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What worked for you? Getting over abuse/gaslighting/cheating/lying etc.


Fruitee

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So last night I had school event and I met someone. He dont go to same school with me but he was there because his friend just finished his phd. He was tall and handsome and wearing a suit. He was funny and had similar sarcastic sense of humour. We changed numbers. Now Im waiting for him to text me. I havent felt like this in long time. Excited to meet someone! I really is true that what you radiate you attract.

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Eventually he didnt text me anything. So I decided to distract myself and stopped waiting for him. But I am glad that I met him. Even I was supposed to make female friends and mingle. I think I managed to make one friend anyway. But this guy kind of returned my faith that I can meet someone out there. Since most of guys in Tinder are sorry losers and it is better to meet someone out anyway. I realised that I can be brave and go and talk to people and there are good quality dudes. Even if he isnt into me its ok. I will survive.

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Its funny how I used to feel so hurt when someone sent me stupid message in Tinder. Now Im just feeling sorry for that guy being so out of touch of himself.

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I also have gotten over my jaded and bitchy attitude. If someone is being an ass I dont trigger anymore. I dont even bother. This one guy I went out couple of times during spring saw me and called me fat and I couldnt even bothered by him. I know he was trying to provocate me and I just let him be. Cos there is no point. When he said he would me to be that same mean girl I used to be and I told him then ok **** off then.. It just felt wrong.

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First, never stay with a person who insults you. Why would you go on a date with someone who feels it's ok to do that? Second, I highly recommend not dating someone who is sarcastic. IMO, sarcasm is what insecure, possibly mean people do to make themselves feel better. To me, that's a red flag.

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^ I didnt go out with him after he insulted me. This happened afterwards.

 

Sarcasm is a red flag to me too but I have some what sarcastic sense of humour too. So I guess it kind of depends on situation too.

 

Anyway I havent heard anything from that guy. So I guess that was just fun night out.

 

Im having 4th date with IT guy next week unless he cancels on me.

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Its so interesting to notice how my attitude has changed. Since Im not needy or desperate anymore I am not waiting on guy to text me or going crazy when he is not texting me.

 

That IT guy texted me today and said it would have been nice to meet me today and then we agreed to meet next week before we had our official date planned. I have cut back texting and scaled down my attitude and I think it is working. So if next week we meet twice then we are 5 dates deep and we have been talking like 5 weeks or so.

 

I havent asked him anything about us or other ladies. I am waiting on him to come to me always. I told him on our 2nd date that he should be more active towards me and he said I shouldnt be so full of attitude. Hehe. I have come up with some activities e.g. there is this art exhibition I want to see but I let him decide on the day. Im kind of hopeful. And another good thing is that Im not so into him. I can be wise.

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Welll my crazy ex is still crazy. Now he contacted me telling me how I owe him money.. God I wonder what was wrong with me for being with him!! I feel like punching myself in my face.

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dreamingoftigers
Welll my crazy ex is still crazy. Now he contacted me telling me how I owe him money.. God I wonder what was wrong with me for being with him!! I feel like punching myself in my face.

 

Jeez he's ridiculous.

 

You haven't blocked him?

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I keep blocking him and he keeps changing his number! I have lost count how many different numbers he has had. I blocked him.. again! :D God this is such a joke.

 

But as I try to think positive at least now I can see straight away who is no good to me.

 

IT guy wants to cook together tonight. Im still not exactly sure what to think of him. He is in Tinder, I checked. No big deal, yet. He is now more active. But he is still very busy guy. So Im not sure if he is for real busy or just has so many hobbies. Because of my crazy ex I am very sensitive for guy being busy but then again its ok for him not to text me all the time. Such a paradox. :D

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My crazy ex is really scary guy. Now I can actuallt understand why his friends didnt wanna say anything. Im wondering how he is still away. Maybe he cannot even come back. I dont know. Of course its only good that he is still away. Drop out of school too. I just wonder why. I guess I really did ruin his plan since he is back with his parents and not with one of his baby mommas.. He hasnt seen his kids soon in an year.

 

He was insulting me again on how Im sleeping around. Which was kind of funny. Since Im not and clearlt he still thinks Im his property. I hope he never comes back.

 

Im glad I havent seen any of his friends either.

 

Im pretty sure one of them will contact me again.

 

Im also thinking about getting some pepper spray or something. I will have to think about it.

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dreamingoftigers
My crazy ex is really scary guy. Now I can actuallt understand why his friends didnt wanna say anything. Im wondering how he is still away. Maybe he cannot even come back. I dont know. Of course its only good that he is still away. Drop out of school too. I just wonder why. I guess I really did ruin his plan since he is back with his parents and not with one of his baby mommas.. He hasnt seen his kids soon in an year.

 

He was insulting me again on how Im sleeping around. Which was kind of funny. Since Im not and clearlt he still thinks Im his property. I hope he never comes back.

 

Im glad I havent seen any of his friends either.

 

Im pretty sure one of them will contact me again.

 

Im also thinking about getting some pepper spray or something. I will have to think about it.

 

Yes totally.

 

I think you might want to get law enforcement involved considering he keeps going around you blocking him.

 

He's a total idiot.

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Yes he is. :D But good thing is he is afraid of the police. So when even I tell him I will contact police he blocks me. :D Anyway Im sure he is now done for a while again. And he is not coming back. I will continue job hunting so I can move next year. If he shows up some day I will call the cops.

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Soooo my date went well. We ate pizza, drank wine and danced and talked. He said he is not dating anyone else. I feel kind of relieved. I have broken my vicious cycle. I think.

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Fruitee, gently, what the hell?

 

What happened to that strong, growing woman who didn't NEED a man? At least 90% of what you talk about is MEN.

 

How will you ever learn to love yourself if you can't stop looking for a MAN to love you so that you don't have to?

 

Do the hard work. BE OK BY YOURSELF. Spend AT LEAST the next six months without a single date

 

You will never be happy until you can be happy without a man paying attention to you.

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Actually I am looking for friends now and I have decided to forget guys. After that sports guy I was seeing that IT guy cos I thought he is different but he turned out to be the same as all.. Anyway. I have now "date" planned with my new friend. I have 2 trips coming up and I have been taking extra good care of myself. :)

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My gf "date" went so well yesterday! I had been panicking if she wont like me and so on. But we had such a good time and I have already agreed with her that we will spent Halloween together. I am so proud of myself making a friend. :)

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I had a nice Halloween but this time now friend date didnt go well. It was new friend and she seemed nice but later on I noticed we have nothing in common.

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Which is why you join groups for things you DO enjoy, and make friends out of THOSE people. People you DO have things in common with. Take a class to learn something you always wanted to learn - sewing, tennis, pottery, whatever. Or join a club for people who do what you like to do - gardening, bowling, poker, whatever.

 

FILL your life with activities you love (work isn't your purpose for living, you know; it's a means to provide you money so you can spend time doing the other stuff you love). Become active; get a life. THEN you will meet people you enjoy and who enjoy you.

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Yes. :) She was from group and seemed nice but when it was just 2 of us she was so judgmental and passive-aggressive. But at least I have made 1 new friend. I will ask her out again soon. :) And what else.. Work is crazy and school is keeping me so busy. I am still not allowed to exercise since my surgery. But hopefully after this week I can go back to normal routine. I have been thinking trying to talk to someone at the gym and signing up for dance class.

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Ok, what you're describing is DYSFUNCTION.

 

Guess how you end up in relationships with people who have dysfunction?

 

By having dysfunctions of your OWN.

 

Otherwise, you would never have spoken to them a second time. A healthy person just cuts the cord.

Edited by turnera
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