Is there a way to fully get over her?

[Josh_7798]

Hey everyone and firstly thank you for reading this.

 

I posted a while ago about my first ever break up which can be found here.

 

Well it's been a few months prior to my break up and things have honestly gotten much better for me, which I'm really happy about because it shows no matter how much it hurts, things do indeed get better.

 

I know there a people in a much worse situation than mine, but sometimes throughout my day I'll start thinking about my ex girlfriend which makes me get quite depressed, it's one of those 'what could have been' thoughts, which makes me then think deeper about what would happen if I tried to get back with her.

 

I still have a few feelings for this girl, but they only really come about when I think of our times together. After our break-up I went NC for a while before I stupidly replied to her message and we got talking again, but ever since the new year I've made a promise to myself I wouldn't speak to her again as it kills me inside everytime I do.

 

I just want to know if there is any way I can fully get over her? We had good times together but I just want to fully get over her and never think about either her or our relationship again. Any advice would be great, thank you for reading.

[PegNosePete]

Stick to the NC.

As you found out, talking takes you right back to day 1.

If you want to get over her quicker then stick to the NC.

[JamesM]

The memories are there. You will always have a memory or two pop in your head.

 

What you want is that those memories do not make you depressed.

 

IMO it will take another girl to change your feelings about those memories. And yes, in time, those memories will fade and pop in your head less often.

 

Is there a pill that can erase them? Not in real life. They are there as a reminder of what was and what can be. They have made you who you are and who you might be for someone else.

 

Emotional pain is never easy, but it teaches us for good or for bad.

[DarkHorizon]

never think about either her or our relationship again.

 

You can't really control your thoughts. You can't stop them from coming, and it is okay. Your past relationship is now a memory and part of yourself. Imagine a wound that turned into a scar. It's there, forever, and the memories of the accident as well. What you can do, though, is the way you perceive it; the way you look at it. Try not to look at it from a negative point of view, but from a positive one; for instance, the things you learned from it. Those lessons are so important. Our minds are obsessed with pain and suffering, because that's all our ego cares about in order to keep us protected. We have to make an extra effort to look at past painful experiences with a positive, compassionate eye. But once you do, you finally learn the valuable lessons, so you can make sure you can avoid the same issues in future relationships.

 

So, don't try to "not think about her or the relationship. If the thoughts come, just accept them, don't take ownership of them. Look in a different direction, pay attention to something else, and as the mind realizes you are being indifferent to those thoughts, they will pass.

[smudge21]

You'll always have memories of her, it's how you'll feel and react to them that will change. That will happen over time and there's nothing you can do make it happen any faster. There will be good days and bad ones, and those thoughts of what could've been will always make you feel down, but just accept that it's part of healing. Like any physical wound, it doesn't magically heal as soon as the bandage is on, and even when it's off, there's always a scar but eventually even that fades. Took me well over a year to get over my ex whereas others take longer, or less time, there's no rules to this. Just carry on with NC, focus on doing whatever makes you better and you will be okay. We all heal eventually.