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Did you just know when you've found your life partner?

getsmartie

By getsmartie
in General Relationship Discussion

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getsmartie Established Member

getsmartie

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I'm curious to your thoughts....

 

In the past I've had nagging doubts about previous boyfriends....inevidently I ended things.

 

This time things feel different. So I'd love to hear your stories....

 

Thank you.

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MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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I did.

 

After our first date, I felt calm, cool, collected. There weren't any worries or doubts about whether we'd go out again.

 

I just felt an incredible sense of peace, that's the best I can describe it.

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CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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I'm in my 50s so I thought I met my "life partner" several times....

 

I married from the age of 20 to 24 to the man I thought I would grow old with. Then I came home early from work one day and found him having sex with another man. A world and marriage shattered, I swore I would never marry again.

 

So from the age of 25 to 28, I lived with a guy who preferred wearing women's clothes to his and couldn't say the "L" word. Needless to say, that relationship never worked out.

 

I then found my "life partner" in a guy who at least liked to have sex with women AND preferred wearing his own clothes. I was 29 years old and still felt young enough to restart. When I approached my 40th birthday, I found myself working three jobs to keep the two of us afloat as the best job he qualified for was as a graveyard stock-clerk at Target. So we broke up.

 

I met a great guy and turned my world upside to be with him. He was going to be my "life partner." Problem was, he was a narcissistic alcoholic and the ending of *that* relationship is what brought me to this site in 2008. So I started dating again in my late 40s...

 

At the age of 48 - after hundreds of dates, in October of 2011, I met Prince Charming. After 25 years of dating and long-term relationships, I married again and truly DID meet my "life partner." It just took thirty years of adult life and relationships...

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getsmartie Established Member

getsmartie

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MidwestUSA~That's exactly how I've described before....an incredible sense of peace.

 

Carrie....I can relate to your story...I'm around the same age.

 

Married my first boyfriend at 21...young, naive and wanted a way to escape a dysfunctional family. Never loved him but we stayed together for 17 years.

 

Two years later. I thought I met my prince charming. We lasted 4 years. Ultimately I caught him cheating but he was a narcissistic pathological liar.

 

After that I kissed a lot of frogs, met some great men but never felt like I was supposed to be with them. Many years of still searching and living life I finally met someone through a mutual friend.

 

It's been more than 18 months of bliss. I'm a calm person in general but I have such a feeling of peace with him. My soul just knows he's the man I'm supposed to be with and thought I'd like to hear how others felt....

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NYWoman Established Member

NYWoman

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Unfortunately I did not figure it out until he caught me cheating and walked out of my life for good.

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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hundreds? wow, that's a lot of WORK.

 

how did you meet them? after 10 I probably completely jaded and gave up...

 

It *was* work, yes.

 

All from online dating - I was on every online dating site and, at one point, kept a spreadsheet of who I was talking to and their salient information.

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central Established Member

central

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I think you think you know, but you don't know until enough time has passed to actually know. If it turns out your were right, you probably never question that initial knowing.

 

I "knew" my first wife was that person. She quickly caused me to revise my knowledge base, but we were married so I gave it my best shot. She did only enough to make it difficult for me to decide to walk.

 

Eventually I did walk, and started dating again. After lots of dating, research, and thinking, I knew what kind of person I wanted, and met a couple who could have been. One was about as ideal as I could imagine, and I wanted to try - but could not know if she'd be a life partner. I did think she could be - but only time would prove me right or wrong. She feels the same about me, too. Of course, without the feeling (not knowing) that this could be the love of your life, it's best not to go forward with that person.

 

Sixteen years later, and we're still deeply in love. Who knows, though, what tomorrow will bring? We're very confident about the future, and working to make our vision happen - but life can change in an instant.

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JourneyLady Established Member

JourneyLady

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My experience is similar (but not exact) to NY Woman - and nothing has been as good since. He walked out with another woman because of my online dalliance and other negative traits. I've worked on myself since then, been through three relationships (all ended by me), but to no avail.

 

At this point I'm considering my "soul-mate" time has passed, and though I'm willing to date, I don't think there will be another "Mr. Right". I'm just now passing up Mr. "Drink beer, watch tv all night". I'm into growth experiences and when you can't talk to someone about issues without them turning cold on you, it's not good for that.

loveflower Established Member

loveflower

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It *was* work, yes.

 

All from online dating - I was on every online dating site and, at one point, kept a spreadsheet of who I was talking to and their salient information.

 

how did you handle all those disappointments and wasted efforts?

 

It seems that's all life is about to me - disappointments and wasted efforts and time, not just the love aspect. I am feeling so deflated and defeated.

 

Life is hard. isn't it?

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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how did you handle all those disappointments and wasted efforts?

 

It seems that's all life is about to me - disappointments and wasted efforts and time, not just the love aspect. I am feeling so deflated and defeated.

 

Life is hard. isn't it?

 

The efforts were not wasted. After all these conversations and first-dates, I found someone. At the age of 48, I married and just celebrated my second wedding anniversary.

 

The bottom line was that I never gave up. Persevere, patience, and practice. Dating takes practice.

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jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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Did you just know when you've found your life partner?

 

I just knew twice at least. :)

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PrismOfLove Member

PrismOfLove

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This thread is very inspiring to me! I think about this sort of thing often and it's nice to know it does work out sometimes. I've had one long-term relationship in my life and I didn't have this feeling. I had to end it eventually; I probably stayed in the relationship too long because it's what I always wanted, just not with the right person.

 

I'm honest with myself and what I want now, I just try to be my best self and hope I can find "the one".

 

I did.

 

After our first date, I felt calm, cool, collected. There weren't any worries or doubts about whether we'd go out again.

 

I just felt an incredible sense of peace, that's the best I can describe it.

This is such a great way to describe it. I've felt this a couple times in my life, it's such a distinct feeling. Sadly for me, it never went past one date either time. One was moving and we were young, the other just wasn't into me. It's those times after a date, you're just *happy* and don't have any doubts, to me at least.

 

It *was* work, yes.

 

All from online dating - I was on every online dating site and, at one point, kept a spreadsheet of who I was talking to and their salient information.

 

I've gone this same route before, minus the spreadsheet. I put in major work on lots of sites, in about a 5 year span (got the 1 relationship I mentioned). I wouldn't be surprised if I messaged upwards for a thousand women and met ~25. From my perspective the hardest part of the online experience is getting the first date. I've honed the technique of when to ask and all that over the years but it's tough. I'm not sure if it's my age (27) or that I'm male, but it's a tool and it has introduced me to women so it is what it is. :) I will continue to try my best online and offline.

 

 

 

I've realized the most important aspect is to be myself and put myself out there. Be confident in myself and I think eventually I'll find what I'm looking for and feel that distinct feeling. I wish everyone the best in finding what they're looking for. :)

Edited by PrismOfLove
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Gemma1 Established Member

Gemma1

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You can't just "know" you'll be with someone forever, but you can know that a person is a great match for you and would make a great long term partner. Will it kast forever? That requires a lot of conscious work and can't fully be known. Does it have the potential to last forever? That, I believe, is the only thing that can be known.

 

When I met my husband, I "just knew" that we would end up in a relationship because I knew that the potential was there for something great and I knew we'd at least try it out. Do I know for sure that we will be together forever? Obviously not, because that is up to our efforts. But I did know that the potential was there. There was no second guessing or doubt. I knew from the moment he said "you know I'm crazy about you, right?" when we were just friends, that we were going to end up together, at least for a time.

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getsmartie Established Member

getsmartie

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Gemma-good point. I never said that I know we'll be together forever. I'm not 18 years old, I am a bit wiser. I did however say that my soul knows that this is the person I'm supposed to be with. I hope it's forever, but I know better than to make that statement.

 

I started this thread as an inspiration for many and let's face it there's so many sad and negative stories....

loveflower Established Member

loveflower

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The efforts were not wasted. After all these conversations and first-dates, I found someone. At the age of 48, I married and just celebrated my second wedding anniversary.

 

The bottom line was that I never gave up. Persevere, patience, and practice. Dating takes practice.

 

I am of a totally different breed.

I signed up a couple of OLD, looked around and found few interested and then gave up. I guess that's because we have different life experiences and expectations.

neowulf Established Member

neowulf

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I am of a totally different breed.

I signed up a couple of OLD, looked around and found few interested and then gave up. I guess that's because we have different life experiences and expectations.

 

I think it's a struggle for most people.

 

You just have to decide how badly you want the outcome and what discomfort you're willing to tolerate to get it.

 

For some people, they'll just trip over love and live happily ever after. For others, well, we've got to roll up sleeves and do the work.

 

Personally, I enjoy dating. It's nice to meet new people, even when things don't work out. People put so much pressure on themselves. It's just a date. If it doesn't work out, so what? It's not like this is the last person you'll ever take out on a date.

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Tayla Established Member

Tayla

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I sure do admire those who persist and accomplish.

 

As blessed to have loved , such is not to be . Not jaded. Realistic in understanding some of us will gather our charms and be okay if such is not summoned into a life relationship.

 

if love comes when least expected, then let it be said, I surely haven't expected it for 14 years now. I think its a no show .

 

Admire those who have been blessed though, may it last a lifetime!

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Otter2569 Established Member

Otter2569

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I thought so and ye I can usually tell if its going to be a good relationship from the very beginning. I'm no always right but usually.

 

 

At age 50 I thought the last one was the love of my life. It was like a romance novel from the beginning. she had everything i always wanted: looks, personality, a great mom, honest, fun, sexy spirit...it was like we were 16 again. Even our kids got a long perfectly.

 

Six months in to the relationship her issues emerged: insecure, untrusting, bouts with depression, possible alcohol issues and im pretty sure she has BPD (thanks to folks on this forum for helping me identify this).

 

I am not settling and im still looking. Would rather be alone :)

cocorico Established Member

cocorico

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Yes.

 

I'd fallen into M when I was young because it seemed like a good idea at the time (it wasn't) and all my subsequent Rs were about the right person for this moment, never anything more than that.

 

And then, I met him. It started off slowly - he was M at the time - but we fell in love and both just knew we had to be together. So, we surmounted all the obstacles, and here we are, years later, happier than ever.

 

I think several things helped: we were both older, so had had many decades to work out what really mattered to us, and what we were prepared to compromise on; we'd both been M before, and knew just how bad things could get in a R, so we were not naive about where it might land up; we'd both had, and raised, kids - his were younger, still finishing school - so there were none of those issues about spawning to navigate; and we had both achieved in our careers, and were comfortable in ourselves, not needing to prove anything to the world. So we really could just focus on each other, and assess our compatibility without the morass of other confounders. And it's worked for us.

Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

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I think for many people we meet someone who is right for the time; not necessarily for our whole lives. I happen to meet people right when I really need them in my life. Even if for nothing more than a good friendship.

 

Even though my XH is a horrible match for me, I do think he was probably meant to meet me and be in my life for some period of time. My EX BF and current BF I think the same thing. They taught/are teaching me some good things to know about myself if nothing else.

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