Toodaloo Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Men with a backbone, who don't take this type of crap from women ....wouldn't be sticking around long enough *to* pass them.. Men who are considerate and care about their women would because their partners happiness would be important to them would probably go through it... More so when they are young and think that is what they have to do to attract a mate. I do believe some of these "tests" are also testing a mans back bone... even if it is as confusing as heck for them...
MissBee Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I don't do this. Who has the time? Dating is a discovery period. People naturally reveal themselves. I don't need to concoct any special test to see how they react. In my work I have research subjects, I'm not trying to make my dating life be a weird real life lab. Everything you do and don't do reveals something about you. I watch and observe and take it all in when dating. I don't have to artificially create or make up situations to test you. It's a bizarre and juvenile way of dating IMO and if I felt a man was deliberately contriving situations to test me and see if I got things correct or not, I would QUICKLY move on. Ew. That's not my style. If he can't simply date me and discover who I am, and if I am up to his taste and style or not in a normal manner, then no. 3
katiegrl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I don't do this. Who has the time? Dating is a discovery period. People naturally reveal themselves. I don't need to concoct any special test to see how they react. In my work I have research subjects, I'm not trying to make my dating life be a weird real life lab. Everything you do and don't do reveals something about you. I watch and observe and take it all in when dating. I don't have to artificially create or make up situations to test you. It's a bizarre and juvenile way of dating IMO and if I felt a man was deliberately contriving situations to test me and see if I got things correct or not, I would QUICKLY move on. Ew. That's not my style. If he can't simply date me and discover who I am, and if I am up to his taste and style or not in a normal manner, then no. Exactly. Games and tests not required.... and are manipulative. Simply being observant and paying attention to actions (and words to see if they jive)... and expressing what you need naturally and honestly... and gauging reaction.... will tell you everything you need to know about someone you're dating. It has always worked for me anyway. 2
Author 11012015 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 person deliberately setting a series of 'traps' and sitting back and judging me for "worthiness" to spend time with them. Great description for those who don't know what it is.
Author 11012015 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 Was wondering that myself (why he stuck around).... I would think the mere fact a man tolerates these shyt tests, long enough to pass them .....would mean he actually *failed* a very important test -- the "having a backbone/not being a doormat" test. Assuming he knew or even suspected he was being tested. Men with a backbone, who don't take this type of crap from women ....wouldn't be sticking around long enough *to* pass them. They would leave. That is also a test in itself. You do leave ... completely. And then she begs you to come back because you did indeed pass the test and showed you don't take cr*p. It is strange women here pretend that there is no such thing or they don't know what I am talking about when in fact this is a fairly known concept (that means it is done by most women, so the solution isn't dump the girl if you sense a sh*t test) and employed fairly regularly at one point in the relationship.
Gaeta Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 That is also a test in itself. You do leave ... completely. And then she begs you to come back because you did indeed pass the test and showed you don't take cr*p. It is strange women here pretend that there is no such thing or they don't know what I am talking about when in fact this is a fairly known concept (that means it is done by most women, so the solution isn't dump the girl if you sense a sh*t test) and employed fairly regularly at one point in the relationship. Your theory is too vague. Give us a concrete example of these games you're referring of. 2
katiegrl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 That is also a test in itself. You do leave ... completely. And then she begs you to come back because you did indeed pass the test and showed you don't take cr*p. It is strange women here pretend that there is no such thing or they don't know what I am talking about when in fact this is a fairly known concept (that means it is done by most women, so the solution isn't dump the girl if you sense a sh*t test) and employed fairly regularly at one point in the relationship. Well if you could give me some examples of what you mean (other than the "backbone" test which you just described above).... I might understand better. I do think however, that in some cases (not all) what men might interpret as a "test" might simply be a woman's way of determining whether or not a man is right for her. It's not done maliciously or with ill intent, just a way of getting to know a guy and determining if he is right. Can you give me some other examples of shyt tests? Seriously, other than what I said earlier about intentionally trying to get a guy jealous or intentionally being busy or intentionally breaking a date.... I am at a loss. I do understand shyt tests are given.... but NOT all women play that game.
losangelena Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 That is also a test in itself. You do leave ... completely. And then she begs you to come back because you did indeed pass the test and showed you don't take cr*p. It is strange women here pretend that there is no such thing or they don't know what I am talking about when in fact this is a fairly known concept (that means it is done by most women, so the solution isn't dump the girl if you sense a sh*t test) and employed fairly regularly at one point in the relationship. I have asked you twice for concrete examples and you have yet to give one. Instead you suggest that I and others are *pretending* to not know what you're talking about? I've heard of the concept of "s**t tests," but actually am not clear on the concept, so would love an example before I say, "yes I do these/no I don't." Why would I lie to a complete stranger on the Internet (you) about whether or not I could describe a s**t test? I cannot. Please help a sister out. 2
Author 11012015 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 I know exactly what you are talking about. When someone does this to me I walk. People who do this are insecure and dimwitted. Neither of which are qualities I find attractive. This girl is an idiot. Walk away before you get hurt or end up in a hellish relationship because believe you me you will and it will be because you "gave her a chance". The "tests" never end and get more weird, freaky and ultimately dull. You end up on the edge of your seat too scared to breathe. Go out with girls who want to get to know you rather than test you constantly. You have seen comedy movies where the girl says "I am pregnant!" (not because she is but because she wants to see the guy's reaction to it) to a guy who claims to love her and want babies with her-- and guy freaks out and bolts. So, I kinda understand why girls do these sh*t tests. People can pretend to be someone else for a long time. The other day I read a post of women who had been absolutely b*tch (yelling at husband when husband lost a job) and resentful (to her sister-in-law, who temporarily moved in with them when her kid died). Could the guy have known she would be that way when the times get tough? Probably not. So the reality is you might not know who someone truly is or how someone would react to a situation until that situation happened -- or until you simulate a situation (cuz you don't want to discover something after 10 years of marriage, like the case above). So, girls do crazy stuff like they act horrible to you (not because they are horrible or feel that way towards you but to see how much they can push you as a man) to see if the guy would say something back. They would flirt with someone else (not because they are interested in that guy but to see the guy's reaction -- does he really love me, is he cool enough, how is going to handle it, is he going to stand up for himself or let me treat him that way) to see your reaction. Heck, it could be as simple as purposely canceling a date or not picking up a call. Anyway, I just wanted to see some examples but girls on this forum don't wanna give their secrets away it seems.
Gaeta Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Anyway, I just wanted to see some examples but girls on this forum don't wanna give their secrets away it seems. Like I said to you in another post - here you will find women not girls. Women don't have time for games. 2
losangelena Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 You have seen comedy movies where the girl says "I am pregnant!" (not because she is but because she wants to see the guy's reaction to it) to a guy who claims to love her and want babies with her-- and guy freaks out and bolts. So, I kinda understand why girls do these sh*t tests. People can pretend to be someone else for a long time. The other day I read a post of women who had been absolutely b*tch (yelling at husband when husband lost a job) and resentful (to her sister-in-law, who temporarily moved in with them when her kid died). Could the guy have known she would be that way when the times get tough? Probably not. So the reality is you might not know who someone truly is or how someone would react to a situation until that situation happened -- or until you simulate a situation (cuz you don't want to discover something after 10 years of marriage, like the case above). So, girls do crazy stuff like they act horrible to you (not because they are horrible or feel that way towards you but to see how much they can push you as a man) to see if the guy would say something back. They would flirt with someone else (not because they are interested in that guy but to see the guy's reaction -- does he really love me, is he cool enough, how is going to handle it, is he going to stand up for himself or let me treat him that way) to see your reaction. Heck, it could be as simple as purposely canceling a date or not picking up a call. Anyway, I just wanted to see some examples but girls on this forum don't wanna give their secrets away it seems. Some of these sound BIZARRE. Claiming pregnancy? Jesus. I think you can get a good sense of who a person is without putting them through some kind of hypothetical crisis drill. If someone reacts to something in a way you dislike 10 years down the line, well you deal with it then. Integrity and character are not that hard to pick up on. I had plenty to go on to suggest that my ex probably would not have done well in a crisis to have to manufacture pretend crises to prove a point. No. I can safely say that I've never done any of the above intentionally. I'm barely aware that other men exist when I have a boyfriend, let along flirt with them. I don't purposefully cancel dates, nor do I avoid phone calls from men that I date. I try and be as sincere and upfront as possible with the men I'm with. Again, would love examples of what, specifically, your ex put you through, but I can assure you that not all women are like that. I'm sorry that you seem suspicious of that assertion.
hasaquestion Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Its funny because in another thread someone posted about a girl testing them. Meanwhile this is at the top of the page. Women test you to see how confident you are. How you look, how masculine you are, stuff like that. They'll tease you and push the limit to see how you respond. If you're a confident dude and can turn it on them or own it then you pass. If you're explaining away or stammering then you fail. Ex. she comments on your height. If the next thing you say is "well 5'8 is the national average" then you failed.
Wewon Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) In the interested of unlocking the gears, most test aren't elaborate 'Rube Goldberg' style plots. Many times its a situation, often contrived, to measure the other person's response. Sometimes it may be a slightly unreasonable request to see if he will comply, other times it may be slight. I'm not going to say that every instance is a test, in some cases it may be a genuine miscommunication or a different interpretation of things. One reason something might get called a test is when the conclusion doesn't have a face-value relationship to the 'stimulus'. Instead, its meant to draw some bigger conclusion about the person's character. Most of the "what does this mean..." and "Did I make a mistake..." threads have some aspect of testing in them. Below is an example of a thread that can be seen as a test, or maybe the OPs girlfriend was making a joke. The fact that she never explicitly let him off the hook, leans toward her testing to see if he has the guts to say 'no' to her: So while talking casually about valentines day I asked her what would she like and she said she wants a thing which will cost around $4000 and then started laughing as she knows i can't afford that for her. She did not insist me to buy it for her but i saw a nice glow on her face and she got so happy about it. I then say NO i cant buy that since its not necessary and we have other priorities too. However I don't think I can consider buying that for her since its quite expensive and it can be easily bought after few years too as its nothing urgent and useful as such. Her face got a bit sad but then she smiled later on but i felt like I was not behaving like a good bf? She's giving him just enough incentive to try to meet this unreasonable task, but also maintaining enough latitude for plausible deniability, "Hey I never actually said to buy that gift! You did that on your own!". How much do you bet she won't turn it down if she unwraps it in February 14th? Edited January 5, 2016 by Wewon
Under The Radar Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 The older I get the more I've found my BS meter hovering at a negative one ...... ...... in other words, if something is even APPROACHING bull**** I walk. **** Tests? Yeah, time to bounce
Author 11012015 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 Sometimes it may be a slightly unreasonable request to see if he will comply, other times it may be slight. You just reminded me of another example I've seen on a video interview. One girl said she purposely sides with the opposite political view (i.e. if she is a liberal, she says something so republican or conservative) to see if the guy just wants to agree with her. Then she said she would change it 180 ... and watch the guy's reaction.
hasaquestion Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 You just reminded me of another example I've seen on a video interview. One girl said she purposely sides with the opposite political view (i.e. if she is a liberal, she says something so republican or conservative) to see if the guy just wants to agree with her. Then she said she would change it 180 ... and watch the guy's reaction. That's awesome imo. A woman after my own heart.
spiderowl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Was wondering that myself (why he stuck around).... I would think the mere fact a man tolerates these shyt tests, long enough to pass them .....would mean he actually *failed* a very important test -- the "having a backbone/not being a doormat" test. Assuming he knew or even suspected he was being tested. Men with a backbone, who don't take this type of crap from women ....wouldn't be sticking around long enough *to* pass them. They would leave. I see your point here, katiegrl, but which 'test' (if it exists) is the most important? Is it the 'does he have backbone' test or the 'will be stick around me through thick and thin' test? I think the latter might be more important for anyone considering a long-term relationship. The first might be more important for a casual relationship because if you accidentally become pregnant, then the child is likely to be an alpha child. Not worth the hassle, in my opinion, but it seems to matter to some.
katiegrl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 You just reminded me of another example I've seen on a video interview. One girl said she purposely sides with the opposite political view (i.e. if she is a liberal, she says something so republican or conservative) to see if the guy just wants to agree with her. Then she said she would change it 180 ... and watch the guy's reaction. You provide all these examples of tests you've seen or read about... but what about the so-called tests your ex ran on you... per your original post? Hmmmm......... 1
spiderowl Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 I don't really know what tests you mean either. I don't think I test people, but I do pay attention to what kind of person they are: Do they have a temper? Are they controlling or spiteful? Are they kind and thoughtful? Are they prepared to work hard as I am? Are they generous, financially and in spirt? I am generous and can't bear people who quibble over pennies or check to see if it's equal all the time. They tend to be lacking in generosity all round. Are they sincere? Will they be faithful? Are they impulsive? Very impulsive people lack control in lots of ways and are more likely to do stupid things, spend wildly, sign up to things they shouldn't, and be unfaithful. You only need to observe to find out the above. People give away a lot without realising it. 2
dispatch3d Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 What was I talking about? the are you listening to me test..... or they legitimately forgot what they are talking about..... Another girl who was dating my friend made some off comment about how she's more desireable than him. She also made comments earlier about how he's not very masculine. Both to me were tests. She stopped the second one when he was mad about it. They are just signs of insecurity I think.
Author 11012015 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Posted January 5, 2016 Is it the 'does he have backbone' test or the 'will be stick around me through thick and thin' test? Another example: One time a girl told me (after having a break-up talk) "You are too okay/fine with the break up. You don't CHASE ME! Everyone else does. I am not used to it." And I said "I don't get it. You wanted me to chase you, even after you basically said you wanted to end things and move on (to another guy)? Why would I chase a girl who tells me another guy is more preferable to me. Like why?" Turns out it was a test and it was a fake break-up attempt. She was more attracted to me after that cuz I didn't act like a loser who would do anything no matter what she does. I think the latter might be more important for anyone considering a long-term relationship. The first might be more important for a casual relationship because if you accidentally become pregnant, then the child is likely to be an alpha child. Not worth the hassle, in my opinion, but it seems to matter to some. Good point. If the test above had come after a certain period in the relationship, the expected reaction would have been the 'fight for the relationship' rather than 'are you desperate and will you let me get away with everything in the relationship.'
FeelingFireworks Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 OP, I agree with the others. I know what a sh*t test is. However, You haven't given YOUR examples. Why not and why ignore those who ask? You ashamed about them? This is an anon forum, do share. IME, sh*t tests are unisex. Women do it, men do it. It's a form of boundary testing and gaining reassurance. Can range from mildly annoying to the extreme. There's even been threads where the OP has thrown out a sh*t test and asked advice when the other doesn't respond how they want them to. Examples I recall: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/558816-should-i-ask-her-out-again-she-ever-interested http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/558146-i-got-hurt-he-doesn-t-seem-care-did-i-overreact They can be quite effective which is why they are common! And I don't care what anyone says, I'm sure everyone has either done or been subject to (and accepted) this covert crap @ some stage in their dating life - whether knowingly or unknowingly. I know I'm not exempt.
dispatch3d Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 Fireworks - the first one to me is not a test. I think she legitimately is low interest - cancelling dates, making new plans when you cancel, etc. Also the guys HB10 talk was a bit of a turn off for me but anyhow. The second one seems like a test. She said something looking for a specific response, and when she didn't get it thought he didn't like her. Girls that test also seem interested in the other person, which this girl is, and the first girl seems like she isn't.
FeelingFireworks Posted January 5, 2016 Posted January 5, 2016 (edited) Fireworks - the first one to me is not a test. I think she legitimately is low interest - cancelling dates, making new plans when you cancel, etc. Also the guys HB10 talk was a bit of a turn off for me but anyhow. The second one seems like a test. She said something looking for a specific response, and when she didn't get it thought he didn't like her. Girls that test also seem interested in the other person, which this girl is, and the first girl seems like she isn't. Hi Dispatch3D, In the first one, it was the guy (not the girl) who was doing the sh*t test - yes, he was [playing her], but he invited her out, said he'd call then he deliberately did not. By doing that he was expecting her to call and chase him instead (seeking validation/reassurance). When she didn't he got peeved. Def a test. Edited January 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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