Am I being emotionally abused?

[266696687]

Wait, what?!?!? So, if I ignore someone, then I'm guilty of emotionally abusing them? See, I thought he was just being a douche rocket.

 

 

Well, if I don't respond anymore in this thread and ignore it, I apologize for any emotional abuse I may cause.

 

Did you actually read the thread or my answers? I never said him ignoring her is emotional abuse and I don't think anyone else has said that either. In fact I told her he'd given her a good opportunity to be free of him. Him ignoring her is the best thing that happened.

 

So i don't really know why you've replied in such a way? I think you've misread something here.

 

Just to clarify in my earlier post I said "people ignore / don't see or don't believe the warning signs"

 

I said absolutely nothing about him ignoring her being emotional abuse. (If you know anything about abusive relationships though ignoring can be used in such a way).

 

But feel free to ignore my reply anyway!

Edited November 24, 2015 by 266696687

[Chi townD]

 

 

The backing off. The push / pull of the relationship is the beginning red flags of an emotionally abusive relationship.

 

 

 

 

That's what you said. That reads as if him backing off are precursor's for an abusive relationship.

 

 

The push and pull...if you read the OP's original post, it states that they had a relationship. They had a sexual relationship and then he pulled away. SHE tried to get him to come around but he wouldn't return her calls, when she DID get a hold of him he called her fake, doesn't believe her. Then, if she text him, he would take hours to return the text if at all.

 

 

You're trying to create victimhood when none exists. My opinion. This dude "hit it and quit it". She got played. She was unfortunate that she fell for a player and this dude knew exactly what to say and exactly what to do to get her mitten and trust this guy. And once he got what he wanted, he kicked her to the curb.

 

 

Yes, it's a douchebag thing to do, but that's not emotional abuse.

[266696687]

That's what you said. That reads as if him backing off are precursor's for an abusive relationship.

 

 

The push and pull...if you read the OP's original post, it states that they had a relationship. They had a sexual relationship and then he pulled away. SHE tried to get him to come around but he wouldn't return her calls, when she DID get a hold of him he called her fake, doesn't believe her. Then, if she text him, he would take hours to return the text if at all.

 

 

You're trying to create victimhood when none exists. My opinion. This dude "hit it and quit it". She got played. She was unfortunate that she fell for a player and this dude knew exactly what to say and exactly what to do to get her mitten and trust this guy. And once he got what he wanted, he kicked her to the curb.

 

 

Yes, it's a douchebag thing to do, but that's not emotional abuse.

 

I'm afraid that's where you're wrong. manipulating someone, using them, calling them names (in order to lower their self esteem) and placing blame on them in order to deflect from yourself is emotional abuse. That's exactly what he did. You said it yourself he knew exactly what he was doing. If you want to pretend that this type of behaviour is normal (or just someone being a player) that's your choice but anyone who tries to use you, manipulate you or bashes you down is emotionally abusive.

 

People who love and respect you don't behave like that.

 

 

The push pull and backing off I was referring too was from the beginning of their relationship. The OP said that they would argue over him saying she didn't care enough (before having sex) and she had to 'prove' how into him she was.

Edited November 25, 2015 by 266696687

[Chi townD]

I'm afraid that's where you're wrong. manipulating someone, using them, calling them names (in order to lower their self esteem) and placing blame on them in order to deflect from yourself is emotional abuse. That's exactly what he did. You said it yourself he more exactly what he was doing. If you want to pretend that this type of behaviour is normal (or just someone being a player) that's your choice but anyone who tries to use you, manipulate you or bashes you down is emotionally abusive.

 

People who love and respect you don't behave like that.

 

 

Or perhaps he "hit it and quit it" and when she pursued him afterwards, he started to call her names and be mean to get her "turned off" of him. For her to buy a clue that he isn't interested anymore.

 

 

Plus, they dated for 60 days. And given the fact that he started to give her the cold shoulder and ignoring her, it was LESS than 60 days. Barely a relationship to constitute ANYTHING much less emotional abuse.

 

 

She got used and she got played.

[266696687]

Or perhaps he "hit it and quit it" and when she pursued him afterwards, he started to call her names and be mean to get her "turned off" of him. For her to buy a clue that he isn't interested anymore.

 

 

Plus, they dated for 60 days. And given the fact that he started to give her the cold shoulder and ignoring her, it was LESS than 60 days. Barely a relationship to constitute ANYTHING much less emotional abuse.

 

 

She got used and she got played.

 

You're making excuses for his behaviour. Clearly you think it's normal to end a relationship (even if it's 60 days) by calling names and being mean rather than just saying thanks but I don't think things will work out.

 

Clearly name calling and bashing someone else is the way to go. Anyway it's beside the point. The OP stated he behaved this way from the beginning. She ignored the warning signs. He was in her face on multiple occasions right from the start. It's not normal and he is clearly a few fries short of a happy meal.

 

His behaviour started almost from the very beginning not just at the end to get rid of her.

[Chi townD]

You're making excuses for his behaviour. Clearly you think it's normal to end a relationship (even if it's 60 days) by calling names and being mean rather than just saying thanks but I don't think things will work out.

 

Clearly name calling and bashing someone else is the way to go. Anyway it's beside the point. The OP stated he behaved this way from the beginning. She ignored the warning signs. He was in her face on multiple occasions right from the start. It's not normal and he is clearly a few fries short of a happy meal.

 

His behaviour started almost from the very beginning not just at the end to get rid of her.

 

 

Nah, I'm not making excuses for his behavior. In fact, I think I described him to a Tee. He's a douchebag. I never said that there was anything good about that.

 

 

The thing is, he's a player and if he treated her like this for the barely two months they were together, then I speculate that he has a rep of being a "bad boy" that a lot of young women are attracted to for some stupid reason. And the funny thing is, if they have a reputation of being a "bad boy", carry themselves as a "bad boy"; then, logic would dictate it would be only a matter of time before THEY START TREATING YOU BADLY!!

 

 

So, she got used and she got played. Chalk it up to a life lesson. and I think the lesson here is she knows the type a guy she needs to stay away from no matter how strong the attraction is. Looking at that big picture.

[Itspointless]

I have to admit that I find it a rather uninteresting question if this can be called the beginning of emotionally abuse or not. The OP should be thinking about why she fell in love with a player or abuser, as apparently that guy did something she consciously or unconsciously found pretty attractive. Otherwise the transgression of her boundaries never had happened in the first place. Try to learn what was the attraction to him, there you will find the answers you really need.

 

Take care OP.

[266696687]

I have to admit that I find it a rather uninteresting question if this can be called the beginning of emotionally abuse or not. The OP should be thinking about why she fell in love with a player or abuser, as apparently that guy did something she consciously or unconsciously found pretty attractive. Otherwise the transgression of her boundaries never had happened in the first place. Try to learn what was the attraction to him, there you will find the answers you really need.

 

Take care OP.

 

Totally agree. Instead of focusing on what he did she should be focusing on what made her 'fall' with such strong emotions over only two months for a guy who pushed her boundaries and treated her poorly.

[Alexandra221]

I have to admit that I find it a rather uninteresting question if this can be called the beginning of emotionally abuse or not. The OP should be thinking about why she fell in love with a player or abuser, as apparently that guy did something she consciously or unconsciously found pretty attractive. Otherwise the transgression of her boundaries never had happened in the first place. Try to learn what was the attraction to him, there you will find the answers you really need.

 

Take care OP.

 

I got attracted because he was so charming in the beginning, when we texted, he was funny, laid back and flirty. When we met, he looked deep in my eyes, kissed my hand, rubbed my cheeks, picked me up and dropped me off and never left before I went inside the house. When he would leave for a business trip, he would call me from the other state and tell me that he missed me. When he accused me of ignoring him and being careless in the beginning, I didn't freak out because he's 2 years younger than me and I understand if some guys feel insecure about age difference and that's basically why I started giving him more attention to make him just relax. He once told me he liked that I never acted like "Ms. Know it all" and never showed off or made any gesture that I knew better than him. So, the main reason why I was so flexible was that I didn't want him to feel tensed about the age difference and I didn't see it as a red flag.

 

Also, after we had sex, I kinda understood his frustration and thought he was right because actually I was a little cold on our way home although it was great and I was feeling comfortable but he kissed my hand and held it for a minute, then he put it back on my lap and murmured "this porcelain hand is actually cold and lifeless". Then after he dropped me off and went home, he sent a flirty text but I was dead tired and just dosed off without even saying good night, I have no clue why I did so but it just happened. The following day he started a fight and accused me of being negligent and irresponsible. I still don't know if he was right or if I should've acted differently. Not even sure if that was the main reason why he was turned off and didn't bother to have sex again. I should've figured out that someone with such attention to tiniest details would need a special treatment after such a "big event" as he described our first love making!

[Itspointless]

I got attracted because he was so charming in the beginning, when we texted, he was funny, laid back and flirty. When we met, he looked deep in my eyes, kissed my hand, rubbed my cheeks, picked me up and dropped me off and never left before I went inside the house. When he would leave for a business trip, he would call me from the other state and tell me that he missed me. When he accused me of ignoring him and being careless in the beginning, I didn't freak out because he's 2 years younger than me and I understand if some guys feel insecure about age difference and that's basically why I started giving him more attention to make him just relax. He once told me he liked that I never acted like "Ms. Know it all" and never showed off or made any gesture that I knew better than him. So, the main reason why I was so flexible was that I didn't want him to feel tensed about the age difference and I didn't see it as a red flag.

 

Also, after we had sex, I kinda understood his frustration and thought he was right because actually I was a little cold on our way home although it was great and I was feeling comfortable but he kissed my hand and held it for a minute, then he put it back on my lap and murmured "this porcelain hand is actually cold and lifeless". Then after he dropped me off and went home, he sent a flirty text but I was dead tired and just dosed off without even saying good night, I have no clue why I did so but it just happened. The following day he started a fight and accused me of being negligent and irresponsible. I still don't know if he was right or if I should've acted differently. Not even sure if that was the main reason why he was turned off and didn't bother to have sex again. I should've figured out that someone with such attention to tiniest details would need a special treatment after such a "big event" as he described our first love making!

So there wasn't more attraction with him than with other men before him?

 

You said that he was accusing you in the beginning. If it indeed was accusing and not telling you in an adult way, you perhaps better had run. Age difference of two years is nothing if you ask me, no need to be flexible about that. I have had a crush on someone who was six years older when I was your age, I really did not care. But still his wining did not put you off, seems like something you should meditate on a while. There also could be something else at play: how bad did you want a relationship?

[Alexandra221]

So there wasn't more attraction with him than with other men before him?

 

You said that he was accusing you in the beginning. If it indeed was accusing and not telling you in an adult way, you perhaps better had run. Age difference of two years is nothing if you ask me, no need to be flexible about that. I have had a crush on someone who was six years older when I was your age, I really did not care. But still his wining did not put you off, seems like something you should meditate on a while. There also could be something else at play: how bad did you want a relationship?

 

If you mean more attraction with him in terms of sex, yes! He was so much better and we really had an amazing night. He was so passionate, whispered sweet things in my ears and we cuddled for a long time afterwards.

 

It was accusation because getting that mad on the 4th day because I only disappeared for 4 hours is never an adult way.

 

As I said before, I wasn't looking for a relationship and I was very satisfied with my job, income, friends and my happy life, I needed no men in it but he just appeared and I felt what I felt for him...

[Itspointless]

If you mean more attraction with him in terms of sex, yes! He was so much better and we really had an amazing night. He was so passionate, whispered sweet things in my ears and we cuddled for a long time afterwards.

Not really what I had in mind, but the way you describe it could be an element that got you attached the way you were.

It was accusation because getting that mad on the 4th day because I only disappeared for 4 hours is never an adult way.

It is insecurity the least, and probably a sign that he likes to control things.

[Alexandra221]

Not really what I had in mind, but the way you describe it could be an element that got you attached the way you were.

 

It is insecurity the least, and probably a sign that he likes to control things.

 

I think he's gone for good... It's been 9 days and I haven't heard from him. I still think madly of him but I won't try to contact him. Even though I feel so bad that he's not around, I still feel much better than when he was suppressing and disrespecting me. I only wish he gave me a proper closure, it would've been easier to move on but I knew he wouldn't have the courage to end it like a man...

[Itspointless]

I think he's gone for good... It's been 9 days and I haven't heard from him. I still think madly of him but I won't try to contact him. Even though I feel so bad that he's not around, I still feel much better than when he was suppressing and disrespecting me. I only wish he gave me a proper closure, it would've been easier to move on but I knew he wouldn't have the courage to end it like a man...

Sometimes people show their true colours. I am sorry.

[juicygirl]

He sounds bipolar.

(No offense to anyone who suffer from bipolar or any other mental health issues)