notinept Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 I'm wondering what everyone's take on the following situation is; Recently I'd started dating a woman who I'd met at a hiking/outdoor sports club, and have noticed she's being 'followed' by another member. This guy seems harmless enough but because my g/f is so outgoing she hugs just about everybody, I told her she shouldn't be doing that kind of thing with just anybody but she just ignores my advice and continues on... The guy (new member) met her a couple months ago and since then he has signed up for every event she has, and only the same events as her, and the strange part is - always within an hour or so of her signing up. She was away for 6+ weeks and in that time he hadn't signed up for anything, but within an hour of her signing up for another (after 6 weeks) so did he. I'm a (volunteer) moderator for the club so I can see who signs in etc., and so I know for a fact that the only way he would know she's registered for something is if he's watching for her. I mention that I've just started seeing her because I'm not in the place (in our relationship) to tell her what to do, but I'm starting to get a bit creeped out about the situation and don't know what I should do about it ? When does it become stalking ? When does it become dangerous ? Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 You should tell her about it so she can watch carefully how she's being treated by him. What level this rises to is too hard to say at this point and without knowing more about him. It can be creepy to be the object of too much attention, but would he give up if he got no sign of interest? Hard to say now. Maybe when you go on a trip with her, do a little PDA so he sees it, and see if he cools off. I don't think you ought to be saying to her: "I told her she shouldn't be doing that kind of thing with just anybody but she just ignores my advice and continues on..." You say she's an outgoing person. That's probably part of what attracted you to her, so stop trying to change her or she'll probably resent it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notinept Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 Yup, I mentioned it to her already but it falls on deaf ears. And I did a trip with her (them) and instigated a bit of PDA with her as he stood right there, it made some of the others in the group uncomfortable but not him. It's probably nothing but her attitude is textbook obliviousness to it all, but I'm a guy and know when he's not seeing her 'innocent play' quite the way she thinks he is. She's girl-friended him, they were chatting about crap 12-year old girls would, but I can just tell he doesn't see it that way. She's registered for another outing in a few days, so did he of course - right after her, but I can't go and even if I could I'm not about to start following her around. It's not my place in her life to butt in, unless it's threatening her safety (why I posted), I'll let them work it out - I guess. And I'll take it from all the non-answers this isn't considered 'stalking' - yet ?! Link to post Share on other sites
MayorChapstick Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Hi NotInept. It doesn't really sound like stalking to me at this point, just a crush, but it seems as though your gf might enjoy the attention from this man. Are you sure she's not encouraging him in any way? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Honestly, it sounds creepy to me. But if your gf continues to be oblivious, then she may have to learn the hard way. The guy isn't stalking her within the contexts of the law but, yes he's stalking her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notinept Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 Thanks for the replies ! Further info to my story; immediately after our PDA display, he came over to her and took her arm and pulled her away from our little circle (to continue the hike) she willingly went along with it, playfully pronouncing to me "ohh I guess we're continuing our 'question-game'..." Mayor; Yeah I do think she's enjoying the attention, that's what disturbs me. (this sounds baddd but -->) I know for a fact that she was using him to get a 'reaction' out of me ... BT-row; I agree it's essentially stalking or at least very-creepy. Yeah, to think someone is watching your activity that closely for weeks ... and is that eager for your company ? Yikes ! Yup, it might have to get awkward and blow-up before she realizes what's going on. Just hope it doesn't turn into a story I see on the evening news ! Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Whether he's stalking her or not, all you can do is mention it to her and then leave her to it. If she is choosing to play along with him, it would just be foolish for you to try and step between them. If you are uncomfortable with what she's doing, then you could mention it. If she carries on, then find someone else. This could be a very awkward triangle and you don't want to come across as the possessive, irrational guy, when she is not exactly fending him off. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 I would just say "It looks like you're enjoying dating TWO men, and I don't feel like being part of a threesome. Look me up if you're ever ready to be serious with somebody." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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