Having children.

[Eighty_nine]

You may feel it was rude, but he's right on target.

 

Also, while at TIMES you've helped raise your niece, it didn't stop you from doing everything you said you did in your 20's - you got to travel, go to school, establish your career, got to do everything with your friends, etc. etc. etc.

 

So the truth is, while you helped raise your niece when you HAD the time, it also didn't stop you from living your life. So you can't use your experience 'helping' raise your niece to assume you know what the responsibility is REALLY like when you have a kid. Truth is, you really don't know until it happens.

 

Apples and oranges. Sorry.

 

He's not right. Prioritizing friends and travel while I'm childless is not wrong and does not mean I'm not ready to shift all that and focus on parenthood.

 

And people just love to invalidate others' feelings around here. I never, ever, ever ever ever said helping to raise my niece meant I knew what it would like to be a parent. I said that it helped me realize parenthood was a challenge that I was willing to take on. If you read the whole thread, you'd have known that; you just want to make me feel clueless and unprepared but, sorry, that's not the case.

 

I think a lot of expectant mothers and women who express an interest in being mothers' experience all kinds of judgement-- in particular, from other message boards and forums I've read, people like to make them feel incompetent. Why is this, I wonder? No mother or father could ever be fully prepared for the demands of parenthood until they ARE a parent. No one. We just use the information and experiences we've had to come to an educated decision about it. And hopefully ensure we're in a stable financial and emotional state. That's all anyone can do and I wish people would quit judging women for that, and for their parenting styles, etc. I guess I'd better be ready for that as well.

Edited December 5, 2015 by lissvarna

[GunslingerRoland]

 

I think a lot of expectant mothers and women who express an interest in being mothers' experience all kinds of judgement-- in particular, from other message boards and forums I've read, people like to make them feel incompetent. Why is this, I wonder? No mother or father could ever be fully prepared for the demands of parenthood until they ARE a parent.

 

 

No mother or father could ever be fully prepared for the demands of parenthood. You can stop the sentence right there.

 

 

I don't mean to make it sound like you'd be incompetent. You'd probably be perfectly fine as a parent. You seem intelligent and you have more experience that most new parents. But you'll still feel incompetent. I can say this without question, because every parent I know feels useless at it.

 

 

I know a lot of parents who lie to their childless friends about how easy it is, but when they talk to other parents they are honest. We all feel like we have no clue what we are doing.

 

 

And again, my point wasn't that you've done anything wrong by enjoying life so much in your 20's. That is great! And you can continue to enjoy life with kids. But there will always be important things coming up in your life, and kids will throw a wrench into plans in ways that you'll never anticipate.

 

 

My only point was thinking that the pregnancy will be the tricky part to work things around, rather than actual parenthood is misplaced fear.

[Gemma1]

I'm just going to add my experience because it seems to have been a little different from others'. I don't generally feel like I have no clue what I am doing and yes, having a child has been infinitely easier than what everyone told me it would be. Obviously a lot has changed for us since having him, and there have definitely been moments where I wanted to pull my hair out. But I expected them to be a lot more frequent than they actually are.

 

My husband and I had very active lives before I got pregnant. His job requires that he travels about 40% of the year and we have to have a residence in two different countries. I travel with my husband a lot, and when I don't go with him, I go back home to visit my family while he's away. We have lots of friends and family in different places and travel to see them in addition to his travels for work. I'm just saying this to explain that our lives are pretty hectic too.

 

Having a kid hasn't slowed us down too much. We got our son a passport at 8 days old. He's been to two countries (soon to be 3) and about 20 states. He's flown somewhere between 15 and 20 times, and he's only 10 months old. It's completely doable, as long as you have the finances for it. You say you are financially stable. I don't know what that means exactly, but if you have plenty of extra money for sitters, it makes being a busy parent A LOT easier. We take our son everywhere with us and have [well-vetted, professional] sitters come to our hotel rooms. This has gotten us through everything from weddings to month-long stints in Vegas. I have my son on a pretty strict schedule as far as bedtime and naps, so most of our sitters have barely even seen him. He goes to bed at 6:30 and they just come over to do their homework while he sleeps.

 

Of course there are things that have been enormously difficult, but not unexpectedly difficult. Flying with a baby is something else! But you just have to roll with it and get used to the craziness that comes with it. My main advice is to invest in great sitters and don't be afraid to use them!

 

Now all of this being said, I was lucky in that I have an easy going kid with no disabilities. My post is only meant to give my own experience, and your experience may end up completely different. My opinion is that while having a child is absolutely life changing, sometimes people make it harder than it has to be. YMMV.

[basil67]

Now all of this being said, I was lucky in that I have an easy going kid with no disabilities. My post is only meant to give my own experience, and your experience may end up completely different. My opinion is that while having a child is absolutely life changing, sometimes people make it harder than it has to be. YMMV.

 

I like your last paragraph. Having a child who has a disability, my experience has been much different to yours. Was about to mention the difference and then saw that you already recognised it