Woman coworker **Updated**

[ChickiePops]

Got it. Sorry if I hurt the feelings. So what are the signs when someone like a co worker would be interested? By the way banging her is the not the only thing on my mind. She is cool. If I wanted her its for life. Trust me, she is one in a half million.

 

Step number one would be choosing a woman who's not married. She's married. Leave her alone.

[sandylee1]

Yes, I agree I dont have much skills with women. Thats why I asked when to know a woman is interested and when to know she is not interested?

 

I'll agree that I think she liked you..more than as a coworker. She wanted you on the business trip and was hoping for some action. I would speak with her about arranging meetings over yours..if she didn't get a grip... I'd go to her manager about it.

 

There are a lot of married women looking for affairs and she's not happy you didn't jump... just keep it that way.

[anika99]

I'll agree that I think she liked you..more than as a coworker. She wanted you on the business trip and was hoping for some action. I would speak with her about arranging meetings over yours..if she didn't get a grip... I'd go to her manager about it.

 

There are a lot of married women looking for affairs and she's not happy you didn't jump... just keep it that way.

 

No no no. She is not looking for action. If she was she would not go cold every time she is alone with you. I believe you said in an earlier post that she will be flirtatious and overly friendly from a safe distance, like when others are around or in emails but when she is alone and in person with you she acts disinterested. This tells me that either she is not flirting with you at all or she is flirting with you but only because she enjoys the attention and how it affects you. She is young and I bet she flirts with a lot of guys that she wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. It could be nothing more than a bit of fun and an ego boost for her.

 

She is married and she is a coworker so you should consider her off limits.

[Qboro90]

If you are secure in your job and this woman isn't a threat to you on any level and wouldn't be promoted into a position above you then what exactly are you so bent out of shape about and viewing as passive aggressive behavior or stepping on your toes?

 

Not everyone's life and work schedule has to be tailored and fit around you and your meetings. Do her meetings have anything to do with yours or require the same personnel to attend? If not then you have no argument as to why she can't schedule them. She's entitled to progress her career and schedule whatever meetings she needs to in order to fulfill her requirements. If there was a conflict of interest or the meetings were pulling two different sides apart then I'm sure management would've stepped in and said that the times need to be changed so they don't overlap. That hasn't happened. Are there multiple meeting rooms? If there are then wtf is she supposed to do? Wait for you to vacate the area that she wouldn't even use just to make you feel better?

 

Do other people hold meetings at the same time as yours ever? If so then why is this woman somehow different and doing it to spite you?

 

The only reason you harbor ill will and feel like she's doing these things purposely is because it's been pointed out to you that she has no romantic interest or attraction to you and very obviously resonated as a fact.. So now you are personally offended or hurt or probably embarrassed that you got so invested in your attraction to her to the point where now you need to break her down and have a vendetta against her. Talking about how you'd embarrass her at work or prevent her from being promoted or putting down her work is incredibly unprofessional, immortal, and about as immature as it gets.

 

Anyone who tells you this isn't a feminist. I'm a dude so what's my reasoning behind it? Just leave this married woman alone. Your jobs don't rely on each other, she's not a threat to you professionally.... So get over the personal ego bruise and move on.

[sandylee1]

Why did she request that the OP came on the overnight and didnt want another member of his team? This does sound like more than just business to me.

 

In all honesty what she feels is irrelevant.. don't mess with a MW... that's all you need to know.

 

I'm not sure of your age OP... I got the feeling your a fair bit older than she is. ..... what would be her pull towards you? Looks? Physique? Position in the company?

[triple-s]

dude . Take it from me ---- crush or not ... dont DONT DONT DATE YOUR CO WORKER

 

I dated a co worker . 2 different jobs . both turned my life a living hell ... apparently i didnt learn my lesson from the first one and NOW IM IN HELL Pt 2 with my current job

 

Dont do it. WORST MISTAKE YOULL DO

 

=\

[Akashsingh]

No no no. She is not looking for action. If she was she would not go cold every time she is alone with you. I believe you said in an earlier post that she will be flirtatious and overly friendly from a safe distance, like when others are around or in emails but when she is alone and in person with you she acts disinterested. This tells me that either she is not flirting with you at all or she is flirting with you but only because she enjoys the attention and how it affects you. She is young and I bet she flirts with a lot of guys that she wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. It could be nothing more than a bit of fun and an ego boost for her.

 

She is married and she is a coworker so you should consider her off limits.

 

Perhaps you are right, but, I was initially weird around her. Like once I found her on a way to the building and since she works in another department, I went and sat with my other co workers then. Also once she looked at me if I wanted to walk with her , but , I sticked to my co workers. But that was early on when we started working together and I didn't want to be too close to her that time. Ofcourse, she didn't like my initial advances and hence she stopped saying hello outside buildings. I have been weird too. Part of it might be that, he very very close friends work in the same company. She is comfortable being seen with me inside the building, near my desk, in meeting rooms, at water cooler etc. She bumps into me many times there, talks freely, to the point we can share each others feelings. Its outside the work buildings, she is not that comfortable now.

[Akashsingh]

This week she attended my meetings although she has been remote, but, she also rescheduled some of her meetings. Kind of seemed reconciliatory. Has been quite painful for me to not see her around. Trying to forget her, but, it gives pain, just like the separation I had from my ex.

[Akashsingh]

Why did she request that the OP came on the overnight and didnt want another member of his team? This does sound like more than just business to me.

 

In all honesty what she feels is irrelevant.. don't mess with a MW... that's all you need to know.

 

I'm not sure of your age OP... I got the feeling your a fair bit older than she is. ..... what would be her pull towards you? Looks? Physique? Position in the company?

 

I know she likes me, a little more than a coworker but not exactly as a friend or lover. Also she isn't comfortable being seen with me outside of work, atleast just yet. I avoided the business trip because, I should not be left alone with her I might just say my heart out to her that I like her.

[Akashsingh]

 

The only reason you harbor ill will and feel like she's doing these things purposely is because it's been pointed out to you that she has no romantic interest or attraction to you and very obviously resonated as a fact.. So now you are personally offended or hurt or probably embarrassed that you got so invested in your attraction to her to the point where now you need to break her down and have a vendetta against her.

So get over the personal ego bruise and move on.

 

From the outset , I agree I have a big ego problem and so does she. Secondly, no, I harbor no ill will against her. I have been rejected by many women. Rejection doesn't bother me. I was confused if she was interested or not interested. I would not do anything to harm or hurt people just because they rejected me. However, if someone is not communicating clearly, or is being purposefully disrespectful, then I get angry. Other people sometimes have meetings over my meeting, but they dont do that on purpose to belittle me and if they have to skip my meetings, they coordinate.

[Akashsingh]

Just as I thought I had patched up things with her, she mentioned her husband twice to me in a conversation this week. We have had no interaction last week and I had praised her the week before.

 

I guess end of story?

 

So after analyzing this I have concluded,

 

She was initially interested in me. She flirted, enjoyed being with me etc. However, due to a backstabbing incident (or escalation on my part) , she started disliking me. Stopped attending my meetings etc.

 

Then she gave me a second chance, perhaps, to go on a business trip with her. I declined. That further alienated her. I kept attending her meetings but then, I also sent her an email praising her handling of one difficult meeting.

 

This week, she declined my meeting, however; I didnt do the same to her. I attended her meeting. She asked us as a courtesy how we were and I asked her in return how she was doing, she said ok. I said "just ok" ? And she is like yeah this X thing is freaking me out and I told my husband the same thing. (I obviously ignored that comment and her as well for the rest of the meeting and also walked out of the room first).

 

Then next day, as I was walking , she called my name ... so I stopped and walked with her to the room. The meeting went well, I praised her for conducting a productive meeting. She and another guy ( I think her other love interest) had a weird smile....

 

Again I saw her a day later , just happened to walk out of the office at the same time, I was behind her, said hello, pure coincidence, chatted a bit and then she again mentions her husband. But within 2 mins of that, as I was walking other way, she called me back and said we have improved so much how we work and things are going so well..... wtf?

Edited March 18, 2016 by Akashsingh

[Lobouspo]

Just as I thought I had patched up things with her, she mentioned her husband twice to me in a conversation this week. We have had no interaction last week and I had praised her the week before.

 

I guess end of story?

 

So after analyzing this I have concluded,

 

She was initially interested in me. She flirted, enjoyed being with me etc. However, due to a backstabbing incident (or escalation on my part) , she started disliking me. Stopped attending my meetings etc.

 

Then she gave me a second chance, perhaps, to go on a business trip with her. I declined. That further alienated her. I kept attending her meetings but then, I also sent her an email praising her handling of one difficult meeting.

 

This week, she declined my meeting, however; I didnt do the same to her. I attended her meeting. She asked us as a courtesy how we were and I asked her in return how she was doing, she said ok. I said "just ok" ? And she is like yeah this X thing is freaking me out and I told my husband the same thing. (I obviously ignored that comment and her as well for the rest of the meeting and also walked out of the room first).

 

Then next day, as I was walking , she called my name ... so I stopped and walked with her to the room. The meeting went well, I praised her for conducting a productive meeting. She and another guy ( I think her other love interest) had a weird smile....

 

Again I saw her a day later , just happened to walk out of the office at the same time, I was behind her, said hello, pure coincidence, chatted a bit and then she again mentions her husband. But within 2 mins of that, as I was walking other way, she called me back and said we have improved so much how we work and things are going so well..... wtf?

 

What do you mean what the WTF? She complimented your team or whatever it is. You think that means she wants to jump in the sack with you or something? IME women who make it a point to mention BF/husband do not want politeness to be misinterpreted as romantic interest. Believe it or not, some people actually believe in monogamy and being faithful to their spouse. No offense dude, but your naivete in this whole thing totally explains your lack of success with women

[Jersey born raised]

I have not seen you address the fact she is married and the effect adultery would have on her husband.

 

If she is willing to go down that road with you, you have two paths. Be a friend to her marriage. Or, get laid. Who are you?

[13Hearts]

I think you are reading WAY too much into everything she says and does. First, she's married and she keeps bringing up her husband in conversations with you. This means, positively, that she knows you are interested in her and she is communicating to you as politely as possible that she is NOT interested.

 

Second, if she WERE interested in you, you would not need to overanalyze every single conversation and interaction you have with her; you would already know she's interested.

 

I think you are barking up the wrong tree here. You should drop it and seek out a single woman who is interested in dating you.

[Akashsingh]

Yes she knows I am interested, I think. Thats why she brought up her husband. I also think she doesn't like me anymore, for whatever reason, perhaps she likes this other guy more at work. It would not take 8-9 months of working together and flirting to bring up the husband otherwise.

 

There was a time when she would make time to meet me. That doesn't happen anymore. Infact she avoids my meetings, schedules meetings over meeting etc.

 

I am not naive. I am not going to jump into bed with her and complicate her life. I can not be a factor in her marriage or relationship. Thats one of the primary reasons, I sent someone from my team on a business trip and did not go myself.

 

However I let her know I like her and she can come get me if she liked.

Edited March 19, 2016 by Akashsingh

[privategal]

She does not like you or the other guy, she loves her husband.

She wears a wedding ring that ssus eniugh or should so you shouldnt have told her you liked her.

She never did like you and declined your meetings after you came on to her bevause its awkward and not appropriate and she feels like she is in a bad spot now.

Business trip invitations are common practice for both males and females ti invite colleagues of any sex.

They are invitations to travel and do BUSINESS and they do not imply sex.

Her saying you work better now means you are no longer saying or doing inappropriate things to her but rather acting professionally and she appreciates the focus is back on business.

Have you thought about speaking to a coinselor about your confusion with sex, love, women?

It seems you overanalyze and misread and I fear you may find yourself out of a job at some point due to this.

[sandylee1]

 

However I let her know I like her and she can come get me if she liked.

 

Perhaps at the time she wanted YOU to do the chasing... then when you didn't.. she saw it as a lack of interest on your part.

 

Either way... just be professional and find another love interest away from the workplace.

[elaine567]

If you read all the posts this girl has not showed one hint of "romantic" interest in this man.

[loveisanaction]

I have not seen you address the fact she is married and the effect adultery would have on her husband.

 

If she is willing to go down that road with you, you have two paths. Be a friend to her marriage. Or, get laid. Who are you?

 

I love the bolded part of this post.

 

The OP couldn't careless about what kind of damage he could cause his co-worker's marriage. He's so consumed over his crush and attraction towards her, he has absolutely no idea the hell he would put her through if they ever did have an affair.

 

Affairs always sound better in your head. The fantasy is always better than the reality.

Edited March 19, 2016 by loveisanaction

[Jersey born raised]

Really, you will not pursue her but will not say no if she comes to you?? This is acceptable to you?? You are cake eating. It takes two to commit adultery.

 

Every one has temptations come their way. The crutch of the matter is not that we are tempted but how we respond. Get away from her now abs stay away.

 

Again "who are you"?

[Akashsingh]

Really, you will not pursue her but will not say no if she comes to you?? This is acceptable to you?? You are cake eating. It takes two to commit adultery.

 

Every one has temptations come their way. The crutch of the matter is not that we are tempted but how we respond. Get away from her now abs stay away.

 

Again "who are you"?

 

No. I will not say no if she comes on to me, but, that would be if she and her husband are no longer together or are not going to be together. If you read carefully what I said, I can not be a factor between their relationship. Once again, I do believe all affairs come to and end and I dont want her to hate me later in life.

[Akashsingh]

If you read all the posts this girl has not showed one hint of "romantic" interest in this man.

 

Yeah, you were not there, I was. So its a fair assessment to say reading by the post she has not shown any interest in me.

[Akashsingh]

She does not like you or the other guy, she loves her husband.

She wears a wedding ring that ssus eniugh or should so you shouldnt have told her you liked her.

She never did like you and declined your meetings after you came on to her bevause its awkward and not appropriate and she feels like she is in a bad spot now.

Business trip invitations are common practice for both males and females ti invite colleagues of any sex.

They are invitations to travel and do BUSINESS and they do not imply sex.

Her saying you work better now means you are no longer saying or doing inappropriate things to her but rather acting professionally and she appreciates the focus is back on business.

Have you thought about speaking to a coinselor about your confusion with sex, love, women?

It seems you overanalyze and misread and I fear you may find yourself out of a job at some point due to this.

 

I dont think you have understood the things or read carefully through the messages to make this assessment.

 

She stopped coming to the meetings because she was called out by me for setting unrealistic goals and expectations.

Later on her team gave a candid feedback that they didn't have enough interaction with my team. This was definitely passive aggressive behavior on her part. It was not because she was in a bad spot, she didn't want to get criticized in the meeting.

 

I never said anything inappropriate. Like I never commented on her looks or anything, nor did I vie to seat close to her.

 

Infact she was disappointed that I didn't seat next to her but went to seat elsewhere in a couple of meetings. I did send her a couple of emails that praised the way she worked. I would not send such an email to any other co worker perhaps. So possibly this alarmed her.

 

She was merely echoing my comment when I said working relationship has improved with her, since I made a similar comment in an earlier meeting. The important thing was, I was walking away to my vehicle and she called me back just to say this. I don't think she needed to call me back, but yes, this is overanalyzing things.

Edited March 20, 2016 by Akashsingh

[Akashsingh]

Perhaps at the time she wanted YOU to do the chasing... then when you didn't.. she saw it as a lack of interest on your part.

 

Either way... just be professional and find another love interest away from the workplace.

 

I agree with your assessment. She was perhaps interested a bit or insecure or confused. But then later on when I criticized her in the meeting with others involved, she started drifting away and then refusing the business trip kind of nailed it.

[Jersey born raised]

I actually did read your posts very carefully. So right now you want her to know she has options if she divorce. You contiune to be friendly and hopeful. All the time looking for that moment you can have her and leave happly everafter. Which makes you a vulture?

 

The fact you want her and she knows it places a strain on her marriage that shouldn't be there - and you put it there. I wrote this a while ago about how adultery effected me and my thoughts on OM, unless you pull back now this is who you are:

 

 

Who is the other person*

 

There are moments in a persons life that transcends time. That emotion on the day of and day after their wedding, the birth of a child and that first moment me holding the child. They inform us, they are not what makes life worth living, they are life.

 

In the same way, adultery has transformed me. The echoes of the uncertainties and raw emotional pain will always be a part of me. Overtime it has and continues to evolve into a source of empathy. The empathy that enables me to understand others pain and fear, both in matters like this and others.*

 

*posm are not nice people. They had a choice to support *your marriage. *They could have helped your spouse to fight and win to save your marriage. They choose to use the opportunity to try to fill a void in their life. In doing so tey choose to inflict the pain and loss I wrote above.*

 

Understand they choose to be the one. To say "if not him, then..." does not work. They *choose it to be them and no one else. In this they *are *lacking in character. So, they could be a fine person, *but so are addicts until they need a fix.

 

So what is, is. I have gained acceptance, I have greatly healed. I have gain empathy and awareness, and a great deal of indifference. It is from indifference I say "no they are not a nice person". *It is from the same place I would comment on a persons second DUI. No when a person allows there own weakness to create actual harm or create a real threat of harm, they cannot be truly be considered a nice person

Edited March 20, 2016 by Jersey born raised