Need womens perspective. I was the rebound guy. Was I too available?

[slider1985]

I’m hoping for a women’s perspective on this.

I was a rebound guy with a girl who was recently dumped 6 weeks out from an 8 year relationship please read the previous thread for the full story. See link below.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/556381-i-rebound-now-i-m-wreck

 

I was the first guy she slept with. We date for 2 months and she was very clingy and constantly calling me. I tried my best not to see her or talk to her the first month but eventually I found myself talking to her on the phone for hours every day and we would see each other 2-3 times a week which I don’t normally do in the early stages of dating. We had an amazing connection so I thought.

 

The relationship was moving way too fast and all of a sudden she went distant. She did not get back together with her Ex BF and she is currently online dating. I ended it before she could as I was getting a gut feeling due to her being distant. We haven’t spoken in 5 weeks. She’s done with me.

 

I want to know if there was anything I could have done or was this rebound situation inevitable? On several occasions she would tell me how much she liked me and how she couldn’t believe I was still single. She also wrote me a txt about how lucky she was that she met me and that I made her feel happy again. She thanked me and said most guys would not put up with her baggage. (is she implying im desperate?)

 

I never chased her she did most of the calling, texting, etc. I planned a lot of the dates because she wanted to see me and I was enjoying my time with her. I ended up have feelings for her. I was very kind and nice to her. Possibly even too nice.

 

Was I too available which made her losing interest? Was I too nice? I want to know if there was anything I could have done or was this rebound situation inevitable? The fact that I dealt with her baggage does that make me look desperate, needy and not confident?

 

When I broke it off with her I told her that I wanted sometime more and that she wasn’t ready because of her state of mind. My only regret is I told her that rebound relationships don’t usually work and the chances of her settling with me the first guy she meets in unlikely. (That line makes me look desperate)

 

I’m 33 years old; I don’t have time to play games. If I like someone and they are showing a lot of interest then I make time for them. Unfortunately I took a huge risk that has messed me up.

 

I realize I should not have gotten involved. I would like to know if this could have played out differently. Could I have slow played this?

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/556381-i-rebound-now-i-m-wreck

[Scarlett.O'hara]

The risk of dating someone who is getting over a break up is that they can project a lot of their feelings for their ex on to the new person in an attempt to fill the void. It could help to explain why she was so clingy with you at first.

 

However, after a while the initial need for comfort would fade and she would probably start to assess her true feelings for you. It sounds like they were quite shallow, which is why I think she became distant. I think you were sensible to end it now.

 

Not all "rebound" relationships are unsuccessful, but given the need for comfort after a breakup, it is possible that feelings can become clouded.

 

I don't think you sounded or behaved desperate at all. There is nothing wrong with being nice, it is a quality most people want in a partner. I think you handled yourself well and had good intentions. You have nothing to regret.

 

It appears you weren't right for each other long term, but you never know unless you try. It is clear you know what you want, and don't want to waste time on the wrong person, so it is best to cut your loss here and open yourself up to new possibilities.

[slider1985]

Thank you for your response.* I realise Her feelings have changed for me and that it was most likely her trying to fill the void.** Someone told me that I should have been less available, more of a challenge in order to add mystery and interest. I tried but she was too agressove and I enjoyed being with her.

I'm torn. Women are very difficult creatures to understand.* Their emotions are constantly changing. One day they have feelings for you the next they move on.

I don't trust women. You just don't know what's real anymore.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I don't think you should have made yourself less available, she wanted to see you. In this situation you knew there was a risk of being a rebound, being more of a challenge may have prolonged the outcome, but it would likely have ended the same way.

 

I know it can be hard to open yourself up and trust someone when you have been hurt, but trust me, it works both ways. Both men and women can be fickle with their feelings, but when you meet the right person things fit into place naturally.

 

Try not to feel discouraged, there are many trustworthy, loving women out there that could be right for you. It takes time to find the right one, but when you do, you'll both know it.