Survive Christmas?

[Brandyundercover45]

Just wondering how all my fellow waywards, OW and OM fared over the holiday season (not quite done yet I know). I didn't contact my OM except once, on Christmas day around 7 pm just to say "Merry Christmas" and hope he was doing okay as this is the first Christmas without his mother, who died earlier this year. He was pretty down and not in the Christmas spirit he says (understandable). I told him I wish I could hold him and give him support (his wife is not very affectionate - I've seen this with my own eyes, so I felt sure she wouldn't show him any extra love). I didn't really expect to hear from him anyway and was far too involved with my own family to worry much about him, though I did wonder how long it would be until he reached out to me. Turns out, that day was yesterday night as he returned back to work. Still, surprisingly it didn't bother me too much, maybe would have more if I were single. Though I'd be lying if I said I didn't missed him, and it took all my strength not to ask the inevitable "when will I see you". I didn't ask, he didn't either. I'm going to give him some space until he's ready. All in all, I think I did good. How'd the rest of you do?

Edited December 29, 2015 by Brandyundercover45

[katielee]

You're cheating on your husband and you think you "did good" by only contacting your married lover once on Chrustmas day to see how he was doing and the poor guy, his wife is just not affectionate... Wow.

[alwayslookup]

He doesn't care about you. Stop caring about him. Oh but he does he does he does! He tells me he loves me! Oh geez these threads crack me up.

[Brandyundercover45]

You're cheating on your husband and you think you "did good" by only contacting your married lover once on Chrustmas day to see how he was doing and the poor guy, his wife is just not affectionate... Wow.

Yep, I did good by only contact him once. Thanks Katielee.

[ladydesigner]

(his wife is not very affectionate - I've seen this with my own eyes, so I felt sure she wouldn't show him any extra love).

 

I wasn't affectionate with my WH either during his A because he acted like such an ******* to me. Do you think this might be the BS's case in your situation too?

 

Did your MM reply back to your contact?

[ladydesigner]

Yep, I did good by only contact him once. Thanks Katielee.

 

I can see your point now with this Brandyundercover45. If you are trying to lessen contact then once is good and probably not surprising on Christmas.

 

Are you trying to end things with your MM?

[Robert]

Folks, moderation has had a number of reports that this thread belongs in the OM/OW forum, and was moved there. After further review it was moved back to its original place in the Infidelity forum. Since the OP is both an OW and also a married woman involved in an affair, the thread could be placed in either forum, but since the thread starter chose Infidelity, that is where it will be placed.

 

Thank you and carry on,

~6

 

Edited to add more information can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/326395-you-right-forum-update-july-30-2013-a

 

And here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/325385-am-i-posting-right-forum-read-here-update-july-30-2013-a

Edited December 29, 2015 by Robert

[Miss Clavel]

Just wondering how all my fellow waywards, OW and OM fared over the holiday season (not quite done yet I know). I didn't contact my OM except once, on Christmas day around 7 pm just to say "Merry Christmas" and hope he was doing okay as this is the first Christmas without his mother, who died earlier this year. He was pretty down and not in the Christmas spirit he says (understandable). I told him I wish I could hold him and give him support (his wife is not very affectionate - I've seen this with my own eyes, so I felt sure she wouldn't show him any extra love). I didn't really expect to hear from him anyway and was far too involved with my own family to worry much about him, though I did wonder how long it would be until he reached out to me. Turns out, that day was yesterday night as he returned back to work. Still, surprisingly it didn't bother me too much, maybe would have more if I were single. Though I'd be lying if I said I didn't missed him, and it took all my strength not to ask the inevitable "when will I see you". I didn't ask, he didn't either. I'm going to give him some space until he's ready. All in all, I think I did good. How'd the rest of you do?

I do very well during the Xmas holidays now I'm divorced from my stinking cheater ex.

[EverySunset]

Christmas away from my XWS H is wonderful. I focus on me and not the girls he's sneaking off to go text or email. My daughter. My family. My mental health... A huge gift to myself on Christmas and the holidays.

[Brandyundercover45]

I wasn't affectionate with my WH either during his A because he acted like such an ******* to me. Do you think this might be the BS's case in your situation too?

 

Did your MM reply back to your contact?

I think my OMW isn't an affectionate person by nature. I don't think she's intentional about it. From the couple of times I've been around her, I've often wondered what he sees in her. But I also know many people have said the same of me and what I see in my husband. Opposites attract I suppose. My OM and I are both super affectionate, to the point of that's all we'd have if we were married... can't make a marriage work on affection alone.

 

Yes, he answered me. He told me that he wasn't in the Christmas spirit this being the first year without his mom. But now that the family obligations are done, he wants to see me tomorrow, to which I agreed. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little put-off, like where's my happy holiday time with you, but I can't afford to go there. That kind of thinking will ruin everything so I don't allow it (much). I'll see him tomorrow night and enjoy that time and go back to my husband afterward.

[Brandyundercover45]

I can see your point now with this Brandyundercover45. If you are trying to lessen contact then once is good and probably not surprising on Christmas.

 

Are you trying to end things with your MM?

I try to lessen the contact so I don't get too into him, that won't do. I can't afford to get head-over-heels with him because I'll crash and burn us all. And at times I do want to end it, but then I think "to what end". I go back and forth with it and know it'll end one day. But not today I suppose.

[Miss Clavel]

I think my OMW isn't an affectionate person by nature. I don't think she's intentional about it. From the couple of times I've been around her, I've often wondered what he sees in her. But I also know many people have said the same of me and what I see in my husband. Opposites attract I suppose. My OM and I are both super affectionate, to the point of that's all we'd have if we were married... can't make a marriage work on affection alone.

 

Yes, he answered me. He told me that he wasn't in the Christmas spirit this being the first year without his mom. But now that the family obligations are done, he wants to see me tomorrow, to which I agreed. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little put-off, like where's my happy holiday time with you, but I can't afford to go there. That kind of thinking will ruin everything so I don't allow it (much). I'll see him tomorrow night and enjoy that time and go back to my husband afterward.

It seems no matter who he is with, old faithful or AP he's not in the Xmas spirit.

[Whoknew30]

Just wondering how all my fellow waywards, OW and OM fared over the holiday season (not quite done yet I know). I didn't contact my OM except once, on Christmas day around 7 pm just to say "Merry Christmas" and hope he was doing okay as this is the first Christmas without his mother, who died earlier this year. He was pretty down and not in the Christmas spirit he says (understandable). I told him I wish I could hold him and give him support (his wife is not very affectionate - I've seen this with my own eyes, so I felt sure she wouldn't show him any extra love). I didn't really expect to hear from him anyway and was far too involved with my own family to worry much about him, though I did wonder how long it would be until he reached out to me. Turns out, that day was yesterday night as he returned back to work. Still, surprisingly it didn't bother me too much, maybe would have more if I were single. Though I'd be lying if I said I didn't missed him, and it took all my strength not to ask the inevitable "when will I see you". I didn't ask, he didn't either. I'm going to give him some space until he's ready. All in all, I think I did good. How'd the rest of you do?

 

 

A are hard things to end especially when they get emotional. You seem to know (from reading your other posts) that this isn't going to last. It will end when you see fit. I know it's hard for BS when they find out but it's usually hard for WS too. I know "we" (also a WS) technically do it to ourselves but none the less it takes it's toll on us also. If being affectionate is all you have with OM, it will eventually get old. Only you'll know when you've had enough (or you or OM have a dday) to end it. Good luck to you bc I know it's a rough path to be traveling on.

[Bryanp]

Just curious. Would it bother you at all if your husband was doing to you what you have been doing to him? It does not sound like it.

[road]

brandyundercover45, how about instead of you being honest and true to yourself and having what you need out of life.

 

 

Why don't you give your BH the same honesty and truth?

 

 

After all your BH deserves the truth. Why are you making your BH live his life on being lied to?

 

 

Our does being treated fair only good for you?

[minimariah]

I told him I wish I could hold him and give him support (his wife is not very affectionate - I've seen this with my own eyes, so I felt sure she wouldn't show him any extra love).

 

that really means that she isn't affectionate in PUBLIC -- you don't know what goes on behind their closed doors & you only have his version od the story.

 

and even if she wasn't naturally affectionate - well, he did MARRY her so it clearly wasn't a deal breaker for him.

 

I try to lessen the contact so I don't get too into him, that won't do. I can't afford to get head-over-heels with him because I'll crash and burn us all.

 

you will. you absolutely will fall in love with him & you will crash and burn all of you. it's simply the most likely to happen.

 

I think my OMW isn't an affectionate person by nature. I don't think she's intentional about it. From the couple of times I've been around her, I've often wondered what he sees in her. But I also know many people have said the same of me and what I see in my husband.

 

and if his wife knew about you -- she'd probably wonder what he sees in you, too. same goes for your husband.

[Brandyundercover45]

It seems no matter who he is with, old faithful or AP he's not in the Xmas spirit.

He wasn't in the spirit, and even still he's a bit down. He was very close to his mother and no matter what, no one can replace your mom.

[Brandyundercover45]

A are hard things to end especially when they get emotional. You seem to know (from reading your other posts) that this isn't going to last. It will end when you see fit. I know it's hard for BS when they find out but it's usually hard for WS too. I know "we" (also a WS) technically do it to ourselves but none the less it takes it's toll on us also. If being affectionate is all you have with OM, it will eventually get old. Only you'll know when you've had enough (or you or OM have a dday) to end it. Good luck to you bc I know it's a rough path to be traveling on.

Thanks, it wasn't rough, but now he's stuck in a funk. I mean I get it. And I've been giving him space, I can't imagine losing my mother. But now I'm like "What about me". I didn't see him on that day (December 30) because he cancelled. He said he wasn't "ready". He said his W is giving him a hard time and wants him to snap out of it, so how can I berate him in the same way. I haven't seen him at all and have only talked to him a few time. He's never on facebook anymore. I asked him point blank - I'm a point blank person - if he wanted to stop. If he needed to take a break. He keeps saying no. But I'm at the point now where I snapped at him yesterday. My H is working my nerves and he (OM) used to me by escape now he's sitting in a corner pouting. And it's not just being selfish, I do care about how he's feeling. And now I'm starting to think about him and wonder what he's doing, does he miss me, all that sort of silly crap. This won't do. It's like it's he's not calling it "over" but it feels very much like it is, or it's pending. I thought I wouldn't care if it ended... I was wrong about that, but I'll live. Only time will tell.

[Brandyundercover45]

that really means that she isn't affectionate in PUBLIC -- you don't know what goes on behind their closed doors & you only have his version od the story.

 

and even if she wasn't naturally affectionate - well, he did MARRY her so it clearly wasn't a deal breaker for him.

 

 

 

you will. you absolutely will fall in love with him & you will crash and burn all of you. it's simply the most likely to happen.

 

 

 

and if his wife knew about you -- she'd probably wonder what he sees in you, too. same goes for your husband.

Well you seem to have all the answers, so I won't bother to respond except to say it's too bad you can't see your own situation so clearly as you seem to see into the future of mine. Either you're a ws or a bs, either way, you'd do better to predict your own future.

[Brandyundercover45]

A are hard things to end especially when they get emotional. You seem to know (from reading your other posts) that this isn't going to last. It will end when you see fit. I know it's hard for BS when they find out but it's usually hard for WS too. I know "we" (also a WS) technically do it to ourselves but none the less it takes it's toll on us also. If being affectionate is all you have with OM, it will eventually get old. Only you'll know when you've had enough (or you or OM have a dday) to end it. Good luck to you bc I know it's a rough path to be traveling on.

EDIT: Thanks, it wasn't rough, but now he's stuck in a funk. I mean I get it. And I've been giving him space, I can't imagine losing my mother. But now I'm like "What about me". I didn't see him on that day (December 30) because he cancelled. He said he wasn't "ready". He said his W is giving him a hard time and wants him to snap out of it, so how can I berate him in the same way? I haven't seen him at all and have only talked to him a few time. He's never on facebook anymore. I asked him point blank - I'm a point blank person - if he wanted to stop. If he needed to take a break. He keeps saying no, he's fine. But I'm at the point now where I snapped at him yesterday and told him either he's in or out. My H is working my nerves and he (OM) used to me by escape now he's sitting in a corner pouting. And I'm not meaning to be selfish, I do care about how he's feeling. I just miss him (I admit, to you). And now I'm starting to think about him and wonder what he's doing, does he miss me, all that sort of silly crap. This won't do. It's like he's not calling it "over" but it feels very much like it's over or will be soon. The thing is, I thought I wouldn't care if it ended... I was wrong about that, but I'll live.

[66Charger]

Well you seem to have all the answers, so I won't bother to respond except to say it's too bad you can't see your own situation so clearly as you seem to see into the future of mine. Either you're a ws or a bs, either way, you'd do better to predict your own future.

 

Some may not see into the future, but with all your gleefull cheating, we hope the prediction comes to pass, and you will be where you belong. Divorced and with your "wonderful AP" still as a "side dish"

[Brandyundercover45]

Just curious. Would it bother you at all if your husband was doing to you what you have been doing to him? It does not sound like it.

No because I'm doing anything to him except staying with him. If he didn't want me to cheat he'd do more to prove that. I'm done explaining this to him and you people. Don't like my life don't live it, don't like my posts dont read them. If he had a justified reason to cheat after telling me his concerns and I ignored him, no it wouldn't bother me.

[Brandyundercover45]

Some may not see into the future, but with all your gleefull cheating, we hope the prediction comes to pass, and you will be where you belong. Divorced and with your "wonderful AP" still as a "side dish"

Thanks. Ive never wished ill on anyone. And you're judging me? Funny.

[66Charger]

Whats funny is your hypocrisy. Dont know how you can write about how a person should leave when the trust is gone, sometimes indignation at infidelity, almost acting like you have honor (thats funny). You are who you are and everyone knows it except your husband.

 

My wish was not for ill of you, but a positve change for someone who doesnt deserve a "I cheat and I love it" spouse....You know, that guy you lied to on your wedding day.

 

Your only purpose on the infidelity side is for spite

Edited January 13, 2016 by 66Charger

[DAO]

Thanks. Ive never wished ill on anyone. And you're judging me? Funny.

 

No you did not,except your husband

 

Also,no one is judging you,it is your actions that define you