing he was three weeks ago, what matters is the guy you are dealing with right now. I know you are hurting and confused, but how is that any difference then how you were feeling when you were at his house at 2am, wondering why he insisted you come over if he was going to stay out all night. At least if you free of him you can gain some control of the situation. It is better to be alone then in the company of someone who makes you feel that way. The sooner you rip the band aide off and dump him officially, the sooner you can heal. Perhaps he improved for a while which made you stay with him. However, it seems like old habits die hard. He wants to go back to the way he wanted things to be without you calling him out on his drinking, drugs, smoking etc. I think him stating that you made him feel bad during the heat of the argument actually stems from having to stop his behavior, but instead of being honest, he deflected the blame back on you again. Don't be surprised if you hear that he is on a major bender now. This is exactly what he wants to be doing. I respect the fact that you love this man and that at times he makes you happy, but you can't save him from himself, he will only resent you. Like I said before, you need to protect yourself and your heart.
Recommended Posts