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Are you in the right forum? [Update July 30, 2013]

Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 15th May 2012, 1:43 PM   #1 Moderator
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 162
Are you in the right forum? [Update July 30, 2013]

Forum Purpose

This sub forum of the Marriage & Life Partnership forum is “Infidelity. In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concern here”.

By its title, this area is for people in marriages or life partnerships, who are either participating in an affair or suspect their partner is. This sub forum is designed for personal discussion of one’s situation as he or she navigates through infidelity and the resulting impact on his or her life.

Threads posted here should come from a personal point of view with regard to the thread starter’s own situation as either a wandering spouse (WS) or betrayed spouse (BS).

Updated May 3, 2013

Pursuant to review of topics and behavior in the Infidelity and Other Woman/Other Man forums, moderation is regulating topical content to conform with the forum statements listed under the forum headers. Below is the current guideline by how moderation is and will be handling topics.

In this forum, Infidelity, if you are currently in an affair as a committed spouse/partner or you are in a marriage or life partner relationship and suspect your spouse/partner of/know of their infidelity and are seeking advice and/or support for your circumstances, this is the appropriate forum to post in. If you are asking general questions or seeking general feedback about infidelity or are not posting about your current personal circumstances as a wayward spouse or potential/confirmed betrayed spouse, General Relationship Discussion is where such postings shall be located. If the posting is tangential to infidelity and is considered to be a rant rather than any support or advice-seeking, it shall be located to Personal Rants and Confessions

Moderation generally moves postings with redirect in the forum of origination and without infraction/warning. Repeat offenders may be subject to sanction. Thank you for your attention.


Responding to Threads

All members are welcome to respond to threads within this sub forum as long as the responses are in keeping with the purpose of the forum and the community guidelines. Insight can be gained from people of all walks and experiences. However; if an OP requests responses from certain people, i.e. betrayed spouses only, please respect that wish.

People posting here will be in different stages of discovery and recovery. This includes those who are concealing infidelity from their spouses, those who are trying to find out, those who just found out, those who are choosing to stay, those who are choosing to leave, and those who are undecided. This includes those on the road to personal recovery after the infidelity is over as the consequences of infidelity can continue long after the act itself has been concluded.

Please keep all responses relevant to the topic of the thread and post in consideration of the thread starter’s stage of discovery or recovery.

Extraneous Discussions

While extraneous discussions of topics pertaining to infidelity are necessary and valuable, consideration must be given to the purpose of this forum; persons currently experiencing infidelity. All infidelity related discussions that do not fit the purpose of this forum, i.e. general questions, discussions and statements about infidelity, and threads started by those other than a betrayed spouse or wandering spouse, should be placed in a more appropriate forum such as General Relationship Discussions, or if appropriate from your position in infidelity, the Other Man / Woman forum.

Sometimes a WS or BS wishes to gain insight specifically from the affair partner's point of view, or vice versa. These discussions should take place in the General Relationship Discussions forum on this site. Discussions in either the Infidelity forum or the Other Man / Woman forum of this nature will result in the thread being moved and the thread starter being infracted.

Appropriate Posting

Here are a few excerpts and key points from the Community Guidelines to help keep threads on topic and in keeping with the forum purpose.

Primary Directive
Tangents started within threads of discussion should be avoided at all times. All replies to any thread should relate directly to the first post in that thread.

Civility & Respect
We expect that all participants will respond to posts in their specific context, not to the person who has posted.

…any response to any particular submission should be grounded in what has been posted in that thread.

Past disagreements should not be resurrected in new threads.

Language and decency
…use language that…is in no way vulgar, profane, obscene, pornographic, demeaning, or pejorative to the subject being described or those contributing to the discussion.

Last edited by Moderator; 3rd May 2013 at 12:08 PM.. Reason: Update forum location criteria
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Old 15th May 2012, 3:45 PM   #2 Moderator
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 162
The benefits of on topic discussions

During our open discussions of moderation and site policy, it was expressed by some that off topic discussion shouldn’t be discouraged as it represents the natural flow of conversations.

While there is truth to that statement, LoveShack is not a gathering place for random discussion. It is not the same as meeting with your friends in a social setting to discuss whatever comes to mind. There is occasionally an “off topic” thread started in the Water Cooler for such purpose.

This site is divided into forums and sub forums for the purpose of encouraging conversations about specific topics in dedicated areas relevant to those topics. Once these discussions are held, the threads remain here as an archive of sorts that continue to live on to help people long after the conversation is concluded.

Two of the key benefits of on topic discussion include:

Respect for the thread starter (OP)
It is a great disservice to the OP to deny him/her the focus and attention on their specific topic that they need assistance with or wish to discuss. Derailing threads with attacks, secondary topics, debates, exclusive conversations, and other things that veer from genuine conversation regarding the topic at hand shows a great amount of disrespect to your fellow members.

Each discussion topic deserves its own thread
A topic that is deemed worthy of discussion by any member deserves its own thread. A separate thread ensures that the topic of discussion can be easily found and it provides others the opportunity to openly discuss the topic at hand.

Secondary topics within a thread “bury” the discussion. Members who had no interest in reading or participating in the original topic may very well wish to contribute to the secondary or "new" topic of discussion. Getting that topic out in the open in its own thread provides all members with that opportunity.

How you can help

Quoting off topic posts and responding to off topic posts or misplaced threads results in the thread being taken further off topic. Although well meaning, defending an OP or other member against a perceived attack also takes a thread further off topic.

If a thread is going off topic, if there are attacks, exclusive conversations, secondary topics, or if the thread is not in the correct forum or sub forum of the site, please use the “Alert Us” button located at the bottom right of the post to alert moderators to the problem.

Alerting moderators in this way does not automatically issue an infraction to the member whose post you reference in the alert. This sends a report to moderators for review. The moderators will review the alert and determine if there are violations of the community guidelines and/or if the thread needs to be moved to another section of the site.
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Old 30th July 2013, 9:33 AM   #3 Moderator Moderator
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 4,659
Due to interactions on this forum, I'm posting, in part, our guidelines regarding civility and respect, along with clarification regarding the discussion of past postings between respondents. See below:

Personal attacks against other participants will not be tolerated under any circumstances. We define personal attacks as posted comments which are intended to provoke, demean, or ridicule another participant. It is inevitable that members will sometimes disagree in their responses to any given problem, and encourages healthy debate comprised of constructive questions and criticisms, so long as they pertain to the post and thread at hand. Personal dislike of another member has no place in any post, on any thread.

We expect that all participants will respond to posts in their specific context, not to the person who has posted. While opinions may be formed of various members based on what they have posted in the past, any response to any particular submission should be grounded in what has been posted in that thread. Past disagreements should not be resurrected in new threads. It is important that criticism be directed at what is stated in a post ("I don't like your idea") rather than at the individual making the statement ("I don't like you").

For clarity, content of past postings are *not* to be resurrected in current threads, with the exception of material posted by the thread starter and *only* relevant to the current thread topical material. Hence, cross-talk between other posters about their respective postings in the past is deemed *off-topic* and is disallowed. Additionally, references to past postings of the thread starter which are relevant to the topic shall include a link to the referenced posting as well as a relevant quote from that posting in support of any assertions made or clarifications requested.

Members are directed to address the topic and thread starter. Thanks!

Last edited by William; 20th October 2013 at 7:29 PM.. Reason: Clarify terms.
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