Glitters Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Its a disaster written all over , for you , OP. You telling your friend about your girlfriends feelings, not a good idea. Well, nothing is good here Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 You think of each other like a brother/sister?? BUT you fooled around and flirt with each other......no one on this board is buying the innocence. The fact is, even tho you two didn't sleep together, you both had that sexual/emotional dynamic. So what if you are deeply in love with your GF, you have, or had sexual feelings towards K and that right there is what your GF knows and can feel....she's no dummy. And the more you don't communicate about K, your GF will snoop, and when you lock everything down preventing her access will make her more paranoid. What you don't talk about, is suspicious....even to us. When it comes to being sole mates, that means you don't need to have someone like K in your life to hang out with, console in, share secrets with, flirt with, etc. The appropriate thing to do is to change your behavior with K, and have set boundaries. Since this is your first real serious relationship, you need to heed our advice. A lot of us on the boards are in our 30's to 50's and we know what we are talking about. So stop down playing your relationship with K, it's disrespecting your GFs feelings and your relationship with her as a whole. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Winterina Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Hear what the people are telling you OP. This is the seed that is now planted and it is up to you if you let that plant grow and ruin your relationship...or if you take a big step back and stop thinking of Kayla as your best friend and showing so much attachment to her. Your gf will feel threatened by that and with a good reason... it is because in a good relationship SHE is supposed to be your best friend. Basically, this means that you run to Kayla to confide in her and build a more and more intimate bond with her. And who is your gf then? Just some chick you are dating. That is how she thinks, I promise you. Also, why the two FB accounts??? You do sound very secretive. I'd be suspicious too. You are ruining intimacy in your relationship. Choice is yours. Push it, ask for compromise, fight for yours and K's relationship, and you will lose your gf eventually. Step back, put some distance with Kayla, stop having two FB accounts, and stop thinking that it is ok to not be ready after one year of relationship where you throw words like love and soulmates to share yourself with that person...and you might end up happy with your gf. You are not aware of this right now (but bookmark this page and look at it in a year or two) but you are starting your descent right now... You are in denial but what you have with K is more than just a friendship. Read a book called Not Just Friends... Link to post Share on other sites
Cant_Get_Right Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Claim your deeply in love, but hiding your friends. You can't see why she doesn't trust you? Your living a double life dude. 2 accounts with different friends? Always hanging with abother girl even though YOU KNOW this woman you are so 'in love' with does not like it. Either ditch the ex flings or don't bother moving in. YOU, not you GF, are setting this relationship up to be a disaster. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 I have two fb accounts, with separate friends on each, and they are on separate accounts. You have 2 Facebook accounts, with your girlfriend being friends on only of the accounts and Kayla being friends on the other, and you wonder why your girlfriend thinks that your behavior is suspicious? I'm certain that there is nothing but friendship between me and Kayla. I know this because before I was with my gf we used to flirt a lot, but since then I've been acting more like a friend and have not flirted as much. If you and Kayla "used to flirt a lot" and still flirt but not "as much", then I am certain that you cannot now claim that your relationship with Kayla is and always has been 100% platonic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 No, I always see my gf at her place so they've never met. Do you think that them meeting would help ease my gf's concerns? I've thought that this might be a good idea. But then again, if she got too flirty with me in front of my gf it would a nightmare. The fact that they have never met because you are concerned that Kayla might be "too flirty" with you in front of your girlfriend, shows that your relationship with Kayla is the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Cant_Get_Right Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 You're trickle truth in us my man. Every post tells us a little more about how close you and this Kayla are. You claim you 2 are like brother and sister, but then in earlier post you mention yall feel each other out and got a little too close. Which is it? I feel for your girlfriend. Your just stringing her along. Either ditch the double life, or the girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Heer Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Hi jalexander!! I was in a similar situation a few months back but with gender roles reversed. Basically I have an old guy friend and I didn't tell my bf about it and he was very mad and almost got physical. I had a frank talk with him before we broke up and I can honestly say it made the both of us feel better even though our relationship didn't work out:(. I know its hard but you should have a frank talk with your gf. It will make you and her feel a lot better and see what her response is.:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author jalexander Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 Haha Heer! You're right! I skimmed through your thread and it does look like we were in similar situations. But there are some differences. First, you didn't have to confess as much. I'm not sure exactly what you did with your friend, but it sounded like a one time thing and was just some touching or at most a hand job. My friend and I made out several times in high school, sort of experimenting on how to kiss and stuff. It also sounds like Dan was a safe mature friend who wasn't really interested in you like that and understood boundaries so you didn't have to worry about him when you were all hanging out. He probably never acted inappropriately around your bf. Kayla, oth, definitely seems tempted and flirts with me, so them even hanging out together could be a d-day. So my situation is similar, but mine sounds like it's a LOT worse, tbh. Also, my relationship with M doesn't sound yet as bad as yours got with Jeff. I'm not ready to consider ending it and so I'm afraid of what will happen if I tell her. Of course I "should" tell her NOW, but I don't want to risk it yet. You did the same thing with your bf until it finally got to the point where you were ready to leave him. You knew better than to tell your bf too and did not until you finally had to at the end because your bf was demanding to try and reconcile. It came time for a final decision and so of course it was time to tell him everything. You even end up breaking up with him. So yes, I'm sure you guys both felt better afterwards and got closure and stayed friends, but I haven't yet gotten to that point yet with Melissa. I'm not ready yet to possibly end it with M, so in my situation I'd be taking a big chance telling her. In your case, by then you really had nothing to lose, and really couldn't put if off any longer. That's a very different scenario, IMO. Sorry, but for now I've decided to play it safe and not tell her everything yet. Why do it now when I feel she isn't ready? Link to post Share on other sites
Glitters Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 OP , your ' relationship ' with your girlfriend will end because of this friend. Mark my words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
acapelo_dp Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 So basically you are basing your relationship on secrets and lies. Good start! The longer you wait to tell your girlfriend the worse it's going to be. You sound quite selfish to be honest wanting them both in your life despite how your girlfriend feels and her concerns are valid. How did them meeting go the other night? Link to post Share on other sites
Glitters Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 I find this thread quite funny. OP first tried to minimize everything by saying that his gf is jealous. Then made this friend as a sister and now a complete sexually charged past! I guess he tried to see what he might say to his gf with what he might get away with and the answer is - nothing. He has to come clean and that means end of his relationship which will end anywho because his gf isn't blind and can see him and his friends behavior without him coming clean. Their behavior tells her everything that she needs to know. She will never trust you, OP She will dump you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Oh my flipping god dude, just tell her already. You're picking bits and pieces about happenstance as to why it isn't quite the same to validate the reason you're not coming clean. The longer it takes to come clean the more damage it deals. Link to post Share on other sites
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