spiderowl Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 It sounds like you may be a bit cool and distant when you meet women. They don't get to know the real you until they've known you for some time. This is fine with friends but if it's someone you met recently and you want to continue dating them, they probably want to feel closer to you emotionally. I am no expert on this and in fact failing to find a relationship myself, so take everything I say with a pinch of salt. However, I do know that I have the same issue. I can't be relaxed with a guy if I'm immediately physically attracted to him. My sense of self-worth is lacking and I tend to assume he wouldn't be interested in me or would think it amusing if I showed any interest. I tend to be distant as a result. If I'm not really interested in a guy but think he's a nice person and not likely to be interested in me, then I feel more relaxed with him and can be myself more. I'll talk freely and be more revealing about myself. I do tend to find then that the guy becomes attracted the more they see of the 'real' me. This can be awkward if I don't see them the same way. Being afraid to be vulnerable with someone that matters seems to be part of the problem. I manage to talk myself out of it with so many justifications - he won't like me, he'll see me as boring, he's not interested, he's too good-looking for me, he's probably got several women on the go, he has too many options to make good relationship material. You name it, I've got lots of get-outs if I'm attracted to someone. Yes, I know this is self-defeating! But anyway, the point is maybe you are doing similar. I think that you, as a guy, can take a risk and be more vulnerable with someone you like. If you are interested, tell her. If she strikes you as someone you could have a relationship with, tell her. If she makes you feel happy and excited, tell her. This way you become the guy who made an impact emotionally. I am not suggesting you take it too far and cling or make her feel any obligation, but just make sure that you tell her that she could be very important to you. As a woman, I would find this interesting and intriguing. If it fails and she is still not there long-term, then what have you lost? Your dignity? No, because you were brave enough to take the risk. I think that makes you someone special. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 I am a man in my 30s and have never been in a relationship. I've dated, but nothing seems to materialize into anything serious. This is due to me never having learned how to be in a relationship and not understanding simple mechanics of taking things to the next level. I'm somewhat attractive, have lots of friends, am active and successful in my career. I'd like to think I look good on paper. As time goes on, more and more friends are coupling off. I feel like I'm going to be left alone since at my age, I should have had a serious girlfriend at some point. Is there any hope for somebody like me? I'm worried that the fact that I've never had a girlfriend at my age will scare everybody away. Any insight would be appreciated. Don't feel bad dude. I'm 41 and have never been in a relationship. Never even dated. You're light years ahead of me and numerous others. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 Don't feel bad dude. I'm 41 and have never been in a relationship. Never even dated. You're light years ahead of me and numerous others. Very sorry to hear that Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 Very sorry to hear that Thanks. I'm sorry to be living it. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Thanks. I'm sorry to be living it. It's almost like women get a free ticket into the world of dating and relationships, kinda had that discussion with someone on YouTube, that's why I believe there are far more male FA's, virgins, that are 25+ years of age than the other way around Link to post Share on other sites
RedBaron2765 Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 (edited) I was a lot like you, OP. In my mid 30s had only on relationship up to that point and didn't even go on a date for almost five years. Long story short, did internet dating and met my wife, who seemed great - great personality, good job, high sex drive, etc. Now I'm late 40s, married 12 years,two little kids, and miserable. Wife is immature, insecure, lazy, overweight, asexual, and a nag - can't get any better than that. My kids are everything to me, but I can't stand to be around my wife. I dream about being single and having money, do what I want, no annoying siblings in law to deal with. Now I watch my wife put on 50 lbs and do nothing about it except eat and sit around, all the while complaining about her weight and how tired she is. Be careful what you wish for. I'd give almost anything to be single. Edited December 26, 2015 by RedBaron2765 Link to post Share on other sites
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