He asked me do you wanna have some fun at the end of the date,should I write him off?

January 30, 2016

It's early right now, so too much is not good either. A day or two isn't a big deal. I get that you may start feeling a little insecure because of that, but reign that in as best you can and allow yourself space to observe. .

Turns out he can go 3 days without connecting me

But the dates are all pretty good. When he's physically with me he's all nice and affectionate and we hold hands and kiss all the time.

Between the dates though..he doesn't seem to need to talk to me all that much...

January 30, 2016

LOL! If a girl asks or if the conversation comes up of what we're looking for, and if I genuinely like the girl and see something there, I will tell them I'm eventually looking for a relationship. The seeing-what-comes-of-it attitude is what uninterested and uncommitted people say. He asked for sex on the first date. Think about it! He's not interested in anything more. He really does just want to have fun without any attachment.

If that's what you want as well by all means go for it. If you're looking for a more serious thing then drop him like a sack.

January 30, 2016

Turns out he can go 3 days without connecting me
But the dates are all pretty good. When he's physically with me he's all nice and affectionate and we hold hands and kiss all the time.

Between the dates though..he doesn't seem to need to talk to me all that much...

That's because he's got all the power (that you gave him) and knows no matter how long he waits to contact you, you will be there waiting ...with bated breath.

Trust me. If HE were the one feeling anxious and insecure in your RL, he would not be waiting three days or longer to contact you!

Stop giving men all the power. Live your life, stay busy, make your own plans. If you are not around every time he does manage to contact you, that is okay!

If he wants to see you, and you are not always available, that is okay too!

Let HIM wonder about you for a change! Guarantee if he's the one wondering, what you're up to, how you feel, he will be contacting you more often than every three days. He won't be able to wait to contact you!

Take your dam power back. He will actually love you for it!!

Edited January 30, 2016 by katiegrl

January 31, 2016

That's because he's got all the power (that you gave him) and knows no matter how long he waits to contact you, you will be there waiting ...with bated breath.

Trust me. If HE were the one feeling anxious and insecure in your RL, he would not be waiting three days or longer to contact you!

Stop giving men all the power. Live your life, stay busy, make your own plans. If you are not around every time he does manage to contact you, that is okay!

If he wants to see you, and you are not always available, that is okay too!

Let HIM wonder about you for a change! Guarantee if he's the one wondering, what you're up to, how you feel, he will be contacting you more often than every three days. He won't be able to wait to contact you!

Take your dam power back. He will actually love you for it!!

I don't realise I handed the power to him? I thought I was just being nice and showing interests?

Are you saying I should say I'm busy next time he asks me out ? Play hard to get or something?

January 31, 2016

I don't realise I handed the power to him? I thought I was just being nice and showing interests?
Are you saying I should say I'm busy next time he asks me out ? Play hard to get or something?

No don't *play* hard to get ......how being *being* a bit hard to get.

Or not so easy to get.

It's great to show interest, you have to show interest of course! And initiate and reciprocate.

But at the same time, you need to let him wonder about you a bit sometimes too. This is especially true in the early stages.

Otherwise....he will become complacent, take for granted you will always be around no matter what he does, and get bored.

It's a balance, a dance so to speak. An exciting dance. An intriguing dance.

Get busy with your own life. Be enthusiastic about your life, with or without him.

Trust me he will notice! And it will inspire him to move closer to you.

Not wait days to contact you.

Edited January 31, 2016 by katiegrl

January 31, 2016

I don't understand what makes you think I'm not busy with my life ?

I am busy, I don't text him, what else should I do/not do ?

January 31, 2016

I don't understand what makes you think I'm not busy with my life ?
I am busy, I don't text him, what else should I do/not do ?

How about not worrying about it so much...when he doesn't contact you as much as you would like in between dates.

That right there shows you're probably more invested in this than he is right now.

If you were busy with your life, you wouldn't be worrying about it. Enough to start a thread anyway. You would feel happy whenever he did contact you, and have great dates (which you have now, which is fabulous!).

That type of carefree attitude shows, believe me.

Let him move forward at whatever pace he is comfortable. It doesn't mean he is not interested.

If he is asking you out consistently, he is interested!

You are still at the very early stage, contact every day is too much for many people at this stage..

Try and relax, and not over-think. Do you exercise at all? That helps a lot with anxiety about these things. It increases endorphins.

Running and yoga help me.

Just a thought. Good luck.

Edited January 31, 2016 by katiegrl

January 31, 2016

Lol you are right Katie and I swear I'm getting so much better at this texting thing. I mean im not even expecting to see his text now LMAO

I just feel he maybe is very inexperienced, in sex,and probably as well as the whole dating. He even said "I want to be a bad guy but good in bed"--I mean who says that?!-it's one if another WTF moments...=.=

I guess maybe he isn't interested or maybe he just doesn't know how to have a relationship

January 31, 2016

By "better communication" do you mean communicate everyday? That would be my preference but I'm not sure what to expect when it comes to this because my ex would just text me every three days.
I am also not sure if texting is a good way to gauge a guy's interest?

Texting is a lousy way to gauge anything. I also think it's meaningless because you can't have a meaningful conversation electronically. Deep communication requires context: voice modulation & body language. Most communication is not verbal & electronics remove that aspect.

Better communication does not mean daily communication. After 4 dates, IMO daily communication is waaaaaaayyyyyyy too much. At this point you should be talking 3-4 times per week & having 2-3 dates per week but there is no need to be in touch every day.

Somebody shooting you a text that says "hi" or "h.a.n.d." is trivial. It does nothing to advance getting to know the other person.

His comment about being a bad boy who is good in bed, was a bit crass IMO. Coupled with his initial comment about having fun indicates to me that he only wants sex & he doesn't really care who with as long as she has the right parts. Be careful

January 31, 2016

He's inviting you to a 4th date and people are telling you to sit on your hands and wait for him to come to you?

What's this!

If you like the guy then you need to start initiating and reciprocate the interest. A man will pursue only so much if you never give him a positive feed back.

Why didn't you initiate text during those 3 days?

January 31, 2016

He's inviting you to a 4th date and people are telling you to sit on your hands and wait for him to come to you?

What's this!

If you like the guy then you need to start initiating and reciprocate the interest. A man will pursue only so much if you never give him a positive feed back.

Why didn't you initiate text during those 3 days?

I also agree there is no reason why you can't start initiating a bit now. I said that in an earlier post even (no. 56)

Not too much!! Again, it's a balance. Send one text, and wait for him to text back.

I still hold true to everything I have posted previously though. Stay busy and live your life. Let him wonder about you a bit.

Lower expectations.....again daily texting is just too much *for some people* this early on.. Let him continue moving toward you at his own pace. Don't push!

The most important thing is that you are enjoying dating him and having fun! And that you are a happy, confident and flexible girl that any man would be lucky to be with. Try not to sweat the small stuff ...like he didn't text me today.

Enjoy the process, enjoy the dance. ....it's fun, when done right!

Edited January 31, 2016 by katiegrl

January 31, 2016

Better communication does not mean daily communication. After 4 dates, IMO daily communication is waaaaaaayyyyyyy too much. At this point you should be talking 3-4 times per week & having 2-3 dates per week but there is no need to be in touch every day.

What if it's 3 times talking and one time meeting per week

January 31, 2016

What if it's 3 times talking and one time meeting per week

Sounds perfect to me in the early stages......perfect!!!!

I am just starting to date again after six years and hell, what you just described would be the ideal scenario... for the few weeks, months.

Maybe squeezing a weeknight in there too if we both felt like it. Spontaneously.

Edited January 31, 2016 by katiegrl

January 31, 2016

Why didn't you initiate text during those 3 days?

I did,on the third day. It was all good, he also initiated texting on the fourth day, then we had a date,then it's been two days again we haven't talked yet.

I'm no longer swearing on this anymore really. Actually, since its been so long ( 3 days feels very long for me) without talking, my feelings aren't that strong anymore

January 31, 2016

I did,on the third day. It was all good, he also initiated texting on the fourth day, then we had a date,then it's been two days again we haven't talked yet.
I'm no longer swearing on this anymore really. Actually, since its been so long ( 3 days feels very long for me) without talking, my feelings aren't that strong anymore

Fair enough, but then again, if you can lose interest so easily (and three days no contact would fall in that category).... how interested could you have been in the first place?

Sweetie, you have only had three dates.

But it is what it is I guess.....perhaps he was right to wait three days ....to determine how high *your* interest level is (was).

That said, IMO you *are* still interested, but are afraid of getting hurt, so your defense mechanism has kicked in.....protecting you from hurt. So you convince yourself you have lost interest.

Pretty common, I have done this myself!!

Not after three days no contact though. One week, yes not three days.

They always eventually called though....and asked me out again.

Edited January 31, 2016 by katiegrl

January 31, 2016

Hmm it's one thing if he always just calls once a week, another if he used to call everyday but now reduced to once a week

But I don't know if he would have called everyday because I used to initiate things half the time lol

January 31, 2016

Hmm it's one thing if he always just calls once a week, another if he used to call everyday but now reduced to once a week
But I don't know if he would have called everyday because I used to initiate things half the time lol

You said in an earlier post you talk 3 times per week. And see each other once a week. Which IMO is perfect for early stage.

But above you say he calls only once a week? I'm confused.

I think it is okay for you to text too. Again, not too much, it should be reciprocal.

It should all flow, naturally, organically.

All this back and forth in your head indicates perhaps something isn't jiving quite right, and after only three dates, time to walk away.

Dating is supposed to be fun ...not overwrought with questions and anxiety.

JMO on that though. Your call.....and good luck!

February 1, 2016

deleted message - it sucked.

February 1, 2016

You said in an earlier post you talk 3 times per week. And see each other once a week. Which IMO is perfect for early stage.

But above you say he calls only once a week? I'm confused.

I think it is okay for you to text too. Again, not too much, it should be reciprocal.

It should all flow, naturally, organically.

All this back and forth in your head indicates perhaps something isn't jiving quite right, and after only three dates, time to walk away.

Dating is supposed to be fun ...not overwrought with questions and anxiety.

JMO on that though. Your call.....and good luck!

That was an example, I was talking about guys in general sorry for the confusing. Not saying my guy was calling everyday now once a week.

He was calling/texting maybe once every other day now once in 3 days. And maybe in future once every week.

I initiated often in the beginning too, 50/50 for sure. Now I'm just backing off to observe him. However I don't want to over do it and make him think I lost interest and this is the difficult part. How can I back off but also show Im interested.

I mean it's been 3 days since our last date, can I contact him ? Sure. But I would also wonder will he ever contact me. Can I not contact him and live my life? Yes can do, but hope he doesn't think I'm not interested anymore

Edited February 1, 2016 by frus69

February 1, 2016

What if it's 3 times talking and one time meeting per week

There's not a magic formula. Daily is too much but what works for you, works for you. If you are OK with it, great. If you are not OK with it, change it.

I found it odd & illogical that in the same breath when you said you want daily contact you also said you aren't initiating any contact with him because you don't want to appear needy. That strikes me as game playing.

I'll give you some game playing is part of the get to know you ritual but to some extent you need to figure out what you want & then act accordingly.

February 1, 2016

deleted message - it sucked.

Dying to know what this sucky message was...lol

February 1, 2016

There's not a magic formula. Daily is too much but what works for you, works for you. If you are OK with it, great. If you are not OK with it, change it.

I found it odd & illogical that in the same breath when you said you want daily contact you also said you aren't initiating any contact with him because you don't want to appear needy. That strikes me as game playing.

I'll give you some game playing is part of the get to know you ritual but to some extent you need to figure out what you want & then act accordingly.

I don't think its odd and illogical because yes, I prefer daily contact (call me clingy haha) and obviously he doesn't and I need to compromise. So I am not texting him daily, and I am really just following his lead. I don't intend to play games at all.

Texting frequency is something I can adjust, not something principle that I need to stand my ground and act accordingly.

February 7, 2016

I would like to ask am I getting crazy or did I discover a red flag?

I had another nice date with him, I feel we are getting closer and I start to get more and more anxious,because I'm too afraid he isn't on the same page, too afraid he is going to run away once he "senses I'm attached".

Last night I sent him a sweet text basically saying he gave me a good night and I would do something sweet for him too. And he didn't reply.

Now, is it just weird? Odd? Out of character? Because he always replies. I got increasingly bothered by this,to the point I was sure this is him dumping me. Today I sent another text saying "hmm someone is disappearing " and he said "haha no. How's your day " and I'm just too upset to reply. I still think he is probably pulling away and is just replying to be nice. Err....

February 7, 2016

FYI I said "I want to take you this xxx place it's really nice" and he didn't reply. When he did it was "how are you"..didn't even mention going to this place with me?

February 7, 2016

I think, that you are flogging a dead horse here.

He probably showed you who he was on the first date when he asked you for "fun".

It seems you are now demoted to a once a week hook up, masquerading as a "date". How can you build a relationship with someone who ignores your attempts to communicate, but as you say he was never a great texter so stop texting him and start calling him up again and gauge his real interest or not, as the case may be.

However the more serious issue to my mind is the fact told you he was essentially a commitment-phobe due to his parents divorce, so where exactly do you think this is going long term?

Or are you convinced that YOU can get him to change his mind, because I seriously doubt that.

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He asked me do you wanna have some fun at the end of the date,should I write him off?

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