I got dumped for her ex-boyfriend

[Tom01]

Hi,

 

I had been seeing this girl I met for about 2 months, things were going so well. We had endless things in common, laughed at the same things and had the same interests, even though she's almost 19 and I'm 25. We spent every night texting each other, talking about plans we could make. She was even showing her family pictures of me, telling them about me, and her mum said that I "was the type of guy she could always see her with". We went on a string of successful dates, with the latter ending in spending the night with each other.

 

However a few days after this, she became quite distant from me. The texts would get less and less frequent. When I asked her about it, she just said that she felt like things were moving too fast and that she wasn't ready for a relationship yet. I knew she hadn't been single for long (which is where I should've seen the red flag), but I asked her how long the space was between her splitting up with her ex (of 4 years) and talking to me. She said just over a week. I had bought her a gift for xmas which I still needed to give her, and days prior to this happening we had organised to go to the cinema with each other. So even though she told me how she felt, we ended up going to the cinema anyway. After the very awkward film, I dropped her off at her house, where we spoke about how she felt, in which she repeated what she said previously. But then as the conversation went on, she agreed to just carry on with how things were going and see what would happen.

 

I began trying to speak to her again, and she was being even more distant and quiet with me, saying that she's sorry and doesn't "see me in that way anymore". In the space of 2 days, really? Anyway, I did a bit of Twitter-stalking, and saw she had favourited one of her ex's recent tweets saying "2016, I will be a new man". So I clicked on his account and saw he had tweeted a picture of her with a love heart as the caption. It was then I realized she had clearly been in talks with her ex again. He had noticed she was moving on with someone else and was happy, so came running back to her, and she fell for his bullsh*t immediately which is so frustrating for me. She told me the reason she split up with him because he cheated on her twice. She would tell me how much her family would dislike him as well.

 

I texted her confronting her about it, saying I know that she's been talking to him again, even after everything she was saying about him to me. I got no reply. The next day, foolishly, acting on emotion, I text her again asking her she'd want to meet up for a quick drink to talk about things, and if she doesn't want to then to let me know and I'll stop wasting my time. She replied with "Hey, I wouldn't want you wasting your time!". I took a few hours to think about what I would reply with. Instead of being horrible to her, I said "OK. Well I hope he treats you right this time, and if you ever want to have a laugh together again, you know where I am". To my surprise, she actually replied, with "Thank you Tom, I'm sorry about all this! x". I responded with "Don't be sorry. A few months later and things would've been different, I thinks it's just bad timing" - Which is what I do still think.

 

And that's where everything is at right now. I know I need to try and forget about her and move on but its proving very difficult. All I want is for her ex to f*ck up again and for her to realize what she lost in me, and come back. I'd appreciate some advice on all this. Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent! WHAT SHALL I DO?!

[Nickr3023]

Hi,

 

I had been seeing this girl I met for about 2 months, things were going so well. We had endless things in common, laughed at the same things and had the same interests, even though she's almost 19 and I'm 25. We spent every night texting each other, talking about plans we could make. She was even showing her family pictures of me, telling them about me, and her mum said that I "was the type of guy she could always see her with". We went on a string of successful dates, with the latter ending in spending the night with each other.

 

However a few days after this, she became quite distant from me. The texts would get less and less frequent. When I asked her about it, she just said that she felt like things were moving too fast and that she wasn't ready for a relationship yet. I knew she hadn't been single for long (which is where I should've seen the red flag), but I asked her how long the space was between her splitting up with her ex (of 4 years) and talking to me. She said just over a week. I had bought her a gift for xmas which I still needed to give her, and days prior to this happening we had organised to go to the cinema with each other. So even though she told me how she felt, we ended up going to the cinema anyway. After the very awkward film, I dropped her off at her house, where we spoke about how she felt, in which she repeated what she said previously. But then as the conversation went on, she agreed to just carry on with how things were going and see what would happen.

 

I began trying to speak to her again, and she was being even more distant and quiet with me, saying that she's sorry and doesn't "see me in that way anymore". In the space of 2 days, really? Anyway, I did a bit of Twitter-stalking, and saw she had favourited one of her ex's recent tweets saying "2016, I will be a new man". So I clicked on his account and saw he had tweeted a picture of her with a love heart as the caption. It was then I realized she had clearly been in talks with her ex again. He had noticed she was moving on with someone else and was happy, so came running back to her, and she fell for his bullsh*t immediately which is so frustrating for me. She told me the reason she split up with him because he cheated on her twice. She would tell me how much her family would dislike him as well.

 

I texted her confronting her about it, saying I know that she's been talking to him again, even after everything she was saying about him to me. I got no reply. The next day, foolishly, acting on emotion, I text her again asking her she'd want to meet up for a quick drink to talk about things, and if she doesn't want to then to let me know and I'll stop wasting my time. She replied with "Hey, I wouldn't want you wasting your time!". I took a few hours to think about what I would reply with. Instead of being horrible to her, I said "OK. Well I hope he treats you right this time, and if you ever want to have a laugh together again, you know where I am". To my surprise, she actually replied, with "Thank you Tom, I'm sorry about all this! x". I responded with "Don't be sorry. A few months later and things would've been different, I thinks it's just bad timing" - Which is what I do still think.

 

And that's where everything is at right now. I know I need to try and forget about her and move on but its proving very difficult. All I want is for her ex to f*ck up again and for her to realize what she lost in me, and come back. I'd appreciate some advice on all this. Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent! WHAT SHALL I DO?!

 

Ugh, I'm sorry my friend. If anyone can give you advice on this......it can be me. Here's my post about my situation from the past year dating a girl that was recently separated from a long term relationship. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/558290-moving

 

My advice...move on and never look back. You were a rebound, as was I. She's not emotionally ready to be in another relationship. It's not going to last with her ex and she'll contact you again because you'll be her back burner guy. Don't be that guy. Be better and smarter than I was. I fell into the trap twice as my ex left me for her ex husband twice to "try and work things out" and both times I was there waiting for her to come back. Well in the end, she cheated on me, just as she did to her husband (not with me initially), so just chalk it up as bad timing and go find someone that puts you first. I wish I walked away when she left me for the first time 3 months in. Sorry you're going through this though, it sucks to get connected to someone only to have the rug pulled out from under you.

[Tom01]

Thanks for the quick reply mate, i'll look at your previous post now.

 

I really do want to forget about her and move on, but a part of me is still making up excuses for her, "everyone makes mistakes, she'll see she's made one and will come back to me" etc...

 

I know for a fact she liked me, as she wouldn't of told her family about me, spend the night with me, and pro-actively organise future dates, which is whats making me think she has just made a mistake.

 

I've read about no contact and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. At the start I struggled with not contacting her for about 4 hours before I would cave. Ridiculous. And I know I'm not giving her chance to miss me by doing that, but I just don't want her to forget the good times we had, and to come back.

 

All this may seem ridiculous as I was only seeing her for 6-8 weeks, but I can't help how I feel!

[Nickr3023]

Thanks for the quick reply mate, i'll look at your previous post now.

 

I really do want to forget about her and move on, but a part of me is still making up excuses for her, "everyone makes mistakes, she'll see she's made one and will come back to me" etc...

 

I know for a fact she liked me, as she wouldn't of told her family about me, spend the night with me, and pro-actively organise future dates, which is whats making me think she has just made a mistake.

 

I've read about no contact and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. At the start I struggled with not contacting her for about 4 hours before I would cave. Ridiculous. And I know I'm not giving her chance to miss me by doing that, but I just don't want her to forget the good times we had, and to come back.

 

All this may seem ridiculous as I was only seeing her for 6-8 weeks, but I can't help how I feel!

 

Time means nothing man. You can fall for someone in a matter of hours or days. Sometimes you just have a connection with someone. All I'm saying is, it's only been 2 months and she's already done this to you.....don't think you're any different or that she won't do it again, because she will. Save yourself the future heartbreak and don't be someone's 2nd choice. I was dumb enough and wanted to remain blind. I took every red flag I saw and just continued to dismiss them because I only saw what I wanted to see. I lost friends in the process of this all because I flat out told them they were wrong about her and I was right.......well I went crawling back to my friends with an apology because they were all right. A leopard can't change their spots.

 

Now of course I know it's so much easier to give this advice than it is to follow it yourself. I'm just trying to teach from my own mistakes...and I made a lot of them in the last year of this past relationship.

[Tom01]

Time means nothing man. You can fall for someone in a matter of hours or days. Sometimes you just have a connection with someone. All I'm saying is, it's only been 2 months and she's already done this to you.....don't think you're any different or that she won't do it again, because she will. Save yourself the future heartbreak and don't be someone's 2nd choice. I was dumb enough and wanted to remain blind. I took every red flag I saw and just continued to dismiss them because I only saw what I wanted to see. I lost friends in the process of this all because I flat out told them they were wrong about her and I was right.......well I went crawling back to my friends with an apology because they were all right. A leopard can't change their spots.

 

Now of course I know it's so much easier to give this advice than it is to follow it yourself. I'm just trying to teach from my own mistakes...and I made a lot of them in the last year of this past relationship.

 

It's just hard for me to comprehend how she has gone from feeling all those happy emotions, to dropping them as soon as her ex comes back. All I keep thinking is "maybe she has just made a mistake in ending things with me for her ex, she'll (hopefully) see sense and come back to me." Even though you said it's only been two months and she's done this to me, what if she has just made a big mistake? What does it look like from an outsiders point of view? Because I'm clearly blinded.

[Nickr3023]

It's just hard for me to comprehend how she has gone from feeling all those happy emotions, to dropping them as soon as her ex comes back. All I keep thinking is "maybe she has just made a mistake in ending things with me for her ex, she'll (hopefully) see sense and come back to me." Even though you said it's only been two months and she's done this to me, what if she has just made a big mistake? What does it look like from an outsiders point of view? Because I'm clearly blinded.

 

It's very easy to be blinded when you're in the middle of it. To me, it sounds like she doesn't want to give up on what was a long term relationship and unfortunately you just happen to be in the way. Here's the biggest thing that you need to take into consideration, and it was something that I didn't think about until the relationship was over. Even if she does come back to you......you're not gonna trust her. When my ex came back to me, each time she did I gripped a little tighter and tighter because I was terrified of losing her again. I literally became obsessed with not losing her. It's difficult to not feel that way after someone just tosses you aside for another person. That's why I say, you're best bet for your long term happiness is to find someone that is more emotionally available. Even if she does come back to you, you're going to have to deal with her going through the emotion of losing a long term relationship. It's a horrible position to be in, I lived it for a year.

[Tom01]

It's very easy to be blinded when you're in the middle of it. To me, it sounds like she doesn't want to give up on what was a long term relationship and unfortunately you just happen to be in the way. Here's the biggest thing that you need to take into consideration, and it was something that I didn't think about until the relationship was over. Even if she does come back to you......you're not gonna trust her. When my ex came back to me, each time she did I gripped a little tighter and tighter because I was terrified of losing her again. I literally became obsessed with not losing her. It's difficult to not feel that way after someone just tosses you aside for another person. That's why I say, you're best bet for your long term happiness is to find someone that is more emotionally available. Even if she does come back to you, you're going to have to deal with her going through the emotion of losing a long term relationship. It's a horrible position to be in, I lived it for a year.

 

Now a few days into the break-up, I can see why she has gone back to him, because they were together for 4 years and clearly have memories and feelings for each other which run deeper than the ones we have/had. But it's such a battle between my head and my heart, in which my heart keeps kicking my heads ass. Another excuse I keep making for her is that she's still only young, she'll learn that he's actually a massive douche after she compares him to me and what I did for her; which was a lot. My head is telling me to accept that they have history, a lot more than we have, and to move on. But my heart is telling me to wait for him to f*ck up, to wait for her family to tell her she's made a mistake, and to wait for her to message me saying she's sorry and that she wants to give things another shot. I read in your post that you suffer from anxiety, and so do I. Quite badly. It gets to the stage where even though I've deleted her off Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat and Instagram, i'd still search for her profiles and have a look at what she's uploaded, and even check to see if her ex has 'liked' any of her posts. I know I'm only setting myself up for heartbreak by doing this, but I can't help it.

[Blanco]

Pretty clear she's rebounding and was future faking with you hoping that she could get over her ex quicker.

 

Nothing to see here, unfortunately.

[Tom01]

Pretty clear she's rebounding and was future faking with you hoping that she could get over her ex quicker.

 

Nothing to see here, unfortunately.

 

I know that now, I just wanted help over coming my feelings and emotions I clearly still have towards her...

[Nickr3023]

Yes unfortunately Blanco pretty much bluntly said exactly what it is. No contact and time is pretty much it. I started counseling, I also take xanax for the anxiety and will talk to my doctor about anti-depressants. But time is the biggest thing. It'll be a roller coaster for a while. And it's gonna take you a few weeks or even months to feel completely normal again, but you will. Just about everyone on this forum has gone through this same exact thing. It was the one thing that drew me to this site was just seeing how many people had the same exact feelings and the same exact scenarios that I had. Listen to people on here, they know what they're talking about from experience......and any time you think, well my situation is different....sadly it usually isn't.

[Tom01]

Yes unfortunately Blanco pretty much bluntly said exactly what it is. No contact and time is pretty much it. I started counseling, I also take xanax for the anxiety and will talk to my doctor about anti-depressants. But time is the biggest thing. It'll be a roller coaster for a while. And it's gonna take you a few weeks or even months to feel completely normal again, but you will. Just about everyone on this forum has gone through this same exact thing. It was the one thing that drew me to this site was just seeing how many people had the same exact feelings and the same exact scenarios that I had. Listen to people on here, they know what they're talking about from experience......and any time you think, well my situation is different....sadly it usually isn't.

 

Only one day into NC and I already feel like i'm struggling so bad with it. All I want to do is to text her, to let her know that I still want to see her and that she's made a mistake in leaving me for her ex. I hate starting a new day feeling this way, it makes every day feel like such an arduous task, and I look forward to the moment I can go to sleep and forget momentarily how I feel towards her. However she was even in my dream last night which really doesn't help.

 

I just want the heartache to stop, whether that be by her coming back into my life and making me happy, or by some miracle that I stop feeling like this without her in my life.

 

I just don't understand how someone can go from feeling so happy being with someone, to then ending things immediately, then continue not to feel anything; surely she must still feel something for me?

[Tom01]

*****UPDATE*****

 

 

I went to sleep last night in a relatively good state of mind, but I woke up this morning wanting to text her so bad. Even though I've deleted her off Twitter and Instagram, I still search for her profile to see if she's moving on with her ex, of if they've fallen out somehow. I even go on his account and check. I don't know what I can do to suppress these emotions. I either want her back in my life, and for me to forget about her completely, I can't deal with this heartache and crying any more. Please help

Edited December 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ExpatInItaly]

I read your previous thread OP, and sorry this happened to you.

 

You need to be a lot more patient with yourself, first of all. You've just barely stopped seeing her. You can't expect that you will suddenly forget about her or that you will suddenly be over it. Unfortunately human emotions don't work that way. Let yourself feel upset. It's normal and there isn't much else that can be done to expedite the process other than taking it one day at a time.

 

Secondly, don't try so hard to suppress these feelings. That won't really help. Talk to a trusted friend. Vent here. But don't message her. It won't help. Sadly, I think you were a rebound and she probably liked you to an extent but in some ways she was using you to fill a void her ex left. Hence all the future plans, talking about her family, and so on. She clearly wasn't ready to move on yet, and obviously her judgment is questionable if she'd go running back to a cheater. But the heart is a funny and confusing thing like that.

 

Third, you really need to stop checking their social media. You're self-sabotaging right there. It is impossible to start detaching if you engage in this type of behaviour. I know easier said than done, but it's 100% necessary that you stop.

 

In the future you'll be a lot wiser about getting involved with someone who is so fresh out of long relationship. That's not to lay the blame on you, here. But it is generally not advisable to invest in someone who was so recently dumped.

 

Be kind to yourself, OP. You will eventually move beyond this, I promise.

[schlieman]

I am in my fourth month post breakup and still wake up in the mornings with this horrible feeling. The thing is what do you do about it? I get straight away up and turn the radio on, make a coffee or take the dog for a walk. If i stay in bed i just start thinking it all over. Find something that distracts you coz mornings are worst. Go for a run, do some sport, do something as soon as you wake up. I found the heartache/feelings only control you if you let them. And when your brain starts thinking about her/what you could have done, tell your brain why you are in this situation, what she did. Mourning is ok, just when you keep dwelling over it you will loose your mind. Be proactive, and stay away from social media....and if you can't help yourself find a strong moment and delete your accounts, it's just social media.

[Blanco]

Is this your first relationship? Sort of sounds like it.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh here, but you have to consider a few things:

 

- You two weren't together very long. Two months is barely enough time to even really know someone through and through.

 

- She had almost no time between her last long relationship and you. That's not your fault, but as I said earlier, she was looking for a way to quickly alleviate her pain from the breakup. The method she chose was to speedily enter into a new relationship. I'm sure she liked you, but it sounds like there was some future-faking going on from her end. Look at it from her side: How great would it be if she got to avoid the pain of a breakup because she found such a great match so soon after? I think that's where a lot of her eagerness with you was coming from: The HOPE that she had found her next great partner. Leading to...

 

- Truth is, she was never over the ex. Now, I doubt things work out for them long term. They still have feelings for each other because they were together for so long and they just aren't used to being out of each other's lives. It's unlikely the things that drove them apart have been resolved, especially since she jumped right into a new relationship rather than doing any self-reflection on her role in the breakup.

 

- You WILL get through this, but you have to be patient with yourself. Let this be a lesson to be extra cautious when dealing with someone fresh from a long relationship. It doesn't mean you can't pursue them, but you have to be aware and almost half-expecting that they haven't deal with the emotional fallout of their breakup and that you could very well be collateral damage in their recovery.

[Standard-Fare]

It's hard to swallow, but you need to realize that your version of this relationship just did not match up with her version. Two separate realities here:

 

Her: Struggling with a breakup, diving into a rebound while still pining for the ex and secretly hoping things with him will work out. Possibly even hoping that her dating you will make the ex jealous. Never emotionally invested in you, but going through the motions to give you signs of her interest.

 

You: Falling for her, planning for a future.

 

Definitely delete her number from your phone, so this texting urge doesn't result in action. I promise you, NOTHING can be gained from texting her. She'll ignore you or give you a nothing reply, and you'll end up feeling more sh*tty than before.

 

As far as social media, there are ways to block certain web pages from yourself and I recommend you do that for her and her ex's pages. Look into your browser's settings on that, sometimes it's under "parental controls."

[Nickr3023]

It's hard to swallow, but you need to realize that your version of this relationship just did not match up with her version. Two separate realities here:

 

Her: Struggling with a breakup, diving into a rebound while still pining for the ex and secretly hoping things with him will work out. Possibly even hoping that her dating you will make the ex jealous. Never emotionally invested in you, but going through the motions to give you signs of her interest.

 

You: Falling for her, planning for a future.

 

Definitely delete her number from your phone, so this texting urge doesn't result in action. I promise you, NOTHING can be gained from texting her. She'll ignore you or give you a nothing reply, and you'll end up feeling more sh*tty than before.

 

As far as social media, there are ways to block certain web pages from yourself and I recommend you do that for her and her ex's pages. Look into your browser's settings on that, sometimes it's under "parental controls."

 

That exact response is exactly what I went through. I was a rebound for her. I was planning for the future. She was simply filling a void. Always sad when you come to this realization that you were simply being used, nothing more, nothing less. I'm sure she cared about you in her own way, but she was always being selfish.....which is normal for any person following a breakup. There's a great quote out there that says (I'm paraphrasing), You can have all the chemistry in the world, and now all you need is timing....and timing is a bitch.

[Tom01]

That exact response is exactly what I went through. I was a rebound for her. I was planning for the future. She was simply filling a void. Always sad when you come to this realization that you were simply being used, nothing more, nothing less. I'm sure she cared about you in her own way, but she was always being selfish.....which is normal for any person following a breakup. There's a great quote out there that says (I'm paraphrasing), You can have all the chemistry in the world, and now all you need is timing....and timing is a bitch.

 

"Timing" is what I have it down to. I don't know whether that's just me protecting my own feelings, in hoping she genuinely had feelings for me, and also felt that timings was the issue, or if it's just me being deluded and lying to myself. Today has been a really hard day, almost like no progress has been made at all. I even went on her Instagram account and liked one of her pictures in hope that she can see that I still find her attractive, and maybe it will cause a switch in her head to maybe get in touch. I bet I sound totally crazy right now but I just can't help it. I want to move on, I really do, but I want it to be with her.

 

I was/still am contemplating messaging her later, maybe something along the lines of this - "Hey! I'm probably going to ruin everything right now but I'll take my chances. I hate to think that the past 6-8 weeks have been a complete waste of time, and I'd kick myself if I let this slip through my hands without giving it one last shot/try/cringey annoying text that's like something out of a 90's romcom. I've tried to forget about all this this past week and the fact I haven't been able to surely shows for something. Kinda hoping you might feel the same way....if you do then let's talk? If not, then could you at least tell me where I went wrong? Cos I'm mega confused still."

 

I know that that's really f*cking long, so I'd be open to your edits of that text to try and shorten it for me? I feel that if I don't give this one last shot, then I'll never be able to recover and officially begin NC.

[Blanco]

I know this sucks, but you're pretty much running down the checklist of things you shouldn't be doing right now:

 

- Not going NC: Check

- Letting her know you'll be her Plan B: Check

- Ignoring obvious red flags: Check

- Thinking "liking" her stuff on social media will garner attraction from her: Check

- Stalking her social media: Check

- Expecting any sort of long-term consistency from a teenager: Check

 

It hurts, but you were the rebound. There's no other way to slice it. I'm not saying her ex sounds like any prize, but she's obviously got unfinished business there.

 

Many have posted stories similar to yours and many have ignored those who tell them not to send those "one last" text messages or emails.

 

You're gonna do what you're gonna do, but there's nothing here that suggests you have a future with this girl. I see remorse in her messages for hurting you, but that isn't the same as still wanting a romantic relationship with you.

 

She obviously feels bad, and she's tried to let you down easily. Further messages about this to her will likely result in her becoming more distant or even agitated that you won't just let it go.

[ExpatInItaly]

"Timing" is what I have it down to. I don't know whether that's just me protecting my own feelings, in hoping she genuinely had feelings for me, and also felt that timings was the issue, or if it's just me being deluded and lying to myself. Today has been a really hard day, almost like no progress has been made at all. I even went on her Instagram account and liked one of her pictures in hope that she can see that I still find her attractive, and maybe it will cause a switch in her head to maybe get in touch. I bet I sound totally crazy right now but I just can't help it. I want to move on, I really do, but I want it to be with her.

 

I was/still am contemplating messaging her later, maybe something along the lines of this - "Hey! I'm probably going to ruin everything right now but I'll take my chances. I hate to think that the past 6-8 weeks have been a complete waste of time, and I'd kick myself if I let this slip through my hands without giving it one last shot/try/cringey annoying text that's like something out of a 90's romcom. I've tried to forget about all this this past week and the fact I haven't been able to surely shows for something. Kinda hoping you might feel the same way....if you do then let's talk? If not, then could you at least tell me where I went wrong? Cos I'm mega confused still."

 

I know that that's really f*cking long, so I'd be open to your edits of that text to try and shorten it for me? I feel that if I don't give this one last shot, then I'll never be able to recover and officially begin NC.

 

Don't send that text. If I remember correctly, she already implied you'd be wasting your time meeting up with her again. Believe her. You didn't go wrong anywhere - she's just still in love with her ex. She doesn't feel the same way or she'd still be with you right now.

 

I know it's hard. But I really think you're not going to get the answers you want from sending that. I'm not sure what her repeating herself is going to change.

 

Stay strong, OP. And keep off her social media!

[Tom01]

Don't send that text. If I remember correctly, she already implied you'd be wasting your time meeting up with her again. Believe her. You didn't go wrong anywhere - she's just still in love with her ex. She doesn't feel the same way or she'd still be with you right now.

 

I know it's hard. But I really think you're not going to get the answers you want from sending that. I'm not sure what her repeating herself is going to change.

 

Stay strong, OP. And keep off her social media!

 

I have so many "what-ifs" in the back of my mind though. What if I can make her realize she's made a mistake? What if I can make her realize that I'm a million times better than her ex? She even told me that everything I did for her, her ex didn't do.

 

Way back when we were first talking, about a week in, she said that she had to stop talking to me because things weren't over between her and her ex. I was fine with this, and due to only talking to her for a week, I wasn't really hurt by it. Then a couple of days later I received a message from her saying that she had ended things with her ex, and that not talking to me felt more like a break-up than actually breaking up with her ex.

 

The reason I'm telling you this story is because, well, "what if" it happens again, she goes back to him, realizes she's made another mistake, but doesn't contact me because she thinks I've shut the door on her? This is the reason I want to text her, to show her I haven't.

 

My head is a complete mess, I can't believe I've let someone make me think this way. It may seem like the easiest thing to do is to just "move on", but that is by far the most difficult, and not what my heart is telling me, even though my head is trying to drag me away from her.....but is losing.

[Blanco]

But you already told her that you'll be her Plan B. She doesn't need that reiterated. You've laid it all out for her already.

 

You aren't really worried about her thinking you've closed the door on her. You're worried about her closing the door on you.

[Tom01]

I guess you're right.

 

Another reason I want to message her, is because I feel that if I leave it too long, and send her something about us, she'll think that it's weird and surprising that I still feel this way. I just don't want to lose something that I know could've been awesome.

 

I'm really hurting...

[Blanco]

You'll be fine if you just allow yourself to disengage and let time do the rest. I probably have unwashed dishes around here older than your relationship with her, so trust me when I say that you will get past this if you just let it be.

[Nickr3023]

You'll be fine if you just allow yourself to disengage and let time do the rest. I probably have unwashed dishes around here older than your relationship with her, so trust me when I say that you will get past this if you just let it be.

 

I can actually state that I indeed did have dishes in my sink that were from about 3 months ago haha. Yeah man, sorry to say, but you were simply a rebound. And even if she does come back to you, it's not gonna magically be awesome or anything. You're gonna grip tighter and tighter because you don't want to lose her, and you'll suffocate her....and if it's not her ex that she's leaving you for, it'll be someone else. She needs time to first get over her own heartbreak before she ever could consider something with you. You met her at the worst possible time. I simply speak from experience and know how much this sucks. I'm still dealing with it right now.