Con's_Gucci_Girl Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 What happens when you are the OW and he is the OM??? See, I am attracted to a MM who has been trying to pursue me now for a long time. The thing is that he is VERY VERY GORGEOUS and I am obviously attracted to him as well. The temptation is overwhelming and I DON'T have any plans to hook up with him at all..... however..... if things do happen........ how bad would that be that he's the MM AND the OM..... and I would be the MW AND the OT??? Please remember that we are all human beings that DO desire other human beings. It's NOT easy when there is an overwhelming attraction between two people that are taken. I am so very truly holding myself back but it is becomeing very very difficult because it feels SO GOOD! Please help!!!
wyzeup Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 You've started several threads on this same subject, you've already received lots of good advice but you just keep saying you can't help how you feel, it feels so good, blah blah blah. Lots of things in life feel good but they're not good for us/participating in these things hurt many people. You are only thinking about yourself here, and what you want/need/like. What about your boyfriend - who is the father of your 2 children? What about this MM's wife and his family? Stop thinking just about yourself and think about all of the innocent people here. You seem naive. This MM is just looking for a cute piece of meat to have some fun with. You're likely just one of many. Don't you get that? He has no respect whatsoever for his poor wife or his family - how can you be so attracted to someone who is so disrespectful to the ones he vowed his love and commitment to?? There's plenty you could do if you really had a problem with this. Don't tell me that this is the only job in the world that will help you get through school. Where there is a will with something, there is a way. Your boyfriend deserves better than this - so if you're that tempted and this obsessed with this guy you know nothing substantial about, other than his "looks", end it with him............have some class and courage and honesty. The fact that you would even CONSIDER any of this, it proves you are not emotionally ready for a truly committed monogamous relationship. Get honest with yourself as well. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=64070
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Please remember that we are all human beings that DO desire other human beings. It's NOT easy when there is an overwhelming attraction between two people that are taken. I am so very truly holding myself back but it is becomeing very very difficult because it feels SO GOOD! Yes, we DO desire, need and want other human beings...BUT...When one or both parties is MARRIED or COMMON LAW or in a serious relationship - THEN all that goes out the window. Ofcourse we all enjoy being desired and wanted by others...It's flattering, it's good for the ego...But that's it! Feels good? I bet. But in your case it's extremely selfish to now knowingly pursue this man. Remove yourself from this situation, you know that is just isn't right. Why do this to yourself, knowing that TONS of people, spouses and children will be very hurt and have their worlds turned upside just because you and this guy are hot for eachother? How do you think you'd feel if the situation was reversed? Just giving you something to ponder... The pain that you could put on yourself, and your family, his family - It's just not worth it. Read the stories of OW in your situation...Do you really want to do this?
kkat Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 If I understand your situation (please correct me if I don't). You have a boyfriend, and that relationship is not healthy or happy. You are physically attracted to another man. That other man is married. That other man, who is married, works where you work (just a little icing on this crap cake.) Here's my advice. Take a little time and read through the long stories of people (like myself) who have spent months and years trying to extricate themselves/ourselves from affairs with married men. If these relationships were working out well for us, we wouldn't be sitting around posting on LS, we'd be off in Paris on our honeymoons or anniversary celebrations with these men or at christenings for our children. Check back around every weekend, every holiday, and take a look at the spike in our posting activity. That should give you some insight into how often these relationships "work out". Get help for yourself. Address the unhealthy relationship you are in. Don't get involved with a married man. I think that for most of us it "just happened". We got involved believing the guy was single, or in the process of getting a divorce. You KNOW this guy is married and isn't available, and neither are you. You know he has a wife who has no idea, most likely, what he is up to. You know he is a cheater and a liar. You know it before you have even gone out with him once. So don't. Be smart. Walk away. Get out while you can. Please! Join another gym. Get another job. Stay away from this guy. PS It might be helpful if you would consolidate/stay with one thread when you are posting on the same topic.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by Con's_Gucci_Girl What happens when you are the OW and he is the OM??? Double the risk. Double the secrecy and trouble finding 'hidey holes' and 'open window times' to f*ck in. Double the number of people hurt. Double the D-days. Double your chances of being sold out by your lover when the D-day happens for one of you. Double the wrath of the BS (don't fool yourself into thinking they won't catch on - they will know that *something* is up and will eventually be able to compare notes - when one finds out, they will most likely out you to your spouse). Double the exposure - the BS is told these days to 'expose the affair' - to coworkers, peers, family - pretty much anyone who knows you. Please remember that we are all human beings that DO desire other human beings. Yes, this is absolutely true. Being married isn't a magic ring and piece of paper that automatically renders all other members of the opposite sex invisible. It is human to be attracted to someone. It is also human to make selfish choices that will destroy lives in the process. If you two want to share your "love" for each other at risk of losing everything you have, then more power to you I guess. Your only hope for happiness and longevity with this guy lies in not getting caught - and not fooling yourself about just how tenuous of a bond you really have with this guy. If you are caught, he'll sell you out in a heartbeat.
MySugaree Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Been there, done that. Stage 1--Lust. Stage 2--Love Stage 3--Exposure (to co-workers and/or spouses) Stage 4--Guilt and Embarrassment Stage 5--Physical affair ends Stage 6--Marriage ends either legally or in how it's experienced Affairs are fun for the players. But when they end, and they almost all end, havoc, ruin and devastation are all that remain. Great sex, ruined lives.
HokeyReligions Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by Con's_Gucci_Girl Please help!!! What kind of help are you looking for? You have a number of threads addressing this issue and you don't seem interested in any of the responses because you keep posting the same thing. Reading between the lines of your posts it seems you are looking for justification/validation. Are you wanting someone to give the OK for an affair? If you tell us how bad it is with your bf and or how bad the MM's marriage is, will that give your decision to cheat validation? I'm really not sure what you answer you want to hear. You know your boundaries, we don't.
scarlyjones Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 grow up..........this is what sparked the show "cops" I think.
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