He lied | His female friend | I feel like an Idiot

[Maggie4]

A woman's got to know her limitations. If I had been faced with this situation, I would just not date this man. Because I know I am jealous and possessive. I know how I am. I don't like my guy being so close to another woman and I never will like it. So I'd just spare him the trouble of trying.

[Gaeta]

According to you, it is ok to lie if you don't want to piss someone off? Definition of telling the truth includes telling truth when it is not convenient, when it will get you in trouble, when it is hard to tell the truth.

 

I disagree he lied to her after being asked a direct question. On a scale of 1 to 10 how important is that lie? I'd say about 5.

 

Now you're saying how honesty is important and no one value being truthful anymore etc. but when OP's boyfriend chose to tell the truth to his female friends you don't view it as being honest. You view it as being indiscreet. Confusing wouldn't you say.

[introverted1]

So, if we tally this one up:

 

OP

• Demanded that the bf end/curtail a long-standing friendship due to her own insecurities
  
• Snooped on bf's phone
  
• Believes she has somehow been victimized by events
  

 

BF

• Ended/curtailed a long-standing friendship in deference to OP's feelings
  
• Told friend why he has to end/curtail the friendship
  
• Did not tell gf that he'd shared the reason for curtailment with his friend
  

 

And out of all of the above, the ONE that is a problem is that the bf didn't share with his gf how he cut things off with his friend?

[kendahke]

OP--if right was so on your side when you snooped his phone and discovered this, then you should fear NOTHING from him by telling him the truth of what you did. Your attitude to him should really be "yeah, I did it!" and take your buttwhippin' for standing in your truth and proceeding from it like an adult.

 

As it stands, you're really no better than he is on that lie tip.

 

Right was supposedly on your side. The longer you keep deceiving him about what you did, it recedes exponentially and that's why you're spinning. You've lost moral traction now.

 

Sounds to me like your boyfriend cares about both of you, in different ways of course; and just as he wasn't going to hurt you by telling you to kiss his butt on cutting off his friend, he wasn't going to hurt hers by vaporizing into thin air, especially if he's known her longer than he's known you. He did what you asked him to do.

 

That you are now scared of her reaction to you is on you--perhaps if you'd given her more of a chance and weren't so threatened by her for whatever reason, you'd have probably come to realize that she wasn't the big, horrible fire breathing dragon to whom you've given over all your personal power.