sas22 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 We've been dating for 3 months and been in an exclusive relationship for 2. This is also my first ever relationship (I'm 22, he's 24) and we haven't had sex yet because I'm a virgin and wanted to wait. But I told him it would happen within the next couple weeks because I've started birth control. We've done other things, but really not much. Anyway so last night we were cuddling in bed and he just said I love you out of nowhere..it totally threw me off. When I said "are you serious?" he was so embarrassed and said "nevermind just pretend I didn't say anything" and of course I didn't let him get away w/that...I told him I didn't want to lie to him and that I just didn't feel that way yet. I said I know I could feel that way about him, I just wasn't there yet and that it takes time for me to feel that strongly about people. (And since I've never been in love I'm not really sure what it feels like, but I don't feel how I imagine being in love feels). I reassured him multiple times that it was okay for him to feel that way and I didn't want him to feel bad about anything. But I could tell he was full of regret. I'm wondering if he is just infatuated, because it seems so early to know that? Surely I'm not the only one that thinks this. I also thought maybe he's just saying it to speed into sex but I don't think he's that type of guy and since I just told him it was going to happen soon, I kind of doubt that. And he's been so patient and understanding about everything. I do think he's serious about me. I just met his mom the night before and it went really well so I'm wondering if that played into it too..I don't know. So now I just feel like he's going to be waiting and waiting for me to say it and I feel pressured even though he wasn't putting any pressure on me at all. I don't want this to make me feel weird about the relationship :/ Should I just try to forget he said it and move on normally?
introverted1 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 ILY at the 3 month mark seems prety standard, especially for a guy in his 20's. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Yeah.... My H told me he was in love with me a week after we met. Still together 11 years later. so I figured he meant it. And we're in our 50's.... It's hard for me to understand how people cannot know, after a month or so, how they feel about someone. Seriously. It's not a criticism, but... I just.... know.... Pretty damn quickly.... 2
d0nnivain Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 While I wouldn't trust an ILY that early either, be grateful that you have "high class problems." In a first relationship it would freak me out too but it's not the worst thing in the world. Try to be gracious & do what he asked, forget he said anything. 2
kismetkismet Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I wouldn't over think it! It's pretty soon, but every situation is different. Normally I've fallen in love at around 6 months, and it takes me a long time to warm up to people, but I fell in love with my current boyfriend on what felt like our second date. We said it after 6 weeks. You don't have to say it back until you feel it because it's still so early that it's not like if you don't love him now you never will sort of thing. Just go at a comfortable pace for yourself. 2
Author sas22 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 Yeah.... My H told me he was in love with me a week after we met. Still together 11 years later. so I figured he meant it. And we're in our 50's.... It's hard for me to understand how people cannot know, after a month or so, how they feel about someone. Seriously. It's not a criticism, but... I just.... know.... Pretty damn quickly.... A week after! Wow! That's great though. I don't know, I guess some just fall in love faster and harder than others. I know I like him a lot, but it does take a long time for me to fully trust someone enough to be that vulnerable with them.
Gaeta Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 A week after! Wow! That's great though. I don't know, I guess some just fall in love faster and harder than others. I know I like him a lot, but it does take a long time for me to fully trust someone enough to be that vulnerable with them. My ex-boyfriend told me he loved me after 1 month dating. I was shocked and even though I was infatuated with him I knew it was not love as I understand love. We continued dating at at 5 months I was ready to tell him I loved him too. 1
oberkeat Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Anyway so last night we were cuddling in bed and he just said I love you out of nowhere..it totally threw me off. When I said "are you serious?" he was so embarrassed and said "nevermind just pretend I didn't say anything" and of course I didn't let him get away w/that...I told him I didn't want to lie to him and that I just didn't feel that way yet. I said I know I could feel that way about him, I just wasn't there yet and that it takes time for me to feel that strongly about people.(And since I've never been in love I'm not really sure what it feels like, but I don't feel how I imagine being in love feels). I reassured him multiple times that it was okay for him to feel that way and I didn't want him to feel bad about anything. But I could tell he was full of regret. LOL, sounds like he broke the cardinal rule: never ever let a woman know that you actually like her . A more experienced dude would know that the best way for a man to please a woman these days is to be aloof, emotionally distant, even disrespectful. That's what really turns young women on these days. An example: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/561140-does-mean-i-don-t-love-him-no-jitters-butterflies-stomach-feeling
Yungste16 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 You don't want to have sex with him yet and you don't want to tell him you love him yet either. He will definitely get bored of you soon and find someone else that will treat him right.
ravfour4 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 This is the point where everything crumbles. You have both realized he likes you more than you like him. He'll likely be nervous and unsure of himself around you now which will decrease your attraction, which will make him panic, causing you to like him even less. If you do really like him, then you need to prevent this panic, but really the fact you feel different right now is a red flag, although you may just be tentative/worried since its your first relationship. If you have sex with him for the first time, you'll probably "feel" in love but it'll wear off with time. 1
Author sas22 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 This is the point where everything crumbles. You have both realized he likes you more than you like him. He'll likely be nervous and unsure of himself around you now which will decrease your attraction, which will make him panic, causing you to like him even less. If you do really like him, then you need to prevent this panic, but really the fact you feel different right now is a red flag, although you may just be tentative/worried since its your first relationship. If you have sex with him for the first time, you'll probably "feel" in love but it'll wear off with time. How do I prevent that panic? I'm not going to lie to him and rush to tell him I love him when I don't. People fall in love at different times, just because he has said it already (if he even truly understands his feelings and means it) and I don't feel that way yet doesn't mean our relationship is doomed. And yes I'm definitely tentative since it's my first relationship, I don't want to get hurt, but I know that I'm just not to the point of love yet..doesn't mean I won't get there with time.
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 LOL, sounds like he broke the cardinal rule: never ever let a woman know that you actually like her . A more experienced dude would know that the best way for a man to please a woman these days is to be aloof, emotionally distant, even disrespectful. That's what really turns young women on these days. Oh come on. That is nothing but a bunch of hooey. Letting someone know you LIKE them is not telling them you love them after a short period of dating. Most girls KNOW that it would be a bad risk to tell a guy "I love you" after 2 months of exclusive dating. We are taught it will drive guys away. This isn't about how messed up women are, even though I have come to expect you to make any thread you happen to read about that. OP - if you really like him be gentle and tell him you both need to take your time and enjoy these early times of dating!
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