He asked me do you wanna have some fun at the end of the date,should I write him off?

[jen1447]

We chatted for a week before this date. And he never mentioned anything even remotely sexual. He doesn't text much but has been pretty consistent with me and we were talking daily before going to bed.

During the date he doesn't give a creeper vibe, nothing like that. I could tell he wanted to kiss me but didn't work out the courage to ask? Eventually he asked. I thought it was sweet , until he asked about sex. I didn't see it going that way and was quite surprised and disappointed.

 

He only had one real relationship in high school and he's 24. The most recent one was few months ago (three dates with a girl he met through work. That's it)

 

I'd give him a break then if you don't get bad vibes. If he's only had one real relationship he's probably not very good at relationships and even worse at casual sex so probably not a lot under his belt. Meaning that getting a shot w/a woman might seem like the holy grail.

[frus69]

A bit update if anyone cares to read lol

 

 

We had 2 more dates the following week, another one coming tomorrow(he's cooking dinner) and yeah he hasn't mentioned any sex anymore. We are at the holding hands and kissing stage, which is nice.

 

 

 

 

But during our conversations he has said something that are alarming:

 

 

His parents' divorce has a huge impact on him that he is scared (of love?)

He is scared of losing (someone important)

He is rather pessimistic about marriage/commitment.

Also we were once talking about "sizes" and he said "I know guys are generally worried they aren't big enough(down there) but I know girls actually don't care that much" This is just a bit weird to me because girls do care? I worry a bit maybe he is really small

 

 

Anyway, I see him once/twice a week, however I still cannot tell if he really likes me and would like to pursue anything serious. Oh well, we will see.

[SmartDude]

A bit update if anyone cares to read lol

Anyway, I see him once/twice a week, however I still cannot tell if he really likes me and would like to pursue anything serious. Oh well, we will see.

 

He is probaby holding back on showing his feelings because you have not had sex with him yet. When a woman has sex with a man, he then knows that she probabbly likes him. This is how he will open up and express his feelings.

 

All women know this right?

 

Oh wait, im a guy. Im not suppose to ever mention sex without a commited relationship or else I am a scumbag.

[frus69]

He is probaby holding back on showing his feelings because you have not had sex with him yet. When a woman has sex with a man, he then knows that she probabbly likes him. This is how he will open up and express his feelings.

 

All women know this right?

 

Oh wait, im a guy. Im not suppose to ever mention sex without a commited relationship or else I am a scumbag.

When a woman has sex with a man, he then knows that she probabbly likes him? oh did not know that actually.. because when guys have sex with me I don't assume he likes me just yet. Many times they just want sex .

 

 

I don't mind taking things slow. I don't want to get burnt haha

[YourCupOfTea]

I would not make any assumptions. He wanted sex. A lot of people do. If I really like someone I want to have sex too, and when I kind of like someone but find them attractive I might also want to have sex.

You can't look into someones head, only time will tell. He reacted politely after you refused. I believe you shouldn't write off a man, or woman for wanting to have sex. It's more important how they act besides that. Just stick to your personal principals and your intentions, and stop trying to look into someones head. I think that if you act according to what you want the man will either stay or disappear and it will sort itself out.

Edited January 22, 2016 by YourCupOfTea

[SwordofFlame]

Some guys (myself included) need sex first before we'll give you a relationship. However, if this guy ONLY wants sex, than he'll probably just disappear afterwards.

[Gaeta]

A bit update if anyone cares to read lol

 

We had 2 more dates the following week, another one coming tomorrow(he's cooking dinner) and yeah he hasn't mentioned any sex anymore. We are at the holding hands and kissing stage, which is nice.

He is probably expecting sex tomorrow.

 

His parents' divorce has a huge impact on him that he is scared (of love?)

He is scared of losing (someone important)

He is rather pessimistic about marriage/commitment.

When you spend time together you could ask him how all those fears impact his dating. The answer will be interesting for you. He must have had girlfriends before? How did that work?

 

Also we were once talking about "sizes" and he said "I know guys are generally worried they aren't big enough(down there) but I know girls actually don't care that much" This is just a bit weird to me because girls do care? I worry a bit maybe he is really small

Or he's an average joe blow who considers himself small. Once I dated this man who kept saying he had a small one. I was prepared to see something tiny turns out he was average.

[MissBee]

If you are looking for someone with relationship potential it's not him. His offer for 'fun' also indicates in his eyes you are 'booty' material but not dating material. If he were interested in dating you he would have NEVER risk turning you off with such an offer.

 

I have also found that men who are looking for a relationship, say so. They don't tend to be like "Looking for whatever, if it turns into something sure..." That has always for me been the line of men who are definitely NOT looking for a relationship.

 

I met my last bf online and he was pretty frank that he was looking for a relationship and similar to hippychick's story, our date started in the day time, at noon, we went for lunch then to a museum, then to a show and a series of other things, had dinner and it ended at 5am, with us talking in his car. We did kiss and he did say honestly that he was very attracted to me and of course he wanted me, but didn't want to rush it because he really liked me.

 

I'm not saying that things can never turn into more from casual neither am I saying that sex on the first date is always a nail in the coffin, but more often than not neither of those two scenarios pan out favorably and usually a man who out the gate wants something real won't push for sex and call it "wanna have some fun?" (ew....that in itself sounds sleazy and definitely tells you fun and casual are what he's after) and he also won't be shy to say he is hoping to find someone if he is. If you're looking for a relationship, stick with guys who make it plain that that's their end game too, and avoid those who have a "let's see" attitude, as usually it's a soft way of saying that that's not really what they are after and it makes a difference in how they will go about things.

[MissBee]

Also, wanting sex in itself is not a crime. No one is saying that. But certainly, what makes some men stand out above others is how they go about that "want" and how they handle themselves.

 

Every man isn't a horny, grabber who will ask for "fun" even if in his mind he is undressing you. As they say, "A gentleman is simply a patient wolf" . For me, I definitely prefer that. Not in the sense of predator and prey or being conniving, but certainly, I WANT a man who wants me but who has social etiquette and some restraint to wait, it makes things so much hotter, and also respectful, more than the guy who the minute you kiss is panting like 'Wanna have fun????" The latter reminds me of an over-eager teenager who is acting like he never had sex before while the former just reads to me more like an actual man, who has had sex, so isn't all desperate to do it, so even though he may want me badly, he can control himself until things progress a little more.

[Britney25]

OK what if on the second date you get intimate but no sex although the guy is wanted it. Is that a bad thing? Does that also mean the man only wants sex from you?

[frus69]

He is probably expecting sex tomorrow. .

lol yes. Obviously he is/was. and I'm ok with it. I didn't make him wait for the sake of "waiting" anyway. I just wasn't comfortable enough on the first night.

 

When you spend time together you could ask him how all those fears impact his dating. The answer will be interesting for you. He must have had girlfriends before? How did that work?.

He told me he only had one girlfriend in high school so even that wasn't a "real" relationship...

Or he's an average joe blow who considers himself small. Once I dated this man who kept saying he had a small one. I was prepared to see something tiny turns out he was average.

Turns out he is quite decent down there. I was surprised.

 

 

So yeah we had sex it was fine. 90% people here say he is only after sex. So let's test it out, shall we?

 

 

He texted me on the 2nd day after sex, one day late, red flag already? hah

[candie13]

Op, let us know how it goes, Will you ?

 

If sex is good he may stick around for 2-3 weeks, after which, they usually ghost.... I did say "usually", maybe it'll. It may be différent in your case.

[frus69]

Op, let us know how it goes, Will you ?

 

If sex is good he may stick around for 2-3 weeks, after which, they usually ghost.... I did say "usually", maybe it'll. It may be différent in your case.

Yes, it won't take very long for him to reveal his intentions. Let's see what will happen to me this time.

[katiegrl]

lol yes. Obviously he is/was. and I'm ok with it. I didn't make him wait for the sake of "waiting" anyway. I just wasn't comfortable enough on the first night.

 

 

He told me he only had one girlfriend in high school so even that wasn't a "real" relationship...

 

Turns out he is quite decent down there. I was surprised.

 

 

So yeah we had sex it was fine. 90% people here say he is only after sex. So let's test it out, shall we?

 

 

He texted me on the 2nd day after sex, one day late, red flag already? hah

 

frus .....so after he asked you if you wanted to "have some fun" on the first date, which could have been said cuz of nerves (let's face it, we all have said dumb things when we're nervous) he took you out on *two* more dates .....and never even mentioned sex?

 

That's great, aren't you glad you didn't jump the gun and assume the worst?

 

So now you've had sex, what fourth date? I agree, before we start condemning the guy to hell lol ......let's see how this plays out.

 

He called you afterwards, great indicator that he wants to keep this going! Fabulous.

 

Watch his actions and keep an open and positive mind.

 

There is every possibility that he *is* besotted with you ....and was just nervous that first night.

 

Fingers crossed it works out for you! Assuming you want it to.

Edited January 25, 2016 by katiegrl

[frus69]

frus .....so after he asked you if you wanted to "have some fun" on the first date, which could have been said cuz of nerves (let's face it, we all have said dumb things when we're nervous) he took you out on *two* more dates .....and never even mentioned sex?

 

That's great, aren't you glad you didn't jump the gun and assume the worst?

 

So now you've had sex, what fourth date? I agree, before we start condemning the guy to hell lol ......let's see how this plays out.

 

He called you afterwards, great indicator that he wants to keep this going! Fabulous.

 

Watch his actions and keep an open and positive mind.

 

There is every possibility that he *is* besotted with you ....and was just nervous that first night.

 

Fingers crossed it works out for you! Assuming you want it to.

Yeah on the 4th date. Although he didn't mention anything sexual anymore after the first night, I can tell he was just "waiting" and sex was never off his radar. I am proceeding with caution lol and definitely going to take things slow-next sex will probably be the 8th date hahaha

[katiegrl]

Yeah on the 4th date. Although he didn't mention anything sexual anymore after the first night, I can tell he was just "waiting" and sex was never off his radar. I am proceeding with caution lol and definitely going to take things slow-next sex will probably be the 8th date hahaha

 

LOL....sex is always on men's radar sweetie.

 

Not a bad thing as long as he is not being pushy and obnoxious about expecting it.

 

You said no, he respected your boundaries, and waited until you were ready.

 

I give him credit for that. And he is still calling!

 

It's all good......be cautious (always) but stay positive!

[frus69]

LOL....sex is always on men's radar sweetie.

 

Not a bad thing as long as he is not being pushy and obnoxious about expecting it.

 

You said no, he respected your boundaries, and waited until you were ready.

 

I give him credit for that. And he is still calling!

 

It's all good......be cautious (always) but stay positive!

Well yes, he called on Monday and set up another date(or whatever it is) this weekend,( 6 days apart...whee long for my liking ) but interestingly he doesn't text anymore. I mean I haven't heard from him for a whole day.

Is it not the norm to text a bit and keep in contact everyday? I'm not sure if I should text him or just sit back and observe what he will do.

(He generally doesn't text much, I used to put in the effort to talk to him everyday)

[katiegrl]

but interestingly he doesn't text anymore. I mean I haven't heard from him for a whole day.

 

Oh the horror....lol

 

frus, it's okay that you don't hear from him every day.

 

Try and relax and not overthink.

 

Enjoy the process of dating and getting to know each other. It takes time.

[frus69]

Oh if it's just one day then I won't mind.. However it's still counting..

Maybe I wont hear from him for another day, and another day... If so should I reach out at some point?

[Satu]

I would right him off.

 

Definitely, in an instant.

[Redhead14]

Oh if it's just one day then I won't mind.. However it's still counting..

Maybe I wont hear from him for another day, and another day... If so should I reach out at some point?

 

Sit on your hands Don't reach out first to him. Wait it out. No matter how long it is. It is the only way you can really gauge his interest level. He's set up another date, he needs to confirm it at least a day before. Wait for him to do that. It's been 4 dates and usually I'd encourage a little more initiating from you, but he's on probation in my mind because of his, let's say, faux paux on the first date. He needs to do better a communicating between dates for sure.

 

At some point, when you see him again, you might want to have a casual conversation with him about communication habits, etc. Maybe he's just not into texting and talking on the phone, but if he's serious about a woman, any connection that's been developed at all will fade quickly.

[oldshirt]

Yeah on the 4th date. Although he didn't mention anything sexual anymore after the first night, I can tell he was just "waiting" and sex was never off his radar. I am proceeding with caution lol and definitely going to take things slow-next sex will probably be the 8th date hahaha

 

I dated my wife two years before we got married and we've now been married for 20 years. Sexuality is still on my radar.

 

All guys are going to want a sexual relationship. What separates the wheat from the chaff is not that they want sex or when they want it, it's how well do they respect your comfort and your boundaries and do they enjoy being around you out of the bedroom.

 

I still ask my wife if she wants to have some fun. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't.

 

That never goes away.

[frus69]

Sit on your hands Don't reach out first to him. Wait it out. No matter how long it is. It is the only way you can really gauge his interest level. He's set up another date, he needs to confirm it at least a day before. Wait for him to do that. It's been 4 dates and usually I'd encourage a little more initiating from you, but he's on probation in my mind because of his, let's say, faux paux on the first date. He needs to do better a communicating between dates for sure.

 

At some point, when you see him again, you might want to have a casual conversation with him about communication habits, etc. Maybe he's just not into texting and talking on the phone, but if he's serious about a woman, any connection that's been developed at all will fade quickly.

By "better communication" do you mean communicate everyday? That would be my preference but I'm not sure what to expect when it comes to this because my ex would just text me every three days.

I am also not sure if texting is a good way to gauge a guy's interest?

[katiegrl]

By "better communication" do you mean communicate everyday? That would be my preference but I'm not sure what to expect when it comes to this because my ex would just text me every three days.

I am also not sure if texting is a good way to gauge a guy's interest?

 

frus, communicating every day is for when you're in an established RL.

 

Not early dating. It's too much, and suffocating for many people. Follow his lead....and try to RELAX and again, enjoy the process. Try not to rush it...or you may rush him right out the door (for good).

 

Try not to let your anxieties control you. YOU control them. Exercise is good. Stay busy...and try not to overthink.

 

You have a date scheduled.... in the meantime live your life. Be happy...STAY POSITIVE.

 

Good luck!!

[Redhead14]

By "better communication" do you mean communicate everyday? That would be my preference but I'm not sure what to expect when it comes to this because my ex would just text me every three days.

I am also not sure if texting is a good way to gauge a guy's interest?

 

No, it doesn't have to be everyday. Every other day or two days. Maybe a light text in there somewhere. But don't put emphasis on texting. Some people just don't like it. My SO hates texting because his phone is older and doesn't have a qwerty board. I keep my texts purposeful, short and to the point because I know it's a pain for him. If he's not busy, he will pick up the phone immediately and call me to address whatever I've texted. And, we don't talk everyday anymore and we never really did. I learned/understood his communication/style/pattern early and I was good with that. If I had needed more from him, I would have talked to him about that and I know we would have found a compromise at the very least. We spend good, quality time together when we are together and so talking everyday isn't really necessary. In the beginning, though, there was a little more in between just to keep that initial connection going.

 

And, if you're talking so much in between, you kinda burn up things to talk about when you are together. Save that for face time. It's more meaningful and bonding.

 

My point is, relax, let it play out, see what his pattern/habits are and whether or not that works for you. If you need a lot of talking/texting in between seeing him and he doesn't and can't accommodate you, then you have to decide for yourself if you can live with it.

 

It's early right now, so too much is not good either. A day or two isn't a big deal. I get that you may start feeling a little insecure because of that, but reign that in as best you can and allow yourself space to observe. If you continue seeing him for a bit longer, then you can have a conversation about what you like/need and go from there. If your insecurity gets the best of you and you get antsy and reach out to him first a lot, you'll still always be wondering if he would have done it himself and you feel like you're doing all the work.