Dug myself in forever alone

[Qboro90]

My point was more than no two personalities are the same. Some prose would work on one person but not on 30 others, that's the point I am trying to me. Its pointless using the same joke, same lines on every date in the hope it may work.

 

You missed my point about clubbing.

 

Your looks comment nicely supports my assertion its pointless to lower your standards when it comes to looks, what isn't attractive now, wont become anymore attractive in 30 minutes or 30 days.

 

 

Dude. Cmon. A comedian tells the same exact jokes every single show during their tour. There are more than 30 people in the room. They all have different personalities. They all are laughing. Every.. Single .. Night.

The Rolling Stones... Haven't put out a new album in decades. Their shows sell out. Why? Because they created something that people respond to and always gets a positive reaction when played. Over and over again.

 

Ever heard of the term "ice breakers"?. Every guy who's been laid more than once can tell you a line, or an approach, or a compliment, or a way they introduce themselves... That has garnered positive responses in their lives.

Does it work on every single girl 100% of the time? Of course not. If you wanna work harder for original content for every blind date you go on then by all means. I'm gonna use what I have in the arsenal to get her to want to skip dessert so we can head back to my place sooner rather than later.

 

Looks

 

If I showed you a list of 10 girls photos and told you to pick 1. And there were three 6's, four 3's, one 7, one 8, and one 10... Who are you gonna pick? Any guy is gonna pick the 10.

Now if I give you those same 10 photos and told you that you can pick 3. What happens now? You're saying that you should only pick the 10 and forget the other 2 choices you get. I'm suggesting that you pick the 10, the 8, and the 7.... And see what the heck happens.

 

A 7 who wakes you up with pancakes and a bj, is better than a 10 who is as dull as a brick wall.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I actually did this and its laughably easy to get unattractive, un athletic larger ladies to like me. Its much easier to get them to like me.

 

So then, you're not a 30 something guy who has had no relationships and no women, because you have a slew up of women you have hooked up with.

Edited January 28, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[Qboro90]

So then, you're not a 30 something guy who has had no relationships and no women, because you have a slew up of women you have hooked up with.

 

Well played..That's what most people would consider... Getting caught in your own bs.

[AMJ]

 

0 women approached and asked out in the past 3 months. I'm hoping to change that. I'm hoping I can change that.

 

I think your biggest problem is your own confidence. You'll never find a relationship if you don't ask women out on dates- you just got to put yourself out there. I'm having a lot of success with Bumble- and it's free. Women have to initiate contact on the site, so I guess it's less intimidating for men, less rejection.

 

Whatever online site you choose, you just need to start doing it. A good friend of mine is 37 and not at all a conventional "catch". He lives with his mom, he's kind of strange, not very good-looking. But he's a nice guy. Being a nice guy is really the only and best thing he has to offer a woman. He started online dating a month or two ago- I mean he went at it like a beast. A man on a mission like you've never seen before. Two or three coffee dates in one day, going out with tons of women all the time.

 

What he found out, is that women over age 30 unfortunately are so burned and jaded by experiences with *******s, that being a nice guy and just asking to take us on dates suddenly puts you in first place. He was blown away by how many women agreed to go on a date with him, and it's because online dating has led to this experience for most women- guys want to text you or email you for weeks, months sometimes, and never actually meet you in person. Or they just want to ask you for pictures of your boobs, ask you to hook up, whatever. Online dating is pretty miserable for women.

 

But if you are a nice guy with good intentions, and just be up front about being a nice guy, I think you'll do really well! I wish you luck, and think you just need to put yourself out there.

[ZA Dater]

Well played..That's what most people would consider... Getting caught in your own bs.

 

I had coffee with them, regrettably none held my interest for longer than 5 minutes. Each was as dull as a white wall and as desperate as that homeless guy I gave $20 too.

[ZA Dater]

Dude. Cmon. A comedian tells the same exact jokes every single show during their tour. There are more than 30 people in the room. They all have different personalities. They all are laughing. Every.. Single .. Night.

The Rolling Stones... Haven't put out a new album in decades. Their shows sell out. Why? Because they created something that people respond to and always gets a positive reaction when played. Over and over again.

 

Ever heard of the term "ice breakers"?. Every guy who's been laid more than once can tell you a line, or an approach, or a compliment, or a way they introduce themselves... That has garnered positive responses in their lives.

Does it work on every single girl 100% of the time? Of course not. If you wanna work harder for original content for every blind date you go on then by all means. I'm gonna use what I have in the arsenal to get her to want to skip dessert so we can head back to my place sooner rather than later.

 

Looks

 

If I showed you a list of 10 girls photos and told you to pick 1. And there were three 6's, four 3's, one 7, one 8, and one 10... Who are you gonna pick? Any guy is gonna pick the 10.

Now if I give you those same 10 photos and told you that you can pick 3. What happens now? You're saying that you should only pick the 10 and forget the other 2 choices you get. I'm suggesting that you pick the 10, the 8, and the 7.... And see what the heck happens.

 

A 7 who wakes you up with pancakes and a bj, is better than a 10 who is as dull as a brick wall.

 

I look at the overall and the OP should do the same, if the looks don't do it for you, then you better hope the personality is a stellar one to make up for the lack of looks. Very seldom is this the case, decent looking females have all the choice in the world, decent looking guys, not so much.

 

 

The OP is best advised to try the utopia that appears to be US OLD, sound overly fantastic to me and totally at odd with the experience of others here but I guess its worth a try, make sure your profile isn't boring and make your pictures are great because nobody is actually going to bother to read your profile anyway.

[JuneJulySeptember]

What he found out, is that women over age 30 unfortunately are so burned and jaded by experiences with *******s, that being a nice guy and just asking to take us on dates suddenly puts you in first place.

 

Heh. I dunno about first place.

 

I would say that how it works is that if you look like you're not going to be a jerk/player who will use/hurt them, that might get you a date, but being a nice guy will never create attraction with women.

 

I went out with this woman who worked with the elderly and so I was telling her about how I volunteer with youth, disabled, and soup kitchens and wanted to go to Africa to build homes and pipe in water, which is all true by the way. Rejected...

 

Women just want what they want and there's no sense in trying to make logic out of it. I'm a believer that the sooner you realize this as a man, the easier your life will become. Took me 40+ years.

Edited January 28, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[hasaquestion]

OP I said this in another thread but it bears repeating. if you want to "work on something" then think about the first 15 minutes when people meet you.

 

People say looks are everything because looks are a major subset of first impressions, and are the easiest to wrap our minds around. But they are not everything. The more complete answer is that first impressions are (or are the real class of traits that can be safely approximated as such) everything. I was watching a video of Youtube celebrity (strange world we live in, huh?) Matt Smith (his YouTube channel is called dangmattsmith). That dude is as far as you can get from conventionally attractive but he's got an awesome personality.

 

People want to be with people who stand out of the crowd. And people aren't mind readers. If you're list of things that are good about you includes a bunch of intangible, undefinable stuff like (1) I'm a nice guy or (2) I'm not a jerk... well then its not going to do squat. Because just like 10 in 100 guys are hotties, 10 in 100 have great personalities. So its going to take more than just not being a jerk to be one of those guys with a great personality.

 

The mistake a lot of men make is that they evaluate their personality using unproductive benchmarks ("I'm a nice guy", "I'm not a jerk", "I'm not a felon", etc.) and then when it doesn't work they conclude personality doesn't matter.

 

Personality does matter, just not in the touchy-feely ways Disney movies say it does. People tend to care what you have to offer. Why do really funny guys always do better than their looks say they should? Funny guys have something to offer without thinking about it.

 

Stop looking at personality in vague, abstract, and intangible benchmarks, and look at it as what someone would be compelled/impressed by about you besides your looks in the first 15 minutes. You'll find there are personality traits that improve your appeal. The key is that they are aspects of your personality and presence that manifest themselves immediately.

 

If you see personality appeal as exclusively a long game and looks appeal as something immediate (a belief lots of self-style 'struggling guys' have), it will leave you frustrated.

[tasev1]

Ok, so I'm in a similar boat as you, albeit 34. What have I discovered? You need to do a few things that are fundamental:

 

-Learn to become a better version of yourself.

-Convince yourself of what you want and find ways to go get it.

-Let go of your inhibitions that hold you back.

-Interact with women with the intent to 'hook up' - in essence, this means congruence: your thoughts, words, and actions must align or you will not look genuine. Example: you said you interact fine when not wanting to hook up? Hence why you are always a friend.

-BECOME uncomfortable - it's the only way to break through the barrier.

 

I wish I discovered this sooner. I still have my walls to break through, such as sex....but I feel I am well on my way.

 

There's obviously so much more, but I want my post short. Go find some reading material, or if you can afford it, a dating coach.

 

Read: How to be a 3% man by Corey Wayne, along with his YT channel.

Follow: Stephan Erdman and Hayley Quinn on YouTube.

All those 3 helped me, before I started learning pickup from Real Social Dynamics (their methods need to be adapted to your age and social groups, but the fundamentals still apply)

Edited January 29, 2016 by tasev1

[Popsicle]

If you want to have kids someday, go for younger women.

[DaveHammer]

If you want to have kids someday, go for younger women.

Why a woman who is 30+ and who hasn't kids and wants kids still has years left to do that. If the op takes that advice, he could lose out on great deal of women and it is a numbers game no?

[Popsicle]

Why a woman who is 30+ and who hasn't kids and wants kids still has years left to do that. If the op takes that advice, he could lose out on great deal of women and it is a numbers game no?

 

I don't know, he said he wants a family.

[neowulf]

Turning 40 soon, male, never had a relationship/girlfriend.

 

Would like to think I'm okay looking but reality says otherwise. Women have rarely/never shown interest.

 

Since I rarely gotten positive experiences, I guess I stopped trying. So now I find myself trying to dig out. I would like to have a family someday.

 

My one hope is that I did manage to attract a co-worker many years ago. She was overtly flirtatious, so it made it easy on me to flirt respond back. It didn't last. But it was a fun 2 or 3 dates. It was organic. I got lucky.

 

I guess I would like to think I'm not totally hopeless?

 

Reaching out for help.

 

Honestly man? Get a dating coach.

 

There's something going on at a deeper level here and I honestly believe at this point you need a 3rd party to pull you up by the boot straps and drag you out of your comfort zone.

[notoriginal]

It sucks, and you may indeed aknowledge that even though drowning in self-pity is also something you need to avoid.

Never stop trying to improve yourself for yourself, not that one women. That women don't like you doesn't mean you're hopeless unless you're hiding something. I agree with the idea of a dating coach. Sometimes an objective view helps. You have probably became blind for your flaws

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Yeah I would imagine he is able to afford one by now

[ZA Dater]

It sucks, and you may indeed aknowledge that even though drowning in self-pity is also something you need to avoid.

Never stop trying to improve yourself for yourself, not that one women. That women don't like you doesn't mean you're hopeless unless you're hiding something. I agree with the idea of a dating coach. Sometimes an objective view helps. You have probably became blind for your flaws

 

If people repeatedly don't like you and you can never get a date, that does imply a degree of hopelessness.

[road]

If people repeatedly don't like you and you can never get a date, that does imply a degree of hopelessness.

 

Nothing to do with being hopeless.

 

 

It implies that a man refuses to change and make himself more date worthy.

 

 

It also implies that he only shoots for women that are out of his league.

[SoleMate]

Since you have several close, longtime male friends who have managed to find a mate, I would suggest you ask your friends and their wives for their best advice as to whether there is anything you should be doing differently. Go into this with an open mind.

 

I also agree it is partially a numbers game. Not numbers alone of course......but to some extent, your chance of finding a partner is directly proportional to the number of attempts/approaches you make. This doesn't mean buttonholing women cold.....it means being in social situations, asking people to set you up on dates, getting around more, being friendly to everyone of all ages and letting them know you're looking for a special someone.

 

If there's any chance of emotional or personality issues, you may want to consider seeing a counselor or therapist.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Since you have several close, longtime male friends who have managed to find a mate, I would suggest you ask your friends and their wives for their best advice as to whether there is anything you should be doing differently. Go into this with an open mind.

 

I also agree it is partially a numbers game. Not numbers alone of course......but to some extent, your chance of finding a partner is directly proportional to the number of attempts/approaches you make. This doesn't mean buttonholing women cold.....it means being in social situations, asking people to set you up on dates, getting around more, being friendly to everyone of all ages and letting them know you're looking for a special someone.

 

If there's any chance of emotional or personality issues, you may want to consider seeing a counselor or therapist.

 

It's funny that you mention that because some of my friend's wives give me advice from time to time. And they are like, "You have to do this, and that for her." And it's mostly related to how I dress and chivalry type stuff. Almost always little stuff. And I always take their advice, because it's so easy to do. But of course, when you run into another woman, they will always point out your 'dating flaws' and there's always more.

 

But the funny part about it, is their own husbands don't do that stuff. Some not even close. They don't open doors for them, or help them carry their stuff or iron their shirts or match their belt to their shoes. And that is the irony of it.

 

And it's one of the reasons I say "Improve what YOU want to improve about yourself" and play the numbers.

 

EVERYBODY has their opinions on your flaws and why that is costing you dates/relationships. Especially on this forum. If you listened to all of them, it would pull you in a hundred different directions.

Edited February 4, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[BlueIris]

Stable job, so far. Been at it 10 years. Don't live indepently, but I pay all the bills. If I can get dates, I'll rent an apartment ASAP.

 

I suggest you live independently first. Living on your own isn't about getting dates so much as being your own person.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

So I take it the OP lives with roommates?

[BlueIris]

So I take it the OP lives with roommates?

 

That could be. I assumed he was living with family because he said he was paying all of the bills, but we know where assumptions could get you...

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

On all these forever alone posts by guys on this site, it seems there must be an epidemic of guys in this generation who are virgins or never had a girlfriend before, guys well into their 20's and 30's, and some older

[they]

Read: How to be a 3% man by Corey Wayne, along with his YT channel.

 

That [idea] doesn't work for everyone. I followed it almost religiously for like half a year. Of course you wouldn't know it doesn't work for everyone because he deletes all negative comments from his videos.

Edited February 8, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[AMJ]

 

I was at a meetup.com even recently and I was the only guy with 2 women. I had a good time, good conversation. I had no plans on hooking up. I just wanted to get out and meet new people.

 

 

This should show you that the odds are in your favor! Why didn't you like either of them?