Merin Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Hey Girl! Wow... I was speechless for a minute (Thank God that doesn't happen often LOL) First I have to tell you, that you're a doll to say nice things about me... Thank you... Second I have to tell you that everyone has issues/problems regardless of how they look or who they are and I for real have issues LOL Relationships are hard for me.. I'm not great at them.. it's an odd thing (for me) that while there are Guys who have asked me out or whatever there is only one person I really want to be with and it's been a struggle from the word Go. There are a few people on LS that know some of my issues.. ya know the ones I don't post about I have a lot of issues with being liked for what I look like and not WHO I am.. right now I'm in my own little struggle with my relationship for many reasons.. but the first being that for the first time in my life (and I'm not kidding) my BF wrote a list of "Whats good about Merin" AND for the first time I heard exactly what I wanted to hear at the top of the list... It WASN'T "She's hot" or something else to that effect, it was "She's an amazing person and I Love HER" I was blown away and it's the best compliment anyone had ever given me... YOU WILL do better girl and I know this... because eventually you're going to find that Guy who makes a list (even if it's only in his mind) of whats good about YOU and at the top it will say You're an amazing person, and he loves YOU... even when you get out of bed with bedhead, even when you wear your running pants with no make up and your hair in a ponytail... it's about loving the person YOU ARE and that starts with YOU.. You're an amazing person Dgiirl, you've shown a lot of courage, and class through this... I know it isn't an easy thing to go through but it will make you stronger and more certain of what you want and whats going to be good and okay for you.. "Doing better" IMO means loving the person you are right now even when it's been a tough weekend and you've got snot bubbles, used kleenex and swollen eyes You're still YOU Dgiirl and you're still beautiful and amazing.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale * not that there is anything wrong with that, of course Ha, that's funny cuz I was going to steal your line but I thought my use of the word *gay would be taken the innocent way... Merin, that's really neat, and I'm happy for ya! Dgiirl, as I said before, when the time is right some guy will find ya when you're least expecting it. Listen to Merin! She's got some good words of advice for you! Hugs! Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 I was waiting for Merin to find this.. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by BigB I was waiting for Merin to find this.. I was suprised to "Open the Door" and see this... Mad Dgiirl... I hope you're feeling Mo betta Link to post Share on other sites
babybear Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 You know DGIIRL, the thing is...that there is probably someone out there who's like 'wow...how come DGIIRL has everything together' and I don't.....Nothing is ever as it really appears. I had a cute bf (but a very bad relationship), and on the surface everyone wanted to be like "us." He was the sexy blonde snowboarder/surfer, and I was his "exotic-looking" girlfriend that all his buddies would try to hit on. BUT, when I was with him, and found out about the cheating, and STAYED for a period of time, it killed my confidence and my self esteem. Every time I saw a pretty girl I felt so inadequate, and I just held on to what I had - cause I figured that I wasn't pretty, or funny, or smart enough to meet a guy who would be with me and not feel like cheating. Long story short, I went thru a rough time after the break-up, I envied different people and wondered how they "kept" their guy, but over time I just really fell back in love with myself, and now I am with an even cuter and sexier blonde! Uhh...can we say blonde fetish? Being alone is hard, and it's easy to say "what is wrong with ME", but it's just a matter of being comfortable with who you are, accepting YOU for who you are, and knowing how wonderful and beautiful you are! Good luck girl! Bb Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Ditto on killing your self confidence. That's exactly what happens when someone cheats on you. Your first reaction is "What it wrong with me that they have to cheat?!" when often, there is nothing wrong with you. Something is wrong with THEM!!! When my ex cheated on me and I found out about it, that's the first thing I said and my self-confidence went into the toilet. But later I found out it wasn't me at all. It was that she has commitment problems among many other issues. My confidence never should have been shot at all and what I should have done was kick her to the curb. The good thing is, if I ever happened to me again with someone else, I WOULD NOT hesitate to dump her. I've come to realize that's just flat unforgivable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 6, 2005 Author Share Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by Merin There are a few people on LS that know some of my issues.. ya know the ones I don't post about I have a lot of issues with being liked for what I look like and not WHO I am.. right now I'm in my own little struggle with my relationship for many reasons.. but the first being that for the first time in my life (and I'm not kidding) my BF wrote a list of "Whats good about Merin" AND for the first time I heard exactly what I wanted to hear at the top of the list... It WASN'T "She's hot" or something else to that effect, it was "She's an amazing person and I Love HER" I was blown away and it's the best compliment anyone had ever given me... My best friend's family is all like you. Beautiful with many guys to choose from. They are all in long term committed relationships (some married) with amazing caring guys. All they needed to do was to raise the bar. I have faith the same will happen for you You're an amazing person Dgiirl, you've shown a lot of courage, and class through this... I know it isn't an easy thing to go through but it will make you stronger and more certain of what you want and whats going to be good and okay for you.. "Doing better" IMO means loving the person you are right now even when it's been a tough weekend and you've got snot bubbles, used kleenex and swollen eyes You're still YOU Dgiirl and you're still beautiful and amazing.. Thanks Merin. I'm trying to be strong, but it's so hard. This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through. And I'm starting to become more and more emotional realizing that I'm going to have to start to pack and move, and do all the legal stuff, and I dont even know how I got here. Thanks everyone else for the advice and support. Again, I'm far from ready. I dont even know why I started this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl My best friend's family is all like you. Beautiful with many guys to choose from. They are all in long term committed relationships (some married) with amazing caring guys. All they needed to do was to raise the bar. I have faith the same will happen for you Thanks Merin. I'm trying to be strong, but it's so hard. This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through. And I'm starting to become more and more emotional realizing that I'm going to have to start to pack and move, and do all the legal stuff, and I dont even know how I got here. Thanks everyone else for the advice and support. Again, I'm far from ready. I dont even know why I started this thread. Hey Girl I know you're going through a rough time right now and it is hard.. make no mistake about it divorce IMO is one of the most difficult things to get through for a lot of reasons... It makes you question everything in your life and leaves you wondering what was real. It's okay to have your moments Dgiirl.. the times when you feel overwhelmed and not so great, it happens and all anyone can do is dwell for a MOMENT and then suck it up and let it go.. allow yourself to be there in that moment but don't stay there to long. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for girl.. and you're most certainly more amazing than you see in yourself right now.. Tiempo.. Give yourself time, take those small steps and take a hand when you need help crossing the bigger steps.. You were an amazing girl when you met your Husband, and you are STILL the same amazing girl now.. hang in there sister Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 6, 2005 Author Share Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by Merin It makes you question everything in your life and leaves you wondering what was real. It's okay to have your moments Dgiirl.. the times when you feel overwhelmed and not so great, it happens and all anyone can do is dwell for a MOMENT and then suck it up and let it go.. allow yourself to be there in that moment but don't stay there to long. This pretty much sums up everything. I am wondering what was real, and how I didnt see it. But I'm trying to focus on the future and not the past. I'm feeling much better now, thanks Merin! You're stronger than you give yourself credit for girl.. and you're most certainly more amazing than you see in yourself right now.. Tiempo.. Give yourself time, take those small steps and take a hand when you need help crossing the bigger steps.. You were an amazing girl when you met your Husband, and you are STILL the same amazing girl now.. hang in there sister Thanks. I just cant wait for this to be over. I didnt know how to make my fairy tale come true, and now I'm back at square one. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl This pretty much sums up everything. I am wondering what was real, and how I didnt see it. But I'm trying to focus on the future and not the past. I'm feeling much better now, thanks Merin! Thanks. I just cant wait for this to be over. I didnt know how to make my fairy tale come true, and now I'm back at square one. Hang in there Link to post Share on other sites
babybear Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Ditto on killing your self confidence. That's exactly what happens when someone cheats on you. Your first reaction is "What it wrong with me that they have to cheat?!" when often, there is nothing wrong with you. Something is wrong with THEM!!! When my ex cheated on me and I found out about it, that's the first thing I said and my self-confidence went into the toilet. But later I found out it wasn't me at all. It was that she has commitment problems among many other issues. My confidence never should have been shot at all and what I should have done was kick her to the curb. The good thing is, if I ever happened to me again with someone else, I WOULD NOT hesitate to dump her. I've come to realize that's just flat unforgivable. CONFUSED: Right on! I tell my current bf this all the time...that I forgave someone once, but it was so difficult and hopeless anyway, that I wouldn't EVER try to work it out. Dealbreaker. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Originally posted by babybear CONFUSED: Right on! I tell my current bf this all the time...that I forgave someone once, but it was so difficult and hopeless anyway, that I wouldn't EVER try to work it out. Dealbreaker. It's natural to look within to see if you did anything wrong. We all do. The problem is rarely the victim, it's the cheater. They are weak-willed, spineless and non-communicative. Who wants to be with someone who has no self control and doesn't have the guts to come talk to you when they have a problem? KICK THEM TO THE CURB! Mine sure was weak-willed and spineless. Read many stories here, you'll see that's the case. The thing to remember is ADULTERY is the ONLY sin God will allow for a divorce. The only one. How bad must adultery be that even God will not excuse it? Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 in alot of ways. I am quiet and reservered and I think people mistake this for being stuck-up. If I see someone I know I usually wait to see if they say hello first. I get too anxious and worry that they might not hear me say hello because I am so quiet (like a mouse!) I also get alot of looks, usually when my long hair is down and my glasses are off (not my geeky look). But I still seem to attract the geeky, not-so-goodlooking men. I've gotten used to it, but always wonder what it would be like to be with a really HOT guy. I think I would be the one who is intimidated, which I am by good looking men and men in positions of power. But it would be nice to even have one date in public with a hot guy. My ex always said I was "pretty" and "smart".....yuck! In otherwords I accept you as u are...geeky! My last bf thinks I'm hot and sexy and beautiful and tells me this alot. I think he's okay, has a hot body, but he's bald, and has a space between his teeth but I don't care....I love him alot! (I think we'll get back together)....but do I feel this way because I'm afraid to be alone? Guys online tell me this stuff too, but why not in real life? The bf and I have some things to work on as a condition of getting back on track BUT maybe I deserve better? What is better? Someone with hair and nice teeth? Someone who will be a great husband and father (my ex was okay in the father dept, so-so as a husband, bad as a lover). Okay, then there's the financial situation. What if it's a hot goodlooking guy, great in bed but jobless? There is no mister perfect out there, I know that. Is that why we settle? I think it comes down to figuring out what I want and not settling for less. But it is a catch-22.....bring on the guys and THEN I'll decide what I want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 7, 2005 Author Share Posted June 7, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 I also get alot of looks, usually when my long hair is down and my glasses are off (not my geeky look). But I still seem to attract the geeky, not-so-goodlooking men. Yep that's me I feel like the female version of superman and clark kent sometimes lol When people see me w/o my glasses they're like "___, is that you?" But then I dont respond because I cant see lol. Maybe I need to get some contacts. My ex always said I was "pretty" and "smart".....yuck! In otherwords I accept you as u are...geeky! Or they say you are the hot librarian type. Although I look young, so I also get the hot high school type, which if I have to be a type, i prefer over the librarian Guys, saying a girl is a librarian is _not_ a compliment. I think it comes down to figuring out what I want and not settling for less. But it is a catch-22.....bring on the guys and THEN I'll decide what I want. lol Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 But I still seem to attract the geeky, not-so-goodlooking men. I've gotten used to it, but always wonder what it would be like to be with a really HOT guy. You make a HUGE mistake equating hot looks with hotness. I knew a guy that women in droves found to be HOT HOT HOT. He wasn't my type but they were all adrool. Eventually he got a girlfriend who I got to know. And you know what she said? Not only was he not that great in the sack, but he wasn't even all that interested - and she herself was a major hottie. But it would be nice to even have one date in public with a hot guy. Why? I had a couple of dates with a drop-dead gorgeous guy who was *very* hot. The chemistry between us was crackling. However, he was controlling and had a huge chip on his shoulder and was really a bit of a bore. What is better? Someone with hair and nice teeth? They can still lose the hair - and the teeth! lol. But seriously teeth can be fixed and baldness just makes guys' eyes more enticing. What if it's a hot goodlooking guy, great in bed but jobless? There is no mister perfect out there, I know that. Is that why we settle? Well, it depends what you mean by 'settle'. If your major wishes are to have hotness and goodlookingness, then maybe yes. I'd go for more important characteristics, if I were you. In they end, they're what count. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 I haven't read the thread.. too long... and you always reach the same conclusions. I love wallflowers by the way. And I'd take a smart/intelligent/shy/hard to please/gorgeous girl over merin's type any day (sorry Merin, you're just not my type). I love strong women... women that scare/intimidate men away... why?? Because it seems that they have higher standards then the typical run of the mill woman. Men probably don't flock to you because the can tell your not the easy/provocative type. I'm sure they see you and then they see merin (with i must say a lot of cleavage showing in her avatar..... to each his own.. no offense intended)... and they think "hey... look.. there's some honest eyecandy... and then there's this other chick just waiting to bust out of her clothes... hmmm i think i'll probably have more of a shot with the one that's half way to being undressed"........ as sad as it might seem... it's natural instinct... just like it's a natural instinct for a guy to turn his head when a woman walks by (i think it's a natural weakness......). So, your probably the honest, sweet looking type.... most guys these days want the 'hand me a beer.... your place or mine tonight?' type.............. But rest assured... there are some of us guys out here.... who aren't exactly gorgeous (Brad Pitt I suppose is goregous)... but aren't total losers (I can't even think of one to mention here).......... who are more than willing to be with a woman who has brains...... looks... and a soft personality. Again, I'm attracted to the Angelina Jolie type... as well as the Gwyneth Paltrow.... but could care less for the Eva Longoria (or whatever her name is)... or the Pamela Anderson.... or the Carmen Electrka... or that tennis player anna korkinovka whatever her name is. So all in all...... don't worry about it. Just be yourself......... you'll find your compliment.... or they'll find you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 7, 2005 Author Share Posted June 7, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme They can still lose the hair - and the teeth! lol. But seriously teeth can be fixed and baldness just makes guys' eyes more enticing. This is actually very true. When I met my stbxh, I had one very good looking guy interested in me (the first time in my entire life), but he was a bit conceited and I didnt like that. So I choose my stbxh, DOH. Anyways, I just did an online search for that other guy. They both look exactly the same now! Both bald and a bit chubby. Just cos they're cute now, dont mean they'll be cute 10 years later. I do like baldies tho. Reminds me of bruce willis *drool* Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 OH... I forgot to add......... From my experience... the ultimate lesson I had forgotten a long time ago....... Don't force it..... let it roll......and roll with it. And that's applicable to everything in life..... sex.... money..... work.... relationships.... etc... etc.... etc...... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Originally posted by WantanS4 I haven't read the thread.. too long... and you always reach the same conclusions. I love wallflowers by the way. And I'd take a smart/intelligent/shy/hard to please/gorgeous girl over merin's type any day (sorry Merin, you're just not my type). My Type uh? LOL no offense taken at all... for real, much better for you to get that smart/hard to please/gorgeous woman over MY type anyway... you know... retarded/easily distracted by shiny objects... BTW I also always wear my swimsuit top when I go to work... sure it's distracting when doing surgery, but what the hell... I've just got to be ME... you know MY TYPE. Thank God I'm not so shallow and judgemental of other people... but all good to go, I guess thats just YOU being YOUR TYPE. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 7, 2005 Author Share Posted June 7, 2005 Ouch, this is NOT what I intended to happen when I first wrote this topic. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Hahhaa... i knew that was going to happen. What can you do but laugh??? Tell me this... if that's not what you're about.. then why the avatar??? On top of that... what the hell do you think goes through EVERY GUY'S MIND???!?!?!!? Let us not forget the story of the man, woman and the apple. So already Merin has judge me..... when all I did was make a reference to an avatar...... So I guess I've lost... but how much?? From her reference of mind...... all of it....... but from mine..... nothing at all. Sorry Merin.... I lose... you win. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Originally posted by WantanS4 Hahhaa... i knew that was going to happen. What can you do but laugh??? Tell me this... if that's not what you're about.. then why the avatar??? On top of that... what the hell do you think goes through EVERY GUY'S MIND???!?!?!!? Let us not forget the story of the man, woman and the apple. So already Merin has judge me..... when all I did was make a reference to an avatar...... So I guess I've lost... but how much?? From her reference of mind...... all of it....... but from mine..... nothing at all. Sorry Merin.... I lose... you win. First, I don't need to explain myself to you. You're not my BF, My Dad, My Friend. Second I could give 2 sh*ts less what goes through your mind. Third get over yourself with "Merin has judged me" boo freaking hoo You don't like being talked to in a certain manner well guess what, neither do I. You didn't just make reference to my photo YOU decided who I am based upon ONE f"cking photo! Not that it would interest you to know BUT Guess what... I'm a single Mom and take care of my little people on my own, I work full time, have a degree and I'm pretty damn smart! I have great friends that I can make smile and laugh, I do normal things and wear normal clothes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 7, 2005 Author Share Posted June 7, 2005 Wantan, I dont think that's very fair. I think (hope) you meant well with your original post, but Merin's an awesome person. The way she dresses shouldnt be attacked. Merin and I could be wearing the same clothes, and yet she's more endowed than I am, and so according to you she's a "type". It's not like she can take her cleavage off. If she was able to, I'd ask to borrow it lol This topic is going nowhere fast. I'm sorry Merin Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Now kids cut it out. Merin, what he means, clearly, is that the hottie portrayed in the avatar is not his type. So live with it. Brad Pitt's not my type and were he to post his avatar and ask about this stuff, I'd tell him so. And hope he would get it that he's not necessarily everybody's cup of tea. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 moimeme......... hmmm.... I hope there's no sarcasm there......... but your right... from the pic... she's not my type...... big deal. you on the other hand....... again if there's no sarcasm..... could you explain why he's not your type? (Brad Pitt that is.) Oh, BTW... please comment on the thread I just started. Link to post Share on other sites
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