What does this email mean??? What will come of this???

Hi everyone.... I am new to this website! I have been searching for people with similar scenarios and came across this place.

Here is my case:

I am 24 and work at a hospital that owns a fitness center. I work in the laundry department (for the meantime while I finish schooling) and we go to the fitness center to gather their linens and to also supply them with clean linens. I have been doing this now for a few months.

Well, I have been in an on/off again relationship with my b/f now for 8 years and we have 2 beautiful girls. Our relationship (Josh and I) is not a very good one. There is a lot of verbal abuse (mostly on his part but I do my share as well) and he has been physically abusive towards me in the past. I know for myself that I no longer want to be with him, but we just purchased a home and it is so hard to even imagine leaving because of the kids.

Well anyways, back to the fitness center part.... I NEVER had ANY intentions on finding anyone there to be "dating" material. I mean... the guys there are HOT don't get me wrong but I never had any intentions to start anything with any of them.

Well, starting around March or April, I started noticing that one of the guys there kept staring at me and making noticible eye contact. I returned the gazes and now things have gotten even more noticible. Like for example: When he is wotking with a client, he stops all attention towards them and focuses the attention to me by talking to me and asking questions and then when I leave he will stare at me walking away. it is totally obvious! Even my co-workers are noticing it as well. He has NEVER been to one of my employee meetings (they are scattered throughout the day) and he just so happened to go to the one that I attend (out of the 9 years he's been a fitness instructor he decided to switch to the time that "I" go). He's ALWAYS focusing on me when I enter the building.

The thing is that all of this flirtatious starring and conversations have got me in a daze and now I am totally falling for him! He's NOT even my type! He's blonde and I don't usually like blond men! He's gorgeous and I am usually intimidated by gorgeous men!

Well, the other day, he invited me to join the Fitness Center. He looked me right in the eye and asked me why I don't ever come there to workout? I told him that I am shy and have a treadmill at home. He replied by saying that a treadmill isn't quite a full workout. So I said I would think about it and he said that I better let him know!

So, I emailed him asking how I would be able to join ( I was a little flirtatious in the email but not so that I sounded desperate)! His reply was this:

"I would be happy to show you what to do over here. It's intimidating sometimes. Give me a call and set up a time with me and i will show you everything. You will have to fill out some paperwork to see if you are healthy. You look like you are in tip top shape. See if you can fit it into your schedule and give me a call. I am here tonight until close at 7PM. Give me a call tonight or Monday"

Those were his EXACT words from the email! Now tell me what it means? I know he stressed to "call him" and that I should contact "him".

The problem is that he is married to a teacher and they have 2 kids together. I know it is WRONG! but the temptation is overwhelming! I am NOT the type to break up a happy home. And I know this isn't good! I feel confused because of my failing relationship.

I have an appointment to join this place on Monday. He has already told me that "HE" wants to be my personal trainer.

I need advice.... has anyone else ever been in this situation??? I feel as though HE is the one pursuing ME and I know if I keep it on going that it will lead to only sex and I will have been used.

Sorry so long..... oh.... I am 24 and he is 31. Thanks!

I need advice.... has anyone else ever been in this situation???

Only a few millions. Please spend some time on Loveshack reading the OW/MM stories.

...I feel as though HE is the one pursuing ME...

Yes, that is correct.

...I know if I keep it on going that it will lead to only sex and I will have been used...

Wow, you are so far ahead of the game already that it is not even funny. Yes, you will feel used after you have been used.

I'm very sympathetic to you. You don't get the masculine love and attention you deserve at home...so when a 3rd party appears to be offering it to you, it's like waving a plate full of warm gooey brownies in front of someone who's been on a strict no-carb diet for the last 5 years.

It would be great if you could just use these feelings as a wake-up call, and start working with Josh on either fixing your r/s (please google for "marriage builders") or ending it. I hope you're smart and imaginative enough to realize that the OW/MM affair is the worst kind of trap for a woman. You may feel stuck and hurt right now, in an unsatisfying r/s complete with financial (inter)dependency, but read the true tales of OW pain on the Shack and I'll be surprised if you ever even LOOK at a MM again, let alone flirt with one!

BTW, MM who chase OW are master manipulators, and this guy appears true to form. He's already playing you like a violin. I'm sure you're worth more than to be a plaything at his convenience.

Best of luck, make a good choice.

make up an excuse! Do not start this! This will only lead to you posting in the future.....help, my bf left me with the kids.........I broke up my bf's marriage.........my bf's gf is harassing me..................I feel awful....I lost my kids father and broke up a marriage..............really.....do it in the correct process...leave your bf and then pursue others....not married others tho!

Change your appointment Monday from a potential life-destroying choice to one that can help you put your head and heart together: an appointment with a counselor for some one on one before you decide to barrel headalong into something like this. Tell the OM that you won't be seeing or talking to him for a while and go solid 'no contact' - none, nada, zip. Take the opportunity in counseling to gather up your strength to break up with your boyfriend. Solve your own problems before you cause problems for someone else. You are not likely to find happiness with any man now - much less in the arms of another woman's husband.

Work on finding your happiness first - and you'll probably find that as you do, you will see this situation for what it is and will find yourself wanting to avoid it rather than indulge in it.

Honey, you are already in a compromising abusive relationship with your current partner. Don't make your life worse by adding a second compromising and abusive partner on the side.

Under no circumstance do you deserve to be physically abused. I can imagine that the attentions of this mysterious other man are alluring for you...

PLEASE dont do it.

I am just coming out of a realtionahip with a married man and it was heart breaking from day one. The good times were great and it felt so good to get the attention and feel so loved... So I can undersatnd your desire to pursue it - but in the end it was all just BS... and i can say with 99% confidence that yours will be too.

Instead of spending your money on the gym membership... get a good therapist and start walking your kids in the park. YOu just might meet a very kind single man there.

Purple

I have a big heart for women who are in abusive relationships but there's something about your post that's causing me to believe that you're claiming your b/f of 8 yrs (and father of your 2 children) is abusive, all in an attempt to make you look less "bad" for even considering this blonde MARRIED dude.

You claim you remain in your bad relationship because of the kids. Oh come on, if it's that bad in terms of abuse, you think that's good for you children to grow up in that kind of abusive environment? Why would you commit to buying a home with someone who's abusive - getting yourself even more tied to them.

Most women who are in truly abusive relationships, they don't even realize it because they've been so brainwashed and battered down emotionally that they don't even see the forest for the trees. sorry, I just think you're trying to justify what you're about to do.

You say you are 'falling' for this MARRIED guy/father of 2 children? Puhlease. You don't even know anything about him. You only know what he looks like. You have no idea if he's a nice person, what his real personality is like, how he treats women (his wife), nothing. You're merely infatuated, that is all.

You think you're the first woman in the world he's tried this "scam" on? Think about it - he works in a gym. He sees all kinds of beautiful women - you think he doesn't try to get something on with them? He's a player and I can't believe you don't see this.

Out of respect for your children, this man's WIFE and HIS CHILDREN, you need to wise up and get your head on straight. Good men are NOT those who are married and trying to hit on women. This one's a no-brainer.

I know it is wrong..... and I haven't done anything nor do I have plans to do so..... however the TEMPTATION is OVERWHELMING! It is very very difficult to to rid of a gorgeous man who is pursuing you! I can't just quit my job.... I need the job to get through college..... so there is almost absolutely NO WAY that I can avoid this man who is pursuing me! Please understand..... i mean no harm to him nor do I desire to break up a happy home. please advise me on how I can be strong to fight my urges! Thanks!

Originally posted by Con's_Gucci_Girl

I know it is wrong..... and I haven't done anything nor do I have plans to do so..... however the TEMPTATION is OVERWHELMING! It is very very difficult to to rid of a gorgeous man who is pursuing you! I can't just quit my job.... I need the job to get through college..... so there is almost absolutely NO WAY that I can avoid this man who is pursuing me! Please understand..... i mean no harm to him nor do I desire to break up a happy home. please advise me on how I can be strong to fight my urges! Thanks!

I understand how wonderful and good it makes you feel when a good looking guy notices and pays attention to you, it's a big ego boost, but it would be best to avoid this man, if possible. You are young, and obiviously attractive if he is checking you out, so find a SG, it will solve a lot of heartache and pain from having an A w/ a mm. Imagine what you would do to his W and children? It would destroy them, believe me, I know. Plz follow the other's advice. You will only be hurt if you persue this mm.

your heart is saying not to do anything but your body is telling you the opposite.. i know where ur comin from lol... but i still think its wrong to break up a marriage and stuff like that... dont initiate anything... see what he says to you and stuff like that, nothin wrong with a fling! only if your werent married

so there is almost absolutely NO WAY that I can avoid this man who is pursuing me!

There are ways:

directly ask him to leave you alone - no calls or emails

threaten to tell his wife

speak to a supervisor

threaten with sexual harassment

refuse to be anything but businesslike

ask to be transferred to another section or shift to lessen contact

Why won't it work in your case? Because you are dead set on having this affair. You are choosing not to stop it, in hopes that it will progress.

Don't give that "its out of my power" excuse. You need to be realistic and at least own up to the fact that you are actively pursuing an affair with another woman's husband. I hear OW often saying in an effort to absolve themselves that 'the MM pursued me, I didn't pursue him' - and he did pursue her, when it became apparent that the OW WANTED him to and was sending out clear signals that she wanted to have an affair.

alot of what lb is saying is very correct.

you have already decided you want an affair with this guy.

so if you are going to do that then you may aswell go into it with your eyes open.

married men have a very strange ability to be the most charming and confident man you have ever met. they make you feel like you are the most amazing woman they have ever met (at first), everything they say and do makes you feel like you must be wonderful and special, from their words to their actions (wanting to leave their whole marriage just for you). then a few months down the line that all changes from their actions (not leaving their wives but sleeping with you) to their words ("i have to stay with my wife because...") make you feel like the most stupid, unlovable, unworthy of commitment, naive, easy lay that ever existed.

i know that you are married which evens up the balance slightly but not a great deal since most women have affairs as an escape from the existing marriage whilst most men have affairs for extra sex on the side.

even if it seems at first that he has completely fallen for you it wont last once he considers the practicalities, i'm pretty sure that in the beginning of our a my mm had fallen for me and wanted to leave his marriage. he was talking to his friends about leaving and even staying at friends houses at first hoping that his wife would just leave him so that he wouldnt have to. this stage doesnt last though once they realise the whole upheaval that would entail.

instead they try to keep you going with lies and excuses, they do become addicted to you but they dont love you and as time goes on they lose respect for you, and as even more time passes they get annoyed with you because you are getting disatisfied with this stale situation, they also get scared of you exposing them.

add to this the guilt that you feel about their wives who you begin to suspect arent aware that they are in an unhappy marriage and the suspision that their sex life is actually really good. then the guilt on the children if there are any. not to mention your own (in this case) guilt for your own children and husband.

if this decision still sounds appealing to you then i have not done a good enough job of describing THE TRUTH of the mm/ow relationship.

To be frank, it means he wants to bang you - why are you reading sooooo much into this - you're a smart girl.

I don't think you realize how lucky you are to have choices such as, do i or don't I. When you are an OW, your choices are more like: can I? NO I CAN'T. will he? NO HE WON'T.

Only you will make the choice(s) you want to make - but DO NOT KID YOURSELF into believing you will have any control over this situation - you already are losing it.