BettyDraper Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 The reality is, not everyone will be able to marry (or stay married...for whatever reason) with what they feel is their true love. It just is what it is, every love is different & how a spouse feels is none of the other spouse's business unless the person feels that way wants to talk about it. You don't "choose" what emotion you feel, the choice part, is how you deal with it. Husbands check women out all the time & think I'd like to have sex with her...should they call up their wives & say...I saw a woman I'd like to have sex with, if they have no intention to really do so? Feelings are one's own & people are entitled (even in marriage) to not have to talk about something they don't want to. A husband checking out another woman is not nearly the same as being in love with a woman other than his wife. I'm surprised that you would put the two in the same category. I concur that spouses do not need to share every little emotion. However, I think a spouse has the right to know if his or her partner is in love with someone else. Part of marriage is being honest about strong emotions that can affect the union. Passing lust is completely different from being in love with someone else. People may be entitled not to talk about certain subjects but that is also a defensive way of thinking for those who know they are doing something wrong. I would want to know if my husband is in love with another woman, so that I can make a decision about whether or not I can stay with my husband. I suppose you and I will have to agree to disagree. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 He contacted someone he cared for in his past to see how her life went. I really don't understand the divorce talk & what he did in the same post. What would a wife tell everyone, my h fell I love years ago, it didn't work out. We met got married, he never cheated on me but he wrote a letter to this woman 30 years later to see how she is & now I'm going to divorce him. A bit over reactive don't you think? Not overreacting because Montsan is in love with the woman he contacted more than once. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) First, you're not obligated to talk about anything from your past, that you don't want to...unless you have a disease you can pass on. What a spouse felt for someone in their past, is non of the other's spouses business. They had a life before you & are entitled to that. Marriage is not a ownership of someone's thoughts & feelings. If someone marries you,loves you, & is good & true to you that's all you need to know. He didn't tell his wife bc he's done nothing wrong. Sending a email that asks how you're doing IMO is not a big deal. Could it lead to something, maybe but so can a smile on the street. I don't go by assuming or maybe this or that...I go by facts & fact is he hasn't done anything to be threatened with divorce. You can keep repeating that a spouse's feelings are nobody's business but other LS members are not going to change their opposing opinions. Nobody has said that a spouse should not have a life before marriage. Marrying one person but being in love with someone else is disingenuous. Just because you would be fine with your husband contacting a woman he loves more than you, it doesn't mean that other wives are required to have the same viewpoint. Montsan has repeated that he never loved anyone more than the German woman. For someone who talks about freedom of emotions and privacy, you're pretty dogmatic about others having emotions towards a situation that are different from yours. The irony is breathtaking. Edited January 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 (edited) You can keep repeating that a spouse's feelings are nobody's business but other LS members are not going to change their opposing opinions. Nobody has said that a spouse should not have a life before marriage. Marrying one person but being in love with someone else is disingenuous. Just because you would be fine with your husband contacting a woman he loves more than you, it doesn't mean that other wives are required to have the same viewpoint. Montsan has repeated that he never loved anyone more than the German woman. For someone who talks about freedom of emotions and privacy, you're pretty dogmatic about others having emotions towards a situation that are different from yours. The irony is breathtaking. i think the irony is coming on a forum & saying someone's opinion than their own is irony (that's what a forum is for, different opinions) & then assuming I was trying to change anyone's opinion. Mine was actually a different view from most wives. No, not all wives feel that they own all their H emotions or feelings or would divorce over a email after 30 years. Also you can keep repeating other wives. You can only speak for yourself, not others. Edited January 29, 2016 by Whoknew30 Spell check Link to post Share on other sites
Author Montsan Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 I was looking at the list of trending searches on Yahoo, and I clicked on Lauren Graham just to see who she is. She looks so much like my German girl did, except that my German girl had reddish auburn hair cut shorter. Same eyes, same mouth, same lines at the corners of her mouth which I thought were so sexy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 I'd never heard the name but I recognized her when I looked. Very interesting face. I can't remember what I've seen her in but I think of her as 'soft' & 'cute'. I wasn't picturing the 'German girl' like that. Thank you. I always find it interesting what others consider beautiful/handsome. Do you think you would find that actress attractive if you'd never known the German lady? Is she your 'type' or has your type been effected by your experiences? What actress/celebrity does your wife most look like? My best friend is a man. I've known him most of my life. It's fascinating how his ideal 'type' of woman changes with his relationships & age. He's gone from short, shapely, blondes too REALLY tall, skinny ladies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Montsan Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Yes, I would have definitely found that actress beautiful even if I hadn't met my German girl, who, as I have said, look strikingly alike. What does my wife look like? She was very beautiful, too. She has the largest, friendliest blue eyes with long dark brown hair tumbling down her shoulders and back in a Loretta Lynn type affair. A very light complexion with rosy cheeks and an absolutely beautiful smile. I can't think of any celebrity my wife resembles. She is totally unique. She used to turn a lot of heads. For anyone interested, I have calmed down quite a bit since the shock of seeing my German girl, and I have put her back deep in the recesses of my memories where she has been all these years. And, yes, I do love my wife very much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Yes, I would have definitely found that actress beautiful even if I hadn't met my German girl, who, as I have said, look strikingly alike. What does my wife look like? She was very beautiful, too. She has the largest, friendliest blue eyes with long dark brown hair tumbling down her shoulders and back in a Loretta Lynn type affair. A very light complexion with rosy cheeks and an absolutely beautiful smile. I can't think of any celebrity my wife resembles. She is totally unique. She used to turn a lot of heads. For anyone interested, I have calmed down quite a bit since the shock of seeing my German girl, and I have put her back deep in the recesses of my memories where she has been all these years. And, yes, I do love my wife very much. Good for you! I'm happy to read this. Take that love you have for your wife and nurture it as much as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Haven't read the thread in awhile; happy to read that you worked things out OP and can now move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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