donvito Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Should you do 30 days or however long until it feels right?
Wewon Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 Should you do 30 days or however long until it feels right? Interesting question. Since I've been on this board I've found that a lot of people recommend NC indefinitely. Personally I think that a time limit should be reasonable. But I guess that it depends on the individual. I personally set NC for 3 months and figure that I will modify it if I still have some unsettled feelings about things. 1
basil67 Posted January 6, 2016 Posted January 6, 2016 The whole point of being NC is to help you get to the stage of indifference. When you get to the point of indifference, you won't care about ending the NC. 6
strawberryshortstack Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 It's not about time limits. That defeats the purpose. You can't enter NC with a goal other than healing in mind. As basil67 mentioned, the point of NC is to reach a state of indifference. It's hard to see that happening in the beginning, but trust me, it DOES happen. At that point, and only then, if he/she contacts you, you're at a much better state of mind to decide if you want to try again or move on. But look at it as getting to a point that you're ready to move on, not with the goal to get the relationship back. 1
thecrucible Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I think it should pretty much be forever. It's really tempting to get back in touch with someone after not talking for a while but with some people, call me a coward, but I just can't do it. I have an ex who treated me really horribly and he keeps getting in touch every so often. I blocked his number on my phone and blocked him on Facebook. Then he found me on a dating site, sent me a message, but I just didn't know how to respond. He then sent me a message on LinkedIn which I ignored. So then he made a new Facebook profile, attempted to add me and recently sent me a long message. The thing is now I just feel really uncomfortable with him. After we broke up, he asked me if I wanted to stay friends and I said that would be fine and I really meant as friends. Then when we met up he tried to force me into having sex with him so when I got home I decided I would never talk to him. 18 months later he still tries to contact me and I am just too put off to respond.
preraph Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 You should do it until you don't want to ever make contact again. As long as you're still wanting to and counting the days, you ain't soup yet.
KatZee Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 All those "Get Your Ex Back" scam self-help books talk about going at least 30 days no contact with your ex. It's just a manipulation tactic. If you have to "punish someone" or "shock them" into missing you, it's just their knee jerk reaction of wanting what they no longer have access to. NC should be used to move on. I've been 44 months no contact now. As the months went by, I literally stopped giving a crap if he'd ever reach out again. That's where you want to be. 2
katiegrl Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 (edited) All those "Get Your Ex Back" scam self-help books talk about going at least 30 days no contact with your ex. It's just a manipulation tactic. If you have to "punish someone" or "shock them" into missing you, it's just their knee jerk reaction of wanting what they no longer have access to. NC should be used to move on. I've been 44 months no contact now. As the months went by, I literally stopped giving a crap if he'd ever reach out again. That's where you want to be. Wow, you're still counting the months? After 3.5 years? You sure you stopped giving a crap? Just sayin.... Edited January 7, 2016 by katiegrl
Thatdude1112 Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Damn the paws are out. Shots fired lol j/k
Blanco Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Wow, you're still counting the months? After 3.5 years? You sure you stopped giving a crap? Just sayin.... Or, she knows when she last spoke to the person and, prior to posting, did basic addition. 1
katiegrl Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 (edited) Or, she knows when she last spoke to the person and, prior to posting, did basic addition. That's fine. I just think after a few years go by ....you would kinda just lose track of when you even last spoke. Assuming you have truly moved on. It doesn't matter though....I have no doubt KZ has moved on. No biggee...and apologies if I ruffled any feathers.... Edited January 7, 2016 by katiegrl
Blanco Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I have a general idea of when I last spoke to my first ex, and it's been nearly 10 years. I think I have more emotional investment in my mail carrier at this point. 5
katiegrl Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I have a general idea of when I last spoke to my first ex, and it's been nearly 10 years. I think I have more emotional investment in my mail carrier at this point. OK! ten characters
TheArtist Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I think 30 days is something that's quoted because that's about the time you start feeling better about the whole thing. You're not going to wake up on day 31 and think, 'What was it that was bothering me? Who the hell does this number belong to on my phone?'; it's just a guide. It won't work if you keep checking in on your ex though, you've got to do something for yourself, something new and exciting and interesting. NC isn't made for getting your ex back and all those '30 Day Ex Recovery' things are just playing on the 5% that do come back. It's just not statistically likely. Buy a lottery ticket instead, then work on being positive and happy in yourself.
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 12 years. Give or take a coupl'a months.... I strongly suspect the next time we 'meet' will be at his funeral if I live longer than him, that is. Well, we WERE married for 24 years and had 2 kids. It's only respectful, after all. He would never come to mine. (Heck, he didn't even go to his mother's....) But that's ok by me.
anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 The way you phrase your post doesn't give me the impression that you've done 30 days and are wanting more. I get the sense that you're in a few days or a week and trying to convince yourself you're ready. Do 30 days. Then do 30 more. Then another 30 after that. Still miss them/want them back in your life? Sure maybe reach out. At the very least, one last dose of reality could help you move forward. But I promise you, the longer you go, the easier it is to remain NC. Soon the thought of contacting your ex/looking at their Facebook page/receiving a phone call will repulse you. Then it won't even register. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Should you do 30 days or however long until it feels right? You know you're 21? Leave it until you're 30. In the meantime, date - but not above your "weight".
Recommended Posts