neowulf Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Try to avoid using single events to determine the quality of a partner, but rather the *pattern* of behaviour. If you'd been in the kitchen and cried out in pain, with him in the next room, would he have rushed in to see what was wrong? Helped tend to your wound? It was over text. It just sounds like he's a bit clueless is all. 1
MidwestUSA Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Is this your current BF? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/553662-should-we-keep-dating If so, I'm afraid you're grasping to make the relationship work. You're testing him. I don't think you're going to get the connection you say you're looking for by being needy. Time to call it a day.
Wewon Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 I got burnt in the kitchen today, it was not bad but I texted him and was expecting a reaction like "oh nooo" "is it hurt?" From him but nothing. We were texting at the time about something else so I thought he just didn't notice. I jokingly said "I repeat, I got burnt, please pity me lol". He still didn't mention anything about it and kept talking about the other topic like it didn't matter. Igot pissed and asked why he didn't care that I got hurt at all. He started asking if it was bad or not, then claimed that he cares. He just said "ok sorry, I thought you were joking". "Ok sorry" sounds like he just said it for the sake of it. I was really upset so I told him I'm off to sleep. He then asked me out this weekend but I feel like I don't want to text back at all. We have a date this Friday and this makes me question about his feeling for me. When we are together he is always sweet, when I cried he wiped my tears and he looked really worried when I was sick. But does it mean anything? Did I overreact? Yes, you over reacted and sent a mixed message. You were also baiting him. If you wanted a reaction of concern don't type 'LOL' at the end of the sentence, it completely changes the tone. Its thing like this that make men say that women are hard to understand.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 in a word. Yes. You over reacted.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Is this your current BF? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/553662-should-we-keep-dating If so, I'm afraid you're grasping to make the relationship work. You're testing him. I don't think you're going to get the connection you say you're looking for by being needy. Time to call it a day. Same question here - this is the same guy from your previous thread, OP? If so, he's already let you know it's not going to go further. For what it's worth, I have a friend who does similar things. She'll claim she's sick or hurt and use that to try to get sympathy from friends or the guy she's dating. In most cases, she's exaggerated how bad the situation is and as soon as she gets the attention she wants,she magically feels better. She uses it as a way to measure their "interest". The problem is that most people see right through attention-grabbing tactics like that. She rarely tries it on me anymore because I have told her more than once to knock it off unless it's a real problem. And if a man is already one foot out the door, these types of things are not going help reel him back in. Sounds like it's probably time to just let him go, girl.
kpl Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 This sounds like completely annoying behavior. I can't say you overreacted per se but I am assuming you do this type of stuff often. It sounds like you wanted a reaction from him, why? Why did you need him to pity you. I rarely use the words needy but this sounds like needy behavior. You weren't telling him because you wanted him to know you told him because you wanted him to prove how much he cares.
Author pcs13 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 Same question here - this is the same guy from your previous thread, OP? If so, he's already let you know it's not going to go further. For what it's worth, I have a friend who does similar things. She'll claim she's sick or hurt and use that to try to get sympathy from friends or the guy she's dating. In most cases, she's exaggerated how bad the situation is and as soon as she gets the attention she wants,she magically feels better. She uses it as a way to measure their "interest". The problem is that most people see right through attention-grabbing tactics like that. She rarely tries it on me anymore because I have told her more than once to knock it off unless it's a real problem. And if a man is already one foot out the door, these types of things are not going help reel him back in. Sounds like it's probably time to just let him go, girl. Yes, that's the same guy and we're still dating. We are getting closer, hence my reaction. Before that I rarely show my emotions. But even yesterday all I said was just "why don't you care that I got hurt at all?", he replied "I dooooooo care" which I take as him not being serious (because I rarely get mad so he didn't think I was upset). Then he asked if it's really that bad which I replied "it was not bad but if you don't ask how would you know", and he said sorry, he thought I was joking. I just dropped it there. I didn't say anything else. This morning we talked normally. I just couldn't understand how someone could simply ignore that line "i got burnt" while replied to everything else I said? One more thing that annoyed me the other day was when he got mad over something and I didn't know that so I kinda teased him, he angrily said "Stop it!". How about that? Normally I'm not like this but recently I've been trying to let my guard down and be true to myself by stopping being cool about everything.
katiegrl Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Well no I don't need him to call me immediately or get really worried, just a simple "is it hurt?" **Or something like that to show that he cares/pays attention to what I said. I don't think it's too much to ask. ** I'm not mad at him anymore and we are talking again. Well, I hate to say it, but perhaps the truth is, he just doesn't care.......
katiegrl Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Yes, that's the same guy and we're still dating. We are getting closer, hence my reaction. Before that I rarely show my emotions. But even yesterday all I said was just "why don't you care that I got hurt at all?", he replied "I dooooooo care" which I take as him not being serious (because I rarely get mad so he didn't think I was upset). Then he asked if it's really that bad which I replied "it was not bad but if you don't ask how would you know", and he said sorry, he thought I was joking. I just dropped it there. I didn't say anything else. This morning we talked normally. I just couldn't understand how someone could simply ignore that line "i got burnt" while replied to everything else I said? ***One more thing that annoyed me the other day was when he got mad over something and I didn't know that so I kinda teased him, he angrily said "Stop it!". How about that? *** Normally I'm not like this but recently I've been trying to let my guard down and be true to myself by stopping being cool about everything. What do you want us to say, that he's an insensitive a-hole? Even if we thought that, so what? What's more important, and I asked this before but you didn't answer is ...... if you're so unhappy and don't think he cares, why do you continue to date him? 1
losangelena Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 I read the linked thread, and I think the most interesting factor in this whole thing is that you said you've molded yourself into some dating book version of what men supposedly want instead of being genuine. As you start to act more like "you," of course people aren't going to react the way you want them to—he's not used to you being emotional or anything more abrasive than happy-go-lucky. Cut him some slack, he's probably getting used to the more emotional you. After I had been in therapy for a while, I started to get a lot more assertive (with everyone). It caused all sorts of problems, because I had never raised my voice or made a stink about anything. It took people by surprise and yes, some friendships even suffered because of it. Like I said, cut him some slack. If he's used to you acting one way, and all of a sudden you start acting differently, he's not necessarily gonna know how to act.
MidwestUSA Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 One more thing that annoyed me the other day was when he got mad over something and I didn't know that so I kinda teased him, he angrily said "Stop it!". How about that? Normally I'm not like this but recently I've been trying to let my guard down and be true to myself by stopping being cool about everything. He got mad = I got burnt I teased him = He thought I was joking How about that? Really? I see the correlation, but you sound indignant about it. Why? You won't gain ground by playing the same type of game, under the guise of 'letting your guard down".
introverted1 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 I haven't read the OP's post history but my first thought was that this is much ado about nothing. Had she actually been hurt or had he actually said something offensive, that would be different. But this just seems like game-playing on OP's part.
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